68 of 70 people found the following review helpful
on August 20, 2010
I've discovered another great resource on parenting teens!
As I read about each of the five love languages, I didn't feel that I knew my kiddos very well. I saw bits and pieces of my kiddos in each of the languages described. As I continued reading, the author gave instruction on how to discover a child's main love language. I think my son leans most toward "Physical Touch" and my daughter more toward "Gifts", although I see a hint of "Words of Affirmation", "Quality Time" and "Acts of Service" with each of them. I'm definitely going to pay more attention to discover how I can more effectively parent these two blessings God has given me.
This book also covers other parenting topics:
Anger - It's a problem in our house, that I've unfortunately passed down to one of my children. I look forward to implementing the guidelines for "breaking destructive patterns" and "forging constructive paths" with my family.
Failure - Every child fails, just as every adult fails, at some point in their lives. Parents need to know how to love their child even when he or she fails.
Single Parents and Blended Families - I am fortunate to be married to my children's father. I know many children are in single parent homes or blended families and there are more challenges to be faced.
I recommend this book to anyone with teenagers or pre-teens. Be ready before they turn into a teen. It comes quickly and before you're ready!
Thank to Moody Publishers for sending me a review copy in exchange for my honest review.
You may visit [...] to read my review in full.
35 of 39 people found the following review helpful
on October 5, 2010
The book is a fast read, and truly translates a lot of mysterious teen behavior. The languages are easy to remember, so it's useful info long after completing the book. That understanding, combined with identifying the love language of any teen you interact with consistently, can really make a difference in how that teen experiences these already tough years. Even with a slight smirk and acting annoyed while I interviewed him on the love language quiz, I know he was secretly honored to be asked, and he was very curious to find out his "love languages." I have applied them since, and we refer to the languages about both himself and others, which is a nice connection now. I will say, "Since Gifts is a more important language to you than me, I got you this." It boosts his appreciation, because I not only did it, but I have made the effort to understand him.
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
on April 10, 2013
I recommend this book to every parent that wants a better relationship with their teen. I had read The 5 Love Languages for couples first and thought if this book has improved my relationship with my husband, I have to read this one. This book is even good for granparents!
11 of 12 people found the following review helpful
on March 26, 2013
My daughter and I are much closer since I have implemented some of the suggestions in this book. I think as of late her love tank must be very full. At age 15 she makes a point to tell me how much she loves and appreciates me nightly and I have come to understand her point of view and give her some of the respect she requires as a developing young adult.
7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
on April 6, 2013
Great insight! I have grandchilfren and I think thios book will help bridge that awful generation gap that I always thought I'd have no problem with!!!
9 of 10 people found the following review helpful
on March 26, 2013
What an amazing, insightful book. I have not yet finished, but have already seen a marked difference in my relationship with my teenage son. Any parent who even begins to think, "Oh its the teen years, there's nothing I can do about it"... please read. I intend to constantly refer to Chapman's sugestions over the next few years.
8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
on April 2, 2013
Every preteen and teen parent needs to read this. I learned so much about how to speak my teenagers love language; it has already improved our relationship after just 3 weeks. Nothing is more important than showing your love in a way they can understand.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on December 4, 2013
Note: This review, as well as many more, can also be found on my blog, The Baking Bookworm (www.thebakingbookworm.blogspot.ca).
My Review: As you can see from my reading history on GoodReads or on my blog I'm not a big non-fiction reader so it should come as no shock that I didn't happen upon this book by myself. I learned of it from a friend of mine who had read another book in the series and she had quite positive reviews of it. I had never heard of or read any of Chapman's previous "Love Languages" books but the premise intrigued me.
As many of you know I have one teen and two tweens at home. Let's just say that the household hormones runneth over. Over the past couple of years as Boy 1 entered teendom I've noticed differences in how we interact with each other and they're not always as positive as I would like. So I was eager to see if this book could give me a clearer view of what being a teen in 2013 is like for my son.
Overall, I enjoyed this light read, learned a little and was reminded about a lot of parenting tools that I already had in my parenting arsenal. It reminded me of what it's like to be a teen -- how they feel, think etc and helped me to put some of my feelings/reactions into perspective (like not to feel hurt or put out when my teen wants/needs time to himself and doesn't necessarily want to hang with dear old mom). Deep down I knew that but a little reminder was needed.
The notion of Chapman's five love languages is an interesting concept. As I read the book I started to look at my kids differently. Each of my kids have different 'love languages' so I tried, over the past few weeks, to figure out how to reach each them with their unique love languages. Boy 1 is not one for hugs (never has been). To reach him I had to stop using so much Physical Love (one of my main love languages) -- hugs, hair ruffling, kisses on the cheek -- and start using Words of Affirmation to get through to him. He responded to me better and you know what? He's actually become more OK with my occasional hugs. Who knew, right?
Now Boy 2 is a different ball of wax all together. Boy 2 truly speaks the love language of Physical Touch with his love of snuggling, hugging 'just cuz' and how he likes to sit close to Brad and I even while just watching TV. It's always been easy for Boy 2 and I to show love because we kind of come from the same love language page, so to speak.
