Gentle people are well liked. We are good listeners and have a soothing nature. But some of us struggle with feeling sad or anxious, have trouble making decisions, can´t commit, or want to connect to others in a more meaningful way. The Gentle Self explains how we came to be the "good boy" or "sweet girl" in our families, and how we can learn to pay better attention to our own needs. And you will learn how to live a life full of freedom and connection. The author is a psychotherapist and writer who perceives herself as a "gentle self."
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About the Author
Gerti Schoen started her career as a journalist in Germany, which brought her to the United States as a foreign correspondent. Inspired by the dynamic energy of New York City, she decided to change careers and became a psychotherapist and Zen practitioner. She lives with her husband and her two cats in the New York metropolitan area.
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More About the Author
Gerti Schoen is a psychotherapist and couple counselor in private practice in New York and New Jersey. She started her career as a journalist in Germany, which brought her to the United States as a foreign correspondent. Inspired by the dynamic energy of New York City, she decided to change careers and became a psychotherapist and Buddhist practitioner. She lives with her husband and her two cats in the New York metropolitan area.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
The Gentle Self by Gerti Schoen is a gem for any therapist and interested client
October 17, 2011
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book is a gem for any therapist and interested client. The book summarizes and integrates a vast amount of material and helps the reader to become well informed about the field of self psychology and its theory of narcissism. The book is divided into six sections. The first section outlines Ms. Schoen's theory of the Gentle Self, a term that is coined by her in a very smart and insightful way. The second section focuses on narcissism and Heinz Kohut's contributions to this concept. The third section examines the roots of narcissism and demonstrates its development in early childhood. The fourth section describes the hallmark characteristics of the Gentle Self: avoidance, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, pleasing, perfectionism, idealization, cracing independence, ambivalence and commitment, loneliness, decision-making, and competition. The fifth section examines pathes to healing which include among others awareness, meditation, connection, and nature. In the final section Gerti Schoen examines the costs of individualism. I really enjoyed that the author is bringing herself in in a subtle way without revealing too much, but still enough to make the reading never boring.
I loved reading The Gentle Self because it helped me to see narcissism in a different light. Usually being called narcissistic feels horrible because narcissists have a reputation for being self-absorbed and vain. Many of my clients would identify when the author - who is a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst - described gentle narcissists being able to form meaningful relationships but then they are often prone being avoidant and emotional distant out of fear of being taken over. I will recommend this book to many of my clients who might use it as a self-help book and a tool to get more insight in their behavior.... Read more ›
I loved reading The Gentle Self because it helped me to see narcissism in a different light. Usually being called narcissistic feels horrible because narcissists have a reputation for being self-absorbed and vain. Many of my clients would identify when the author - who is a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst - described gentle narcissists being able to form meaningful relationships but then they are often prone being avoidant and emotional distant out of fear of being taken over. I will recommend this book to many of my clients who might use it as a self-help book and a tool to get more insight in their behavior.... Read more ›
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
Format:Paperback
Gerti Schoen's book, The Gentle Self (2011), is that rare combination of psychodynamic insight coupled with a humanistic and strongly empathetic understanding of human development and need. I say rare because it is difficult to offer theoretical knowledge while maintaining a strong recognition of the enduring fragility of each of us, especially amongst clinicians. But, the Gentle Self does just that by educating us and caring for us at the same time, and without judgments. If only all psychotherapists could be like this.
This book is the ideal read for a burgeoning client or practitioner who wants a realistic understanding, from a seasoned and caring expert, of what is behind the major issues of anxiety, depression, shyness, and low self-esteem. You can go get a big name text from a well-known psychological writer on the same subjects, but you will not get the same level of realistic and useful knowledge coming from a caring egalitarian professional. Unless of course you are reading Irvin Yalom.
Bravo Gerti Schoen!
This book is the ideal read for a burgeoning client or practitioner who wants a realistic understanding, from a seasoned and caring expert, of what is behind the major issues of anxiety, depression, shyness, and low self-esteem. You can go get a big name text from a well-known psychological writer on the same subjects, but you will not get the same level of realistic and useful knowledge coming from a caring egalitarian professional. Unless of course you are reading Irvin Yalom.
