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The Last Testament: A Memoir [Kindle Edition]

David Javerbaum , God
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (145 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $15.00
Kindle Price: $9.99
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Book Description

***NOW A MAJOR BROADWAY SHOW STARRING JIM PARSONS (THE BIG BANG THEORY) AND DIRECTED BY JOE MANTELLO (WICKED)***

Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multitalented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post–Simon Cowell era. Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is the ultimate celebrity autobiography.


Editorial Reviews

Review

“Presented as ‘A Memoir by God,’ the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville—Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go!—determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce.”—Ron Charles, The Washington Post

The Last Testament is billed as a message from God as transcribed by David Javerbaum, the former head writer and executive producer of ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,’ whose specialty is chutzpah. With no apparent qualms Mr. Javerbaum steps into the infinitely big shoes of the Almighty to deliver a series of pronouncements, gags, parodies of Biblical passages and even a 12-step program envisioned from God’s point of view. . . . The Last Testament is fearless . . . a recklessly funny set of gags about all things religious and quite a few things secular too.”Janet Maslin, The New York Times

“I can’t be sure, but I think the famously blasphemous Mark Twain (who once said he didn’t want to go to heaven because he hated harp music) would have chuckled his way through Javerbaum’s book. Maybe even snorted. Because it’s very funny. Offensive to some, for sure, but very funny.”—A.J. Jacobs for The Globe & Mail

“A ‘memoir’ by God [The Last Testament] does what The Daily Show does so well—it satirizes religion by both taking it seriously and not taking it seriously at all, using humor to both point out the inconsistencies of the holiest texts and to describe God’s codependent relationship with celebrities.”—Salon.com

“This book plays spin doctor for the Big Guy, in the form of a really new testament. Author David Javerbaum, formerly a writer and producer for 'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,' brings that show’s arch snappiness to his task, laying out what God really had in mind . . . If you’re a churchgoer you might ask, well, isn’t this sacrilegious? In many places, decidedly so. And if the human temptation is to continually imagine God in our own image (face it, you think God agrees with your positions on abortion, taxes and political parties, don’t you?), The Last Testament does so with a vengeance, quoting a pop-culture-savvy Creator who despises Sarah Palin and holds reliably progressive social views. . . . People of faith should be glad when religious themes show up in popular discourse, even if it’s for a cheap joke. Better to be satirized than to be ignored. And, of course, the premise of 'The Daily Show' is in effect: Satire can be the best vehicle for truth.”Buffalo News

"Spit-take funny."The Jewish Daily Forward


“Oh, God . . . There are enough laughs here, not to mention a dazzling underlying knowledge of theology, to give plenty of props to Javerbaum.”Booklist (starred review)

“A blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism. . . . Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations.”Publishers Weekly

“Damned comical. Amen.”Kirkus Reviews

"Absurdity reigns in The Last Testament. . . . A wickedly funny introduction to the opinions and modus operandi of God, 'King of the Universe.'"—ShelfAwareness.com

“I want every Christian I know to have a copy of this book.”—NewAtheism.Blogspot.com

“No doubt the old rogue savors the irony that the most appreciative readers of his Last Testament are likely to be atheists. He might even have written it specially for them.”—The Atheist Conservative.com

“There's something pitch-perfect about the tone and tenor of The Last Testament . . . Readers from every religion will find things to laugh at and/or be offended by in this book.”January magazine

“An irreverent look at Judaism, Christianity and Islam, sparing no religion, or religious leaders, any barbs.”The Christian Post

“[David Javerbaum] takes ghost writing to new heights. . . . The entire book is written to provoke laughter. That isn’t a bad thing in a world where we take ourselves far too seriously, most of the time.”Ottawa Citizen

Review

“Presented as ‘A Memoir by God,’ the book comes divided into chapters and numbered verses like the Bible, if the Bible were narrated by Mel Brooks on crack-laced manna. It’s a bawdy circus of theological vaudeville—Shadrach, Meshach and To-bed-we-go!—determined to sacrifice every sacred cow on the altar of farce.”—Ron Charles, The Washington Post

The Last Testament is billed as a message from God as transcribed by David Javerbaum, the former head writer and executive producer of ‘The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,’ whose specialty is chutzpah. With no apparent qualms Mr. Javerbaum steps into the infinitely big shoes of the Almighty to deliver a series of pronouncements, gags, parodies of Biblical passages and even a 12-step program envisioned from God’s point of view. . . . The Last Testament is fearless . . . a recklessly funny set of gags about all things religious and quite a few things secular too.”Janet Maslin, The New York Times

