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The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It Paperback – August 15, 2007


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The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It + The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope + How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Harvest House Publishers; Forth. edition (August 15, 2007)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0736918973
  • ISBN-13: 978-0736918978
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (155 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #31,827 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Leslie Vernick, a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice, has authored numerous books, including The Emotionally Destructive Relationship and Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy. She completed postgraduate work in biblical counseling and cognitive therapy. Leslie and her husband, Howard, have been married more than 30 years and have two grown children.

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Customer Reviews

It is an easy read and very informative.
anne strayer
Great book, it really helped me look into myself, my spouse and learn new things to try for changing myself and helping our marriage get stronger.
G. Kleinfeldt
Leslie, I can't thank you enough for writing the book about emotionally destructive relationships.
Brenda Burk

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

54 of 56 people found the following review helpful By Nancy S. Meyer on November 12, 2007
Format: Paperback
I am so very grateful Leslie wrote this book for those of us in difficult relationships. She shares with candor and comfort how to ask the right questions, seek help, get healthy and stay strong - whether or not the difficult person in your life changes. In addition to a very practical questionnaire, the entire book is an easy, understandable read with useful applications and plenty of scriptural support. I've already personally worked through many of the truths Leslie shares, but I gleaned so much additional information and encouragement I wish I would have known years ago. If you've been wounded or hurt or know someone who has--or is--this book is a must for your library.
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47 of 51 people found the following review helpful By Jeanne Zornes on September 6, 2007
Format: Paperback
None of us is without challenging relationships in our lives, but Leslie offers guidelines for when they've crossed the line to "harmful." Her book will help those in negative relationships determine what part of the problem with another they "own." Most important, she'll guide them through steps of recovery. This is not a one-box-fits-all book; many relationships are so troubled that they truly need professional counseling. But Leslie's book will point out the trouble spots and help people on the road to wholeness--or at least to understanding a way through the problem. I've come to expect lay-friendly yet professional wisdom in Leslie's books, and this one continues that track record. If you're looking for compassionate (and Christian) perspective on this difficult topic, you won't want to pass it up.
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25 of 29 people found the following review helpful By DEBBIE MCNAB on January 9, 2008
Format: Paperback
I absolutely loved the way Leslie Vernick included all the scripture verses and references in her book. I used my reading time for my devotions and thoroughly enjoyed it. It was so good to have all those verses to balance scripture with scripture my husband quotes. I also loved the examples, the stories of her clients, and especially the dialogues I need to memorize and use. She has given me so much hope through her fantastic book.

Her "Resources for Additional Help" has given me even more hope. There are several more books from her list I want to read, especially her other book "How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong". The first book I read on this subject and also highly recommended to others was "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". Another excellent book I read was "You Can't Say That to Me! Stopping the Pain of Verbal Abuse--an 8-Step Program" by Suzette Haden Elgin, Ph.D. She is the author of "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" series, which I would also like to read. I do not know if these authors are Christians or not as the books I read are secular, so I especially love the way Leslie Vernick's book leaves no one wondering if she is a Christian or not!

As soon as I started reading her book, I knew it was going to be an excellent book and started recommending it to people after only reading a couple of chapters. I have been recommending it to our counselors as the best book I have read on the topic. It has given me hope and confirmed the steps I have been taking are in the right direction. I feel like I am finally getting some direction and guidance as to what to do rather than feeling so helpless and trapped without a clue what to do besides pray and wait on God for direction. I believe God is going to use this book to help give direction for those of us desperately seeking it.
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21 of 24 people found the following review helpful By Jo Franz on March 10, 2008
Format: Paperback
Leslie's most recent book is perhaps her one of her most important. (And I've grown from each one!) Here is a practical, easy to read and understand, yet deeply biblical approach to knowing whether your relationships have crossed the line from being human--where we all hurt one another at some time or another and need to apologize and/or forgive--into being abusive.

Many don't understand they are in an abusive relationship and therefore continue to be abused, feeling to blame. Leslie gives hope: "growth, healing, and restoration are possible, no matter how much hurt we've experienced." Then she gives our best example to follow--the life of Christ, who modeled good communication and boundaries.

I love her scriptural explanation of "Why Stand Up?" to an abuser in our lives and "What is Genuine Repentance?" with, once again, Jesus' model of "stepping back." Having survived and thrived myself, I can say from experience, the "Surviving It" section will be helpful to anyone.

This insightful book only confirmed much of what I've lived through, had to live out, and continue to stand firm in--the truth of what is mine to "own" and what is not. I will be recommending this book far and wide and reading portions of it when I speak to audiences!Soar Unafraid: Learning to Trust No Matter What
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17 of 19 people found the following review helpful By Michelle S. on June 24, 2009
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I have been struggling with an on-again, off-again relationship for three long years. With a very emotionally unavailable and narcissistic man. I hadn't even realized that those two issues alone, (separately or together) made the relationship a destructive and abusive one. This book helped validate what I had been thinking all along and then some. It helped me to realize that what was going on wasn't right or ok, it was downright wrong and dysfunctional. And I am worthy of so much more. And I will get it too! But probably not from the same person I've been in the relationship with. And this book really helped me to be ok with that. The book is written from a Christen perspective and with a lot of bible phrases. I believe anyone struggling with a relationship can benefit from it regardless of their religion. All you need is a belief in God and the book will be helpful.
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