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The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt [Hardcover]

Jon-Jon Goulian
3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)


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Book Description

May 17, 2011
The vibrant, funny, and heartwarming story of an outcast who becomes an odd man in
 
If you have ever felt like a misfit in school or been paralyzed by your family’s imposing expectations, if you have ever obsessed about your appearance or panicked about choosing a career path, if you have ever wondered if every single thing to which your body is exposed, from egg yolks to X-rays, might harm you, then you may be surprised to find a kindred spirit in The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt.

Growing up in sunny La Jolla, California, Jon-Jon Goulian was a hyperneurotic kid who felt out of place wherever he turned, and who, in his own words, was forever on the verge of “caving in beneath the pressures of modern life.” From his fear of competition to his fear of pimples, from his fear of sex to his fear of saturated fat, the range and depth of Jon-Jon’s phobias were seemingly boundless. With his two older brothers providing a sterling example he believed he could never live up to, and his stern grandfather, the political philosopher Sidney Hook, continually calling him to account for his intellectual failure, Jon-Jon, feeling pressed against the wall, wracked with despair, and dizzy with insecurity, instinctively resorted, for reasons that became clear to him only many years later, to a most ingenious scheme for keeping conventional expectations at bay: women’s clothing! Ingenious, perhaps, but woefully ineffective, as Jon-Jon discovers, again and again, that behind his skirt, leggings, halter top, and high heels, he’s still as wildly neurotic, and as wracked with anxiety, as he’s always been.

In this hilarious and heartfelt memoir, Jon-Jon Goulian’s witty and exuberant voice shines through, as he comes to terms with what it means to truly be yourself.


Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

A man wears women's clothes, rejects a legal career, and otherwise baffles his parents in this flamboyant but callow memoir. Goulian, a former secretary at the New York Review of Books, has a Columbia B.A., an unused law degree, and a proud history of menial jobs and underachievement: "I own nothing, save nothing, accomplish nothing tangible and have no permanent hold on life." Goulian relates body-image issues (he had his first nose job at age 15), a militant refusal to grow up (at age 29 he was collecting stuffed animals and calling his long-suffering father "Dada"), or his gruesomely detailed sexual anxieties. Much of the book consists of Goulian fencing with relatives—including his choleric grandfather, the neoconservative philosopher Sidney Hook—as they nag him to do something with his life, but his defiance of bourgeois propriety and ambition comes off as defensive narcissism. Through all his flashy attempts to grab the reader's attention, Goulian's story never seems interesting or serious enough to deserve it. Photos. (May 17)
(c) Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.

Review

“Is there anybody more likable than Jon-Jon Goulian? Toned, tanned, bedaubed with fantastic eye makeup—the first and only cross-dresser ever to have worked at The New York Review of Books—Mr. Goulian has made friendliness his life's work, tricking successive generations of newcomers into thinking that the New York literary world is populated with attractive and unusual people....A Gen-X update on an archetype we associate most readily with Woody Allen, [he] offers himself as 'a neurasthenic man' in a 'city of horrors,' terrified of moths, sex, saturated fat, the draft, Central Park, taxi cabs and high-school reunions. If Woody Allen were a cross-dresser from La Jolla, is this who he’d be?”
--New York Observer


“For anyone who’s ever felt like no one in a world that demands we all be someone, here it is: the psychedelically neurotic account, painfully brave and punishingly funny, of one human being’s long struggle to make his outsides match his unclassifiable insides.”
Walter Kirn, author of Lost in the Meritocracy

“Never have I read a fish-out-of-water story that had me so instantly and irrevocably enamored with the fish.”
—Sloane Crosley
, author of How Did You Get This Number

“[Goulian’s] life is one many would consider a success....yet this book isn’t just about his triumphs. It’s also about his struggles to come of age in a world in which he doesn’t fit....It is his voice, with its wryly humorous, slightly self-deprecating tone, that engages the reader.”
--Booklist
 
“A sassy, outspoken narrative [that] gets kudos for its droll frankness.”
--Kirkus
 
“This is a book that will fill you with laughter, pity, identification, and admiration; it might also show you how to be a man. If Jon-Jon Goulian did not exist, it would have been necessary to invent him.”
—Benjamin Kunkel, author of Indecision
 
"Jon-Jon Goulian manages to pull off the hardest thing to do when writing about yourself, which is being totally candid yet also compassionate.  It’s hard to imagine anyone not loving this book, but everyone who’s ever felt like a freak will find it especially cheering, affirming, heartrending, and hilarious.”
—Emily Gould
, author of And the Heart Says Whatever
 
“Jon-Jon Goulian’s journey from strange young man to stranger older man is tender, sweet, and very readable. One wishes him and his koala bear hand puppet, Mr. Marvel, a life of love and happiness.”
Gary Shteyngart, author of Super Sad True Love Story
 
