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The Future of Love: The Power of the Soul in Intimate Relationships Hardcover – January 20, 1998


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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 224 pages
  • Publisher: Doubleday; 1 edition (January 20, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0385490836
  • ISBN-13: 978-0385490832
  • Product Dimensions: 8.3 x 5.7 x 1 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,506,438 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

After more than two decades as a psychotherapist, relationship counselor and author (Finding True Love, etc.), Kingma suggests turning away from issues of the personality to those of the soul in loving relationships. She spends a lot of time criticizing "traditional" marriage ("suffocates the individual vivid soul") and the nuclear family ("intense focus and neurosis"), but she eventually does include them among the many possibilities of "soulful relationships." While her overall message of acceptance for, and celebration of, the many varieties of love seems perfectly sound, it's questionable whether a majority of American adults today would view "multiple-person relationships, relationships that defy age or gender boundaries, or embody astonishing emotional or spiritual acrobatics" as "failures or aberrations." Kingma offers comfort for the occasional pangs of concern over not having fulfilled the myth of get-married-and-live-happily-ever-after, but her discussions of "relaxing boundaries" and forgiveness could be problematic for those facing issues of addiction or abuse. Her implication that changing the "forms" of relationships makes them "illumined" is debatable, moreover. Her most valuable contribution here seems to be her discussion of the "ten qualities of a soulful relationship": self-awareness, aliveness, realism, honesty, generosity, empathy, forgiveness, thanksgiving, consecration and joy. As she wisely makes clear, these soulful attributes can be present, or not, in myriad forms of relationship.
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"Daphne Rose Kingma is one of the Knowers on the planet, one of the women who see things, and pass on the information.  With this book, I hope her information reaches even further and wider, past our personalities, past our barriers, past our resistances to love.  She takes our hands and guides us past the war zones of relationships to the peaceful meadows of a higher love."
--Marianne Williamson, author of A Return to Love

"In this innovative book, Daphne Rose Kingma breaks down the popular myth of how love is 'supposed' to be by introducing us to a broad spectrum of intimate connections.  She reveals how to work through the various confrontations that every relationship encounters and reach deeper levels of love and intimacy."
--John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

More About the Author

An undisputed expert on matters of the heart, Daphne Rose Kingma has been a therapist for more than twenty-five years, and is a frequent guest on television programs like "Oprah," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "Leeza." She is the author of six previous books, including the bestsellers Finding True Love and Coming Apart. Kingma lives in Santa Barbara, California.

Customer Reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
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See all 25 customer reviews
What a book this has been, and the timing has been impecable for when it fell into my hands.
Justin Luyt
Kingma suggests that every moment of our love relationships serves a higher purpose - a purpose of the soul.
Jimalls
If you're open minded & looking to expand your perception of love you will really enjoy this book.
IrieViz

