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The Gift of Fear [Kindle Edition]

Gavin de Becker
4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (744 customer reviews)

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A Special Kindle Edition of The Gift of Fear, with a new foreword by the author

A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers to help carry a woman's groceries. Is he a good Samaritan or is he after something else? A fired employee says "You'll be sorry." Will he return with a gun? After their first date, a man tells a woman it is their "destiny" to be married. What will he do when she won't see him again? A mother has an uneasy feeling about the nice babysitter she's just hired. Should she not go to work today?

These days, no one in America feels immune to violence. But now, in this extraordinary groundbreaking book, the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior unlocks the puzzle of human violence and shows that, like every creature on earth, we have within us the ability to predict the harm others might do us and get out of its way. Contrary to popular myth, human violence almost always has a discernible motive and is preceded by clear warning signs.

Through dozens of compelling examples from his own career, Gavin de Becker teaches us how to read the signs, using our most basic but often most discounted survival skill - our intuition. The Gift of Fear is a remarkable, unique combination of practical guidance on leading a safer life and profound insight into human behavior.



Book Description

A Special Kindle Edition of The Gift of Fear, with a new Foreword by the author.

A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers to help carry a woman's groceries. Is he a good Samaritan or is he after something else? A fired employee says "You'll be sorry." Will he return with a gun? After their first date, a man tells a woman it is their "destiny" to be married. What will he do when she won't see him again? A mother has an uneasy feeling about the nice babysitter she's just hired. Should she not go to work today?

These days, no one in America feels immune to violence. But now, in this extraordinary groundbreaking book, the nation's leading expert on predicting violent behavior unlocks the puzzle of human violence and shows that, like every creature on earth, we have within us the ability to predict the harm others might do us and get out of its way. Contrary to popular myth, human violence almost always has a discernible motive and is preceded by clear warning signs.

Through dozens of compelling examples from his own career, Gavin de Becker teaches us how to read the signs, using our most basic but often most discounted survival skill - our intuition. The Gift of Fear is a remarkable, unique combination of practical guidance on leading a safer life and profound insight into human behavior.

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Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Each hour, 75 women are raped in the United States, and every few seconds, a woman is beaten. Each day, 400 Americans suffer shooting injuries, and another 1,100 face criminals armed with guns. Author Gavin de Becker says victims of violent behavior usually feel a sense of fear before any threat or violence takes place. They may distrust the fear, or it may impel them to some action that saves their lives. A leading expert on predicting violent behavior, de Becker believes we can all learn to recognize these signals of the "universal code of violence," and use them as tools to help us survive. The book teaches how to identify the warning signals of a potential attacker and recommends strategies for dealing with the problem before it becomes life threatening. The case studies are gripping and suspenseful, and include tactics for dealing with similar situations.

People don't just "snap" and become violent, says de Becker, whose clients include federal government agencies, celebrities, police departments, and shelters for battered women. "There is a process as observable, and often as predictable, as water coming to a boil." Learning to predict violence is the cornerstone to preventing it. De Becker is a master of the psychology of violence, and his advice may save your life. --Joan Price


A Q&A with Gavin de Becker

Question: In today’s world, where terror and tragedy seem omnipresent, the fear of violence never seems more heightened. Is the world a more violent place than it ever has been?

Gavin de Becker : Your question contains much of the answer: today’s world, "where terror and tragedy seem omnipresent..." The key word is "seem." When TV news coverage presents so much on these topics, it elevates the perception of terrorism and tragedy way beyond the reality. In every major city, TV news creates forty hours of original production every day, most of it composed and presented to get our attention with fear. Hence an incident on an airplane in which a man fails to do any damage is treated as if the make-shift bomb actually exploded. It didn’t. Imagine having a near miss in your car, avoiding what would have been a serious collision--and then talking about every hour for months after the fact. Welcome to TV news.

To the second part of your question, No, the world is not a more violent place than it has ever been, however we live as if it were. The U.S. is the most powerful nation in world history--and also the most afraid.

Question: You were just on the Oprah show discussing spousal homicide--can you talk about the show, and whether spousal homicide is a growing epidemic?

