Verdict: Ultimately, this book shows that comfort, healing, and even growth are possible after the death of a child. This powerfully authentic book is highly recommended for large public libraries and counseling collections.
Background: It s hard to imagine anything worse than the death of a child. Redfern and Gilbert reflect on their own experiences with such a tragedy and recount the stories of 22 other parents whose children died at a variety of ages and from causes ranging from disease and accidents to suicide and terrorism. The authors organize the interviews in a way that mirrors the stages of the grieving process, including immediate reactions, seeking support, effects on family life and relationships, integrating the loss into one s life, and maintaining connections with a loved one. Simple words, carefully edited, convey eloquent and practical insights into the bereavement experience. Grieving, it is suggested, is not an orderly process; survivors often face family disruption and career malaise. Professional help may or may not be helpful. Several complain about the inane, inappropriate things people said to them upon their loss.
--Antoinette M. Brinkman, M.L.S., Evansville, IN,
Library JournalGrieving parents Redfern and Gilbert, along with 20 others, fill a void in the literature of child loss that both discovered after the death of a daughter; having "devoured every grief-related bit of writing," they found no relief for their escalating isolation: "what I needed wasn t information, but company." Unadorned by "expert" commentary, Redfern and Gilbert address directly the personal experience of living out "a parent s worst fear"with the voices of those who have. Organized by issue (24, in six sections) rather than contributor, it s easy to find a wide variety of perspectives on specific challenges ("urviving the First Few Days," "Pursuing Counseling," "Encountering the Void" and "Continuing the Connection"). Parents take turns weighing in on each issue in conversational first-person contributions (most solicited in written interviews), occasionally including journal entries, verse and straightforward guidance (especially helpful is the long view provided by Martin Katz, whose son died in 1981). A "More About Us" section provides photos and brief profiles. A variety of backgrounds and circumstances, along with a shared dedication to speak out on a notoriously unspeakable loss, make this brave volume cathartic and comforting; grieving parents may well find it invaluable. (Apr.) --Starred online review,
Publishers Weekly"A fearless, compelling, and ultimately healing glimpse into the heart of love and loss."--Isabel Allende, author of The House of the Spirits
"If you have never lost a child, pray that it never happens to you. If you have, The Grieving Garden touches on the pertinent questions and issues. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person must find the way that makes sense and works for them, in a situation that makes no sense. Losing a child is nine parts unthinkably horrible, and one part gift. The secret to surviving it is finding the gift. One is never the same, but one has the choice of becoming bigger, deeper, more. The Grieving Garden lights the path to surviving and becoming more." Danielle Steel (Her son Nick Traina committed suicide at 19, after a lifetime of bipolar illness. He was a successful musician and lyricist, and lead singer of a band. Her book about him, His Bright Light, tells the story of his life and death.)
" --Endorsements
Grieving parents Redfern and Gilbert, along with 20 others, fill a void in the literature of child loss that both discovered after the death of a daughter; having "devoured every grief-related bit of writing," they found no relief for their escalating isolation: "what I needed wasn t information, but company." Unadorned by "expert" commentary, Redfern and Gilbert address directly the personal experience of living out "a parent s worst fear"with the voices of those who have. Organized by issue (24, in six sections) rather than contributor, it s easy to find a wide variety of perspectives on specific challenges ("urviving the First Few Days," "Pursuing Counseling," "Encountering the Void" and "Continuing the Connection"). Parents take turns weighing in on each issue in conversational first-person contributions (most solicited in written interviews), occasionally including journal entries, verse and straightforward guidance (especially helpful is the long view provided by Martin Katz, whose son died in 1981). A "More About Us" section provides photos and brief profiles. A variety of backgrounds and circumstances, along with a shared dedication to speak out on a notoriously unspeakable loss, make this brave volume cathartic and comforting; grieving parents may well find it invaluable. (Apr.) --Starred online review, Publishers Weekly
"A fearless, compelling, and ultimately healing glimpse into the heart of love and loss."--Isabel Allende, author of The House of the Spirits
"If you have never lost a child, pray that it never happens to you. If you have, The Grieving Garden touches on the pertinent questions and issues. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Each person must find the way that makes sense and works for them, in a situation that makes no sense. Losing a child is nine parts unthinkably horrible, and one part gift. The secret to surviving it is finding the gift. One is never the same, but one has the choice of becoming bigger, deeper, more. The Grieving Garden lights the path to surviving and becoming more." Danielle Steel (Her son Nick Traina committed suicide at 19, after a lifetime of bipolar illness. He was a successful musician and lyricist, and lead singer of a band. Her book about him, His Bright Light, tells the story of his life and death.)
"When the unthinkable happens, most of us long for a community of people who understand what we re going through. When that unthinkable event is the death of a child, we look for reassurance that we can still go on to lead meaningful lives. This book provides such a community, in the candid conversations of others who ve been there. Though they pull no punches, the ultimate effect is life-affirming. I recommend it highly to all bereaved parents and to anyone who cares about them." Eleanor Coppola, artist, filmmaker, author of Notes on a Life, and bereaved mother
"This searingly poignant volume uses the words of bereaved parents to bring to life every parent s worst nightmare, the loss of a child. Thoughtfully organized to be of practical use and comfort to those facing such tragedies (or those who would help them), it is a unique contribution and will be of immeasurable value and consolation. Should be in the library of all who might encounter bereaved parents."--John Ruark, MD, author, Dying Dignified: the Health Professional's Guide to Care
--Endorsements
![[Start the discussion]](http://g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/x-locale/communities/discussion_boards/start-new-discussion-sec._V192250339_.gif){kind=small}
