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The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life Hardcover – January 6, 2009

53 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews


“Shmuley’s astonishing grasp of the core secrets of female eroticism should be required reading for all men. He gets us better than we get ourselves. It’s unnerving. I’m sending this book to everyone I know who deserves profound happiness.” (LISA BLOOM, Host, Lisa Bloom Open Court on truTV, CBS News Legal Analyst)

“Rabbi Shmuley penetrates the veil shrouding American sexuality to highlight that eroticism is the thrilling desire to comprehend the mystery of life and attach ourselves to the source of all being.” (Mehmet Oz, M.D., author of YOU: The Owner's Manual)

“Rich in insights, The Kosher Sutra is a worthy follow-up to Rabbi Boteach’s earlier bestseller.” (Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People)

“Boteach delivers a unique take on what a gratifying sex life can do to improve other areas of our lives. ...Boteach divulges each of eight erotically-charged secrets with extreme wit, while introducing real-life couples whom Boteach has successfully counseled...” (Publishers Weekly)

“Boteach manages to make traditional wisdom sound pretty wild...Kosher Sutra will appeal to just about anyone...” (Library Journal)

From the Back Cover

America has a contradictory relationship with sex. Sex is everywhere—advertisements, the Internet, magazines, and television—yet one third of all marriages in America are utterly sexless. Our over-exposure to sex has diluted the most powerful form of intimacy to such an extent that most couples have forgotten what passion feels like. In The Kosher Sutra, Shmuley Boteach, the New York Times bestselling author, delivers a much-needed guide to reigniting desire in our relationships while at the same time creating renewed energy in every aspect of our lives.

Boteach's Eight Secrets are the key to reawakening our dormant desires and releasing ourselves from the complacency that has taken hold of far too many of us. Honed from decades of counseling experience, the Secrets range from the role of innocence in physical attraction, to why we always want what we can't have, to urging couples to practice reckless abandon in the bedroom. With his trademark frank and conversational style, Boteach offers practical advice as well as sage guidance through stories of real-life struggles and triumphs of couples who he has counseled throughout his career.

Boredom has ruined too many relationships and The Kosher Sutra provides all the tools necessary to restore the fire, power, and energy back into the bedroom and everyday life.

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Product Details

  • Hardcover: 256 pages
  • Publisher: HarperOne (January 6, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0061668354
  • ISBN-13: 978-0061668357
  • Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.9 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces
  • Average Customer Review: 4.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (53 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #27,036 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Rabbi Shmuley Boteach is one of the world's leading relationship experts and spiritual authorities. His twenty-one books have been bestsellers in seventeen languages, and his award winning syndicated column is read by a global audience of millions. He is the host of TLC's award-winning Shalom in the Home and was Oprah Winfrey's love, marriage, and parenting expert on Oprah and Friends. He served for eleven years as rabbi at Oxford University, where he built the Oxford L'Chaim Society into the University's second largest student organization. Today, Newsweek calls him the most famous rabbi in America. The winner of the highly prestigious London Times Preacher of the Year award, Rabbi Shmuley is also the recipient of the National Fatherhood Award and the American Jewish Press Association's Highest Award for Excellence in Commentary. He lives in New Jersey with his wife, Debbie, and their nine children.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

43 of 50 people found the following review helpful By Megan on January 13, 2009
Format: Hardcover
I was lucky enough to get a copy of Rabbi Shmuley's new book "The Kosher Sutra" this week, and enjoyed every minute of it. I'm in a fairly new relationship and not married, but I still found the book extremely valuable. His passion and expertise for this topic is incredible, and comes across in his writing. Page after page, you'll find something to relate to -- I know I did.

If you're in a relationship where the bedroom has become a place to watch TV, or in a marriage (like 1 out of 3 Americans) that is completely sexless, you'll find Rabbi Shmuley's thoughtful, friendly and encouraging voice extremely helpful. He provides a really unique and thoughtful take on NOT letting your sex life go by the wayside when life (kids, jobs, etc) gets busy.