Gavin de Becker: Through two shows Oprah dedicated to the topic, we’re conveying a great deal of new information, and most of all, Oprah’s announcement that a MOSAIC assessment system developed by my firm will be made available to any person who wants to use it, at no cost, via her website. This will allow anyone to diagnose a relationship to determine if it has the combination of factors most associated with escalated violence, and spousal homicide. Is spousal homicide increasing? It is not; however, the reality is more disturbing than an increase: Spousal homicide has remained a constant in our lives, such that every four hours at least one woman is killed in America by a husband or boyfriend. That uninterrupted and sad statistic can be interrupted and changed--because as explored in The Gift of Fear, spousal homicide is the single most preventable serious crime in America--largely owing to that fact that it always occurs after many warning signs, and after several people are aware of the risk.

Question: Your bestselling book The Gift of Fear gives many examples to help readers recognize what you call pre-incident indicators (PINS) of violence. What role does intuition play in recognizing these signals?

Gavin de Becker: Like every creature on earth, we have an extraordinary defense resource: We don’t have the sharpest claws and strongest jaws--but we do have the biggest brains, and intuition is the most impressive process of these brains. It might be hard to accept its importance because intuition is often described as emotional, unreasonable, or inexplicable. Husbands chide their wives about "feminine intuition" and don’t take it seriously. If intuition is used by a woman to explain some choice she made or a concern she can’t let go of, men roll their eyes and write it off. We much prefer logic, the grounded, explainable, unemotional thought process that ends in a supportable conclusion. In fact, Americans worship logic, even when it’s wrong, and deny intuition, even when it’s right. Men, of course, have their own version of intuition, not so light and inconsequential, they tell themselves, as that feminine stuff. Theirs is more viscerally named a "gut feeling," but whatever name we use, it isn’t just a feeling. It is a process more extraordinary and ultimately more logical in the natural order than the most fantastic computer calculation. It is our most complex cognitive process and, at the same time, the simplest.

Intuition connects us to the natural world and to our nature. It carries us to predictions we will later marvel at. "Somehow I knew," we will say about the chance meeting we predicted, or about the unexpected phone call from a distant friend, or the unlikely turnaround in someone’s behavior, or about the violence we steered clear of, or, too often, the violence we elected not to steer clear of. The Gift of Fear offers strategies that help us recognize the signals of intuition--and helps us avoid denial, which is the enemy of safety.

Question: Your latest book, Just 2 Seconds, has been called a "masterpiece" of analysis on the art of preventing assassination. It contains an entire compendium of attacks on protected persons across the globe. What motivated you to put together such a definitive reference? What tenets can be applied to one’s everyday life?

Gavin de Becker: Most of all, we wrote the book we needed. My co-authors and I had long looked for an extensive collection of attack summaries from which important new insights could be harvested. Unable to find it, we committed to do the work ourselves, eventually collecting more than 1400 cases to analyze. Many new insights and concepts emerged from the study, and the one most applicable to day to day life, even for people who are not living with unusual risks, is to be in the present; pre-sent, as it were. Now is the only time anything ever happens--now is where the action is. All focus on anything outside the Now (the past, memory, the future, fantasy) detracts focus from what’s actually happening in your environment. Human being have the capacity to look right at something and not see it, and in studying such a crisp event--the few seconds during which assassinations have occurred--Just 2 Seconds aims to enhance the reader’s ability to see the value of the present moment.

(Photo © Avery Helm)


From Library Journal

De Becker, the CEO of a firm that attempts to predict and prevent violence against individuals, shares his informed insights on enhancing personal safety. He believes that violence is part of the human condition and that America is increasingly a violent place. For example, homicide is now the leading cause of death for women in the workplace. De Becker posits that intuition is our most basic and reliable survival skill. When it produces fear?as distinct from worry or anxiety?we should pay attention. Mixing theory with case histories, he discusses stranger-to-stranger crime, obsessive admirers, employee rampages, and spousal crime, as well as the more esoteric categories of celebrity stalkers and assassins. Having suffered an abusive childhood himself, de Becker has a special empathy for victims and an acute awareness of the signs of criminal intent. A valuable contribution on a timely topic, this is recommended for public libraries.
-Gregor A. Preston, formerly with Univ. of California Lib., Davis
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Product Details

