The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find by Embracing Them [Paperback]

David Richo (Author)

Book Description

Release date: June 13, 2006

Why is it that despite our best efforts, many of us remain fundamentally unhappy and unfulfilled in our lives? In this provocative and inspiring book, David Richo distills thirty years of experience as a therapist to explain the underlying roots of unhappiness—and the surprising secret to finding freedom and fulfillment. 

There are certain facts of life that we cannot change—the unavoidable "givens" of human existence: (1) everything changes and ends, (2) things do not always go according to plan, (3) life is not always fair, (4) pain is a part of life, and (5) people are not loving and loyal all the time. Richo shows us that by dropping our deep-seated resistance to these givens, we can find liberation and discover the true richness that life has to offer. Blending Western psychology and Eastern spirituality, including practical exercises, Richo shows us how to open up to our lives—including to what is frightening, painful, or disappointing—and discover our greatest gifts.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"A lucid, thought-provoking, and illuminating book about the realities of human existence—a wonderfully useful guide to fluid acceptance of life as it is."—Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star and The Joy Diet

"I started highlighting splendid passages in this book and my highlighter ran dry. The whole book is splendid."—Brother David Steindl-Rast

About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving-kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California.

Product Details

• Paperback: 192 pages
• Publisher: Shambhala; Reprint edition (June 13, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1590303083
• ISBN-13: 978-1590303085
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.5 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 6.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (55 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #29,415 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #71 in Books > Health, Fitness & Dieting > Psychology & Counseling > Applied Psychology

More About the Author

David Richo, PhD, is a therapist and author who leads popular workshops on personal and spiritual growth.

He received his BA in psychology from Saint John's Seminary in Brighton, Massachusetts, in 1962, his MA in counseling psychology from Fairfield University in 1969, and his PhD in clinical psychology from Sierra University in 1984. Since 1976, Richo has been a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor in California. In addition to practicing psychotherapy, Richo teaches courses at Santa Barbara City College and the University of California Berkeley at Berkeley, and has taught at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, Pacifica Graduate Institute, and Santa Barbara Graduate Institute. He is a clinical supervisor for the Community Counseling Center in Santa Barbara, California.

Known for drawing on Buddhism, poetry, and Jungian perspectives in his work, Richo is the author of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving and The Five Things We Cannot Change: And the Happiness We Find in Embracing Them. He has also written When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds that Sabotage our Relationships, Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power and Creativity of Your Dark Side, The Power of Coincidence: How Life Shows Us What We Need to Know, and Being True to Life: Poetic Paths to Personal Growth.

Richo lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

154 of 162 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Magnificent, spellbinding book on accepting the givens of life. November 27, 2005

By Niel Rishoi

Format:Hardcover

No one doesn't need this marvelous book. David Richo, in an extraordinary generosity of spirit, shares with us some truly illuminating insights of remarkably profound truths. It can't be overstated enough on how valuable his insights are. The key truths of life, the inevitabilities and vicissitudes of it, are dealt and tackled with unflinching directness, and with that, a great deal of compassion for the problems that can assail us all. And yet, he is conspicously lacking in false sentiment. Richo urges us, firmly, yet gently, to give up trying to exist in denial of the things we cannot change, and instead makes a compelling, and logic-based treatise on the idea of just simply embracing and accepting these inevitabilities. His 5 key truths are: 1. everything changes and ends, 2. things do not always go according to plan, 3. life is not always fair, 4. pain is part of life, and 5. people are not loving and loyal all the time.

So many of Richo's statements and exposition behind these points have such clarity, brilliance of scope, and an astonishing ring of truth behind them, that he makes it sound almost easy to commence in the process of acceptance. Moreover, Richo shows that the only way to evolve as a sentient being is to consciously work at a personal self-evolution, for it is, really, the key to moving from one stage of life to the next. That tantalizing but often elusive prospect can invlove a great deal of personal growth and fulfillment. So many of us get stuck in ruts, seemingly unaware and puzzled as to how life can pass us by, without any conscious realization as to the subtle, but inexorable changes that occur along the way. Richo, like a wise master and teacher, generously helps in the process of coming to terms with those changes, and makes us see the beauty of accepting them.

One of the more felicitous aspects of what's presented here is that Richo utilizes in his words a combination of modern Western psychology and ancient Eastern spiritual thought, with a dash of Jung thrown in. There are numerous wise and poetic quotes from Shakespeare to Shaw deftly incorporated throughout, and which vividly illustrate Richo's own eloquent phrases. The text is clear, easy to read (yet some sentences and phrases are so astonishingly meaningful that you have to stop and THINK), compact, unfussy, and peeled to the truth.

Needless to say, I heartily recommend this book; it has changed(or rather, ENHANCED greatly) the way I think.

61 of 62 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Most People Learn These Lessons the Hard Way April 15, 2006

By D. Buxman TOP 1000 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

This isn't a feel-good self help book. It is a realistic look at certain "givens" in life that must be addressed by anyone who wants to live a REAL life. Many people don't want to accept ideas like, "Life isn't always fair."

When I was younger, I didn't want to accept this type of thinking myself, but over time, I have learned that each of the 5 things the author mentions are true. I appreciated the candor with which the author delivered these truths and the solutions that were offered to help accept the positive and the negative aspects of existence. This is not a main stream, positive thinking piece, but I think it helped me to develop a more healthy attitude about the aspects of life that are difficult, if not impossible to change.

96 of 104 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Richo writes another winner September 3, 2005

By S. Rorick

Format:Hardcover

This book is so helpful. If you are like me -- caught in the web of fear and mad as hell that the world doesn't go the way I want it to -- this book points the way to liberation! Richo blends buddhism, wisdom teachings, and Jungian psychology together with poetry, literature and humor to get the point across. Lots of charts and bullet suggestions help the info sink in. I'm going to have to read it again because there is so much in it. Richo makes it easy to understand and take action.