The premise of his book is not just about sex, though -- it's about restoring passion and the principle of eroticism to your relationships, yes, but also to your entire life. Rabbi Shmuley's voice is a fresh one among a glut of relationship books, and his rises above the rest. I loved this book, and encourage everyone in a relationship (or looking to start a new one) to read this.
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36 of 43 people found the following review helpful By Crystal Bowron on March 26, 2009
Format: Hardcover
After seeing Rabbi Shmuley on the Dr. Phil show, I realized that although I thought my husband and I had a pretty decent sex life (definitely NOT "sexless") that we could certainly use some improvement. After reading this book I have to tell you that I had no idea how far off we were in our sex life! This book actually focuses very little on sex, and instead offers insight on something so few people have...intimacy....true intimacy with your spouse. It was such a great read, and the chapters almost flow like poetry. Rabbi Shmuley is an amazing author and counselor! My relationship with my husband has NEVER been better!!!!! THANK YOU RABBI SHMULEY! Also...this book has nothing to do with Judaism, in fact he speaks of several different religions in the book, including Christianity.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Joseph S. Maresca HALL OF FAMETOP 1000 REVIEWER on August 1, 2009
Format: Hardcover
The author does a good job of describing impediments
to achieving happiness in a variety of contexts.
Some pertinent observations are made; such as, men and
women have a dip in happiness during the early 40s.
Often, there is no fire in life and people become too
materialistic at the expense of simply enjoying life.

The author states that the female need for constant
attention is unmatched to the male attention span.
This area requires accommodation and compromise to
create scenarios for closing the perceived deficit
of females. Innocence is deemed to be an aphrodisiac.

Our attempts at manipulating nature with plastic
surgery can be emotionally counterproductive.
I see the results of this every day. Some women
attempt to reconstruct their physical image and
the result detracts from how we've perceived
the person for many years or even a lifetime.

The author challenges us to do "out of the box
things" in order to make life more interesting.
This is true in my experience. In some cases,
the so called forbidden has charm because of the taboo
itself. Much is made of the maxim that "opposites attract".
To some extent, this is true because the seemingly
opposite behaviors actually complement each other.

Finally, the author contrasts a paganistic Tantra
with Kabbalah notions which utilize sex and the
physical aspect of life to arouse the spiritual
dimension in every person. The objective is to
uplift the physical with transcendent holiness and
spirituality. Overall, the book does a good job
of explaining the dynamics of enjoyment of the process
of life itself.
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18 of 22 people found the following review helpful By NY Chick on July 31, 2011
Format: Paperback
I picked up Kosher Sutra based on the recommendation in Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World by Lisa Bloom. The problem with American sex, argues Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, is that it is too climax-driven. As a result, people are bored -- men escape through sports and porn, women escape through shopping and celebrity gossip, and both partners fantasize about past lovers during sex. The solution is sex without orgasm -- climax "kills desire" because "climax is death". He even goes so far as to say that if you fall asleep after sex, there must be something wrong with you and your sex life.

I found a few helpful reminders and nuggets of wisdom in his discussion on the "8 secrets of eroticism" (namely innocence, novelty, the chase, forbidden-ness, opposites attract, reckless abandon, unquenchable yearning, and beyond the body), but his ideas for spicing up the bedroom were mostly the typical Cosmopolitan magazine fare (such as "tell your wife you want her to scream during sex" or "wives should wear lacy undergarments") -- certainly nothing groundbreaking. Other ideas were simply unworkable, such as his suggestion to "set up a webcam in your bedroom" (p. 113) so that once the wife forgets it's there, then the husband, when bored at the office, can download his wife instead of Playmates. Rabbi, most American women work outside of the home during the day, and those that don't are usually caring for children rather than lying around the bedroom doing things that would arouse their husbands if they only had a peek.
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