The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life [Paperback]

Susan Anderson (Author)

Book Description

Release date: March 1, 2000

Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying, Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, it provides a complete program for abandonment recovery.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Susan Anderson, CSW, is a psychotherapist who has specialized in helping clients deal with heartbreak, loss and abandonment for more than 25 years. She has led workshops on abandonment recovery, conducts seminars and lectures, and has appeared on radio and television speaking on the related issues of addiction, parenting and abandonment.

Product Details

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Berkley Trade; 1 edition (March 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0425172287
• ISBN-13: 978-0425172285
• Product Dimensions: 8.2 x 5.2 x 0.9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (99 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #7,134 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Susan Anderson, CSW, is a psychotherapist who has specialized in helping clients deal with heartbreak, loss and abandonment for more than 25 years. She has led workshops on abandonment recovery, conducts seminars and lectures, and has appeared on radio and television speaking on the related issues of addiction, parenting and abandonment.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

298 of 301 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars From a broken-hearted therapist... October 24, 2002

By Donna Carson

Format:Paperback

I wanted to take the time out to write a review of this book as I have benefitted from it from two points of view. I have been a psychotherapist for twenty years and as such have come face to face with the pain of abandonment in many forms. The loss of love through betrayal, death, changed family circumstances, ill health, divorce, etc. It is often the root cause of much of the pain that people present to my office with.
As well, being a person in this world, I too have been abandoned and despite the knowledge I hold as a mental health professional, experienced the full impact of that wrenching, soul-destroying, desperate fear and sadness.
As I reflected on my own loss, I found Susan's book uniquely helpful. It was especially useful to learn about the science of abandonment. It helped me to feel as if I was not loosing my mind and that despite all the information I held as a therapist, as a biological being, some of my experiences were natural and primal and although extremely painful...they were understandable. It gave me a real sense of hope and possibility.
Consequently, I have shared this book with many of my patients. Almost universally they have found it both comforting and helpful as a realistic tool toward healing and change. It is a book that I would not be without in the library of references I use to help others.
There will be times when someone is unable to fully utilize this book. When their fear of being hurt again is so intense that they hold on to the pain of abandonment as a way of never connecting again. A book that truly helps to transform is not embraced by anyone who unconsciously holds on to a wish to remain unchanged.
So, as a practitioner and a survivor, I could not recommend this book more highly!!

108 of 109 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Quality help for abandonment recovery! July 19, 2004

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

Dr. Susan Anderson has masterfully articulated the experience of abandonment as only a survivor of abandonment could know. She is a survivor herself. Her book, The Journey From Abandonment To Healing, keeps a gentle, respectful tone towards the survivor, and is easy to understand throughout.

This book clearly articulates what I struggled to put into words about the abandonment symptoms I was experiencing. Abandonment is defined as an involuntary separation. Some symptoms include loss of control of the situation, separation anxiety and yearning for the lost love, hoping for the possibility of the lost love's return and the desparation caused by this desire.

The book also covers in great detail the physiology behind emotional withdrawal symptoms of abandonment, including the loss of opioids (hormones) which is similar to heroin withdrawal; the significance of extreme changes in appetite patterns; Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; memory loss; the desire to self-medicate to endure the loss; and how society acknowledges those grieving over a death but not over a lost love.

Finally, Dr. Anderson gives some effective exercises in overcoming the crippling symptoms of abandonment. The exercises are not "pat" answers as found in some mainstream books and magazines. These are extensive, healing exercises requiring vulnerable, self-introspection.

I hope this helps someone else out there, too. It sure saved my sanity and all for the modest price of a book -- not an expensive block of therapy sessions!

81 of 84 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars My perspective on the book March 21, 2008

By Angela Max Knighton

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

I am a classic abandonment case. Parents separated as a kid, we moved around constantly, was abused by many people, suffered multiple heartbreaks and friendship breaks that I finally became a closed off, untrusting woman.

My life was very unhappy. Not being able to trust people is a vicious cycle and deep down, I really wanted friends I could trust. My social and relationship life also sucked. I was untrusting in relationships but yet needy once I got entrenched and perhaps as a result of that, would subsequently be tossed away, like thrash.

I was very bitter. I joined therapy but couldn't seem to let go of the resentment I felt for all the pain I'd gone through.

So I picked up this book and FINALLY, someone understood what I was going through. Every "crazy" feeling I had experienced in the past, including wanting lovers that had treated me despicably, were explained in the book. I realized that even though I put up a front to the world, I was still grieving past hurts and some of them went all the way back to my childhood

I felt that I could finally be free of the demons that had clung to me. Susan Anderson really gets it but when it comes down to the exercises she recommends, in my humble opinion, she falls short.

The first two are okay even though the withdrawal exercise makes you feel like you are cultivating a dual personality. The third one for internalizing, was highly, highly disappointing. It was very abstract and I failed to see the connection between dreaming of a house and gaining a stronger sense of self.

I was very disappointed but I was determined to make myself learn the exercise, if it would mean getting better. I decided to look up the author's website and found that there were groups were you could ask questions to get help. Unfortunately, you have to be a paying member to pose a question and that ended my quest.

The book has validated my feelings and for that it would always be in my library. I am still re-reading the book to get further insight into my behavior and I have learnt so much for instance:

Why I'm "attracted" to the wrong men and
Why eventually, I would need to let my guard down in order to truly connect with people.

However, I want to completely move beyond my pain and victim hood. I want to overcome and her 3rd and 4th exercises don't do anything for me. She does provide some other useful exercises that I am currently practicing but my inability to get into the spirit of the 3rd and 4th exercises, make me feel as though I were doing an incomplete job

I have also decided to get her other book, from Heartbreak to Connection as I heard it's a lot better.

That's why she gets 3 stars. Judge for yourself

Update: May 10 2008. I have been reading her other book Journey from Heartbreak to Connection and it is a million times better than this book.
Journey from Heartbreak to Connection is a lot bigger than this one, but it's because of the amount of exercises she has included.

She takes you through a lot of self analysis and gives you clearer steps on how to overcome abandonment. More importantly, she provides the rationale behind her exercises (I finally see the connection between building a stronger sense of self and the dream house exercise).

If you feel like Journey from Abandonment isn't satisfactory, get Journey from Heartbreak to Connection