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The Good Divorce Paperback – May 1, 1998


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Product Details

  • Paperback: 301 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; Reprint edition (May 1, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060926341
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060926342
  • Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.7 x 8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (29 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #143,792 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

Expect a big promotional effort on this book, which argues that sometimes divorce isn't so bad for the children-if you follow a few simple rules.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Booklist

Nothing is likely to make divorce pleasant or easy, but Ahrons' landmark longitudinal study of randomly selected postdivorce families offers hope that splitting spouses may be able to handle their breakup in a way that will permit both "adults and children [to] emerge at least as emotionally well as they were before the divorce." Ahrons blends insights from her own research and a cross-national European study as well as 25 years as a therapist to dispel myths, establish useful typologies, articulate the challenges divorcing spouses face, and suggest steps to make a "good divorce" more likely. Central to Ahrons' analysis is the recognition that what she calls "binuclear families" are now more common in the United States (and some other industrialized nations) than the traditional two-adults-with-children model. In either of these structures, "the psychological health of the children depends hugely on the way the spouses--or exspouses [sic]--get along." Though "family values" fundamentalists will object to the idea that "binuclear families" can ever be normal and healthy, The Good Divorce offers advice and explanations to troubled couples for whom "staying together for the sake of the children" is not a healthy or viable option. Mary Carroll --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

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Customer Reviews

There is much practical advice as well as encouragement in this book.
mjw14k
It will help open eyes of exactly WHAT you are possibly doing to your children during a divorce.
Mckinley0930
I bought this book during my divorce two years ago and read it cover to cover.
Gina

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

77 of 90 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 3, 2000
Format: Paperback
I found this book in the esteemed Bank Street educational bookstore in Manhattan and it became the first ray of hope during the dark early months of separation. My coparent and I started experiencing our disentangling as an organic shift in our ONGOING relationship, and expressing our continued commitment to each other in affirmative and reaffirming terms. This allowed us to give our son the language and story-telling he needed to feel has HAS a family -- it's simply a differently shaped one. In the intervening two years, our friendship as coparents has continued to thrive as we began tentative steps into new relationships, and as we set up rules and rituals in two households. Ahrons got us started.
This book explains the sampling issues relevant to debunking Wallenstein. And as a person with an A.B. in anthropology from Harvard, I can tell you that Ahrons sampling methods look pretty good. And her use of positive applicable metaphors to create constructive problem-solving is innovatively brilliant.
This is the nice, smart-peoples' divorce book. Forward-looking. Our family relationships today ARE (societally-speaking) often "differently shaped." Ahrons helps us start to deal with that and grow from that base. For our childrens' sake AND our own. Families where one person is dying don't work.
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33 of 37 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 7, 1997
Format: Paperback
I found some this book to be both helpful and comforting to read. I learned SO much about divorce while reading this book - the feelings and thoughts that lead to it, what happens to both the leaver and the levee after the separation and the legal stuff about divorces.

The words that Constance wrote provided a lot of comfort to me when I read this book. She puts her own experiences and feelings in this book and I felt like I got close to her when I read this. She gives inspiration and hope to all of us divorced parents.

I highly recommend this book to ANYONE separated, divorced, or even thinking of doing it
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27 of 30 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 1, 1999
Format: Paperback
This book helped me through my divorce, helping to understand the feelings I was having, and how others have dealt with them. But even more importantly, it presents case studies that can provide pointers on a "successful" divorce that doesn't ruin you--or the kids--emotionally.
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31 of 36 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 19, 2004
Format: Paperback
I found this book to be very comforting, helpful and intelligent. Of course, a happy marriage and family is what everyone whats. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, your marriage is unhealthy for your entire family. A major theme in the book is that you and your exspouse will always be part of a family if you have children. That you are connected through and because of your children. This book shows that it is possible to create a healthy family in which the parents do not live together. The research done, shows that your children do not have to be damaged by divorce. It shows how sucessful families have created this in their lives. Divorce is not what people expect when they get married and have children, but if it is the only option to creating a happy, peaceful home, it is good to know that your children don't have to be damaged if you take the proper steps. I highly recommend it if you have children.
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27 of 31 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 9, 2001
Format: Paperback
This book helped me move from being stuck in fear of living without my marriage to seeing possibility for my future. Change is always difficult. This book made me see this family change in a new and healthy way. I recommend The Good Divorce to anyone who is having a hard time accepting the end of a marriage.
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40 of 48 people found the following review helpful By teresa barnhart on October 12, 1999
Format: Paperback
My first concern during our divorce was how to make it as painless as possible for our children ages spanning from pre-teen to young adults. With "The Good Divorce" I was able to present these goals to my husband. It was a tremendous help in guiding us through our divorce amicably and I am pleased to say that my ex and I are on very good terms today as a result of looking at divorce issues from such a positive point of view.
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33 of 40 people found the following review helpful By C. Patterson on May 9, 2005
Format: Paperback
Dr. Ahrons takes a common sense and compassionate approach to divorce. Since divorce is a fact of life, she explains the importance of destigmatizing divorce as a social issue. The messages Dr. Ahrons conveys include:

1. By placing the focus on communication, compromise, and children's well-being, people going through a divorce can maintain kinship ties and cooperation with each other.

2. It's time for grown-ups who are getting divorced to act like grown-ups, and not bickering, immature, back-stabbing children!

3. Take control of your own divorce and don't give up control to lawyers whose entire motivation is trying to get as much money for themselves as possible. (By the way, lawyers do this by trying to create more adversity bewteen the parties involved so they have more they have to litigate. I saw my own parents lose hundreds of thousands of dollars this way!)

4. Even if your own divorce has gotten off on the wrong foot, it's not too late to correct the situation, which will benefit everyone involved.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK!
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7 of 8 people found the following review helpful By mjw14k on December 25, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a must have book for anyone considering a divorce, in the process of divorcing, or even already divorced. There is much practical advice as well as encouragement in this book. I highly recommend it!
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