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The Mandates: 25 Real Rules for Successful Gay Dating Kindle Edition

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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

"Across the world, eligible gay men are still 'social outlaws,' a ragtag gang of hormonally driven cowboys riding into romantic battle with guns, 'ammo,' and no clue," writes Singleton, who spent many hours listening to his friends' dating woes to formulate the rules he espouses here. A couple of his mandates could be applied to straight folks ("#22: Be True to Your Own Standards" or "#19: Ax the Word Ex"), but Singleton recognizes that most gay men don't adhere to the conventional "till death do us part" rigamarole. Accordingly, he provides would-be Romeos with handy gay-specific tips like "Hit on Someone Your Own Size (And Double Your Wardrobe)." The book contains some filler (such as Singleton's trite list of forgivable and unforgivable sins), but most readers will appreciate the author's breezy but knowledgeable take on gay dating.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From the Inside Flap

How do you win the dating game if you're a gay man?

After many years of serial monogamy, Dave Singleton went to the front lines to find out, exploring the lives of other gay men who found themselves on the dating fast track with guys they'd met from work, at the gym or bars, and, increasingly, on the Internet. Thus, The Mandates was born; a laugh-out-loud but completely true set of rules about the making (or breaking) of men's romantic relationships.

A sampling:

Mandate #10: Everything You Need to Know, You Learn in the First Five Minutes
Mandate #12: The Difference Between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now: Learn It!
Mandate #13: Things You Should Never, Ever, for Any Reason Say Out Loud in the First Six Months of Dating
Mandate #24: Be Your Own Judge Judy: Evaluating Heinous vs. Forgivable Sins

Plus, A Gay Dating Primer: Dos and Don'ts, and excellent advice on The Who, What, Where, and How of Meeting a Guy and Marking the Milestones of Gay Dating. At long last, here is a hilarious, definitive gay man's guide to finding Mr. Right.

Product Details

  • File Size: 4123 KB
  • Print Length: 240 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony (December 18, 2007)
  • Publication Date: December 18, 2007
  • Sold by: Random House LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B0012SMGMY
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Enhanced Typesetting: Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #913,206 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

47 of 48 people found the following review helpful By A on July 2, 2006
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
For $10 I guess its fine, but I didn't learn anything from this book at all. If anything, I actually feel more alienated. I do not live in the gay neighborhood of my city nor do I hang out exclusively with gay people. However, coexisting with straight people isn't even a passing thought in this book. Basically, if you don't live as a cher-worshipping rainbow flag waving poster child of gaydom, the book paints you as a maladjusted closet case who should be avoided at all costs. I agree with the review that said this is a good guide to turning into a "flaky queen". Also, I cannot even count the number of times alcohol is referred to in this book (and I rarely drink) but any drug use is met with a "kick him to the curb, girlfriend" attitude (I don't do drugs either, but I'm just pointing it out). The book does not answer any central questions about what men want. There is research out there about how important a good body *really* is and how important masculine traits really are for a relationship vs. hookup. This author did not pull any of that in. However, there is an underlying assumption that ALL gay men go to the gym, and usually that is an all-gay gym (so I guess a good body is really important to him...). As far as the authors take on the value that gay men place on education or personal growth - oh wait - neither topic is ever mentioned. The whole book can be summed up with the fact that the author actually gives advice on "what to say if he catches you looking at his Streisand CDs when he comes out of the bathroom". So, essentially, the book is a disappointing series of common-sense superficial tips that anyone who went to high school already knows: "don't seem needy or desperate, be confident, don't go into your whole life story on the first date.Read more ›
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful By ExplorationB on March 4, 2011
Format: Paperback
I consider myself an average normal guy. This book is good for people who are concerned about the way they look, the way they age (Apparently 30 is old, old, old) and people who don't see themselves settling down and having kids.

As the Author says "The real goal of Mandates is for men to date successfully. That means finding a man who attracts you, sustains your interest, makes you as happy as you make him and wants the same level of dating as you." He points out that this doesn't mean Getting Married or reaching your 50th anniversery together surrounded by grandchildren. According to him this doesn't seem likely and setting yourself up for failure to expect too much from other guys.

Take note - if you feel a certain way about romance, chances are there are guys out there who think the same way as you. Look for them and bypass this book.

On the other hand if you are that shallow to care about what a dude thinks of your CD collection then pick this book up. And don't call me, i'll call you.

This book was written well, easy to read but the content was stereotypical and useless for anyone looking for a real relationship. I think the author would be excellent at writing a column for a newspaper and have the ability to write compelling articles, just not a book on dating.
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5 of 5 people found the following review helpful By Ryan on November 14, 2011
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book was written for guys with an avoidant attachment system and those who want to date them. Avoidant means they lack the need to be intimate and they push you away if you get too close. This book tells you how to "play the game," which basically means you send the wrong messages to attract the wrong men who will eventually make you miserable. That "chemistry" you feel at first is your attachment system being activated; it's great for a one night stand because of all the hormones and the energy, but for long term it's almost always doomed because once your attachment system calms down, the avoidant guy you've fallen for will not reciprocate the intimacy on a level you desire. If a guy makes you "bored" then go for him because he's not sending you signals that make you nervous; calm and relaxed is good. If you seriously want to learn dating/relationship skills then read Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind?and Keep?Love. Mandates does not take into account the guys who have anxious or secure attachment systems, which are much more affectionate in the beginnings of a relationship.

However, something good did come from reading this book; I was able to understand how another portion of men think/behave which is very different from how I think/behave. It has allowed me to sort of blend the two and has actually helped me in dating to understand that some guys just like to take things slow in regards to intimacy and relationships and that it doesn't mean they won't be great for you, they just might start out more guarded.
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18 of 23 people found the following review helpful By J. Dabrowski on June 7, 2004
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Most of this book was common sense aside from a few things with which I completely disagreed.
It was good in the sense that in went into the details of how you merge the two lives, and the complications that happen once you're an item.
However, the author confuses sarcastic bitchyness with humor at times.
There is a section about how to handle your friends when they're about to "dish" you to your date. First of all, why would you be friends with someone who would mudsling you in the first place? Why keep that kind of negativity around? He could've simplified that chapter into one sentence, "don't keep mean-spirited idiots for friends".
The author has an obvious bias against monogomy and those who only feel comfortable in monogamous relationships. He admits to being burned once, and somehow blames monogamy rather than the idiot who cheated on him. It's like blaming the school because your kids skip class.
Oh, and if you're thinking about family and kids, this book has almost no mention of looking for guys with fathering skills.
Unfortunately by trying to simplify dating, and alieviate heartbreak, misfortune, and poor judgement--the author has managed to suck all the magic out of it.
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