Missy Moo's love language is definitely Quality Time. She adores having Brad or I to herself for some one-on-one time. Three different kids, three different ways to show them that I love them. So, by not showing each of my kids love using their own love language I may not have been imparting my love clearly to them. That was an 'a-ha' moment for me. Ultimately, by focusing on what my kids need/want from me I do feel that we have had a much calmer household over the past few weeks.
Throughout the book Chapman clearly describes the mindset of teens, how they may be feeling and what they need in order to feel loved during a very emotional and stressful age. He uses a fairly strong Christian base to his teachings with several Biblical/Christian references being made throughout the book. A couple of times it almost took on a preachy vibe but overall I don't think non-Christians will mind the references.
Is this the most concise parenting book I’ve read? No. I did find the book overly long for the amount of information that was provided and feel it could have been cut down quite a bit without losing the information given. And while there is good information provided, many of the parenting techniques aren't anything new but can be used to remind parents of things that they knew all along but needed a refresher in.
One of the 'refreshers' that I needed was quite simple but made me do a mental forehead smack when I read it.
You can't parent a teen the same way you parented them when they were a child.
The rules change. The boy who did as he was told as a child is now arguing and pushing boundaries at every turn because he wants to become his own person. Pushing away from Mom and Dad is what's supposed to happen as teens learn to 'go it alone' more and more without Mom and Dad hovering over them to ensure that nothing bad happens. That said, rules and boundaries are just as important now as they were when he was younger.
Rules, consequences and boundaries must be set in advance and be clear and consistent so everyone knows what's expected and what will happen if boundaries are crossed. This involves a lot of communication and respect all around. I liked the fact that this book doesn't sugar coat things and encourages parents to allow their kids to feel the consequences of their actions. Mom and Dad don't need to ride in on a white horse to save the day if Junior's decision ends badly. The teens, after making their own decisions, have to face the consequences, good or bad, just as they will when they're adults.
I take away from this book a few new tidbits of parenting wisdom to make my parenting arsenal that much stronger. Encouraging independence is something that Brad and I have always done with our kids but as Boy 1 begins to push farther than my comfort zone is comfortable with I can look back at this book and realize that it's OK for me to let go of the reigns (just a little). Allow him to stumble, make decisions (even when I don't agree) and begin to pull away from Brad and I to become his own person. Hard to do but oh so necessary because in the end creating independent, self-sufficient, caring and compassionate adults who know they are loved is the end result of parenting.
My Rating: 3.5/5 stars
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on June 25, 2013
I love the tone of this book. The author comes across well, with the whole goal being to get to know our teens at the heart level.
I found myself wanting to see my kids in this same light, as wonderful people God positioned in my life for me to know and interact with. Just that part would have made this book worthwhile. It really did help to change my heart toward them.
There were some areas where I felt entitled to respect from them, but those thoughts were dashed as I realized I owe them only love. The author also addressed every question that came up, such as, "Isn't that indulgent?" "What about discipline?" "If I just love them, won't they walk all over me?" Those questions proved I just didn't understand the meaning of the word Love. These questions were particularly answered in the chapters about acts of service and gifts, two love languages that can easily be misused by both parents and teenagers. I learned some things I'd never thought of, such as making a ceremony out of gift giving, in order for it to be accepted as a gift rather than just something a son or daughter is entitled to. About acts of service, I appreciated the advice to serve, all the while explaining what we are doing, so that they will never misunderstand and think they are entitled to acts of service, and also that they will not miss what we are doing is expressing love.
Something else that was new to me, and I hadn't counted on, was the moodiness of teenagers. I didn't know that was common and that it will be outgrown. I know, I should have known, I was obviously one at one time, but I missed the obvious, and had some aha moments personally, when I read this book. I hadn't known that there is no need to be offended or intimidated by these moody spells, but to lovingly address the person just as if they were not.
There was a whole chapter devoted to finding out our teens' love languages, and even how they might have changed dialects by growing up.
The book is up to date, acknowledging that there are cell phones and electronics, and how this affects today's teens so much more than the previous generation.
The reason I don't give it five stars is because I thought the author could have used more examples of interests kids could have. So many of the examples and suggestions involved either peer relationships, homework, or sports, all areas where I thought kids would be displaying false personalities. I would have liked to read more examples about family activities in the home, where everyone tends to be more like themselves, and where the reality of their life will lie as soon as they graduate from school. It could also be that we are farming, and our lifestyle is very home centered instead of business trip/9 -5 hours oriented, and I just couldn't relate to those examples. Anyway, that small concern didn't take much away from a great book, There is so much wise advice here, that we could easily fill in our own examples from our life. This is a book I'm glad to have in my library and one that I will read again.
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
on July 6, 2014
This book brought all the obvious things we can do as parents to keep and grow the relationships with our children. I can be very analytic and this book helped to bring me perspective on the little things that we do and how they can make a big impact. This book helped remind me how I need to respect my children's differences and create opportunities to maintain and nurture my relationship with them. I highly suggest for parents to read this book!