Bravo Gerti Schoen!
By Florence
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book came at the most perfect time.
I've been a loner all my life. I am great at making new friends, just not very good at keeping them. I've always been afraid that I was intruding if I contacted them except when essential, and if someone actually wanted to hangout with me, it was because they were doing me a favor. I've never been able to publicly articulate that till now.
I see myself in every story : the parents who told me that I am the best, and deserve only the best. The daughter of a mother who kept throwing the stuff I made in 6th grade art class into the trash because she could buy a better piece in a store. I am the girl who leaves parties early so I won't intrude on other people's fun. I am the self-absorbed daydreamer. The girl who doesn't go out of her tiny apartment for days on end because somehow she will be in the world's way. The girl who gets asked very often : "hey how come I never see you around"
This book helped me tie up all these experiences together and made me realize, that I have a very serious problem. A problem that is "not part of my personality", but one that can be fixed. By me. It's a very short but worthwhile read. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels lonely, has spent countless hours analyzing why, and almost wishing we had troubled childhoods, just so we could find a reason.
I've been a loner all my life. I am great at making new friends, just not very good at keeping them. I've always been afraid that I was intruding if I contacted them except when essential, and if someone actually wanted to hangout with me, it was because they were doing me a favor. I've never been able to publicly articulate that till now.
I see myself in every story : the parents who told me that I am the best, and deserve only the best. The daughter of a mother who kept throwing the stuff I made in 6th grade art class into the trash because she could buy a better piece in a store. I am the girl who leaves parties early so I won't intrude on other people's fun. I am the self-absorbed daydreamer. The girl who doesn't go out of her tiny apartment for days on end because somehow she will be in the world's way. The girl who gets asked very often : "hey how come I never see you around"
This book helped me tie up all these experiences together and made me realize, that I have a very serious problem. A problem that is "not part of my personality", but one that can be fixed. By me. It's a very short but worthwhile read. I highly recommend it to anyone who feels lonely, has spent countless hours analyzing why, and almost wishing we had troubled childhoods, just so we could find a reason.
Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase
This book described my depression, social anxiety, and bipolar tendencies very accurately as well as what I believe was the cause of these tendencies.
By bright_one
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I wish I came across this book while getting my degree in psychology! It would have made for interesting classroom conversations with like-minded individuals... Still, there are many wonderful and helpful lessons contained in this book. Intellectually, it was fun! Emotionally, I had to be careful not to be victimized again - it seems that the symptoms described (timidity, anxiety, introversion, depression) are attributed to narcissism (I respectfully disagree, but I'm not a licensed psychologist). What I had difficulty understanding was how an individual's internal focus on healing those scars created by narcissists were attributed to one being a narcissist themselves (although a different type of narcissist). For me, some parts were a bit offensive, but again, I'm not a medical professional; I took what I needed and left the rest alone. If there was one chapter that could use improvement, it would be "The Path to Healing." The suggestions presented were good, but I wanted more tips. I recommend this book to anyone undergoing self-reflection or is curious about understanding others.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting
Insightful to individual self esteem and how to acquire a more positive perception of self. Best read for those overcoming very low self esteem.
Published 3 months ago by Yesenia
5.0 out of 5 stars
Eye-opening
Gerti Schoen's approach is unlike any I ever seen. I learned so much about my relationship with myself and others.
Published 4 months ago by arichardson
3.0 out of 5 stars
Brilliant analysis but short on suggestions for action
As someone who identifies with the personality type outlined in The Gentle Self, I found a lot to like about this book. Read more
Published 6 months ago by Nicole
4.0 out of 5 stars
Interesting take on narcissistim
Very readable and written in a very simple informal non-clinical way. I got a lot out of it and found it very psychologically helpful. Read more
Published 8 months ago by Miso
5.0 out of 5 stars
Spectacular
Book was awesome reading. Recommended for any laymen person.If you like learning about self highly adviseable in a learning experience.
Published 10 months ago by Loreena Johnson
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great purchase, great title, wonderful self-awareness after reading...
This author deserves my appreciation, healed a part of me. A friend read it too, and found out some lies about herself, and about how much respect she should be giving to herself. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Eyreespania
