Recipient of the Award of Merit in the Personal Growth/Individual Category of The Word Guild 2005 Canadian Christian Writing Awards! "Grant, Lord, that I may know myself that I may know thee." Augustine Much is said in Christian circles about knowing God. But Christians throughout the ages have agreed that there cannot be deep knowledge of God without deep knowledge of the self. Discerning your true self is inextricably related to discerning God's purposes for you. Paradoxically, the more you become like Christ, the more you become authentically yourself. In this profound exploration of Christian identity, psychologist and spiritual director David G. Benner illuminates the spirituality of self-discovery. He exposes the false selves that you may hide behind and calls you to discover the true self that emerges from your uniqueness in Christ. Freeing you from illusions about yourself, Benner shows that self-understanding leads to the fulfillment of your God-given destiny and vocation. "Christian spirituality," writes Benner, "involves a transformation of the self that occurs only when God and self are both deeply known." The self is not God, but it is the place where you meet God. Genuine self-knowledge revitalizes your spiritual life and opens the door to becoming who God has created you to be. Rest assured, you need not try to be someone you are not. But you will deepen your experience of God through discovering the gift of being yourself.
The Gift of Being Yourself
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Editorial Reviews
From Publishers Weekly
In contrast to other books filled with drive-through pop psychology and sound-bite spirituality, Benner, a psychologist and spiritual director, offers an impressively deep and challenging introduction to Christian self-discovery in a little more than 100 pages. The foundational premise is that true knowledge of God and true knowledge of oneself are inextricably intertwined. For those who view such an approach as simply an accommodation to our culture's obsession with self, Benner provides a multitude of quotes from historic, respected theologians such as Augustine and John Calvin. He offers a clear and practical outline for those seeking to begin the lifelong process of knowing God and knowing themselves in an authentic way. As a gift to Christian counselors everywhere, Benner explains the difference between authentic self-discovery and most psychological approaches. Without mentioning names, he uses the stories of "fallen" Christian leaders to illustrate how some Christians' well-intentioned avoidance of self-discovery can become a deadly snare. His discussion of accepting our flaws and sins as a necessary step to transformation is a model of lucidity. Although self-knowledge is the subject, it becomes clear that transformation is the ultimate goal both of this book and of the journey it invites readers to begin.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
"In contrast to other books filled with drive-through pop psychology and sound-bite spirituality, Benner, a psychologist and spiritual director, offers an impressively deep and challenging introduction to Christian self-discovery in a llittle more than 100 pages. . . . He offers a clear and practical outline for those seeking to begin the lifelong process of knowing God and knowing themselves in an authentic way. . . . His discussion of accepting our flaws and sins as a necessary step to transformation is a model of lucidity. Although self-knowledge is the subject, it becomes clear that transformation is the ultimate goal both of this book and of the journey it invites readers to begin." (Publishers Weekly (starred review), January 26, 2004)
"Wise, compassionate and accessible, David Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself is truly a gift to the dedicated seeker. The author draws on his professional experience as a psychologist and his own lifelong vocation as a Christian. The result is a book that felicitously weaves together the insights of psychology and Christian spirituality." (Margaret Guenther, author of Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction)
"David Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself is the best treatment of the journey to becoming one's true self that I have ever read. I began reading the book as a favor to David; I finished it in one four-hour sitting as a favor to me. Drawing from his wisdom as a psychotherapist and spiritual director, insights from Scripture, and his own self and God discoveries, David gently describes the great disparity between the false self that most of us have become and the self-in-Christ that we are intended to be. I have never been so challenged and warmly inspired to receive the gift of being my true self." (Gary W. Moon, Vice President for Spiritual Development and Professor, Psychological Studies Institute)
"David Benner is a keen student of both God and human personhood. It is a rare kind of book that combines wisdom about faith and understanding about the self. This is that kind of book." (John Ortberg, author and teaching pastor, Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, Menlo Park, California)
"Slowly we are unpacking the full implications of incarnation. David Benner does exactly the same in this excellent book, using good theology, psychology and spiritual practice to make the profound obvious. This is the work of all good teachers." (Richard Rohr, O.F.M., Center for Action and Contemplation, Albuquerque, New Mexico)