“I read this book in a single, thrilling sitting. It’s beautifully written, extremely moving, and, most important, funny as hell!”
Simon Rich, author of Elliot Allagash

“You can't read this book without falling a little bit in love with Jon-Jon Goulian.
 Suddenly, at the age of 40, after not having published a word his whole life, he gives us one of the funniest, saddest, and most exquisitely crafted books about a dysfunctional neurotic ever written.”
—Katie Roiphe,
author of Uncommon Arrangements

“Jon-Jon Goulian is beautifully, unabashedly himself as The Man in the Gray Flannel Skirt.”
—Vanity Fair
 
“A hilariously neurotic trip down the rabbit hole
that is both a baffling series of oddities and an endearing, relatable sashay to self-acceptance – sometimes on the same page. Walking a mile in the first-time author’s leather pumps will make anyone feel normal – not because he’s so bizarre, but because, underneath all the protective armor – the eyeliner, the chandelier earrings, the ever-climbing neck tattoos – he’s just like us.”
—Modern Tonic
 
“Goulian writes poignantly
about reconciling a law degree with a penchant for wearing women’s clothing.”
—Entertainment Weekly

“Some people have to dare to be original, but Jon-Jon Goulian would have to try hard to be normal. As the lawyer he is might say: he is sui generis. Read this book, and live a little.”
Elizabeth Wurtzel, author of Prozac Nation


Product Details

  • Hardcover: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Random House; First Edition edition (May 17, 2011)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1400068118
  • ISBN-13: 978-1400068111
  • Product Dimensions: 5.7 x 1.4 x 8.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds
  • Average Customer Review: 3.5 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (20 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #679,079 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
7 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Keep writing, Jon-Jon! June 30, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Vine™ Review (What's this?)
I can't claim to read two books a day like a certain large, cranky teacher at La Jolla High School, but I do read a lot, and memoirs are one of my favorite genres. Jon-Jon Goulian's witty, unreserved account of his adventures, insecurities, and personal oddities is now one of my favorites.

I'm also a child of the 70's/teen of the 80's and I had to smile at his familiar accounts of the highs and lows (mostly lows) of growing up during that era. Remember when it felt like your two little pimples were Everest and K2? Remember feeling like your body was betraying you as you went from cute-kid to gangly adolescent? Remember pushing the fashion envelope just to get a reaction from the conservative preps? (We might claim to get past our adolescent body-obsessions as we mature, but do we really? Or do we just obsess over different things as we age?) Goulian is brutally honest about the self-consciousness that plagues him well into adulthood, but somehow he never sounds annoyingly self-absorbed or even flaky (which is amazing, considering some of the stunts he pulls.) For such a self-described insecure person, he seems remarkably well-grounded and insightful to me.

He has genuine affection and respect for his family, and is truly sympathetic with their clumsy attempts to understand him. He fully admits that he is confounding, and even allows that he is just as puzzled as others with his odd behavior. In a family of egghead achievers, Jon-Jon is the enigma. He's smart but unmotivated, he's talented at soccer but tired of competing, and he likes to look feminine but isn't (exactly) gay. Of course his family doesn't get him, and he doesn't blame them. He never relies on whiny excuses (Mommy didn't love me, Daddy didn't accept me) or resorts to flaky explanations about needing to express himself. In fact he ardently defends his family and upbringing. His quirkiness is no one's fault; he is who he is.

So who is Jon-Jon Goulian? He's a smart guy with a law degree. And no job. He's a bit of a philosopher, an empathetic caregiver, and an extremely neurotic lover. And he's a guy who, instead of hiding behind a respectable role like the rest of us, is honest enough to admit that he still doesn't know who he is.

Unlike other reviewers, I never found the author to be overly self-centered. This is his memoir, after all. Who is he supposed to write about? And he's dealing with some fairly universal issues, albeit in a more flamboyant way than the rest of us. Who am I, really? What makes me different from others? How do I measure up to my family and peers? If you don't like to read about other people's inner musings and secret insecurities, don't read memoirs, because that's what they are supposed to be about. As for being a bit random, sure. But what's wrong with that exactly? Can anyone plot their journey to adulthood on a perfect timeline?

Goulian no longer needs to worry about how he compares to his overachieving brothers. They are experts in their respective fields, good for them. The youngest brother is now a published writer. And I hope he'll keep writing!

