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The Four Factors: Should You Stay, Go or Improve Your Relationship? Paperback – September 4, 2010

4.2 out of 5 stars 24 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

This fabulous book is geared towards people who are looking for love as well as people who are currently in a relationship.   --Dating Blogger Jeanine Swatton

From the Author

Like you, I struggled with relationships for a long time. Should I stay? Should I go? How to improve this relationship? were questions I frequently asked myself. These important universal questions led me on a search for answers which included interviewing hundreds of women and men, studying thousands of dating profiles, and understanding the relationship research that had come before me. This book is the culmination of my search for answers about relationships. I hope it will help you as much as it has helped me.
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 194 pages
  • Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (September 4, 2010)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1453625666
  • ISBN-13: 978-1453625668
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 10.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (24 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #2,513,208 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

I'm an entrepreneur in the San Francisco Bay Area. My writing style is insightful with a touch of humor.

I've been developing The Four Factors for many years. For as long as I can remember I've been fascinated by relationships. Over the past decade I've interviewed numerous women and men about their relationships and studied hundreds of online dating profiles looking for what really matters in romantic relationships. Finally, I've read about every relationship book I could get my hands on including Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and even the funny He's Just Not That Into you by Greg Behrendt. I've studied how their themes fit together and how they fit within The Four Factors.

I believe I bring a fresh perspective and easy-to-understand approach to looking at romantic relationships. I have a Ph.D. from Purdue University.

Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As someone who reads the reviews on Amazon and makes purchased based on them, I felt the need to write a review. I purchased this book for a graduate level therapy class for a sort of "book report". Based on the five-star reviews, I thought this book would be perfect. I was sorely mistaken.

This book was not what I expected. Being a graduate student, I expected the book to have some sort of research base- it did not. According the author he "studied thousands of online dating profiles looking for what really matters in romantic relationships" and "read about every relationship book I could get my hands on"- this is not research.

The basis of the book is that there are four factors that every relationship needs in order to be successful. I think this to be a misleading book, as relationships are complex and cannot be broken down into four easy pieces. While the book is easy to read, and may appeal to a non-academic crowd, those looking for a book with actual substance should look elsewhere.
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
A good friend's 30-something year old son claimed to have found the validation he was looking for with respect to his failed relationships after reading this book. After discussing the topic at length, I decided to do what I have not done for a long time and that is to read yet another relationship book written by someone who is not educated nor trained on the topic. I'm a retired therapist with a PhD in psychology and over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples on this very topic. I have concerns about this book.

The author suggests that all you need to do is identify, meet, and choose the right person based on 4 factors. The author walks you through a system to "evaluate" the relationship. Decide on the specific criteria (typically based on fantasy) required and seek someone who closely conforms to that wish list. This black and white approach is rooted in the minds of many people I've counseled wondering why their relationships failed. Real love is not about finding the "right" person, it's about becoming the "right person" capable of love. Many relationships fail not because of "fit" but because both parties concentrate their attention on their partner's flaws instead of the qualities they love about them. They are stuck in the unrealistic "rating" of their partner's qualities and miss out on mature love.

I have seen couples who "fit" struggle in a relationship because they fail to contribute behaviors that will lead to success. Couples fail because they enter into relationships with poor skills for maintaining them and with highly unrealistic expectations. Rating these 4 factors may promote these unrealistic expectations.

Soul mates are never found.
Read more ›
2 Comments 14 of 16 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I slogged all the way through this book, enduring the poor grammar and high-school freshman level prose, hoping to eventually discover a pearl of wisdom or a flash of uncommon insight. There was none.

The author's thesis is that for a relationship to work there must be Four Factors - physical attraction, good communication, compatible personalities, and common values. For readers who don't understand these terms, he gives helpful illustrations. For example, he goes on at some length on the virtues of kissing as an indicator of physical attraction. Golly.

There are obviously many other factors which could reasonably be claimed to better predict relationship success than these Four, but the author seems unaware of them. How about maturity and willingness to compromise? Compatibility in intelligence, socioeconomic status, career choices? How about whether a person had good exposure to a loving relationship in his/her family of origin? Almost anybody who has ever tried to have a relationship could probably think up many more omissions.

And as if the Four Factors weren't already dumbed-down, grossly oversimplified, and disastrously incomplete, the author wraps his ideas up in a juvenile point system that purports to help the reader decide if a relationship is worth working on: let's see, our physical attraction is okay but not great, our communication is poor, our personality fit is great, and our values match is okay; this gives us only x points, and so we'd be justified in breaking up, but if we felt like it we could try harder?! A randomly-selected questionnaire from Cosmo or Maxim would likely make more sense than this, be more entertaining, and be written in correct English.
1 Comment 10 of 11 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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Format: Paperback
If your relationship has reached a turning point, this book can help you answer some of those tough questions. If you're not there yet, the book is still a fun read. The true-life examples are entertaining and most readers will surely find something that speaks to them.
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Format: Paperback
I selected this book as the subject for my final paper for an undergraduate women's studies class. I unleashed the feminist perspective and my entire class now hates the book with a passion. I received 100% on my paper and very high praise from my professor. My main issue is that the author has a PhD in Engineering and he never had to defend a thesis or dissertation on any subject mildly related to relationship science. Also, the "research" for this book was interviewing people (could be credible) and looking at thousands of online dating profiles. Seriously? Since when does being a creeper count as research?

If you want legitimate relationship advice from an actual expert in the field of relationship science, try Dr. Rowland Miller's textbook "Intimate Relationships". The book is available for rent for a very reasonable price and is a very easy read. That was the textbook used in my class that covers personal growth in intimate relationships.

I wasn't impressed by this book, but it was excellent for my assignment.
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