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The Essential Guide to Lesbian and Gay Weddings Paperback – Illustrated, February 1, 1999


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Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Although same-sex marriages are not yet legal anywhere in the United States, more and more lesbians and gay men are seeking the right to validate their unions. This wittily written, well-organized, and creatively laid-out guide offers historical background and practical suggestions covering all aspects of the event, from what to call it to wording the invitations, buying rings, and booking the honeymoon suite. Acknowledging the inherently political statement of the act as well as personal degrees of coming out, the authors provide sensitive counsel by encouraging the couple to present a positive (not defensive) attitude to the heterocentric world, keeping their own priorities foremost and making sure the entire process remains fun. Based on their own and others' experiences, they offer many imaginative ideas for a wide variety of successful ceremonies. A resource directory, suggested references, and index (not seen) contribute to the usefulness of this timely guide.
James E. Van Buskirk, San Francisco P.L.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Proponents of legalizing gay and lesbian marriages increasingly target municipal, state, and federal lawmakers. John Boswell's Same Sex Unions in Pre-modern Europe , documenting such marriages in antiquity, has climbed onto local best-seller lists. Ayers and Brown take a why-wait attitude and rework traditional wedding-planning etiquette to fit the reality of the increasing number of gay and lesbian commitment ceremonies taking place almost daily, admittedly without the legal recognition accorded male-female unions. Their book's three sections deal with the decision-making process, wedding logistics, and actual step-by-step planning, for which they provide checklists to carry a couple through the big event. Along with such practical matters as the rules for wedding gifts and what a photographer provides, Ayers and Brown deal with such fine points for gays and lesbians as considering what to call him or her (bride? groom? hmmmÿ20.ÿ20.ÿ20.), gender-bending wedding fashions, alternative invitations, and whether and how to change one's name. Timely, informative, and entertaining. Marie Kuda --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Alyson Books; Revised edition (February 1, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1555834841
  • ISBN-13: 978-1555834845
  • Product Dimensions: 9.4 x 7.3 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.2 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,169,386 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

20 of 20 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 18, 1999
Format: Paperback
I really did not know what to expect when I bought this from Amazon, but I knew that my partner and I needed some help in planning our commitment ceremony and I didn't want to read the standard bridal magazines or wedding planners (they didn't exactly look like a great resource for two guys). This book was the perfect solution -- it covers all the issues and questions that a gay couple faces when planning a wedding from making the announcement to taking the honeymoon. Want to know what stores are gay-friendly with their registry services? Or where to go for a same-sex couple cake topper? Or suggestions for your vows? This book has it all. Beyond exceptional content, it is also well-written, well-designed, and is full of interesting and entertaining bits of trivia about gay marriage. The back of the book includes a thorough index of other off-line and on-line resources to help as well. A great resource.
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19 of 19 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 30, 1999
Format: Paperback
My partner and I didn't even know where to start. Actually, we weren't even sure we wanted to have a commitment ceremony. Until we read this book and not only got so much information and support, but inspiration as well. We took so many suggestions from the book and had the most beautiful ceremony of all time (if I do say so myself!) A million thanks to these wonderful authors.
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23 of 24 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 16, 1999
Format: Paperback
This is a great book for anyone planning a committment ceremony -- gay, lesbian, bi, or straight. It contains great pratical information, which it delivers with an great, irreverent sense of humor. Lots of stories from other couples' searches for the perfect outfits, caterer, etc. This book helped my partner and I write our own ceremony and put on what several guests told us was the "most beautiful wedding I've ever been to."
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13 of 13 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 11, 2000
Format: Paperback
I bought this book on the same day that my boyfriend proposed to me, when we went into the city to get the right ring size. It was so exciting to have it in my hands right in the moment; sort of like an instant print-out of everything in my head. I have just started to read it, but I must say it helped us prepare for the "announcing our engagement' phase very well. Having already read through other couples' varying experiences, I wasn't surprised by the more...awkward moments. It's more useful than you might think it would be to have a wedding book specifically for the community; in all my excitement I had completely forgotten that we are gay! Very inspiring, well-structured to keep me sane in the upcoming months, and funny--very important.
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8 of 8 people found the following review helpful By Josh Aterovis on June 12, 2003
Format: Paperback
My partner and I are planning a commitment ceremony -- (Why didn't somebody warn me about how much work this would be?!)-- and being two guys, albeit gay ones, we really didn't have any idea about what we were doing. We looked at several straight wedding guides and planners, but they weren't very helpful for planning an alternative wedding. We could have made it up from whole cloth, but we needed some idea of the basic do's and don'ts of a wedding. Finally, we found and purchased THE ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO LESBIAN AND GAY WEDDINGS. What a godsend! It takes you through the whole process from engagement to honeymoon and beyond, step by step with in depth descriptions, explanations, and alternatives to tradition. The authors present what might have been rather dry material in an engaging, entertaining manner that keeps it interesting and fun. I found myself reading sections that didn't really apply to us just for the heck of it. They liberally sprinkle personal anecdotes and first-hand experiences from gay and lesbian couples who have tied the knot throughout the book. An invaluable resource for anyone planning or even dreaming about a same-sex ceremony.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 16, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book has been INCREDIBLY helpful in planning our commitment ceremony. It covers every topic I wanted to know about, plus many I hadn't even considered: invitiations, what to wear, music, catering, location, and the list goes on...
Even if I were straight, this book is one of the better wedding planning guides that I've come across.
The best part is that it discusses a range of different options, from a more traditional wedding to ideas for making a more personal, contemporary affair. I just don't see how you could plan something without consulting this book first.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on August 4, 2001
Format: Paperback
My partner and I have a pile of ten wedding books sitting on our nightstand, but this book hands down has been the most useful. No matter what we've needed guidance on, this book has had the best answers.
The book goes into great detail on a variety of subjects from how to word the wedding invitation, to how to keep the guest list under control (our biggest nightmare so far!!), to how the ceremony and reception should be planned and even on how to make your vows more personalized.
We can't imagine having done our wedding without this book. All the other books we bought been helpful, but not close to this one. Even if I were straight, I would pick this book up since so much of it applies to anyone gay or straight.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful By D. Henry on July 8, 2000
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
All you need is this book, and a 3 ring binder and you areready to plan your gay wedding.
This book helped me plan everything.Technical manuals should be written so well. If you are planning a gay wedding READ THIS BOOK FIRST, and I do mean first. It will save you time, trouble and keep you from committing a few faux pas.
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