  • File Size: 526 KB
  • Print Length: 364 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 0316235024
  • Publisher: Gavin de Becker (January 20, 2010)
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0036Z9U2A
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray: Enabled
  • Lending: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,228 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Gavin de Becker offers a world of information in The Gift of Fear. Susan  |  159 reviewers made a similar statement
This book was a very easy read....interesting and informative. Angela, Michigan  |  123 reviewers made a similar statement
This book will save your life! brandi brookbank  |  120 reviewers made a similar statement
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
372 of 381 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A book that dispells crime prevention myths September 11, 1999
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Few crime prevention experts emphasize intuition. Instead, they talk about staying alert to crime. Sometimes crime prevention experts generate more fear than they alleviate.

Gavin deBecker, on the other hand, makes intuition and freedom from fear the focus of his philosophy. Instead of imagining the bad things that could happen, he says, live without worry of crime.

He also says to stop watching the news. It only generates needless worry and gives one a distorted view of the world. I have been teaching these same concepts for years as a black belt in karate, so it was refreshing to read them from someone else. I avoid newspapers and TV news--it only darkens our view of the world. It only makes crime seem worse. Give up news for two weeks and notice how your outlook improves.

As a teacher of women's self-defense, I've heard many stories of intuition. Some people call it the "back ground music," because it is like the music that plays in a movie before something bad happens.

As deBecker writes, act upon your survival signals (run, search your house in the middle of the night, stay away from an individual, etc.), even if you feel foolish doing so.

Shed the fears in your life, because fear clouds the survival signals. Those who live in fear of crime are already victims.

Some of the book is difficult to read, such as chapters on child abuse. But the book is still worth it. Buy copies for yourself and friends. If you spend time worrying about crime, this book could change your life.

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242 of 257 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars The Gift Is Within You February 11, 2004
Format:Mass Market Paperback
When a young relative of mine was vacationing, a stranger grabbed her by the arm and said, "Come with me or I'll kill you." She reacted instinctively and broke free, and as she ran she expected to be shot at any second. But she made it to safety and provided the cops with a good description.

One year later and 100 miles from where that happened, another little girl was grabbed by a stranger, who said something to her--this was captured on videotape. The frightened child, instead of fleeing, cooperated. She was later murdered by her abductor.

I think most of us fall into that second category, because we don't listen to the instinct to run, or to fight, or to (best of all) avoid those situations in the first place. We've been trained to suppress those very instincts that exist to preserve our lives.

What deBecker's book so expertly does is re-train us to listen to our intuition, to scope out our environment and everyone in it, and to read the danger signs we would otherwise prefer to ignore.

