The Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What Machines Teach Us About Human Relationships [Hardcover]

Clifford Nass (Author), Corina Yen (Author)

Book Description

Release date: September 2, 2010

Counterintuitive insights about building successful relationships- based on research into human-computer interaction.

Books like Predictably Irrational and Sway have revolutionized how we view human behavior. Now, Stanford professor Clifford Nass has discovered a set of rules for effective human relationships, drawn from an unlikely source: his study of our interactions with computers.

Based on his decades of research, Nass demonstrates that-although we might deny it-we treat computers and other devices like people: we empathize with them, argue with them, form bonds with them. We even lie to them to protect their feelings.

This fundamental revelation has led to groundbreaking research on how people should behave with one another. Nass's research shows that:

• Mixing criticism and praise is a wildly ineffective method of evaluation
• Flattery works-even when the recipient knows it's fake
• Introverts and extroverts are each best at selling to one of their own

Nass's discoveries provide nothing less than a new blueprint for successful human relationships.
 

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Nass, a Stanford researcher, has the fascinating and enviable job of performing research into human interactions with technology. Question: Why did BMW receive so many complaints about its navigation system from male German drivers? Answer: German men refused to take directions from a woman (the system had a female voice). To find out if misery truly loves company, Nass paired happy and sad drivers with happy and sad virtual passengers, finding that miserable drivers preferred to be paired with miserable passengers (albeit virtual), and visa versa. The results are often intriguing, but when it comes to discussing their implications, Nass falters. His experimental anecdotes end with a "Results and Implications" appendix, and his findings often sound as banal as the platitudes he's attempting to test. The author is at his most compelling when describing technology's human failures in the marketplace, such as the demise of the despised Microsoft "Clippy," whose apparent stupidity and lack of empathy doomed him as an application (killing marketing plans to turn him into a beloved Mickey Mouse-like character). Moments like these make Nass's examination an engaging compendium of technological faux pas. (Sept.) (c)
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Review

"If Dale Carnegie had been a Google engineer, this is how he would have written How to Win Friends and Influence People. Cliff Nass shows us how much we can learn about people by understanding how people interact with computers."
-Chip Heath, coauthor of Switch and Made to Stick

"With the help of real experiments, rather than anecdotes or impressions, Clifford Nass uses people's interactions with computers as a window into social and professional life. The book is filled with insights about an increasingly important part of our lives."
-Steven Pinker, Harvard College Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, and author of How the Mind Works and The Stuff of Thought

"With engaging illustrations and compelling evidence, Clifford Nass shows how interactions with our most advanced machines reveal our most primitive workings."
-Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence: Science and Practice

"Nass and Yen serve up a wealth of practical, mind-expanding insights. This entertaining book will help you think afresh and gently lead you to social strategies that really work."
-Paul Saffo, Technology Forecaster, Discern Corporation

"The Man Who Lied to His Laptop is brilliantly accessible and will give you breakthrough insights about the single most important secret to success in business and life-building better relationships! This book is a must-read for every leader in these turbulent times."
-Mark Thompson, coauthor of Success Built to Last and Now, Build a Great Business!

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Hardcover: 224 pages
• Publisher: Current Hardcover (September 2, 2010)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1617230014
• ISBN-13: 978-1617230011
• Product Dimensions: 6.2 x 0.9 x 9.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 12.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.3 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #392,923 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

18 of 20 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely superb . . . Why couldn't I have known this 40 years ago? September 20, 2010

By Theodore A. Rushton VINE™ VOICE

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

Lie to your computer?

Well, sure. In today's high tech world, lying to one's computer is little different than sweet talking your car, pleading with a slot machine to produce a winning combo or threatening a big garden boulder that refuses to move.

In other words, it's really about how people react to situations good and bad. The basic reasoning is simple: People have an instinctive "personal" commitment to the task at hand. We are hard-wired to cooperate with others, as deftly explained by Michael Tomasello in 'Why We Cooperate.' As Nass and Yen make delightfully clear in case after case, it's human nature to talk to machines.

Many years ago, Dale Carnegie wrote the classic 'How to Win Friends and Influence People.' Nass would have would have listened to car drivers and truck mechanics and written "How to Talk to Your Car and Influence Trucks.' Since computers are now ubiquitous, he listens to people talk to computers. The result won't make the computer any smarter, but it does a lot for people.

The result is a superb book about people. Computers are like cats, the gods of our society. Neither cats nor computers listen to humans, but people pay attention to both and are much the better for it. Look at a Neolithic effigy and think of the conversations Neanderthals had with it.

The chapter on teams and team building is wonderful. Most team building gimmicks are like watching the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders -- they amuse the fans but don't teach players a thing about football. Fans want to see a winning team, more so than fancy pants dance routines.

In business, cheerleader events are "wilderness bonding" and other play-acting gimmicks. Instead of fantasy events, Nass and Yen describe how people react to situations good and bad. Yes, repeating that phrase is deliberate, because the book deals with dozens of real situations -- good and bad. It's an exercise on how to deal with people, using machines as a neutral example.

Consider, for example, a car that tells people how to drive safely. It sounds wonderful; but, if not done properly, it enrages drivers and causes accidents. Now, think of bosses who tell employees how to work efficiently and effectively; if not done properly, they enrage people and cause output to decline.

Having spent much time since the 1960s telling people what to do ... all I can say is I wish I had had this book in the 1960s. The premise is ingenious; namely, if you can learn to speak properly to your machines, you'll do fine when dealing with people.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Social lessons from an unlikely source September 28, 2010

By Ariel M'ndange-Pfupfu

Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase

People are social beings. It can be argued that the concept of self can only be defined in the context of our own interest in what other people are thinking and feeling. Nass realizes that these social behaviors may be so ingrained that they appear even when interacting with computers, and conducts his psychology experiments using machines as easily controllable partners.

The results are interesting. Many actual studies are described and explained, which I like better than a more prose-heavy argument. However, I disliked how few counterarguments were presented, and how simplistic people were at times made up to be. While there certainly are patterns in human behavior, I don't think situations are always as cut-and-dry as the authors make it sound.

Even if I don't think it's applicable to every situation, I learned a lot about social science from this book, and how to quantify or measure some abstract concepts. Things like retrograde interference, identification/interdependence, and valence/arousal are useful ways of thinking about how people behave, and they're explained very well. It is also particularly helpful that there is a focus on counter-intuitive findings, which end up making sense and forming an overarching consistent picture.

I can only echo Nass' praise of Corina Yen's writing, which must have made it able to transform a large quantity of data into a clearly presented argument, with the right emphasis and concision to make it an absorbing read. I recommend this book to anyone who wants to gain some insight into how people (yourself included) think and why they act the way they do. With practice I even think it will make me a better reviewer!

7 of 8 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Lessons from Human-Computer Interaction September 12, 2010

By Daniel Tunkelang

Format:Hardcover

It's great when a book that is this full of serious research is also well written and highly entertaining. Nass and Yen bring together a collection of experimental results that repeatedly demonstrate how people treat computers like other people, and how we can draw conclusions about human social behavior from these human-computer experiments. The book is a great read--informative and funny, if a bit creepy when you think through its implications. I wrote a longer reaction on my blog:[...]
Disclaimer: I received a review copy from the publisher.