"As he has done many times before, David Benner guides us to a place of wisdom and devotion with this beautiful book. With empathy and insight he demonstrates that the two great tasks of life--knowing God and knowing ourselves--converge into a single adventure as we are drawn into the arms of our loving God." (Mark R. McMinn, Rech Professor of Psychology, Wheaton College, and author of Why Sin Matters)
"Rarely do I suggest a book in spiritual direction with the exception of the sacred Scriptures. However, The Gift of Being Yourself I would offer to directees with enthusiasm. David Benner has shown us where life experience, personal insight and prayer meet: in God. I highly recommend it, especially for people beginning in spiritual direction." (David I. Donovan, S.J., Provincial Assistant for Formation, New England Province of the Society of Jesus)
"Wise, compassionate and accessible, David Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself is truly a gift to the dedicated seeker. The author draws on his professional experience as a psychologist and his own lifelong vocation as a Christian. The result is a book that felicitously weaves together the insights of psychology and Christian spirituality." (Margaret Guenther, author of Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction)
"David Benner's The Gift of Being Yourself is the best treatment of the journey to becoming one's true self that I have ever read. I began reading the book as a favor to David; I finished it in one four-hour sitting as a favor to me. Drawing from his wisdom as a psychotherapist and spiritual director, insights from Scripture, and his own self and God discoveries, David gently describes the great disparity between the false self that most of us have become and the self-in-Christ that we are intended to be. I have never been so challenged and warmly inspired to receive the gift of being my true self." (Gary W. Moon, Vice President for Spiritual Development and Professor, Psychological Studies Institute)
"David Benner is a keen student of both God and human personhood. It is a rare kind of book that combines wisdom about faith and understanding about the self. This is that kind of book." (John Ortberg, author and teaching pastor, Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, Menlo Park, California)
"Slowly we are unpacking the full implications of incarnation. David Benner does exactly the same in this excellent book, using good theology, psychology and spiritual practice to make the profound obvious. This is the work of all good teachers." (Richard Rohr, O.F.M., Center for Action and Contemplation, Albuquerque, New Mexico)
"As he has done many times before, David Benner guides us to a place of wisdom and devotion with this beautiful book. With empathy and insight he demonstrates that the two great tasks of life--knowing God and knowing ourselves--converge into a single adventure as we are drawn into the arms of our loving God." (Mark R. McMinn, Rech Professor of Psychology, Wheaton College, and author of Why Sin Matters)
"Rarely do I suggest a book in spiritual direction with the exception of the sacred Scriptures. However, The Gift of Being Yourself I would offer to directees with enthusiasm. David Benner has shown us where life experience, personal insight and prayer meet: in God. I highly recommend it, especially for people beginning in spiritual direction." (David I. Donovan, S.J., Provincial Assistant for Formation, New England Province of the Society of Jesus)
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More About the Author
Dr. David G. Benner is an internationally known depth psychologist, author, lecturer and cartographer of the human spirit and soul. The underlying passion of his life has been the understanding and pursuit of transformation - not merely healing or even growth, but the unfolding of the self associated with a journey of awakening. This has been the focus of his more than three decades of work in psychoanalytic psychotherapy and his more recent work as a transformational architect and coach. He can be found online through his website at http://www.drdavidgbenner.ca/ or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/DrDavidGBenner or Twitter @drdavidgbenner.
Customer Reviews
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
32 of 32 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
Perhaps the best book on Christian Identity I've read and the best book I've read this year. Benner drives home the profound yet paradoxically simple nature of our relationship to self and others through our relationship with the Divine. In "The Gift of Being Yourself" Benner outlines practical ways to improve your relationship with the Divine and through relationship with the Divine begin to understand our true self and calling. I read this after reading Benner's "Surrender to Love." The two go hand-in-hand, but I recommend reading "The Gift of Being Yourself" before reading "Surrender to Love" (just my opinion).
30 of 30 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Insightful and Helpful Guide to a Journey of Biblical Self-Discovery
December 29, 2006
By Todd Hudnall
Format:Paperback
"The Gift of Being Yourself" is an exceptional investigation of the subject of self-identity. The author, David Benner, is able to masterfully bridge the Biblical paradox of death-to-self and self-discovery. He writes, "For if we find our true self we find God, and if we find God, we find our most authentic self." We don't find our true self by seeking self-identity but by seeking God.
