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56 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Even Momma's Boys Are Manipulative
When my marriage was falling apart, I quite literally wondered if I was going crazy. Everyone loved my husband. Even my parents loved him. I felt as if perhaps maybe there was something intrinsically wrong with the way I was feeling. My husband was so passive, and non aggressive that I began feeling as if I was the one that was the problem.

This book was...
Published on April 16, 2012 by Lisa A. Romano

versus
3 of 4 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Interesting tidbits, not a favorite.
the content did not flow but definitely had some interesting tidbits. Better books are : Why Does He Do That? and 'You Don't Have to Take it Anymore' These add more depth and understanding of manipulative behavior. I would also highly recommend 'The Gaslight Effect', to better understand what you can do to and develop healthy responses that prevent you from getting...
Published 15 months ago by Knurse


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56 of 57 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Even Momma's Boys Are Manipulative, April 16, 2012
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
When my marriage was falling apart, I quite literally wondered if I was going crazy. Everyone loved my husband. Even my parents loved him. I felt as if perhaps maybe there was something intrinsically wrong with the way I was feeling. My husband was so passive, and non aggressive that I began feeling as if I was the one that was the problem.

This book was like a breath of fresh air. I was not crazy for being frustrated with a man who always had an excuse for why he couldn't do what he promised he was going to do. I was not crazy for being angry at him when he refused to make a decision or follow through. In fact, my anger and frustration were appropriate responses, and my depression was just the result of me talking myself into the notion that I had no right to be angry or frustrated by such a 'nice passive' man.

My husband wasn't violent. In fact he was so passive, I sometimes wondered if he cared about anything at all. It was like living with a wet sponge.

The MM taught me to recognize extreme passiveness as a sign of manipulation and control. His passiveness controlled everything. I just didn't see it, because I had been conditioned to think manipulative men were more obvious and aggressive than he was.

MM helped me detach from blaming myself, in spite of what even my family thought about my decisions. It was a valuable tool on my road to recovery.

It not only helped me to recognize my ex husbands behavior as disrespectful and manipulative, but it also taught me to be on the look out for other types of manipulative men as well. Girls, this is a must read!!!! This book is like a manual for self care...You must be willing to look at yourself and what you are attracting into your life as well. You must be willing to take accountability for the way you think, and ultimately for your decisions to keep the men you do, in your life.

I highly recommend this book...
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37 of 38 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It's not me..., December 26, 2006
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
This book is a must read for anyone who has found themself in a relationship and second guessed their own sanity. I found myself glued to each chapter, seeing red-flags and finding answers to questions that I would not dare ask anyone. This is a great reference book to be picked up again and again.

The insight gained is invaluable.

The author's style is sprinkled with humor, and the reader is anxious to delve deeper into the human psyche. Once started, you cannot put it down.

Great advice for dealing with Emotional Vampires.
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39 of 43 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars You can learn a lot!, June 23, 2006
By 
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
Written for women, The Manipulative Man is a detailed breakdown of the various kinds of men (behaviors). The subtitle really says it all, giving women help with these three main areas of identifying, countering and regaining.

The types are:

-- Mama's Boy

-- The Workaholic

-- The Eternal Jock

-- The Dependent Man (Woe-is-me complex)

-- Exciting Risk Taker & Full-blown Antisocial

-- The Womanizer

-- The Passive-Aggressive Man

-- The Narcissist

-- The Psychopath (and she says they are NOT all in prison)

-- Violent Manipulator

The last section is about why you might have chosen Mr. Wrong and how to make new choices--how to avoid the manipulation trap.

In each of the "kind of guys" section listed above, the author thoroughly explains the traits, behaviors, beliefs of each every guy does not have all traits), including their manipulative techniques.

Read the case studies, you can clearly see and hear the interaction and help you identify these kinds of guys. Most of the interactions are frustrated women who have already married one of these guys. The test at the end of each chapter will help you "score" him and what the score means.

Dr. McCoy explains that it's all about rules, consequences (likes like parenting) in dating or marrying these types. And the bottom line is: What do you want to do?

Some of this information was so real, so scary the book should carry a warning labels that says: Don't Read This Alone, in the Dark!

