The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures [Paperback]

Dossie Easton (Author), Janet W. Hardy (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 10, 2009

The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable.

For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle--from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms.

"I couldn't stop reading it, and I for one identify as an ethical slut. This is a book for anyone interested in creating more pleasure in their lives . . . a complete guide to improving any style of relating, from going steady to having an extended family of sexual friends." --Betty Dodson, PhD, author of Sex for One

Editorial Reviews

Review

"This book is the definitive guide to having your marriage and eating other people too. The Ethical Slut made me the ethical slut I am today, and I am so proud!”--Margaret Cho, comedian and author of I’m the One That I Want

“The Ethical Slut is one of the most useful relationship books you could ever read, no matter what your lifestyle choices. It‚’s chock-full of great information about communication, jealousy, asking for what you want, and maintaining a relationship with integrity. An absolute masterpiece and a must-read!”--Annie Sprinkle, PhD, sexologist and author of Dr. Sprinkle's Spectacular Sex

“Many people wish for and dream of a wider world sexually and live out their lives unable to find the courage to explore. This book is a thoughtful, practical, and loving look at that exploration.”--David Crosby, musician and author of Since Then

“The Ethical Slut, in this new and expanded edition, is the definitive guide for creating and sustaining all conscious relationships‚Äîpolyamorous, open, alternative, and monogamous. Don’t enter into another relationship without it!”--Barbara Carrellas, author of Urban Tantra

“Dossie and Janet’s blend of good humor and forthright honesty makes for some of the best writing I have found on sexually complicated relationships and blended family options. Engaging, disarming, forthright‚ this is the book for those of us still brave enough to make the ethically complex choices.” --Dorothy Allison, author of Bastard Out of Carolina

“A useful guidebook for radical relationship travelers . . . experienced counsel to those on the polysexual frontier.” --Ryam Nearing, Loving More magazine

“A post-graduate course in ethical relationships of every stripe. The authors pull no punches and are totally outrageous. . . . You’ll never be bored.” --Stan Dale, DHS, founder of the Human Awareness Institute

“Frank, funny, and full of practical advice . . . life-saving validation, empathy, and plenty of insider tips from the experienced big sisters you probably weren’t fortunate enough to have.” --Deborah Anapol, PhD, author of Polyamory: The New Love without Limits

From the Publisher

* The essential guide for singles and couples who want to explore polyamory in ways that are ethically and emotionally sustainable.
* Revised and updated throughout, with new strategies for single sluts, advice for opening an existing relationship or marriage, and exercises for thinking about and discussing open relationships.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 296 pages
• Publisher: Celestial Arts; 2nd edition (March 10, 2009)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1587613379
• ISBN-13: 978-1587613371
• Product Dimensions: 9 x 6 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (79 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,431 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #23 in Books > Self-Help > Sex
  • #80 in Books > Self-Help > Relationships > Love & Romance
  • #82 in Books > Politics & Social Sciences > Sociology

More About the Author

Discover books, learn about writers, read author blogs, and more.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

136 of 149 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, essential book for all relationships April 24, 2009

By IReadInTrees

Format:Paperback

The Ethical Slut is incredible!

I first read The Ethical Slut (first edition) as part of a college course. As an undergrad, I was already well on my way to being a proud slut - I did the usual versions of short-term college dating, hookups, friends-with-benefits, threesomes, and the like, with or without a committed partner at various times. It all felt natural and right, but there were invariably awkward moments of poor negotiation, misunderstood communication, and mis-handled jealousy.
When I read The Ethical Slut, I found an amazing wealth of information and suggestions on how I could make my various relationships work better and more smoothly. I wished I'd had this book all along - it would have saved so much trouble! If only I'd known that an agreement to "see other people" wasn't nearly complete enough! The Ethical Slut lays out all the things to think about in having open relationships of various sorts. I've been called a slut since I was 14, but it was this book that gave me the idea that being a slut could be a good thing - and now I couldn't be happier with my fabulous life as a proud slut.

The Ethical Slut is an entertaining, readable, real-life explanation of all the options in relationships. Whether you want to be single or partnered or grouped, poly or monogamous, or whatever else, this book helps you figure out all the possibilities better. It's THE relationship book for anyone who wants more options than a "leave-it-to-beaver" relationship.

If you're just starting to explore open relationships, or you're even just thinking about it, there's no better place to start than with this book. And if you're already immersed in poly life, it's got the "advanced level" information you need. For those who know and love the first edition, the second edition is definitely worth adding to your collection. There's a ton of new information on the really crucial details of how to make all sorts of poly and open relationships work.

The second edition now has exercises exercises, taken from Dossie Easton's work as a therapist with poly folks, that you and/or your partner(s) can work on together. I loved the new section on living as a single slut - which makes the point that sluthood and open loving can be an identity that doesn't require a conventional partnership to secure or ground it. It also offers ideas on how to get one's needs met from a network of friends and lovers - useful information for pretty much anyone. The new segments on handling jealousy and conflict are especially good for those of us who have been involved in poly relationships for some time and need the more detailed info, from the voices of experience, to help through the rough spots. I feel like I'm always learning in poly relationships, and every time I go back to The Ethical Slut, there's some tidbit that helps with the complicated, hard, or unexpected parts of a generally fabulous poly life.

