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The Faggiest Vampire [Paperback]

Carlton Mellick III
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)

Price: $9.95 & FREE Shipping on orders over $25. Details
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Book Description

March 27, 2009
Deep in The Land of Broodsarrow, just outside the village of Gneirwil, and high on a cliff overlooking the Everbleed Sea, there stands the faggiest gothic castle that any mortal being has ever seen. Living in this ancient faggy castle is none other than the well-renowned vampire, Dargoth Van Gloomfang. The citizenry of Broodsarrow sure has its share of faggy vampires, but old Dargoth has always been by far the faggiest of them all. That is, until a new vampire came to town. A younger, hippper vampire. One that emits such a grand amount of fagginess that one cannot help but be completely overwhelmed by his presence. Now Dargoth Van Gloomfang must figure out a way to out-shine this young newcomer if he wishes to ever reclaim his throne as . . . the faggiest vampire.

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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!" - CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of Bite Me: A Love Story

"The Faggiest Vampire is a special book, showcasing an author at the height of his storytelling power... This is the type of book that anyone with even the slightest creative hankering dreams of creating." - The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction

"Mellick's imagination is boundless, and his writing truly shows this. His characters, plot, and writing style are original, enjoyable, and inspiring." - Lionel Bigsy


Product Details

  • Paperback: 104 pages
  • Publisher: Spunk Goblin Press (March 27, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1933929804
  • ISBN-13: 978-1933929804
  • Product Dimensions: 7.5 x 9.2 x 0.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (13 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #331,995 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author CARLTON MELLICK III has been pumping out some of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books that you'll never want to admit you secretly love.

His books are released on a quarterly basis (every January, April, July, and October).

Best known as one of the leading authors of the bizarro fiction movement in literature, he is also one of the most prolific authors of his generation with over 40 books in print since 2001. He won the Wonderland Book Award for his novel "Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland" and has had short stories make it into The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror and The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade.

Although many of his earliest works are on the surreal and experimental side, his current style is to take the most ridiculous concepts imaginable and approach them with complete sincerity, as if they are not intended to be ridiculous at all. Always full of tongue-in-cheek humor, social satire, and told in a simplistic straightforward prose style similar to that of children's literature or early pulp fiction, Carlton Mellick III's work is one of a kind, to say the least.

He lives in Portland, OR, the bizarro mecca.

Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
(13)
4.4 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
212 of 230 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars False Advertising December 5, 2010
Format:Paperback
I was incredibly disappointed when I found out that this was a book by Carlton Mellick III and not the newest installment in the Twilight Saga. The title is incredibly misleading.
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9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A True Children's Tale April 4, 2011
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This story really is a children's book. Yes the title may be a little off-putting to some parents but the story contained within is completely child-friendly. It has a positive message for children as well. Best children's story written by a writer usually known for gore and sex since Clive Barker's The Thief Of Always.
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10 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Super cuteness from the King of Bizarro June 28, 2011
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
How can you not love a story where the main character is called Dargoth Van Gloomfang? And could you turn down a story that centers around vampires that are in a moustache competition? I didn't think so.

This is such a cute story. If you find the title offensive, get over it. There is nothing offensive in this story...it is completely acceptable for children and adults alike. It's sweet, funny, and charming.

After having read so much of CM3's work, I was very surprised/impressed to find that he could write something so innocent. ;) Anyone with an open-mind should read this to their kids (just explain the title...it's called talking to your kids). Anyone that has a sense of humor should like this book. Any bizarro fan would like this book. Basically this is a book for everyone.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent
I'm always happy to get another Gorey book. He is forever ingenious, thoughtful and sardonic.
Excellent read for all ages.
Published 1 month ago by Geoffrey Degeorge
5.0 out of 5 stars A moving story.
Carlton Mellick III has mastered the art of children's books. This is a story that could be read and understood by a child and yet it has many layers for adults as well. Read more
Published 3 months ago by amadeo777
4.0 out of 5 stars HA!
I was expecting a simple quick read to entertain me, as well as my 6 month old, for bedtime. I got it and it's a level below a chapter book! We read a few 'chapters' a night. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Clair
4.0 out of 5 stars I am editing that word from the title to get this past the Amazon...
I know what you're thinking when you see this book's title. I assume it's either "I's never read a book with the word F***iest in the title to my children! Read more
Published 9 months ago by Yoyogod
4.0 out of 5 stars Faggiest vampire is very incredible
This book is a must read children's book. I laughed all the way through! This is a great twist on the Mellick standard writing format and puts Bizzaro in your children's hands! Read more
Published 21 months ago by Caspian
2.0 out of 5 stars .
Maybe I was looking forward to this too much? It was just so boring...

I still love the title, though.
Published 23 months ago by Christy Leigh Stewart
4.0 out of 5 stars Has a few laughs
The book showed up a little later than expected, but was in greta condition - the book itself is mildly humorous.
Published on May 2, 2010 by M. Martin
5.0 out of 5 stars Very cute!
This is an adorable book for children and adults alike. It reads like a Roald Dahl book, but with slight hints of that usual CM3 charm. I picked this up with "Help! Read more
Published on April 8, 2010 by rygeltheXVI
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read
This is completely different from Mellick's other books, but it is also one of his best. This children's book about a mustache competition set in a world of vampires is a very... Read more
Published on January 13, 2010 by Alkamendham
5.0 out of 5 stars Edward Gorey would be most pleased.
An adorable book with a hilarious title and subject. A cute work of ironic whimsy and warmhearted silliness.
Published on December 9, 2009 by D. Clair
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