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The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children [Paperback]

Ross W. Greene
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (311 customer reviews)

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Book Description

January 19, 2010

What′s an explosive child? A child who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration-crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, biting, spitting, destroying property, and worse. A child whose frequent, severe outbursts leave his or her parents feeling frustrated, scared, worried, and desperate for help. Most of these parents have tried everything-reasoning, explaining, punishing, sticker charts, therapy, medication-but to no avail. They can′t figure out why their child acts the way he or she does; they wonder why the strategies that work for other kids don′t work for theirs; and they don′t know what to do instead.

Dr. Ross Greene, a distinguished clinician and pioneer in the treatment of kids with social, emotional, and behavioral challenges, has worked with thousands of explosive children, and he has good news: these kids aren′t attention-seeking, manipulative, or unmotivated, and their parents aren′t passive, permissive pushovers. Rather, explosive kids are lacking some crucial skills in the domains of flexibility/adaptability, frustration tolerance, and problem solving, and they require a different approach to parenting.

Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene provides a new conceptual framework for understanding their difficulties, based on research in the neurosciences. He explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don′t work with these children, and he describes what to do instead. Instead of relying on rewarding and punishing, Dr. Greene′s Collaborative Problem Solving model promotes working with explosive children to solve the problems that precipitate explosive episodes, and teaching these kids the skills they lack.


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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Flexibility and tolerance are learned skills, as any parent knows if they've seen an irascible 2-year-old grow into a pleasant, thoughtful, and considerate older child. Unfortunately, for reasons that are poorly understood, a few children don't "get" this part of socialization. Years after toddler tantrums should have become an unpleasant memory, a few unlucky parents find themselves battling with sudden, inexplicable, disturbingly violent rages--along with crushing guilt about what they "did wrong." Medical experts haven't helped much: the flurry of acronyms and labels (Tourette's, ADHD, ADD, etc.) seems to proffer new discoveries about the causes of such explosions, when in fact the only new development is alternative vocabulary to describe the effects. Ross Greene, a pediatric psychologist who also teaches at Harvard Medical School, makes a bold and humane attempt in this book to cut through the blather and speak directly to the (usually desperate) parents of explosive children. His text is long and serious, and has the advantage of covering an enormous amount of ground with nuance, detail, and sympathy, but also perhaps the disadvantage that only those parents who are not chronically tired and time-deprived are likely to get through the entire book. Quoted dialogue from actual sessions with parents and children is interspersed with analysis that is always oriented toward understanding the origins of "meltdowns" and developing workable strategies for avoidance. Although pharmacological treatment is not the book's focus, there is a chapter on drug therapies. --Richard Farr --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"All parents should read this book, especially those with children who are out of control. Ross Greene presents a loving, rational, and research-based approach to dealing with problems that most parents have either felt were their own fault or were unsolvable. I could not recommend this book more highly."-- Edward Hallowell, M.D. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Harper Paperbacks; Rev Upd edition (January 19, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061906190
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061906190
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.8 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 9.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (311 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #822 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Ross Greene is the originator of a model providing a compassionate, research-based understanding of behavioral challenges and a proven, proactive, non-punitive, non-adversarial approach for reducing challenging behavior, improving communication, and repairing relationships. His approach -- which emphasizes solving problems collaboratively with children -- was initially described in his first book, The Explosive Child (now in a revised and completely updated fourth edition), and most recently in his newest book, Lost at School. Dr. Greene is also founder of a non-profit organization, Lives in the Balance (www.livesinthebalance.org), which provides free, web-based resources on his approach and advocates on behalf of behaviorally challenging kids and their parents, teachers, and other caregivers.

Dr. Greene is Associate Clinical Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, on the professional staff at The Cambridge Hospital in Boston, Senior Lecturer in the school psychology program in the Department of Education at Tufts University, and adjunct Associate Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech. He consults extensively to families, schools, inpatient psychiatry units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, and lectures widely throughout the world (visit www.cpsconnection.com for a complete listing of learning and training options). Dr. Greene has been featured in a wide range of media, including The Oprah Show, Good Morning America, The Morning Show, and National Public Radio. He lives in Portland, Maine with his wife and two kids.

You can connect with Dr. Greene by using the Contact form on either website.

Customer Reviews

This book is helpful for working with any child - not just the strong willed ones. Inthegarden  |  74 reviewers made a similar statement
The book is very well written and gives a lot of examples that are very helpful. Liesel D. Johnson  |  67 reviewers made a similar statement
When I first started reading this book I felt like Dr. Greene was describing my family. Literature Lover  |  24 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
342 of 351 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally, peace in our household December 15, 1998
Format:Hardcover
After years of reading books on "strong-willed" or "difficult" children... and years of psychotherapy, Dr. Greene's fresh approach to what seemed an unsolvable problem has brought peace to our household for the first time in 8 years. I have bought a copy of this book for everyone that deals with my 10-year-old son: my parents, his teacher, his previous teacher, and the County Mental Health worker who is working with us on in-home behavior modification. I was very sceptical when I first learned of Dr. Greene's approach-- it sounded too easy ! But it truly, truly works.