Whether you've read the first edition or not, this is definitely a book you should own. I've read it 3 or 4 times now, and I keep going back to it to check out certain sections that become more relevant as I encounter new poly challenges.

Rather than offering generalities and theories, The Ethical Slut speaks from many people's experience over many decades. It's the real-life information that you need to make all your relationships amazing!!

(and, speaking of making sex and play and relationships amazing, check out some of Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy's other books - The Topping Book, The Bottoming Book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, and Radical Ecstasy!)

54 of 62 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars opened my mind to new possibilities! March 10, 2009

By Jenny Gilbert

Format:Paperback

I have always loved sex, but growing up in the South, felt a bit guilty about that. Even though I had open-minded parents, the society around me shaped my beliefs more than I often like to admit.

I found this book very helpful as it showed me that I am not the only one to feel as I do about sex and, more importantly, that I'm not a "bad" person for feeling this way.

Whether or not you are interested in having more sex, or justifying the sex you already have, this book will help you to work with the mental issues around that.

Being an "ethical slut" is about much more than sex though-- it's about having the courage to express your feelings and following your desires. It's about expanding yourself to new levels and going way beyond the limits society has set for you.

Of course, that is my definition. One of the great things about this book is that it allows you to define "ethical slut" for yourself. The authors throw it all out there. Bisexuality, multiple partners are once, marriage, leather, bondage, and more is included here. You pick what works for you. You're also free to change that at any time.

Good book. Very progressive and certainly not for everybody. The book encourages you to follow your own road though, so if you read it, do so knowing that it's perfectly ok for you to disagree.

A related book, which I also love, and I think you will also, is Just Fk Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. Something else to make you question everything and come up with your own thoughts.

75 of 90 people found the following review helpful

1.0 out of 5 stars 95% useless. February 2, 2012

By Suz Bone

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

My partner isn't just some guy I'm dating; we share a home together. We share our lives together. He's part of my FAMILY. A compendium of flippant personal opinions that lack scholarly/clinical/statistical backing, and a smattering of personal anecdotes from the authors' lives is NOT what I need to guide me through one of the more important decisions I'll make in my life.

Non-monogamy is hard work, especially for folks like us raised up in a society that is so biased toward monogamy... and so grossly misinformed about even the basics of non-monogamy. I actually have poly friends to look to for advice or as examples, but most folks don't. So most of us don't have anything to go on. And the thing is, even the most sincere, loving, caring, honest people can torpedo their relationship BY ACCIDENT, through totally innocent mistakes. I'm lucky enough just to know that from reading some excellently-written and informative websites--A million times more useful than this waste of a book. So many people have raved about The Ethical Slut, so I picked up a copy. I was LIVID before I could finish the first chapter, and I had to force myself to finish the rest of the book, just in case there was something--anything--of value amid the vapid, self-serving rubbish the authors present.

Speaking of chapter one, the authors even fail at justifying the concept of rehabilitating the word slut... they themselves say that one of the primary attributes given to the word "slut" is that a slut is indiscriminate... and then they blather on a bunch of nonsense without ever sorting that one *little* issue out. The word is not salvageable, ESPECIALLY in regards to the concept of relationship ethics (which they repeatedly claim is a prime focus of their book), because indiscriminate behavior is utterly counter to ethical relationship behavior. I won't harp on it any more but I will tell you that an opening chapter that is complete HOOEY did not leave me anticipating the remaining chapters. Hey, Dossie and Janet, you chose the word to use in your title because you knew it would sell more books. Period. Don't feed me a bunch of BS to try to claim otherwise. I'm not stupid.

By the time I was 3/4 through the rest of the book I was reduced to scanning paragraphs. It's all just opinions and personal anecdotes from two people. I am having to seriously monitor my language right now, because it makes me so angry to think about people buying this book because they need information, and getting this useless crap instead, and thinking that they've gotten the information they need to navigate the ocean that is non-monogamy. How many good people have accidentally destroyed their relationships because they thought they had done their homework by reading this? So much SUFFERING. I hope the authors choke on a royalty check.

I'm about to order Opening Up now. With a description that includes things like, "Drawing on in-depth interviews with over a hundred women and men, Opening Up explores the real-life benefits and challenges of all styles of open relationships -- from partnered non-monogamy to solo polyamory" and, "offers solutions for making an open relationship work, including tips on dealing with jealousy, negotiating boundaries, finding community, parenting and time management", it sounds far more likely to give readers the IMPORTANT INFORMATION THEY NEED. (Update: Opening Up is an EXCELLENT resource and I highly recommend it!)

This is my life, my love, and my family we're talking about here. I don't have time for the opinions of a couple of attention whores. Rehab THAT word, Dossie and Janet.