The Idle Parent: Why Laid-Back Parents Raise Happier and Healthier Kids [Bargain Price] [Paperback]

Tom Hodgkinson (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: May 13, 2010

This wise and funny book presents a revolutionary yet highly practical approach to childcare: leave them alone.

"The Idle Parent came as a huge relief to the whole family. Suddenly, it was okay to leave the kids to sort it out among themselves. Suddenly, it was okay to be responsibly lazy. This is the most counterintuitive but most helpful and consoling child-raising manual I've yet read."-Alain de Botton, author of The Pleasures and Sorrows of Work and The Consolations of Philosophy

"The most easy-to-follow-without-being-made-to-feel-inadequate parenting manifesto ever written . . . A godsend to parents."- The Sunday Times

"Add liberal doses of music, jovial company and deep woods to play in- all central to the idle, not to say Taoist, life-and you have a recipe for bright, happy people with need of neither television nor shrink. Who could ask for more?"- The Evening Standard

In The Idle Parent, the author of The Freedom Manifesto and How to Be Idle applies his trademark left-of-center theories of idleness to what can be one of the thorniest aspects of adult life: parenting.

Many parents today spend a whole lot of time worrying and wondering- frantically "helicoptering" over their children with the hope that they might somehow keep (or make?) them flawless. But where is this approach to childcare getting us? According to Hodgkinson, in our quest to give our kids everything, we fail to give them the two things they need most: the space and time to grow up self-reliant, confident, happy, and free. In this smart and hilarious book, Hodgkinson urges parents to stop worrying and instead start nurturing the natural instincts toward creativity and independence that are found in every child. And the great irony: in doing so, we will find ourselves becoming happier and better parents.

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Starred Review. Daily Telegraph parenting columnist Hodgkinson, author of How to Be Idle and editor of The Idler magazine, argues for the primary parenting principle of "leave them alone" in this witty, welcome guide to raising happy, self-sufficient children. Beginning with a 21-point manifesto ("We try not to interfere"; "An idle parent is a thrifty parent"; "We reject the inner Puritan"; "We embrace responsibility"), and quoting extensively from such unlikely parenting authorities as Rousseau and D.H. Lawrence (the source of "leave the children alone"), the married father of three explores a range of child-rearing issues, from sleeping and mealtimes to whining, and repeatedly makes a convincing case for the power of letting children be. Citing damage done by overzealous parents, he's critical of television, the Wii, scheduled activities, all toys but the most basic ("simply pluck a branch from a tree"), and anything else--including school--that gets in the way of a child's imagination, sense of freedom, and independence. While his suggestions may seem disquieting, or put well-meaning parents on the defensive, they're grounded in a solid sense of reality, a sincere interest in fulfilling children and parents, and experience: "We wasted hundreds on absurd devices, like the thing that they sit in and use to walk around the room. No: they learn how to walk on their own."
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author

Tom Hodgkinson is the author of The Freedom Manifesto and How to Be Idle. Editor of the British magazine The Idler, he also has a parenting column in The Daily Telegraph. He lives on a farm in Devon, England, with his family.

Product Details

• Paperback: 272 pages
• Publisher: Tarcher; 1 edition (May 13, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1585428000
• ASIN: B004NSVEX2
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.8 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
• Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (19 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #964,661 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Writer and editor Tom Hodgkinson cofounded the Idler in 1993. He is the author of two books based on this attitude to life: How to Be Idle, published in 20 countries, and How to Be Free, which takes an anarchic approach to the everyday barriers that come between us and our dreams. He lives in Devon, United Kingdom.

The Idler team created the best-selling and widely imitated Crap Towns I and II.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

103 of 108 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Refreshing but frustratingly inconsistent June 11, 2010

By Sylvia Bagley

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

Tom Hodgkinson's "The Idle Parent" is a frustrating mix of refreshingly anarchic parenting advice (relax, leave your kids alone, enjoy the journey) and weirdly didactic philosophical manifesto (quit your job, don't buy anything plastic, reject most societal norms) -- with plenty of tongue-in-cheek satire sprinkled liberally throughout. Hodgkinson is profoundly pro-environment and anti-capitalist, and believes in living a life as carbon-free and detached from The Man as possible -- yet the extent to which he foists his radical beliefs upon readers quickly becomes an irritant. Despite claiming that all Idle Parents should find their own way and create their own rules when it comes to parenting (yahoo!), his rhetorical style doesn't follow his own mandate -- instead, chapter after chapter outlines the way he's creating his own Idle Family (by getting rid of the dishwasher, eliminating "Family Days Out", growing a garden with his kids, etc.) and strongly intimates that unless you do the same, you're not following The Rules of Idle Parenting.

Indeed, by drawing almost exclusively upon his own experiences (which affords him plenty of opportunities for humorous self-denigration), he alienates readers who don't live on a farm in England with easy access to animals and wilderness; ultimately, he fails to provide readers with a balanced sense of their options. Living in an urban environment, for instance, I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunity to take my kids outdoors to a nearby park -- yet Hodgkinson roundly labels all man-made parks the devil's work (!). Perhaps most egregiously, his categorical cries against both daycare and full-time work outside the house don't acknowledge those of us who find both those societal conventions to be an excellent start at Idle Parenting, given that they allow us to achieve two of his purported goals: a) widening the circle of adults to help care for our kids (daycare), and b) maximizing our own adult enjoyment of life (through meaningful work).

Finally, Hodgkinson barely addresses the world of parenting with kids under three (his three kids are ages 3-8). He touches briefly upon sleeping arrangements (he's an advocate of co-sleeping, which does NOT make life easier and simpler for all parents!), and gratuitously notes that he thinks swaddling is a restrictive practice which should be banned. (Clearly none of his kids had colic... Swaddling can be a true godsend for the Idle Parent of a Fussy Baby.)

