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The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate Paperback – October 11, 2009


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Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, an internationally known expert on male-female relationships, presents the Love & Respect conference with his wife, Sarah, both live and by video to more than 50,000 people each year, including groups such as the NFL, PGA, and members of congress. With degrees from Wheaton College and Dubuque Seminary and a PhD from Michigan State, Emerson pastored Trinity Church in Lansing for 19 years. He and Sarah have been married since 1973 and have three children.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 368 pages
  • Publisher: Thomas Nelson; Reprint edition (October 11, 2009)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 084994807X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0849948077
  • Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 1 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1.1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (146 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #35,308 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Emerson Eggerichs and his wife Sarah travel the country conducting the Love and Respect marriage conferences. Before launching Love and Respect Ministries, Emerson was senior pastor of Trinity Church in East Lansing, Michigan for nearly 20 years. Emerson received his B.A. in Biblical Studies and M.A. in Communications from Wheaton College and Graduate School. He was later awarded a Master of Divinity degree from Dubuque Seminary, and a Ph.D. in Child and Family Ecology from Michigan State University. Married since 1973, he and Sarah have three adult children. He is the president of Love and Respect Ministries and author of the best-selling book Love and Respect.

Amazon Author Rankbeta 

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#74 in Books > Self-Help
#74 in Books > Self-Help

Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

48 of 48 people found the following review helpful By Lisa notes... on January 18, 2010
Format: Paperback
Read this book if you haven't already read "Love and Respect." Or read this book if you have read "Love and Respect", but still don't "get" it.

Otherwise, skip this one, and keep practicing the Love and Respect principles you've already learned. The principles are fantastic and biblical and effective.

This book is helpful to teach you those principles, but it is very repetitive of the original material in "Love and Respect." However, Eggerichs does elaborate in this book with real-life testimonies from those who are working this out.

I recommend picking just one of the two books to read, but not necessarily both. Unless you're clueless about how relationships work between men and women. Then get them both.
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41 of 44 people found the following review helpful By N. Mitchell on January 25, 2010
Format: Paperback
I was really excited to see this book on my list of books to review. I have been having a hard time communicating with my husband and needed some help. Learning how each of us loves was just what I needed. I found that the way that he shows me loves motivates me to show him love and the cycle continues but when I don't feel loved I stop that circle and it can take days to get back on track. This book gave me some wonderful things to help me and him work through this cycle quicker.
The energizing cycle is one example Dr. Eggerich gave as a visual to work through this cycle. He used the acronym COUPLE as a way to remember how to get through the steps(womens view)
C-Closeness . I want to be close to my husband it makes me feel secure
O-Openness I want to talk not just short answers open up to me
U-Understanding. Don't try to fix me just understand what I am going through
P-Peacemaking. Tell me your sorry.
L-Loyalty. Remind me that you love me. That I am your one and only
E-Esteem. Honor and cherish me
MENS view
CHAIRS
C-Conquest. Recognize and thank him for his desire to work
H-. Hierarchy. Thank him for his motivation to protect and provide for me
A-Authority Acknowledge his desire to lead, he is the head of the household
I-Insight. Listen appreciatively to his ideas and advice ---this one was hard for me to learn
R-Relationship Value his desire for you to be his friend and stand shoulder to shoulder to him
S Sexuality respond to his need for you sexually
I found that when I started to understand him I was able to love him and by doing this he was able to love me. It did take a while but this book works.
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25 of 26 people found the following review helpful By BethanyJoy on January 5, 2010
Format: Paperback
Never fear, Dr. Eggerichs second book The Language of Love and Respect is a perfect mix of make-you-think realizations and real-life applications. Now, I must admit, I didn't read his first book, titled Love & Respect, so I was worried that I be a little lost. However, the beginning of the book dedicates itself to summarizing the book's key elements in a suffice manner. Basically, men and women speak different languages: men in respect, women in love. Men see hurts as disrespectful, women see them as unloving. Then you delve into the meat of the book, the how-tos. These include tangible points that I feel you can mold to fit your own marriage.

From avoiding the "crazy cycle" to talking to your spouse in the "Jesus way" I feel like this book is jam packed with the tools to mend any marriage, in any stage. I also think his emphasis on unconditional love in a marriage really hits on why communication is so important.

Dr. Eggerichs contribution to couples everywhere is this little treasure. Pick it up for a little marriage helper in 2010!
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19 of 20 people found the following review helpful By Rachel B. Ramey (blogger/author) VINE VOICE on April 20, 2010
Format: Paperback Vine Customer Review of Free Product ( What's this? )
I read Love & Respect several years ago and, while I appreciated the general content, I was somewhat put off by the sense of serving one's spouse in order to get what you want, rather than because it's right that I felt pervaded the bulk of the book. I did NOT get that impression from this book.

The first part of the book is a summary of the principles in Love & Respect. Having already read Love & Respect, I found this rather tedious and unnecessarily drawn out. However, for those who haven't read Love & Respect, it lays a good foundation for the remainder of the book.

The rest of the book talks specifically about communication, using the acronyms C.O.U.P.L.E. (for husbands seeking to build up their wives), C.H.A.I.R.S. (for wives seeking to edify their husbands), and T.U.F.T.S. (for both spouses seeking to communicate in a more godly manner). These acronyms speak to the needs of each spouse, helping to demystify the differences between how men and women think.

Personally, I felt I needed far more specifics. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks I'm speaking respectfully but whose husband then says he's feeling disrespected, but doubt it. I was expecting more concrete, specific examples of how to say the things that need to be said, but in a respectful manner. My perception was that it was, for the most part, left much more vague and general than it could or should have been.

I really wouldn't consider this to be an auxiliary book for Love & Respect. I would consider it to be more of a rewording of Love & Respect. In that context, it's excellent and I would highly recommend it (more highly than the original). But if you're already familiar with Love & Respect and are hoping for clearer guidance on how to put those principles into practice, I wouldn't count on getting that from this.
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