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The Healing Choice: How to Move Beyond Betrayal [Kindle Edition]

Brenda Stoeker , Susan Allen
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (16 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $13.99
Kindle Price: $9.78
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Sold by: Random House LLC

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The One: An Amazing Love Story Starts with You
"The One: An Amazing Love Story Starts with You"
Learn healthy habits you can start practicing today that will help you lay the groundwork for an incredible marriage later.Learn more | See more

Book Description

You Are Not Alone

In the wake of betrayed intimacy, you may feel nauseated, angry, humiliated, desperate. Why am I not enough for him? Can our marriage be saved–and do I even want to try? Will this unbearable ache ever go away?

Amid the devastation that follows a spouse’s sexual disloyalty, you need to know that you are not alone. God walks alongside you, offering comfort and a promise to transform the pain of the present into hope for the future. In addition, there is a community of women who know firsthand the agony caused by a husband’s sexual compromises and who offer the compassion, strength, and biblical wisdom you need to make healthy decisions for yourself and your family.

The Healing Choice reveals the hope-filled stories of two such women, authors Brenda Stoeker and Susan Allen, who draw on their own experiences and those of many others to offer step-by-step advice for rediscovering intimacy with God and finding the support you need to move toward genuine spiritual and emotional restoration.

Their down-to-earth insights light the path toward help and healing for every woman who longs to move beyond the pain of broken trust and experience God’s promise of hope.

From the Trade Paperback edition.

Editorial Reviews


“A rare, close-up view of the healing journey. Brenda’s and Susan’s parallel journeys–of wrestling with God and of finding support in the community of women–speak of hope in the midst of brokenness, acceptance in the face of unbelievable pain. Rather than allowing the devastation to crush their lives, these bold women chose to place their broken hearts and unmet dreams in God's holy hands. With amazing vulnerability, they show how wives can restore their fractured hearts, recover shattered marriages, and find help and healing regardless of their husband's choices."
Barbara Rosberg, co-host of the nationally-syndicated radio show Dr. Gary and Barb, Your Marriage Coaches and co-author of Six Secrets to a Lasting Love

“What an empowering, freeing book! In The Healing Choice, Brenda and Susan open their lives and share how our choice to be whole is not dependent on the actions or choices of our husbands. Healing can begin now! Your life is not on hold until your husband is free. Freedom is yours regardless of where your husband is in his journey. Brenda and Susan, thanks for reaching beyond your pain to pour life into others.”
Lisa Bevere, speaker, cofounder of Messenger International, and author of Fight Like a Girl and Kissed the Girls and Made Them Cry

“This book hits very close to home. Fred’s and Clay’s struggle with lust and pornography are very similar to mine. And just like Susan, my wife came to the realization that to heal from such a deception can only come from a deeper walk and intimacy with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Brenda reminds all of us that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ, and no matter what horrible circumstances we may end up facing, whether it be a drawn out tragic death of a dear loved one or a husband who has broken his marriage vows time and time again, Christ ult...

About the Author

Brenda Stoeker is a registered nurse, mother of four, and seasoned marriage teacher with life experience in rebuilding a broken marriage. Together she and her husband, Fred, have counseled hundreds of couples struggling with issues related to sexual brokenness.

Susan Allen is a counselor who specializes in helping women create and maintain effective healing groups in churches and communities across the country. With husband Clay, she is the cofounder of Avenue, a ministry centered on healing and restoration from sexual brokenness.

Product Details

  • File Size: 3963 KB
  • Print Length: 258 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1400074258
  • Publisher: WaterBrook Press (March 25, 2010)
  • Sold by: Random House LLC
  • Language: English
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #353,150 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
THE HEALING CHOICE is such an unusual book that it's hard to know what to make of it. It's actually two books in one: Brenda Stoeker's account (with commentary from her husband, Fred) of the grief she experienced when her mother died of mesothelioma, a deadly form of lung cancer, and Susan Allen's account of the betrayal she experienced when she discovered her husband's serial unfaithfulness. The connection between these two seemingly different experiences is Stoeker's contention that her grief paralleled the reaction she had to her own husband's sexual addiction years earlier.

Stoeker maintains that those parallel reactions were rooted in a faulty view of God and misplaced expectations about God's promises --- and, in a sense, obligations --- to His followers. In both cases, Stoeker found herself filled with rage at God and unable to trust Him, which led to a physical and emotional breakdown as her mother suffered in the late stages of her illness. It was only when fear overwhelmed her that she was able to make a conscious decision to trust God once again.