With all that said, Hodgkinson's basic credo -- relax and stop feeling guilty about everything you're NOT doing for your kids -- is such an essential antidote to the toxicity of modern helicopter parenting that I'm willing to recommend this book to many of my friends -- with the caveat that much of what he writes (the book could/should have been about half the length) needs to be taken lightly, or ignored altogether.

12 of 12 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars "Full of wit and wonder" June 15, 2010

By C. Christopher Smith

Format:Paperback

[ This review originally appeared in
THE ENGLEWOOD REVIEW OF BOOKS - 14 June 2010 ]

I'll admit that I was a little skeptical when I first heard about Tom Hodgkinson's newest book, The Idle Parent. I have appreciated Hodgkinson's work in previous books (e.g., How to be Idle and The Freedom Manifesto) and will occasionally read The Idler, the magazine for which he is the editor, but the idea of idle parenting didn't sit well with me at first, as I have seen far too many self-absorbed, idle parents here in this urban neighborhood who don't care at all where their kids are or what they are doing. However, by the time I had wandered leisurely through the pages of this new book Hodgkinson had won me over.

The roots of this philosophy of idle parenting lie not with any of the familiar parenting gurus of the hour, but with noted enlightenment philosophers Locke and Rousseau (though Hodgkinson is quick to note his points of disagreement). Freedom lies at the heart of Hodgkinson's approach - freedom from the oppressive forces of television, toys, school and other cultural expectations - and indeed one gets the sense, though Hodgkinson himself wouldn't likely use this sort of language, of what a sabbath-infused way of life might look like for families. In a world where the struggle against the oppressive powers of greed, isolation and consumption too often grinds us down, Hodgkinson suggests a life of joy that is marked by virtues that resonate with Christian tradition: simplicity, rest and community. Many readers might prejudge this book, as I admittedly did, as driven more by the vice of sloth than by any virtue, but what Hodgkinson is advocating here is not complete apathy, but rather freedom from over-parenting. Consider, for instance, his take on family routines:

[A] routine, applied with a light touch and flexibility, can be a friend to the Idler. I'm not recommending a von Trapp-style military regime. ... [N]aughtiness is the child's attempt to resist tyranny. The more tyranny, the more naughtiness. The more rules, the more rules there are to be broken. ... Children resist tyranny at every turn. Do not become a Captain Bligh, ruling through fear, hunger and the lash until the men can see no other option but mutiny (30).

At the heart of Hodgkinson's Idle Parenting approach is the perennial philosophical distinction - one cannot be too surprised here given his penchant for Locke and Rousseau - between being and doing. The important aspect of parenting is not what we do (or don't do) with our kids, but rather our relationship with them, and Hodgkinson is quick to point out that there is mutuality to this relationship. There is much that we can learn from our kids, he says; for instance:

* Living in the present
* Being silly and laughing the face of disaster
* Drawing and playing tricks and games
* Discovering that work and play can be the same thing
* Learning the pleasure of dens
* The pleasure of making noise
* Loving liberty

Hodgkinson's approach is also centered on leaving much room for the sort of creativity and play that comes naturally to children. He is particularly critical here of toys, and especially store-bought ones. "Left alone, children will make their own toys," he says, "and in the process will develop their creativity rather than relying on entertainment from costly gadgets made by greedy toy manufacturers." Engaging nature is particularly important as well. Let the kids be outside, explore, make up games, grow things. Reading with your children is also particularly important for Hodgkinson, and his chapter on "Good Books and Bad Books" - which thankfully is mostly about good books -- will undoubtedly be of much interest to readers of The Englewood Review. I won't spoil this chapter for you, but I was pleased to find much of what I would call classic children's literature here (C.S. Lewis, Lewis Carroll and more...) as well as his emphasis on poetry ("Reading good poetry to your kids," he says, "is a way of reigniting your own pleasure in it.")

The Idle Parent is a refreshing read, not only in the ideas that it offers us, but also in Hodgkinson's laid-back, narrative writing style that is full of wit and wonder. One wonders, however, how much the element of privilege plays into Hodgkinson's approach to parenting. I can appreciate the wisdom of not being obsessed with one's career, but working "as little as possible" simply is not an option for most of the people that I know. I fully agree with Hodgkinson that we need to think creatively about how we work and provide for ourselves, and to paraphrase Wendell Berry that we need to be more concerned with making a life than making a living. However, it seems that the life of leisure that Hodgkinson imagines could easily be confused, whether he intends it or not, with the extension of Western privilege. Furthermore, much of what he has to say about letting kids roam and explore outside is much easier to consider when one owns or has access a bit of land for them to be free to explore. There are many factors in an urban setting like mine that would pose a significant challenge to some of the ideas that Hodgkinson poses. These concerns notwithstanding, there is much in The Idle Parent for all parents to reflect upon and indeed, it seems to me that if we are attentive to Hogkinson's message we will learn much about the sort of freedom and delight for which we were created!

15 of 18 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I am not a terrible parent after all! Who knew? May 25, 2010

By Kategal

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

My love for Tom Hodgkinson's book "The Freedom Manifesto" borders on the obsessive, so I have been looking forward to the US release of "The Idle Parent" for a long time. It did not disappoint. This is the only parenting book I have ever read (and I believe I have read them all) that makes me feel as if I have actually been doing it (sort of) right all these years. I say "sort of right," and I think Tom Hodgkinson would approve of that - because unlike the other 1456 parenting books I've read, this author is happy to point to specific examples where he has totally messed up in the parenting department. How refreshing! This is the anti-helicopter-parenting bible, as far as I am concerned. Enjoy your own life, and let your kids enjoy theirs. Brilliant!