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The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures Paperback – March 10, 2009
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"This book is the definitive guide to having your marriage and eating other people too. The Ethical Slut made me the ethical slut I am today, and I am so proud!”--Margaret Cho, comedian and author of I’m the One That I Want
“The Ethical Slut is one of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It‚’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity. An absolute masterpiece and a must-read!”--Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex
“Many people wish for and dream of a wider world sexually and live out their lives unable to find the courage to explore. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and loving look at that exploration.”--David Crosby, musician and author of Since Then
“The Ethical Slut, in this new and expanded edition, is the definitive guide for creating and sustaining all conscious relationships‚Äîpolyamorous, open, alternative, and monogamous. Don’t enter into another relationship without it!”--Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra
“Dossie and Janet’s blend of good humor and forthright honesty makes for some of the best writing I have found on sexually complicated relationships and blended family options. Engaging, disarming, forthright‚ this is the book for those of us still brave enough to make the ethically complex choices.” --Dorothy Allison, author of Bastard Out of Carolina
“A useful guidebook for radical relationship travelers . . . experienced counsel to those on the polysexual frontier.” --Ryam Nearing, Loving More magazine
“A post-graduate course in ethical relationships of every stripe. The authors pull no punches and are totally outrageous. . . . You’ll never be bored.” --Stan Dale, DHS, founder of the Human Awareness Institute
“Frank, funny, and full of practical advice . . . life-saving validation, empathy, and plenty of insider tips from the experienced big sisters you probably weren’t fortunate enough to have.” --Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of Polyamory: The New Love without Limits
From the Publisher
* Revised and updated throughout, with new strategies for single sluts, advice for opening an existing relationship or marriage, and exercises for thinking about and discussing open relationships.
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Top Customer Reviews
I am delighted with certain aspects of the book that reframe abundant sexual expression in positive ways, promote honest, authentic, and safe relationships, and encourage people to explore with openness what is true for them. I also enjoy the "workbook" like nature of many of the inquiries, allowing many people to really make these ideas concrete in their own lives.
However, even upon re-reading this 2nd edition, I fundamentally disagree with too many of the underlying premises and the underlying energy of defensiveness throughout the book. Foremost is the underlying premise that monogamy isn't anything special, and that you can essential do everything you can do in monogamy with polyamory. The authors suggest quite explicitly in several places that monogamy is simply a more sexually repressed, unenlightened, and outdated version of a more supposedly spiritually mature polyamory. I find their arguments utterly unconvincing, overly simplistic, defensive, and often overstated.
I maintain that monogamy and polyamory are qualitatively different and should not be compared as if they were better or lesser versions of the same thing. They are both beautiful, both unique, and there is something special about both of them. They present qualitatively different challenges that are not the same. Monogamy inviting challenges that can ONLY come from unconditionally committing to be sexually exclusive with one person. Polyamory invites challenges that can ONLY come from unconditionally being open to letting love and sexual exploration flow as they arise.Read more ›
I first read The Ethical Slut (first edition) as part of a college course. As an undergrad, I was already well on my way to being a proud slut - I did the usual versions of short-term college dating, hookups, friends-with-benefits, threesomes, and the like, with or without a committed partner at various times. It all felt natural and right, but there were invariably awkward moments of poor negotiation, misunderstood communication, and mis-handled jealousy.
When I read The Ethical Slut, I found an amazing wealth of information and suggestions on how I could make my various relationships work better and more smoothly. I wished I'd had this book all along - it would have saved so much trouble! If only I'd known that an agreement to "see other people" wasn't nearly complete enough! The Ethical Slut lays out all the things to think about in having open relationships of various sorts. I've been called a slut since I was 14, but it was this book that gave me the idea that being a slut could be a good thing - and now I couldn't be happier with my fabulous life as a proud slut.
The Ethical Slut is an entertaining, readable, real-life explanation of all the options in relationships. Whether you want to be single or partnered or grouped, poly or monogamous, or whatever else, this book helps you figure out all the possibilities better. It's THE relationship book for anyone who wants more options than a "leave-it-to-beaver" relationship.
If you're just starting to explore open relationships, or you're even just thinking about it, there's no better place to start than with this book. And if you're already immersed in poly life, it's got the "advanced level" information you need.Read more ›
Non-monogamy is hard work, especially for folks like us raised up in a society that is so biased toward monogamy... and so grossly misinformed about even the basics of non-monogamy. I actually have poly friends to look to for advice or as examples, but most folks don't. So most of us don't have anything to go on. And the thing is, even the most sincere, loving, caring, honest people can torpedo their relationship BY ACCIDENT, through totally innocent mistakes. I'm lucky enough just to know that from reading some excellently-written and informative websites--A million times more useful than this waste of a book. So many people have raved about The Ethical Slut, so I picked up a copy. I was LIVID before I could finish the first chapter, and I had to force myself to finish the rest of the book, just in case there was something--anything--of value amid the vapid, self-serving rubbish the authors present.
Speaking of chapter one, the authors even fail at justifying the concept of rehabilitating the word slut... they themselves say that one of the primary attributes given to the word "slut" is that a slut is indiscriminate... and then they blather on a bunch of nonsense without ever sorting that one *little* issue out.Read more ›
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This was not that helpful. It's more of a personal story for the authors but not many tools for helping with jealousy or navigating the challenges of non-monogamous relationships. Read morePublished 3 days ago by conan21
One of the best books I've ever read in my life. I recommend this to anyone about how to identify, seek out, and negotiate relationships you want in your life. Read morePublished 4 days ago by Amazon Customer
Very interesting concept for a book. I have a neutral stance on this one.Published 11 days ago by bbinblack
A classic in ethical nonmonogamy and a must for anyone seeking authenticity in relationships, even if they are monogamous. Definitely a thought-generator.Published 12 days ago by Virginia Lore
Very comprehensive overview of polyamory. Also covers many practical aspects that people might not always consider, such as dealing with state laws that might label a poly an... Read morePublished 13 days ago by C. Velarde