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The Emotionally Unavailable Man: A Blueprint for Healing Paperback – September 1, 2004

105 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

An incredibly resourceful read for both women and men. --Whitney Casey, The Houston Chronicle --The Houston Chronicle --This text refers to the Audio CD edition.

About the Author

Patti Henry, M.Ed., L.P.C., has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1988. She began her career developing women’s programs in psychiatric hospitals, committed to empowering women. For the last ten years, however, her focus shifted when she observed how desperately men needed healing, as well. She lives in Houston with her husband and their two sons.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 264 pages
  • Publisher: Rainbow Books, Inc. (September 1, 2004)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1568250967
  • ISBN-13: 978-1568250960
  • Product Dimensions: 8.4 x 5.5 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (105 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #63,791 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Ms. Henry is a psychotherapist who has been in private practice since 1988, working with men and women individually, as well as with couples. She began her career developing women's programs in psychiatric hospitals in an attempt to empower women. Her focus and research shifted, however, when she noticed how desperately men needed healing as well.

Ms. Henry received her graduate training at the University of Houston where she did her independent study and research on Codependency: Learning to Break the Cycle. She has appeared on the PBS series, Mental Health Matters, as an expert in marital therapy.

Ms. Henry speaks extensively across the country, dedicated to healing emotional unavailability and relationships. She lives in Houston.

For more information, visit her website at: www.patti-henry.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

109 of 114 people found the following review helpful By Amazon Customer on February 21, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book was a revelation ... finally I understand why my husband behaves the way he does and why I respond to him the way I do ... and why we kept engaging in such a futile dance on a daily basis. In a sense, it's taken us both "off the hook".

The bottom line is that this knowledge has empowered me. I have changed the way I respond to him. I no longer take his behaviour personally, but instead accept this as a universal problem with many, many men and not just with my man. He's now reading the book and (for the first time with any book he's read) said "it makes sense".

Often self-help books make men feel inadequate. This book instead reinforces that the behaviour of the emotionally unavailable man is entirely normal in the circumstances. It acknowledges their fear and hesitancy whilst gently encouraging them to take tentative steps in overcoming their lifelong conditioning. It is a doable "blueprint for healing".

I don't want to be the "hurricane" (albeit a very quiet one) in my husband's life. I love him, why would I want to hurt him or make him even more unavailable? Perhaps this book and the newfound patience it can engender in partners will lead to these men becoming much more available to us and others in their lives who are important to them. This is the first time I've actually been optimistic that this might be possible. Everybody wants to be understood, and this book takes a quantum leap in helping us to genuinely understand the emotionally unavailable man. Thank you sincerely Patti Henry.

Dividing the book into a men's section and a women's section was entirely apt. Partners absolutely need to be proactive in helping their man in his efforts to change. We need to be patient, encouraging and compassionate. We need to empathise.
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38 of 41 people found the following review helpful By Joanna F. Crawford on March 2, 2005
Format: Paperback
I have recommended this book to so many people and they've all loved it. All of the men who I know who have read it have raved about it -- and most guys I know don't really get into "self-help" books.

What makes this book unique -- besides a message that is all about how to have healthy relationships -- is that it's written for both men and women. One side of the book is "for men," then flip it over and the other side is written for the women who love them.

Several times, I had to stop reading just to have a "lightbulb moment." This book is fabulous.
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22 of 22 people found the following review helpful By J. P. Grass on February 28, 2005
Format: Paperback
This is the first self-help book I have ever read that hit right on the money. It is the first book that accurately describes how I feel as a man in this society and has helpful, doable suggestions for healing. It has, literally, saved my marriage. I highly recommend it.
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By I. Ruth Arnold on March 3, 2005
Format: Paperback
I do not usually read self help books and read this one only at the urging of a friend. It is a marvelous book. Not only is the advice it offers extremely insightful and helpful, but this book passes the major test for any book - it is a great read. I found its analysis of typical problems in marriages so helpful that I sent a copy to my engaged daughter and her fiance.
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20 of 21 people found the following review helpful By Robert Pryor on January 22, 2007
Format: Paperback
When I first heard that Patti Henry had written a book, "The Emotionally Unavailable Man", I immediately obtained it. Being a "transplanted" New Yorker, now a "resident" of Texas, I was not sure if it applied to me as I have that inherited Northeastern "skepticism" and was a single, never married male in my fifties. After hearing Patti speak and finding her to be such a great live speaker, I was interested to see how she communicated in writing. I was very pleasantly surprised, in fact shocked as this book, while delving into all aspects of marital relations, really applies to everyone regardless of marital status.

With her eloquent, yet very understandable style of writing, Patti Henry clearly illustrates all the factors that impact on human relationships, first concentrating on the male perspective, then the female. Her chapters on "Family of Origin" and the "Blind Quadrant'" are simply stunning, and make you read it again and again to get a deeper insight into your own life. Many times, people who are having problems in their lives seek assistance from friends, therapists, or reading books like "The Emotionally Unavailable Man." After reading this book a number of times, I am convinced that "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" ought to be required reading for everyone, as it gives a unique insight into the human psyche that would benefit all. Patti Henry writes as she speaks in person. She makes you feel like every word was written specifically for the reader. Without reservation, I recommend this book to any adult and also suggest that if Patti Henry is speaking in your city, treat yourself, and go hear her. You will not be disappointed.

Robert Pryor

President - Educational Resources Intl. Inc.
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Danny on November 13, 2011
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This book totally transformed my life and my way of thinking and being in a relationship. I had to lose the love of my life and experience great heartache to finally face what it was that was stopping me from loving fully. I didn't know why I would push people away in relationships, but I finally got to understand after reading this book, the damage of emotional abuse and incest as a child that had unconsciously been triggering resistance in my relationships. I wish I had read it a month earlier.
I will recommend this book to all my friends and family members - it is the only book I have read that tries to understand men and women at a deeper level without laying blame and judgement. A lot of women will find great healing from reading this book as it gives great assurance that the problems faced in relationships arent usually about them. Men will find it helpful to face their own pain and emotions that will open them up to become better and more suitable partners.
Whether you are just starting out in a realtionship or have been married for years - buy this book - it has a section for men and for women - but reading all of it will give you many great a-ha moments that will transform your life and love.
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