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The Four Factors: Should You Stay, Go or Improve Your Relationship? Paperback – September 4, 2010
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How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever After (Really!) | Check out "121 First Dates".
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From the Author
More About the Author
I've been developing The Four Factors for many years. For as long as I can remember I've been fascinated by relationships. Over the past decade I've interviewed numerous women and men about their relationships and studied hundreds of online dating profiles looking for what really matters in romantic relationships. Finally, I've read about every relationship book I could get my hands on including Why Him? Why Her? by Helen Fisher, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, and even the funny He's Just Not That Into you by Greg Behrendt. I've studied how their themes fit together and how they fit within The Four Factors.
I believe I bring a fresh perspective and easy-to-understand approach to looking at romantic relationships. I have a Ph.D. from Purdue University.
Top Customer Reviews
This book was not what I expected. Being a graduate student, I expected the book to have some sort of research base- it did not. According the author he "studied thousands of online dating profiles looking for what really matters in romantic relationships" and "read about every relationship book I could get my hands on"- this is not research.
The basis of the book is that there are four factors that every relationship needs in order to be successful. I think this to be a misleading book, as relationships are complex and cannot be broken down into four easy pieces. While the book is easy to read, and may appeal to a non-academic crowd, those looking for a book with actual substance should look elsewhere.
The author suggests that all you need to do is identify, meet, and choose the right person based on 4 factors. The author walks you through a system to "evaluate" the relationship. Decide on the specific criteria (typically based on fantasy) required and seek someone who closely conforms to that wish list. This black and white approach is rooted in the minds of many people I've counseled wondering why their relationships failed. Real love is not about finding the "right" person, it's about becoming the "right person" capable of love. Many relationships fail not because of "fit" but because both parties concentrate their attention on their partner's flaws instead of the qualities they love about them. They are stuck in the unrealistic "rating" of their partner's qualities and miss out on mature love.
I have seen couples who "fit" struggle in a relationship because they fail to contribute behaviors that will lead to success. Couples fail because they enter into relationships with poor skills for maintaining them and with highly unrealistic expectations. Rating these 4 factors may promote these unrealistic expectations.
Soul mates are never found.Read more ›
The author's thesis is that for a relationship to work there must be Four Factors - physical attraction, good communication, compatible personalities, and common values. For readers who don't understand these terms, he gives helpful illustrations. For example, he goes on at some length on the virtues of kissing as an indicator of physical attraction. Golly.
There are obviously many other factors which could reasonably be claimed to better predict relationship success than these Four, but the author seems unaware of them. How about maturity and willingness to compromise? Compatibility in intelligence, socioeconomic status, career choices? How about whether a person had good exposure to a loving relationship in his/her family of origin? Almost anybody who has ever tried to have a relationship could probably think up many more omissions.
And as if the Four Factors weren't already dumbed-down, grossly oversimplified, and disastrously incomplete, the author wraps his ideas up in a juvenile point system that purports to help the reader decide if a relationship is worth working on: let's see, our physical attraction is okay but not great, our communication is poor, our personality fit is great, and our values match is okay; this gives us only x points, and so we'd be justified in breaking up, but if we felt like it we could try harder?! A randomly-selected questionnaire from Cosmo or Maxim would likely make more sense than this, be more entertaining, and be written in correct English.
If you want legitimate relationship advice from an actual expert in the field of relationship science, try Dr. Rowland Miller's textbook "Intimate Relationships". The book is available for rent for a very reasonable price and is a very easy read. That was the textbook used in my class that covers personal growth in intimate relationships.
I wasn't impressed by this book, but it was excellent for my assignment.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
Very easy and fun book to read.
The reason why I bought it was because I needed a unbiased perspective, from someone who wasn't my friend neither a stranger who didn't... Read more
thanks for writing this book for us, it really is helpful! Very eye-opening indeed. Every single relationship is different and good or bad for us for different reasons.Published on April 25, 2013 by Krisztina Kovacs
Bought if for a client. Still waiting to see what her reacation will be, but it looked like a good solid bookPublished on January 13, 2013 by Patricia Heiden
I was surprised to see the contents of this book wherein I saw a contingency plan in case your current relationship don't last or will end soon. Read morePublished on October 28, 2012 by Rafael V.
I really liked this book. It made me think about some new things and presented thoughtful topics in a fun way. Many of the examples provided in the book were very applicable. Read morePublished on March 11, 2012 by Sean Paterson
The Four Factors is one of the best books that simplify the science of relationship.
Through his simple messages and funny stories, Ron's book provides you with a... Read more
Brought quite a bit of perspective to issues to my relationship. Made me realize some things I wouldn't have seen otherwise.Published on January 31, 2012 by Amazon Customer