“I can’t be sure, but I think the famously blasphemous Mark Twain (who once said he didn’t want to go to heaven because he hated harp music) would have chuckled his way through Javerbaum’s book. Maybe even snorted. Because it’s very funny. Offensive to some, for sure, but very funny.”—A.J. Jacobs for The Globe & Mail

“A ‘memoir’ by God [The Last Testament] does what The Daily Show does so well—it satirizes religion by both taking it seriously and not taking it seriously at all, using humor to both point out the inconsistencies of the holiest texts and to describe God’s codependent relationship with celebrities.”—Salon.com

“This book plays spin doctor for the Big Guy, in the form of a really new testament. Author David Javerbaum, formerly a writer and producer for 'The Daily Show With Jon Stewart,' brings that show’s arch snappiness to his task, laying out what God really had in mind . . . If you’re a churchgoer you might ask, well, isn’t this sacrilegious? In many places, decidedly so. And if the human temptation is to continually imagine God in our own image (face it, you think God agrees with your positions on abortion, taxes and political parties, don’t you?), The Last Testament does so with a vengeance, quoting a pop-culture-savvy Creator who despises Sarah Palin and holds reliably progressive social views. . . . People of faith should be glad when religious themes show up in popular discourse, even if it’s for a cheap joke. Better to be satirized than to be ignored. And, of course, the premise of 'The Daily Show' is in effect: Satire can be the best vehicle for truth.”Buffalo News

“Oh, God . . . There are enough laughs here, not to mention a dazzling underlying knowledge of theology, to give plenty of props to Javerbaum.”Booklist (starred review)

“A blithely blasphemous satire of monotheism. . . . Adherents of every Abrahamic faith will find plenty of hilarious, offensive manna for thought in these revelations.”Publishers Weekly

“Damned comical. Amen.”Kirkus Reviews

"Spit-take funny."The Jewish Daily Forward



“I want every Christian I know to have a copy of this book.”—NewAtheism.Blogspot.com


Product Details

  • File Size: 26015 KB
  • Print Length: 464 pages
  • Publisher: Simon & Schuster; Rev Upd edition (November 1, 2011)
  • Sold by: Simon and Schuster Digital Sales Inc
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B004T4KXF0
  • Text-to-Speech: Not enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #264,895 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
95 of 109 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars That God, what a kidder! December 19, 2011
Format:Hardcover
It seems whenever a book of criticism, humor or sarcasm about the bible or religion comes out those religious fanatics who are so sure they know that a god exists, and who or what this god thing is, seem to get their panties all in a twist. The astute can use the one and two star reviews these humorless defenders of the faith invariably post as an endorsement of a good read. I know I do. That said...

As any objective student of the Bible knows, the god of the old testament comes across as a hideously psychopathic thing. While religionists prefer to deny this, ask them if they'd treat their own children that way and they simply fall back and cry "Context!", which of course means nothing at all. In The Last Testament this god readily admits he's got issues. Fact is, he admits that he and his staff of angels had no second thoughts about mass murder, cruel and unusual punishments and some really bizarre laws. But "God" explains it in a way that almost makes you want to forgive him his trespasses... almost. Sort of like the way you'd forgive a riotously funny comedian for running over your cocker spaniel while making a U-turn in your driveway. Oh, he's not repentant for the wackier things he's done, just reflective. After all, no one is perfect...not even god. How do I know? Because he says so in his The Last Testament.

I found myself laughing until my eyes watered. I kept dog earing the pages with the best lines to use as excerpts to read to my wife, and to use in this review. But it got to the point where almost every page was turned in so I stopped.

Yep, seems all of those self appointed/ self-righteous religious shaman got it wrong about a whole bunch of stuff.
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Blasphemous Blast November 10, 2012
Format:Paperback
Fans of Saturday Night Live, Monty Python, The Daily Show, and The Colbert Report are going to appreciate the humor and intelligence in this riotous faux memoir supposedly written by You Know Who (not Voldemort, the original "He Who Must Not Be Named"). From relating how Adam and Eve really started out, to detailing Moses' love of weed, and onto the arguments He Who Must Not Be Named had with his son, the one whose birth is celebrated by many on December 25th, this book is pretty much guaranteed to offend any reader! The author writes about Hindu, Mormon, Muslim, and all other faiths. The biblical style of the writing is superb, and can lend itself to cruel practical jokes if applied to the unaware: "Larry, you should read page 42, line 4. It's incredible the insight this book offers!"