Dr. Greene put into words what I had always known about my child, but couldn't express cohesively. My son used to have several "melt-downs" each week, and I always wondered how much control he had over his own behavior and emotions. Now I know the answer, and also can recognize the various stages of escalation leading up to a rage episode.

Applying Dr. Greene's "basket" principles, we haven't had a melt-down in 3 weeks, and my son's cooperation with our "basket A" and "basket B" requests is fantastic. No more melt-downs, no more frustrated adults. We actually have hope for a brighter future. Even school is going really, really well.

Many thanks to Dr. Greene for giving us an alternative to manage our "inflexible, explosive" (but lovable) children !

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165 of 168 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy this book! December 26, 1999
Format:Hardcover
As a teacher of children with behavioral and emotional disorders, I found Greene's book extremely useful. In the first part of the book, he explores inflexibility and explosiveness in children (and biological/chemical factors influencing such behavior.) This section alone is worth its weight in gold for helping parents and teachers take a closer look at what's going on with their kids.

The rest of the book is devoted to his "three basket" intervention method. I am beginning to use this technique in my classroom to help avoid "meltdowns" over issues that really aren't important and to help TEACH my students how to negotiate and cope in frustrating situations. I want my students to become more flexible not just because it makes it easier on me in the classroom; they'll be happier and less frustrated in school, at home, and out in the world.

I've recommended this book to many parents and colleagues.

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193 of 200 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A Time Bomb in My House March 16, 2000
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
The cover of this book caught my eye in the bookstore and I knew there must be something in there for me. I finally had some authoritative information on what my family has been through for the past 13 years. I've known our son was "different" since he was a toddler throwing his time-out chair at me and screaming, I just didn't understand why until now. The "pick your battles" basket approach Dr Greene uses puts daily frustrations and battles into perspective and gives the frustrated parent an extremely useful tool in learning to work with the time bomb in your house. Letting go of the notion that a child should behave a certain way and obey without question is very difficult for some parents to do but learning the art of negotiating with your explosive child and reducing the "meltdowns" in your life is well worth it.

The chapter on medications is very helpful for those not understanding what an important role they can play. Our son has been on Ritalin for ADHD since he was 3 1/2 and was finally diagnosed at age ten as also having bipolar disorder. After 2 hospitalizations in the past 2 1/2 years and 2 suicide attempts in the last year we are getting the correct mixture of 7 different medications that have finally helped stabilize his moods enough to actually begin to use the methods in the book. Dr. Greene has finally helped us find a major piece of the puzzle to being able to help our family regain some sanity in our lives.

Anyone who has ever looked down at another parent for not being able to control their child needs to read this book and walk a mile in their shoes. The parents of these children need a friend much more than they need another condescending comment on how to raise their children.

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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A helpful book when you can remember to use the techniques
My favorite part of reading the book was that it felt like I was "talking" with someone who understood what was going on with my child. Read more
Published 6 days ago by mom in davis
4.0 out of 5 stars Succinct and mind-opening
This book is not exactly applicable to my family's situation, so I cannot comment on how effective the method is, but I really enjoyed the book. Read more
Published 14 days ago by Jason A. Griggs
1.0 out of 5 stars The Explosive Child
This book is basically advice to: 1) let the child have their way; 2) counsel the child; 3) attempt to coerce the child to see the problem your way by restating the problem. Read more
Published 15 days ago by Erma J Bond
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy & Fast Read that will Change Your Life
This book is awesome and works for any kid, not just explosive kids. I read it in under a week and I'm truly frazzled with 3 kids and a job, and a very explosive child. Read more
Published 21 days ago by Mart
5.0 out of 5 stars Good insight
This book explains how to handle a frustrated child who has difficulty expressing their frustrations and gives a clear guide in dealing with unacceptable outbursts. Read more
Published 28 days ago by CheeryNan
5.0 out of 5 stars Great read
This book is a great read to get to know your child and why he/she may be acting out. Has some wonderful things to try for any child.
Published 1 month ago by Kenmareroots
5.0 out of 5 stars This book works!
This book is AWESOME! I read it on the recommendation of my 10 year old son's clinician and the principles and methods outlined in the book have already (in 2 days) helped me work... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Donna E Beane
4.0 out of 5 stars Good resource for parents
Easy to read and helpful for parents that are dealing with children that respond to situations in an "explosive" manner.
Published 1 month ago by A SCHULTZ
5.0 out of 5 stars The Explosive Child
I have read an earlier copy of this book and I found it was very helpful. I lost my copy and bought this one. I think the cover is actually more durable than my last copy. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Jeanette Simms
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect!
I was having some trouble with my son, and a friend of mine recommended this book (she is a therapist). Read more
Published 1 month ago by Mellissa
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Tips for younger children? Be the first to reply
What exactly does this book teach?
Humm, I think that there was a misunderstanding somewhere.

Yes, it is such a remedial in essence, because it's not like "you can invent how to fix it".
This book doesn't say "become more bossy and everything gets better".
The essential is "it's a team work between... Read more
Apr 4, 2012 by J. Charles |  See all 5 posts
Anything about explosive adults?
I would look in the self help section, maybe something about stress reduction or dealing with disappointment.

Cheers and good luck!
Jun 4, 2010 by Jennifer L. Rinehart |  See all 2 posts
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