Like Stoeker, Allen's healing came when she made the decision to listen to God and do whatever she felt He was telling her to do. That's a simplification, of course; this was no easy step for her to take in light of the years of lies, deception and betrayal her husband put her through. During a period of "in-house separation" when Allen and her husband shared a roof and little more, she realized that she needed to forgive her husband whether they reconciled or not. And that was also no easy step to take.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars The Healing Choice Review August 2, 2008
This book is about the power of God to help you heal, specifically it is geared towards women who have experienced betrayal in the husband area, whether thru an affair or porn. However, the first section of this book is Brenda's story of her mother's death and how it affected her relationship with God. This first part of the book anyone can identify with and it was EXTREMELY insightful! There was a specific part where she talked about having a skewed view of God and life. She tackled the mindset of if I follow God and obey, then ... perfect life. I loved the way she gave steps to overcome this kind of thinking and the practical advice she gave. Plus her story was very intriguing and this section of the book was SO easy to read. I gained so much from this part!

The second half of the book is much more specific to betrayed women. It is PACKED with resources for the hurting woman. Most importantly this part offers real HOPE to any woman in a betrayal situation or any situation where she feels worth less than God's design.

This book and workbook combination are, I believe, a starting place for so many women trapped in a place where they feel alone. Its a way out.

GIVE AWAY: [...]
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Been There - Forever! September 26, 2008
I am just finishing this book along with the workbook with my Small Group Program. I have also been through a similiar program with the "Unintended Journey". The only other reference material used was the Bible, the ultimate compliment to any publication. These publications have truly saved my sanity. My husband has been sexually addicted probably since before we were married and that was 40 years ago. I searched and searched for reference materials such as this for a very long, long time. Imagine my relief when information started to be published on the subject of sexual betrayal in marriage. I am very familiar with other publications by Mr. Stoeker. He has amazing insignt into what a woman feels when she has been betrayed by her husband. He has been there and done that. As for Brenda and her story about grief, I was overwhelmed with the realization that the feelings one feels when griefing are the exact feelings that are felt when there is sexual betrayal. Again, amazing insight. Because of this and other material I have been able to start my own healing process and only look to God for my total well being. How wonderful I feel about that. I look forward to the second part of this publication to come on the market, which should be very soon. I wait in anticipation.
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4 of 5 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Exactly what it says July 15, 2008
Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase
This book is exactly what it says - it offers you the Healing Choice. It's always our choice, and the author clearly shows us how to experience this healing if it is our choice. I have not reached the second half of the book as I am engrossed in the first half. It doesn't really matter what your situation is - her concept of "unintended journeys" applies to everyone. It's an incredible book. I can't wait to read more!
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Gets Better As You Read September 26, 2008
By Sally
The book is divided into two parts. The first part is Brenda's story, the traumatizing experience and subsequent death of her mother from mesothelioma--lung cancer. As a Christian, she felt that God had betrayed and abandoned her. She felt out of control and makes the case that her suffering parallels that of a woman whose wandering husband has betrayed and abandoned her.

The second part of the book is Susan's Unintended Journey. She tells her experiences of the heartbreak of being married to a man trapped in pornography addiction. Adultery and abuse are touched on as well. The topics are grim. As Susan writes, "It is a certainty that you aren't reading this book for your pleasure." Both sections of the book are filled with Bible verses to help direct a path back to God if the healing choice is made, and that's the key--it is a choice.

I feel that the first half of the book is the weaker half. The second half begins to tackle the problems. This book would be of help to women in any of these circumstances. A workbook is sold as a companion.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
a good tool for any woman dealing with infidility
Published 3 months ago by Linda
3.0 out of 5 stars ok
It's was mostly about her pain from a death and then promoting a group... I wish it spoke more specifically about healing from husbands betrayal.
Published 6 months ago by Ryda
5.0 out of 5 stars Lifesaver!!
This book had been a lifesaver. I truly believe that God has gifted Brenda with the ability to guide struggling wives through the devastation of infidelity. Read more
Published 13 months ago by Amazon Customer
3.0 out of 5 stars It's okay
need this badly
Published 13 months ago by Denise M Krovocheck
5.0 out of 5 stars Good Read
I will read this over and over again. Really enjoyed this book. Definitely a big help for me and my peace of mind.
Published on May 18, 2013 by Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Very powerful!
I believe we need to know that we aren't alone in any of this...this is the beginning
of healing. Read more
Published on January 17, 2013 by Debbie Demmers
2.0 out of 5 stars Not a book for me
Had to put this book away because it did not catch me. I thought it was written in a popular way that did not touch the core of what I myself understand as to be healed by the... Read more
Published on December 20, 2011 by Emil Lavsen
4.0 out of 5 stars The Healing Choice
Brief Summary: (Non-fiction) This book is written for those who have been thrown into, as the book calls it an "unintentional journey"--of dealing with the aftermath of discovering... Read more
Published on July 27, 2009 by Joann Carter
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant, heartfelt book
I absolutely loved this book. I haven't read Susan's part yet, but Brenda's part was amazing. She talks about the loss of her mother to cancer and the pain she went through as a... Read more
Published on August 27, 2008 by Kay Carter
3.0 out of 5 stars Slightly accusatory and shallow
This review is only about the first half of the book. I started reading this book with high expectations and found myself struggling through it. Read more
Published on August 13, 2008 by A.R.T.
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