Benner sees our identity not as a creation but as a discovery and as a gift from God. By discovering and living our uniqueness, we fulfill our destiny. The purpose of the book is to assist people in the transformational journey of becoming their true self in Christ and living out the vocation that this involves. To do so we must know ourselves as known by God. In knowing ourselves and knowing God we can experience the gift of being ourselves.
The author contends that through self-deception, we tend to confuse our true self with some ideal self we wish we were. We adopt mask that portray us differently than who we authentically are. Self-discovery is not to escape reality but to commit to it. We must decide to accept what is really there and accept ourselves as we are and accept God as He is, not how we would want each to be. Spiritual transformation does not result from fixing our problems. Our sin nature is not self-fixable. Instead, spiritual transformation results from turning to God in the midst of our problems and meeting God just as we are.
It starts by coming to know God. If we come to know God, we come to know love, and to love God is to know God. It's not simply knowing about God, but it is personally meeting God in Jesus. To do so Benner recommends Spirit-guided meditation of the Gospels and meeting God in the events of life through prayerfully reviewing each day. Benner puts a high value on solitude throughout the process of self-discovery. He gives instruction and insights into carrying out these disciplines.
All of us tend to reject our true self that is created in the likeness of God. Instead we chose a way independent of God that is our false self. This false-self is created out of placing my value in what I have, what I do and what people think of me, rather than in God's loving acceptance of me. If we do not want to live in bondage to our false-self we must be prepared to be other than our image of our self. We must allow God to embrace us just the way we really are.
Coming to know and trust God's love is a lifelong process. It begins by letting God know our desire to experience His perfect love. We must allow God to accept us just as we are and enable us to accept ourselves. In doing this we dare to allow God access to the dark parts of our soul. Self-acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and self-transformation.
Following a discovery of our authentic self, Benner then moves into a discovery of our vocation. Our vocation is always a response to a Divine call to take our place in the Kingdom of God. It always involves the care of God's creation and people, moving us to humility, love, self-sacrifice and stewardship. From Luke 4 Benner wonderfully explains that Jesus' understanding of vocation came out of wrestling with God, himself and the devil in the solitude of the wilderness.
"The Gift of Being Yourself" is a thoughtful, practical, and easy read. It is not the definitive textbook for self-discovery nor does it fully answer all of the questions. Yet, the small investment of time you spend reading the book may provide just what you've needed to begin the journey of self-discovery through an encounter with God.
Benner sees our identity not as a creation but as a discovery and as a gift from God. By discovering and living our uniqueness, we fulfill our destiny. The purpose of the book is to assist people in the transformational journey of becoming their true self in Christ and living out the vocation that this involves. To do so we must know ourselves as known by God. In knowing ourselves and knowing God we can experience the gift of being ourselves.
The author contends that through self-deception, we tend to confuse our true self with some ideal self we wish we were. We adopt mask that portray us differently than who we authentically are. Self-discovery is not to escape reality but to commit to it. We must decide to accept what is really there and accept ourselves as we are and accept God as He is, not how we would want each to be. Spiritual transformation does not result from fixing our problems. Our sin nature is not self-fixable. Instead, spiritual transformation results from turning to God in the midst of our problems and meeting God just as we are.
It starts by coming to know God. If we come to know God, we come to know love, and to love God is to know God. It's not simply knowing about God, but it is personally meeting God in Jesus. To do so Benner recommends Spirit-guided meditation of the Gospels and meeting God in the events of life through prayerfully reviewing each day. Benner puts a high value on solitude throughout the process of self-discovery. He gives instruction and insights into carrying out these disciplines.
All of us tend to reject our true self that is created in the likeness of God. Instead we chose a way independent of God that is our false self. This false-self is created out of placing my value in what I have, what I do and what people think of me, rather than in God's loving acceptance of me. If we do not want to live in bondage to our false-self we must be prepared to be other than our image of our self. We must allow God to embrace us just the way we really are.
Coming to know and trust God's love is a lifelong process. It begins by letting God know our desire to experience His perfect love. We must allow God to accept us just as we are and enable us to accept ourselves. In doing this we dare to allow God access to the dark parts of our soul. Self-acceptance always precedes genuine self-surrender and self-transformation.