In Eternal Jock, for example, the popular athlete who all the girls wanted to date in high school and college, does not make a good husband and father until he "grows up" and realizes that THAT THE GAME OF LIFE can be exciting and give him the praise and attention his type needs.

Who should read this book? My copy goes to a single daughter and I've suggested to several dating friends why need to get their own copy--it's that good. It is like "Man 101" for all its easy-to-understand insights.

Armchair Interviews says: A woman of any age who is dating can learn a lot about men before it's too late--and she's been latched onto by one of these manipulators.
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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Saving salvageable relationships, January 5, 2012
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This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
Manipulative individuals say and do things to control and undermine others. In its extreme form, manipulation is a form of emotional abuse. The Manipulative Man by Dorothy McCoy, EdD, is essential reading for everyone who wishes to work on problematic relationships with flawed, manipulative individuals who are not full-fledged personality disordered. All human beings are flawed yet most of us still manage to have close relationships with our family members and romantic partners. Many have tendencies of personality disorders; few have full-blown personality disorders, however.

While as Sandra Brown, M.A. explains in How to Spot a Dangerous Man, personality disorders are not fixable and relationships with such individuals are very dangerous and damaging, what do we do about the rest: namely, our relationships with 90 percent of the population, who, like us, has human flaws that can be worked on and improved? This is where Dorothy McCoy's book, The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control, offers very useful coping strategies that can strengthen our ties to our significant others and mend our relationships.

McCoy first explains the manipulative personality types and his (or her) strategies of manipulation, which include: excessive flattery (especially at the beginning of the relationship), deceit, bullying, stonewalling, pity play, and projecting blame upon the victim, among others. She then offers a typology of manipulative men that women are likely to encounter and have problems with. These include: the Mama's Boy (characterized by dependency and need for caretaking and adulation); the Workaholic (who is a perfectionist, often suffers from Obsessive Personality Disorder and defines himself in terms of his work); the Eternal Jock (who relives his glory days and can't move on and deal with the responsibilities of his life); the Dependent Man (who can't make decisions and defines himself excessively in terms of his relationship to his partner, thus draining her time and energy); the Antisocial (who engages in risk-taking, transgressive and even criminal behavior, with no remorse, for the thrill of it); the Womanizer (who is often a love or sex addict, whose appetite for new conquests can never be satiated); the Passive-Aggressive man (who wallows in self-pity and constantly undermines his partner's self-esteem and accomplishments); the Narcissist (who essentially worships his own altar and views others as a mirror that reflects his perfection and greatness); the Psychopath (the social predator who charms his way into women's lives with flattery and deceit in order to use and harm them) and the Violent Manipulator (who engages in domestic violence).

The Manipulative Man explains each of these manipulative types by including not only descriptions, but also case studies that offer concrete examples and engage the reader. The book also offers coping strategies for such troubled relationships and outlines the difference between problematic traits and full-blown personality disorders. In other words, the author distinguishes between character deficiencies that can't be fixed--the best one can do in such situations is escape the relationship with minimal harm--and tendencies that may be able to be improved by working together, as a couple, on the relationship.

Even in those relationships that can be ameliorated, McCoy emphasizes that both partners have to be willing to make changes for the sake of their relationship and sustain those improvements consistently, over time. The Manipulative Man makes an important contribution to the field of couples' counseling and offers an excellent supplement to therapy. This book tells readers in a clear and entertaining manner how to save salvageable relationships while not shying away from advising not trying to save the unsalvageable relationships with personality disordered individuals.

Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Instructive guide to managing manipulators, December 16, 2008
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
Things would be just fine if only you would take complete responsibility for everything. That's what "manipulative men" would like you to believe, says renowned behavioral expert Dorothy McCoy. She has written a useful field guide describing the most prevalent types of manipulative males. Find out what motivates them and how you may be unknowingly contributing to the difficulties in your relationship. getAbstract recommends taking some of McCoy's quizzes to identify manipulative patterns. Try her advice for change. Chances are you're not the crazy one.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!, July 22, 2013
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
The Manipulative Man is a great book. The book can be read by a woman who is dating or married to a controlling man. However, it can also be read by a woman who is any relationship where a male is using malevolent techniques to control her...this can include a brother or a father. As if I was a 12 year old child and well beyond the age of 30, my father was still controlling me. He was verbally and physically abusive to me. Without devastating harassment, I could not leave "his house." He would not allow me to date, drive, seek employment, attend church services, go to the dentist, go to the hair salon, or just take a casual stroll. He tried to deprive me of any personal growth. He decided that my "role" was to stay in his house and to take care of my family, for my entire life. His superimposed collapsed lifestyle lead to my becoming depressed. Also, I began to experience physical illnesses. My father had put me on the Fast Track, for an early death. When I decided to move away, his behavior became more aggressive and violent. He called my house and while screaming at me, he demanded to know, why I was in my apartment?" His hatred for me grew. He retaliated by medically abandoning me, and refusing to physically help me when I became sick. I felt like a Saudi Arabian woman, living in Saudi Arabia. The Manipulative Man came to the rescue! Ms McCoy's book is a comprehensive evaluation of the irrational, self-centered and destructive patterns of such men. The various chapters describe the psychologically damaging tools that these males use. Ms. McCoy does not blame you, the victim for your circumstances. With an empirical curve, she educates you on how analyze such aberrant male behaviors, how to make decisions for yourself and how to "manage your own life." As a target of such dysfunction, her book can be painful to read. However, and importantly, she emphasizes that you must stay emotionally calm. She reinforces that logic and persistency toward working toward your goals are two of the best "tactics" for the male dominated female to use, so that you can set free. Your goal might be to positively modify your female/male relationship, or to completely break free of your male-dominated bondage. This book will help you get on the right path. You deserve it!

Good reading for a better life.

Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal with People Who Try to Control You
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightenment, August 17, 2011
By 
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
"The Manipulative Man" could be used as a primer for younger women who haven't already recognized unscrupulous behavior. For women like me, who married manipulative men with disastrous results, it was both enlightening as well as a reminder of the red flags I should have seen. For me, the last section on why women choose such men was eye-opening. And for women everywhere who assume that "that's just the way men are," there is hope in this book by showing us ways to both recognize and avoid such dishonest conduct. It's affirmation for those of us who always thought we could have or should have done it better.

I appreciate the way this book was organized, with tests at the end of each chapter and I especially liked all the test cases cited in Dr. McCoy's personal practice.

I would recommend for women who keep asking themselves why they always end up with the same kind of man, or better, for women who intentionally choose a "different" man who ultimately reveals the same behaviors.

As I find myself mid-life dating, I will keep this book handy as reference material. Well done.

Jacqueline Gum, author
"Confessions of a Corporate Slut"
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4 of 4 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars An Inside View, September 26, 2009
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This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
This is the best book I have found to lend light to BOD behavors. I found the book to be very enlightening and allowed me to better understand my spouse's behavior. Easy to read, easy to understand.
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6 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book, December 18, 2006
This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
Manipulation doesn't have a gender, so when I read the Manipulative Man I thought of many men and women who would fit the "case" characters in the book. I just wish I had known how to recognize them at the times I was dealing with them and thinking that "I" was the one who was going crazy. I guess that was my first clue. The descriptions in this book make it easy to stop a manipulative person. It is good to know there are things that I can do to protect myself from these high maintenance people. I look at people from a slightly different perspective now. It really is a very readable and insightful book.
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3 of 3 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A "Must" Read, November 24, 2013
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This review is from: The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control (Paperback)
After ending a relationship with someone who made no sense, I started listing his actions. He was very charming and complimentary. It was obvious he wanted me to think that I was the most wonderful woman on earth to him. Then, his behavior would suddenly change. Aloof, avoiding answering my direct questions. When I found out he was charming many other women as well, I said goodbye. I thought this man really was "the one" and was hurt and confused. Why did he act the way he did? I was not the one who pursued the relationship or showered him with compliments of grandeur. If you have unanswered questions - if you don't understand the man who seems so wonderful one minute and so strange the next, please read this. It won't "fix" your relationship. It will, however, give you enough information to get out. GET OUT! These people are sick - be it conscientious or not, they ARE sick. There are varying degrees of sociopathy and psychopathy - all are bad and some are deadly.
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The Manipulative Man: Identify His Behavior, Counter the Abuse, Regain Control
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