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

32 of 32 people found the following review helpful By Jimalls on September 10, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book is such a very eclectic mix of philosophies and ideas that I had a very hard time reviewing it. Few authors have the courage to write about love relationships in such a magical and inspirational fashion. Kingma suggests that every moment of our love relationships serves a higher purpose - a purpose of the soul. She then supports this well thought-out point with several examples from both common relationships and some very uncommon, perhaps even "taboo" relationships.
The general theme that I left this book with was that love is an infinitely powerful force, and as being such, love takes on an infinite array of scenarios. Some of the scenarios can be gay, lesbian, straight, friendship, emotional, long-distance,strictly sexual, non-sexual, and even communal. Basically, the point is that love can take a variety of forms and this is the ultimate desire of the human soul.
While I personally didn't find anything in this book to be offensive, I can understand that many people may find this book controversial or even offensive. This book suggests that divorce, extramarital affairs, polyamorism, gay marriage, and even casual sex can serve a spiritual purpose for the soul. Even if you are skeptical of this point, I suggest you read the book anyway.
I find it also important to note that this book is on Neale Donald Walsch's "Ten Books that Can Change the World" list. This book is an excellent expansion of some of the relationship suggestions featured in his "Conversations with God" series. At times I found myself wondering if this book was actually written by Walsch.
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17 of 17 people found the following review helpful By Puteri Azlina on September 27, 2002
Format: Paperback
Reading this book kinda scared me. Kingma's ideas can be controversial.
This book gives permission to us not to conform to the social norms, convinces us that it's OK to have "failed" relationships, and tells us that there are more to love than what we are used to know. SOUL LOVE is the ultimate love, according to Kingma. Search within yourself, acknowledge what you really need, believe in the agenda of the soul, and you'll see the way.
This is a good book to help us console ourselves.
On the other hand, this book also challenges what most people believe in - social norms and expectations that seem to put things in order. It belittles the importance of marriage institute and underestimates the virtue of shouldering responsibilities. The way I see it, if the soul is too busy trying to grow it may neglect the needs of the family. I am a bit skeptical with her confidence with her "love prophecies".
The book is well written, with sufficient examples to illustrate the ideas. Some sentences are too similar to those found in Conversation With God, though.
All in all, there are some good points well elaborated in this book. Take them. At the same time, be cautious to some of the dangerous, crazy ideas. Oh! I might be traditional! ;-)
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15 of 15 people found the following review helpful By sdart@earthlink.net on March 7, 1999
Format: Paperback
A wonderful book that I wish everyone could read. Instead of seeing divorces as failures, they are steps on the road to realizing -- no, to EXPANDING ourselves into pure, unconditional love. Kingma explains why marriages/relationships really fail and how, as spiritually strong and independent beings, we can experience a more encompassing type of love. Relationships are "a journey of self-creation" where "our wholeness is emerging". "The future of love is true love, a great, sweet love that isn't pain but joy, not small but vast, not personal but spiritual". In the past, "our marriages become watered-down versions of the values of society, instead of vibrant emotional unions that nourish the people within them."
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14 of 14 people found the following review helpful By Vyvien A. Starbuck on June 13, 2000
Format: Hardcover
Reading this book helped release me at last from the burden of shame i carried from my divorce 7 years ago. i now see that experience as one of spiritual transformation instead of a societal 'failure', and more importantly as a part of expressing society's spiritual evolution. i came home at last to a sense of greater meaning in what was a devastating personal experience. I also found the chapters on the qualities of soulful relationships totally inspiring and reorientating. My understanding of love has just taken a quantum leap thanks to ms kingma's lucid, poetic and profound writing. I recommend this book to everyone i think could benefit. You won't be sorry you bought this book!
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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on May 12, 1999
Format: Paperback
Perhaps one of the most insightful, profound writers on relationships I've ever read. Particularly poignant were the 7 stages that every relationship experiences, be it 3 days or 30 years. I recommend it as a gift for young people as they enter into the realm of relationships as well as for those of us who have walked in that realm, that double edged sword of immense pain and immense love. Still I think her book is not quite complete and Lew Epstein's Trusting You are Loved is a perfect adjunct to Kingma's book. Again, they should be required reading for anyone in relationship.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful By Peter Messerschmidt on March 13, 2006
Format: Hardcover
Daphne Rose Kingma's "The Future of Love" is-- at least in some ways-- among the five best books I have read this past decade, but at the same time I am now also finding it to be among the hardest books on which to write a worthy review.

First, I must warn potential readers that this is NOT a self-help book "about love." In the broadest of terms, Kingma turns our perception of how we view love on its head, and invites us to consider love in the context of the soul, rather than as an extension of wants, desires, needs, personality, insecurities, and so forth. At the heart of this lies the non-dualistic premise that love isn't something we "want," or "have," or can "get," but simply something we ARE, with love as an "expression of the soul," rather than a "want" or "need."

Kingma spends a fair amount of time examining the way we tend to push away love, through our efforts to force it into a particular "shape." To some, it may sound like she invests a lot of effort in taking to task the traditional concepts of "heterosexual marriage" and "till death do us part," but I believe those examples are merely used to illustrate our personalities' tendency to make love EXclusive, rather than INclusive. As she points out, we are "in relationship" with almost every person who comes through our lives, yet we tend to "limit" loving behavior to just a very few people. For many, she will cover some "uncomfortable ground," by making us look at the insecure ways in which we often tend to approach love, even while considering our motivations "noble" and "true."

The first half of the book doesn't actually cover a lot of "new territory," exploring love and the structure of relationships in ways that have previously been covered by other writers.
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