Customer Reviews

The Last Princess

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I decided to watch "The Last Princess" expecting it to be a modern adaptation of The Hidden Fortress, as advertised. Ninja vs Geisha was my big hope for our annual MST3K event here, but hey, give it a shot.

This was supposed to be a tribute to the great Kurosawa. [...].

I could live with the subtitles that must have be translated using a English-Japanese Dictionary - by someone who had to be a regular contributor [...] . "Sorry to betray" They added to the special charm of a movie that spared no expense to get it wrong. I know that no one proof read the subtitles.

The characters were changed to make one of the peasants the major plucky hero and love interest for Princess Yumi. Princess Yumi in this was redefined to make the movie a social commentary on class issues. The story was altered to include a naturally occuring gas that could blow up entire mountains, causing pyroclastic flows and causing mountain ranges to collapse. All of this to add the scene where the big samurai at the end rides his horse out of the big fireball as the mountain explodes. Shades of Star Wars!

Yes, there were elements of the original story. There were 2 peasants, a Samurai, a Princess. She did purchase the peasant girl in the inn, but then tossed her in front of an oncoming arrow in the next scene. Science went down the toilet, as did any sense of reality, geography, geology, resemblance to culture, or respect for the original movie. They did have the big bonfire, (by then, the peasant girl was a pin cushion), the dance, they did have the slaughter of those that remained behind.

This was the "Hercules vs the Barbarians" (Poland 14th Century, Hercules, Mongols, and the alligator filled swamps and volcanos that run through out Poland) treatment of what was a great Samurai classic. This was Gone with the Wind as done by the Bavarian Muppets, translated using Bablefish. It was bad. But it was so bad it was funny. They tried to make it serious, but whoever made this had no understanding of Japanese history, culture, or heritage.

I'm trying to find the name of the director on the box so I can avoid all of his future work, should he ever decide to leave the car wash again to make another movie.

Being a Goshindo martial artist, I look forward to the great sword fights ala Toshiro Mifune. None here. Not a single useble or even competent technique. I'm old and slow and I could have take all of these guys. It gets a minus score on sword play. My deepest apology to anyone offended by my mentioning the great Mifune in conjunction with this movie. He was NOT PART of this digital disaster. This was NOT a fitting tribute to Kurosawa who would have cut his own belly before releasing this.