I'm going through a recent divorce, mortgage application stress, and regular daily stress. Yet, this book had me laughing aloud so much my endorphins were being released by the gallon (in a good way, not visibly).

I recommend this to anyone that knows how to laugh.

My favorite part: The explanation of how the laws of Kashrut were meant to be a practical joke. Especially how He Who Must Not Be Named told all of the Jewish people wandering in the desert to stay away from shellfish, and how only 4 of the insects in the world were kosher.
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28 of 36 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Not for the Easily Offended December 12, 2011
Format:Hardcover
First of all, if you are religious and think it is sacrilegious to poke fun at your religion, and especially at the Bible, stay far away from this book. If you are not religious but think it's wrong to poke fun at religions, stay away, too. If you don't like reading profanity, this isn't a book you'll like.

Now that the people who definitely won't like this book have been winnowed out, let's move one. For all other readers, this may or may not be a book for you. Vague, huh?

I laughed out loud several times when I started this book, and annoyed my spouse by reading snippets of it to him. Apparently, God isn't the nice, benevolent guy or the vengeful god (depending on your version) that we have come to know and love. He is a persnickety, ornery prankster who does make mistakes. At least according to this, his last testament.

The problem with the book is threefold. It got old fast, like hearing the same knock-knock joke too many times in a row. And some of it seemed mean-spirited. Some of the profanity was a bit too much for my usually tolerant mind. I have to admit that I haven't finished the book. I will probably pick it up again and read a few pages now and then. For me, it isn't a book to be read straight through, just too much of something that can be good in small doses.
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22 of 28 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars 2000 years was too long to wait June 6, 2012
Format:Hardcover
I'm so glad that God managed to get this printed before the rapture. Hilarious from start to finish, but more so at the start. The last couple of chapters were a bit of a let down compared to the others, but still well worth the read. I keep opening it to read my favourite passages to friends and family.

Broken down into chapters and verses just like the old and new testaments, God fills us in on His mistakes, our misinterpretations of His word and His concern that there may be something wrong with Him.

The parts on homosexuality (it WAS Adam and Steve!)alone are worth the read for anyone annoyed by Bible-fueled homophobia.

"Now the snake was more closeted than any animal in the Garden; literally on the downlow, for though he oft hissed his desire to mate with comely serpentesses, yet he lisped, and fretted over his skin care, and could not have looked more phallic if he'd had balls for a rattle."

I can't imagine any believers enjoying this book, but they should try.

Don't attempt to eat or drink while reading.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Marvelous book! Tremendous wit!
Published 24 days ago by Geman Gonzalez Aviles
3.0 out of 5 stars Thought it would be more clever
The "2,000 Year Old Man" comes to mind. He obviously knows the bible stories pretty well, and takes a mostly light hearted approach to things people have been arguing about... Read more
Published 1 month ago by B. McGregor
5.0 out of 5 stars Brains & Humor.. the perfect combination!
Gave this book as a birthday gift to a gentleman who has everything, and has read nearly everything of interest. He said it was the hit of the year! Read more
Published 1 month ago by ms_nikki
5.0 out of 5 stars Don't Wait For the Movie Version
This is God's fourth book, His first in about 1,400 years. His previous books, each very controversial, all are still in print and readily available in bookstores, libraries and... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Daneel Olivaw
5.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious
It's not for your churchgoing grandma -- but if you like your comedy irreverent ranging to blasphemous, this book's for you. Read more
Published 2 months ago by E. Clectic
3.0 out of 5 stars Three Stars
not sure, i never got to read it! won't download to my phone or tablet or pc..
Published 2 months ago by mortimer slygoog
3.0 out of 5 stars Quick. Funny. But could have been MUCH better.
Another book I had high hopes for. But was ultimately disappointed. The book definitely has some funny lines in it, but about 25% into the book, the repetitive jokes start to get... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Lisa M. Gott
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Very clever! Am enjoying this-- need some laughter on these dark days!
Published 3 months ago by RealPaperBacks
5.0 out of 5 stars He is better than DeathStarPR
Follow God on Twitter, he follows Justin Beiber so you know it is devout. He is better than DeathStarPR, Not as good as George Takie.
Published 5 months ago by Pete
5.0 out of 5 stars Really funny.
I sent this to my son. He said that it was really a funny book. He enjoy it greatly.
Published 5 months ago by Donna
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