Following a discovery of our authentic self, Benner then moves into a discovery of our vocation. Our vocation is always a response to a Divine call to take our place in the Kingdom of God. It always involves the care of God's creation and people, moving us to humility, love, self-sacrifice and stewardship. From Luke 4 Benner wonderfully explains that Jesus' understanding of vocation came out of wrestling with God, himself and the devil in the solitude of the wilderness.
"The Gift of Being Yourself" is a thoughtful, practical, and easy read. It is not the definitive textbook for self-discovery nor does it fully answer all of the questions. Yet, the small investment of time you spend reading the book may provide just what you've needed to begin the journey of self-discovery through an encounter with God.
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful
By Dianne
Format:Paperback
On its own, discovering ourself could be quite dangerous. David Benner puts the importance of knowing one's self in proper perspective. It's not "who I am," but "who I am in Christ." Who I am in Christ is a beloved creation of God, fraught with sinfulness but loved nevertheless. Knowing this is the starting point for allowing God, trusting God to have his will in my life. It is at the same time reassuring and humbling. It does not go against the teachings of Christ and Paul when they said we must deny ourselves, and be crucified with Christ. If I don't accept who I am in Christ, how can I possibly deny myself?
Most Recent Customer Reviews
3.0 out of 5 stars
Good introductory material for self-knowledge
This book is clearly written and provides a fine introduction to various forms of self-analysis. I find it helpful for those who want to begin a spiritual journey, and a broad... Read more
Published 21 days ago by Barbara Moran
5.0 out of 5 stars
BEST BOOK EVER !
VERY FREEING ! WE DON'T HAVE TO KEEP PLEASING OTHERS ! ONLY GOD ! EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS IT IS A BLESSING !
Published 25 days ago by Jean Dupaul
5.0 out of 5 stars
Revealing
Very insightful and helpful to me being at this phase of life in my journey. This is a book to read "thoughtfully," and to potentially dialogue with others about.
Published 2 months ago by Reed Hermstad
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great reflections
This book leads us to pause and reflect on knowing ourselves in the context of knowing God. This includes the good, bad, and the ugly. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mr. Tim Dieterich
5.0 out of 5 stars
5 star
I needed it for a class I was taking Thanks for asking This book is something I would give to someone
Published 3 months ago by Helene Williams
4.0 out of 5 stars
A Good Read
I read this book some time ago. I gave good information and Biblical foundation. It was helpful during a time when I needed some reassurance about who I am in God. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Kica
5.0 out of 5 stars
nothing to be afraid of
So many Christians still think that `self-denial' means being negative, fighting against your (sinful) desires and living lives of martyrdom. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Mr. D. P. Jay
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great read!
I highly recommend this book for anyone wanting to grow in their relationship with God and in their understanding of themselves.
Published 5 months ago by Michael Wheaton
5.0 out of 5 stars
Super Insightful - A Must Read
This book was suggested to me. Can't say enough about it. It's a powerful short read. It is not a self-help book. Read more
Published 7 months ago by Rob Harris
5.0 out of 5 stars
Legit
Really good book. It encourages you to be authentic and to feel what you feel. Don't deny your feelings because you're 'supposed to' feel something different. Read more
Published 8 months ago by trevor
Citations (learn more)
This book cites 25
books:
See all 25 books this book cites
5
books
cite this book:
- Knowing God by J. I. Packer on page 35, Back Matter (1), and Back Matter (2)
- Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- New Directions (Hulton Copymasters) by Paul Thomas in Back Matter (1), Back Matter (2), and Back Matter (3)
- Thomas Merton: I Have Seen What I Was Looking For, Selected Spiritual Writings by M. Basil Pennington on page 81, and Back Matter
See all 25 books this book cites
- Finding Our Way Home: Turning Back to What Matters Most by Mark R. McMinn on page 121, and Back Matter
- Desiring God's Will: Aligning Our Hearts with the Heart of God by David G. Benner in Front Matter, and Back Matter
- The Transformation of a Man's Heart: Reflections on the Masculine Journey by Stephen W. Smith in Back Matter
- The Suburban Christian: Finding Spiritual Vitality in the Land of Plenty by Albert Y. Hsu in Back Matter
- Henri Nouwen: A Spirituality of Imperfection by Wil Hernandez in Back Matter
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