Panic and anxiety are not useful emotions; fear is different. Fear is what compels us to take action if there is a clear and present danger; it's what allows us to see what's happening and respond appropriately. It's an emotion that should be nurtured instead of conquered. We don't want our kids to grow up afraid of the boogeyman, scared to go out of their homes or try new things or meet new people. De becker teaches us that, instead, if we develop and learn to trust our intuition, we can free ourselves from that trap, just as we can react positively if we are ever in a position that requires immediate escape.
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97 of 100 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Better than the book June 3, 2006
Format:Audio CD|Amazon Verified Purchase
I found this 2 tape set, narrated by the author, to be superior in many respects to the longer book. First, given the limited time available, the points made about crime avoidance are reduced to their essential elements. Second, the author is a convincing narrator, who brings passion and the abhorence of violent crime to his subject. In particular, the author's narration of the crime described in the opening pages of the book, and the victim's instinctive reliance on the "gift of fear" which saves her life, is riveting. While the book is worthy of a careful read, the taped version is an excellent condensation. Buy it, if not for yourself, for your sons, daughters, cousins, nieces, and nephews.
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54 of 56 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Time to Pay Attention July 17, 2005
Format:Mass Market Paperback
Gavin DeBecker could have named this book "The Gift of Intuition" and tapped into an even larger reader base. Human beings have an enormous capacity to reach deep inside and access the powers within. We just choose not to. Whether it is a religious belief that makes us look outside of ourself for help or just conditioning, we have let this gift atrophy. I always said the answer to so many of our problems is in the listening, not the doing or talking. Just sit quietly and listen, the answers are all there if you're willing to allow them to surface.
DeBecker knows this and teaches you how to hone these skills. He will show you how to trust yourself, have faith in your own ability to know when a situation is terribly wrong.
How many of us suddenly see all the red flags at the end of a horrible relationship or situation? Those red flags did not suddenly appear out of nowhere. They were there from the beginning and were ignored or pushed aside either out of ignorance or the desire for the "appearance" of a situation. The great guy, the independence, the can't miss business opportunity. All of these can shout decibels louder than your intuition ever could. Intuition is quiet voice, it has to be actively listened too, it won't overpower any voice you choose to hear. "The Gift of Fear" will help you listen to yourself, to hear what is inside you.
This is the best gift you can give your teenagers, help them learn this from the start. I might even go as far as to say no better graduation gift exists. Okay, so put it on the seat of that new car or put the cash inside the pages instead of a card, but do give this as a gift to the ones you love. It very well might save their lives.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Wow ...
don't know what to say about this book. It is fantastic. Good reading and very informative. I think I'll be reading many more of his books.
Published 2 days ago by Char58
4.0 out of 5 stars Hard Read-Good tips
Good tips and techniques for staying safe. A must have for young women living alone. Trust your instincts! Involved read
Published 3 days ago by Terri
5.0 out of 5 stars Personal Safety
This book is a necessity for everyone who wants to move freely in the real world. Everyone needs to be able to defend themselves.
Published 3 days ago by Brian R. Mcintyre
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing
Every woman needs to read this book. I finished this book in three days and I could not put it down. It makes me think twice about my surroundings!
Published 3 days ago by IvyB
4.0 out of 5 stars Good tips
The Gift of Fear helps to activate our focus on intuition. By knowing what feelings to be aware of, it is easier to avoid bad situations.
Published 5 days ago by Caroline
5.0 out of 5 stars What every woman needs to know to be safe
I've used the information in this book every day to stay safe. I was able to stop a mugger just by using the skills I gained from Mr. Read more
Published 7 days ago by Fern George
4.0 out of 5 stars The "Gift of Fear" is a great gift
Everybody should read this book. It may make a person more alert about their surroundings etc. Makes a person think more about things
Published 8 days ago by J Jennings
5.0 out of 5 stars Life lessons
Gavin de Becker shows how people are followed and chased by those who become obsessed with others. Great insight into how to live without fearing others and not allowing them to... Read more
Published 8 days ago by Ray D'Aguanno
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent insights
As a martial arts instructor I feel it is just as important to make students as
aware of potential threats as it is to show what to do during a fight. Read more
Published 9 days ago by Andrew Masterson
5.0 out of 5 stars A gift for you and for others (buy it, read it, learn from it)
This book heightens your awareness to clues around you that are like "gifts," ready to protect you from danger. Read more
Published 11 days ago by Artie
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More About the Author

Gavin de Becker is a three-time presidential appointee whose pioneering work has changed the way our government evaluates threats to our nation's highest officials. His firm advises many of the world's most prominent media figures, corporations, and law enforcement agencies on predicting violence, and it also serves regular citizens who are victims of domestic abuse and stalking. De Becker has advised the prosecution on major cases, including the O.J. Simpson murder trial. He has testified before many legislative bodies and has successfully proposed new laws to help manage violence.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#99 in Books > Self-Help
#99 in Books > Self-Help

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Gift of Tripe
Paul markel, I respectfully disagree. I learned a lot from this book. The most important messages in the book (as I read it anyway) were to trust your own instincts in order to prepare to take care of any dangerous situation which may arise, and to always be mindful of context. There is some... Read more
Feb 22, 2013 by Valois |  See all 2 posts
violence in school
Surviving a School Shooting does a better job: http://www.amazon.com/SURVIVING-SCHOOL-SHOOTING-Teachers-Students/dp/1581606591/ref=cm_cr-mr-title. It doesn't just hint around the situation but actually promulgates action plans to do something about it...
Oct 31, 2008 by L. A. Kane |  See all 3 posts
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