*One quick note: I read the advance copy of the book. I hope the photos are better in the final edit, because they were very blurry in my copy. So I was unable to judge accurately if Goulian still actually has a deformed nose. It looked just fine to me. :)
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14 of 20 people found the following review helpful
1.0 out of 5 stars Random and Sad June 21, 2011
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I'm assuming that whoever decided to pay Jon-Jon $750K for this...book?...is no longer employed by Random House, although "Random" is an appropriate adjective for whatever this is. This thing is primarily dreadful, although there are a few brief moments of light humor and insight that keep the reader reading for as long as physically possible before the shallowness and senselessness of it become overwhelming. Jon is clearly intelligent. Jon was clearly a gifted student and athlete. Why did Jon transform from soccer champ to Jon-Jon the cross-dressing, checked-out weirdo? Frankly, I stopped caring after about 50 pages or so of contrived and obsessive narcissistic nonsense. I just wanted the pain to go away. I'd be shocked if any of the "professional reviewers" quoted above actually read this book. Random House's marketing department called in some favors on this turkey. This "book" is less of a memoir and more of a metaphor for Jon's life - full of grand promise and great expectations, but ultimately failing to deliver anything of substance. Jon the middle aged "writer", who does bear a striking resemblance to a tattooed Nosferatu on steroids and stilettos, is still sadly obsessed with high school and the persona he created to garner attention and torment his parents. Has he finally fulfilled his destiny to be a more memorable freak than the mass murderer Andrew Cunanen? Possibly. Do I care? Not a bit. The saddest part of Jon's story, that he may never fully realize or accept, is that his crusade for "memorability" has deprived him of experiencing the greatest treasures in life. He has no real friends. He has no real relationships. He is probably incapable of loving anything but himself, and he will likely never have a family of his own. He is so blindly consumed with neurosis, hypochondriasis and death, that he fails to realize he doesn't actually have a life. Jon will forever be the unattractive, bow-legged bald kid with girly clothes, goofy tattoos and gaudy sunglasses locked in a desperate struggle to achieve more fame than a gay homicidal psychopath. That's a pretty sad memory.
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3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars THE BOY IN THE GRAY FLANNEL SKIRT July 21, 2011
Format:Hardcover
Is the author transgressive? Sure. Interesting? Not so much.

It is telling that he describes himself as boyishly girlish or girlishly boyish- not mannish or womanish. As the book progresses ( and for a short book it seems awfully long) the author never grows up or expects himself to. While we may admire the author for his flouting of societal norms in terms of appearance, his unwillingness to take on any level of adult responsibility or maturity is less admirable .

While there are some intersting observations about gender and appearance, the author's self-absorption and immaturity make this a less than compelling book. We just can't find the author as fascinating as he finds himself.

A person who writes a memoir is asking us to view him or her as either a role model or a cautionary tale- you decide which one this is.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars A hilarious/sad coming of age
I really enjoyed this book and read it all in one sitting. What resonated with me is how well it captured the difficulty in living a meaningful life in a class of society that is... Read more
Published 15 months ago by Luke Ian Miner
3.0 out of 5 stars as gray as the flannel he's wearing
The book was okay, just okay. I'd shoot myself if I had paid what they wanted for this book at Barnes and Noble. It was rather slow moving and tedious esp. in the second half. Read more
Published 22 months ago by C. Ledger
2.0 out of 5 stars Man in Gray Flannel Skirt
This book gets you into the head and heart of a tortured soul. This memoir gives you a clear look at what it must be like to live your entire life focused on your appearance as if... Read more
Published 22 months ago by Philip Henderson
2.0 out of 5 stars Lots of Poor Choices...Lots of Pain and Confusion...Now What?
As a Vines Reviewer I have a tendancy to try to read outside of my usual choices. This was a mistake, in that I'm always looking for a good ending to something that appears to be... Read more
Published 22 months ago by Jeffrey S. Andrews
3.0 out of 5 stars The easy path to a life of self destruction
While I am quite amused with this book at times, I still am not sure if I like it. It can be quite fascinating to read Jon-Jon's path to some of his choices, bizarre and... Read more
Published 22 months ago by Ann M. Pitman
3.0 out of 5 stars Funny man, regardless of what he's wearing
Jon-Jon Goulian is a pretty unique sort of guy. He's a hypochondriac heterosexual body-obsessed crossdresser. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Ilovebooks
3.0 out of 5 stars Your 50 minutes are up
I feel a little trepidatious giving this three stars. Not because I think that's inaccurate, but because I'm worried that a bad review will drive the author to a nervous breakdown. Read more
Published 22 months ago by ringo
3.0 out of 5 stars a self-indulgent memoir
This book is nearly 300-pages of complete self-indulgence. Of course, all writers of autobiographies/memoirs have to be self-indulgent to some degree. Read more
Published 23 months ago by R. A. Frauenglas
4.0 out of 5 stars The Man With the Oddly-Titled Memoir
To some degree, I agree with the reviewer who says that Goulian "bears a striking resemblance to a tattooed Nosferatu on steroids and stilettos [and] is still sadly obsessed with... Read more
Published 23 months ago by I Hear Vine Voices
3.0 out of 5 stars Was expecting a lot more
I thought I would get more insight and more honesty in this book. It felt like it was forced and not genuine. Read more
Published 23 months ago by William
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