The Handsome Squirm [Paperback]

Carlton Mellick III (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: April 9, 2012

Like Franz Kafka's The Trial meets an erotic body horror version of The Blob.

A man is arrested in the middle of the night. He doesn't know why. He doesn't remember committing any crime. The cops drop him off in a small community in the middle of the woods where a wedding is about to begin. It is his wedding. He doesn't recognize the bride, but she's allegedly pregnant with his children. All twelve of them. And by law, he must marry her or go to prison for the next two decades.

But who is this strange woman he is to spend the rest of his life with? She doesn't seem quite human. Her expressions are cold and emotionless. Her movements are like that of a spider. She is Usagi, a creature who feeds on her human mate during pregnancy. Now this man has to find a way to terminate the marriage if he is to survive. But it's not going to be easy. His friends, his family, and his country are all against him. They believe a father should be willing to give up anything for the sake of his family. Even his life.

This darkly absurd tale is classic Mellick.

Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America."
- GOTHIC MAGAZINE

"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"
- CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of The Stupidest Angel

"If you haven't read Mellick you're not nearly perverse enough for the twenty first century."
- JACK KETCHUM, author of The Woman and The Girl Next Door

"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."
- CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother

"Bizarre, twisted, and emotionally raw--Carlton Mellick's fiction is the literary equivalent of putting your brain in a blender."
- BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea

"Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist."
- THE GUARDIAN

"Just as Pop had Andy Warhol and Dada Tristan Tzara, the Bizarro movement has its very own P. T. Barnum-type practitioner. He's the mutton-chopped author of such books as Electric Jesus Corpse and The Menstruating Mall, the illustrator, editor, and instructor of all things Bizarro, and his name is Carlton Mellick III."
- DETAILS MAGAZINE

Product Details

• Paperback: 158 pages
• Publisher: Eraserhead Press (April 9, 2012)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1621050262
• ISBN-13: 978-1621050261
• Product Dimensions: 0.4 x 5.4 x 8.4 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (11 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #406,152 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author CARLTON MELLICK III has been pumping out some of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books that you'll never want to admit you secretly love.

His books are released on a quarterly basis (every January, April, July, and October).

Best known as one of the leading authors of the bizarro fiction movement in literature, he is also one of the most prolific authors of his generation with over 40 books in print since 2001. He won the Wonderland Book Award for his novel "Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland" and has had short stories make it into The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror and The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade.

Although many of his earliest works are on the surreal and experimental side, his current style is to take the most ridiculous concepts imaginable and approach them with complete sincerity, as if they are not intended to be ridiculous at all. Always full of tongue-in-cheek humor, social satire, and told in a simplistic straightforward prose style similar to that of children's literature or early pulp fiction, Carlton Mellick III's work is one of a kind, to say the least.

He lives in Portland, OR, the bizarro mecca.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars "But it's for the good of the children"........... January 22, 2013

By Buckeye Nick

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This was another great read by the bizarro mastermind Carlton Mellick III. This time around we are introduced to a new society where only the good of the children matter. Imagine being a single man not allowed to go out during school hours for fear of you. This is the new world that our protagonist is set in, he is an established editor that has a unique appetite for sex. This appetite takes him to a place where he never even knew existed but is only a few miles from where he has been living. He gets introduced to a different form of people who have their own unique birthing rituals. One of these includes the father to be ingested by the pregnant mate in order to get nutrients to the babies. This leads to some very weird and unsettling situations for our friend. As always I loved how CM3 ended the book and makes you think about certain choices one might make. Another highly recommended book.

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars CMIII just keeps getter better! August 27, 2012

By Fabina R. Bacoo

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Love Mellick, am slowly savoring all his books, I have read at least a dozen by now & in just a few short chapters, this one proves to be a very well-written, typically insanely imaginative read, you can't guess what will happen in the next chapter of his books & Handsome Squirm is one of his best. If you haven't tried Mellick or a Bizarro Book (& even if you have), this is a must read for something unlike anything else out there on the straight, carbon-copy, boring, predictable book market!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Get a Usagi Pregnant August 8, 2012

By Dave Anderson

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Mellick is back with another classic bizarro book that describes a possible future america. My favorite Mellick stories are when he rights about a future where the government makes up most rules about how one should live similar to 1984. In The Handsome Squirm we see the government enforcing a new law where woman cannot have children out of wedlock. If this does happen, you must get married or go to jail. The main character sleeps around and does not remember even hooking up with this one woman as the police drag him out of his house for missing his wedding that actually took place a few hours ago. But the main character claims he never got the wedding invitation because ever since the mail became privatized, it cost money to receive mail. So he only does email. So he pleads to the cops that since its not midnight and the day is not officially over, can he just get married instead of going to jail. This is when the bizarro kicks in as he marries into the Usagi family. An alien human mutant who finds no problem with one life ending so another can begin. The one life ending is the main characters. So he tries every way possible to survive and what we get is an excellent interesting story.