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The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" Paperback – May 8, 2000

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Editorial Reviews

Review

...a nice antidote to insta-match TV-reality shows like The Bachelorette. -- Time Magazine, March 10, 2003

About the Author

Susan Piver owns Padma Projects, a company that produces CD/Books for people interested in spirituality and health. She has worked with authors Thomas Moore, Andrew Weil and Celia Straus.

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Product Details

  • Age Range: 18 and up
  • Grade Level: 12 and up
  • Paperback: 112 pages
  • Publisher: Tarcher; 15th printing edition (May 8, 2000)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1585420042
  • ISBN-13: 978-1585420049
  • Product Dimensions: 5 x 0.4 x 7.2 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 4.8 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 3.9 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (100 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #1,348,515 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan Piver is the New York Times bestselling author of six books, including The Hard Questions: 100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" and the award-winning How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life. Her latest book is The Wisdom of a Broken Heart.

Piver teaches internationally on love, creativity, meditation, and spirituality for actual humans with relationships, jobs, deep yearnings, depressions, triumphs, bad hair days, and a multitude of ridiculously petty grievances. She teaches from personal experience.

Piver has been a practicing Buddhist since 1995 and graduated from a Buddhist seminary in 2004.

In 2011, she launched the Open Heart Project at susanpiver.com. Subscribers receive meditation instruction via video twice a week. It is free. Currently, close to 10000 people practice meditation together via the OHP.

Piver has written for Body and Soul, SELF, Oprah magazine, Buddhadharma, and the Shambhala Sun and is regularly featured in the media, including appearances on Oprah, Today, The Tyra Banks show, CNN, and in USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Time, Money, and others.

For more information, visit susanpiver.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

260 of 272 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 4, 2000
Format: Paperback
Although I'm already very happily married, my wife and I have found this book to be incredibly stimulating. She bought a copy on impulse for a friend who's getting married, but after skimming through it, we ended up keeping a copy for ourselves and buying another for our friend. We haven't finished it yet (not by a long shot), but we have found the process of answering the questions very insightful and provocative. We have discovered things about each other that might have taken years to find out. We have had some incredibly deep and interesting (and sometimes quite difficult) conversations that have lead us to whole new levels of understanding about each other. I'm generally not a big "self help" guy, and I was definitely skeptical when she started reading the questions to me, but it really has been a fun and helpful (albeit also a little scary sometimes) process. I recommend this book highly and not just for people who are contemplating getting married. I think it's an excellent book for any two people who are involved in a committed relationship and who want to understand each other better and perhaps take their relationship to a deeper, more meaningful level.
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80 of 86 people found the following review helpful By V. Brader on August 30, 2002
Format: Paperback
Many of the pre-marriage books I was looking at were written from an evangelical Christian point of view, which is certainly valuable but not what I was looking for exclusively. This book is a wonderful resource for non-evangelicals who are still looking for serious marriage preparation. It did a concise job of presenting the big issues; none are surprising, but it's a good collection of the major areas you should be addressing. It won't help you work out the little details, but helps make sure you answer the big questions that could jeopardize your relationship.
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41 of 45 people found the following review helpful By Just Me on August 2, 2005
Format: Paperback
So far, my boyfriend and I have only covered the first two chapters. Some of the questions seem obvious, but it still feels like a good idea to talk about them- just to make sure we're on the same page.

Some of the questions are difficult to answer. How much we will need to earn depends on if we ever find an affordable house, and how much it costs, and when we ever find reasonable jobs. Some, like "How much money do we have in our checking account right now?" seem pointless.

Other questions, however, are poignant. "Will we have a joint or separate checking accounts? Who is responsible for mowing the lawn?" The first is something that would definitely come up at some point, the second we probably wouldn't think to ask until we were actually buying a house. They're good things to discuss in advance, though, so there are no surprises and you truly get to know your partner.

Some people will be offended by this book or find it pointless. Others will find it a simple reassurance that they're well prepared for the trip down the aisle because they've already discussed everything.

While the author rambles too much and I find her slightly annoying, I enjoy most of the questions themselves. I like that it's reinforcing communication with my boyfriend- I sort of look forward to tonight, sitting down together and sharing the intimacy of going over the questions- even though we haven't encountered anything revolutionary to our relationship yet. And I do like her clarity to understand that, "We fall in love and decide to live the rest of our lives together without realizing that loving each other and loving our life together are different." That right there is something a lot of people seem to ignore.
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60 of 68 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on December 19, 2002
Format: Paperback
I ordered this book based on seeing Susan Piver on "Oprah". Although I didn't question my love, communication with my husband needed some "work", so I thought this book could be helpful. I was extraordinarily surprised by the results. My first surprise was that my husband was so willing and eager to participate in this. My second surprise was some of the answers and information we exchanged. Some of the simpler questions that I thought would be one word answers, led to deep discussions. There is no question but that this book has been extremely helpful to us. Even without the book to guide us, we now find the exchange of honest and open conversation much easier. "The Hard Questions" is a good book!!!
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 13, 2003
Format: Paperback
I'm getting married in about a year and a half and thought that this would be a great book to read with my future husband. i found that it took us half an hour or more to answer some of the questions--the questions promoted conversation which led us to other issues not even mentioned in the book. We also felt that we knew each other a little better afterward. It was worth the time and money. This is something that i would definitely buy for my friends when they get married.
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20 of 22 people found the following review helpful By Josh B on September 11, 2003
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Those looking for a quick reference of compelling / insightful questions might be a little disappointed. "The Hard Questions" does offer a few nuggets you might not have thought of yourself, but the truth is the important questions will be different for each couple, and you'd probably be better served by formulating your own.
The author does, however, write a beautiful, eloquent, and insightful forward that is well worth the price of admission all by itself. Piver provides a perspective on marriage and relationships that is honest and touching, and which should inspire most readers to look with new eyes at why they are together and how they might stay that way.
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