on March 18, 2012
Coming from a woman's perspective, this book hit RIGHT ON with the problems I was having being attracted to my husband. It actually tells men how to make their wives want them. It's written by a man, for men, and I appreciated that because the author gave examples with his own relationship with his wife on his daily interactions that work to help her lust after him. It made it much more concrete and real-life to us as the readers.
Not only does the book talk about why I was feeling less attracted to my very physically fit, tall, extremely athletic, highly intelligent, well-maintained, loving husband, but it gave specific steps for him to take in order to make me go crazy for him again. I had no idea it was as easy as him becoming more of an alpha-male at home with me. I knew I wanted him to be more assertive in the bedroom and generally in our married life together by making more or most of the decisions such as where we're going to eat or what we're going to do this weekend, but no matter how many times and ways I tried to tell him this, it didn't seem to compute because he's so polite with me and that's how he showed me love. This book not only explains to a man why and how to be assertive with women, but also has anecdotes of the author's personal relationship with his wife on little playful interactions and flirtation that a lot of men like my husband didn't do and didn't think to do. The author was able to put into words and communicate to my husband in a fun, comical way, what I could not, in explaining what I really wanted and needed in a man.
Be forewarned, the author sort of blames women for their unhappiness in the marriage and points the finger at women for helping to "create" men they won't desire. It wasn't until I read further, that I had to agree with him. I am one of those women who thought that by "training" my husband to do more chores around the house and by getting him to be more domesticated, nurturing and sensitive in our relationship, I'd be happier. Even though it's clear the book is meant for men to read, I couldn't help but read most of it myself. I decided to stop reading about 80 pages from the end because I didn't want to know, in advance, what alpha "sex moves" my husband may try on me. I love surprises! I must also say that just the act of reading the book turned me on to my husband more before he even attempted the new improved alpha-male with me.
This book concentrates on telling you the truth and giving you common sense, logical solutions to the problems. It may not be what appeals to some women's sensitivities and feminist-minded viewpoints. In other words, it's not politically correct, but I liked that! I've read those types of books and nothing helped my situation. I truly believe my husband needed to be "de-programmed" from the feminist mindset he was raised in and made to understand that his instincts about how to take the lead and give a few orders as the head of the family with our kids as well as with me, while also showing me his love (which he already knew very well how to do, are natural and good for our relationship. Don't get the wrong impression. The author isn't condoning any kind of abuse or jerk mentality, he's just stating the facts - that most women want and need to be dominated in their sexual relationships in order to be truly content and turned on sexually.
I plan on recommending this book to any and all of my friends complaining about their relationships / marriages. It really was a life-saver!
on May 15, 2011
This is one of the most liberating books I have ever read. Pop culture would have males believe that speaking up for themselves and being a leader is somehow demeaning to women.
The feminist movement has for too long purported that the sensitive male is what women really want. They do. Everyone needs emotional closeness. But women also want men to be men. Women want men to lead. Testosterone is not the evil that the pop psychologists would have you believe. Being a man is not about demeaning or dominating or abusing your mate. It is about being a leader.
My wife is an immensely talented highly valuable career woman. Yet she wants me to be the leader at home.
The book gives married men good advice on being a better leader at home.
on October 25, 2011
I don't remember exactly how I cam across this book, I think I found Athol's blog and ordered the book from there, but I know that my wife and I have been having ongoing problems for years and I was ready to get out.
Enter the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011. I blasted through the book in two days, Athol's style is informal and accessible (most of the content is modified from the blog) that makes this book an easy read despite a ton of content.
After reading the book I realize that being the "nice guy" husband isn't enough to get my needs met in the marriage and have started the "plan" to bettering myself. My wife responded positively almost immediately, but was confused at how abrupt the change was. I'm in a constant battle with myself right now, trying to undo years worth of self-defeating behaviors that I thought would help. Trust me, it's worth it.
Guys, I can not recommend this book highly enough. Athol provides a fresh new way of looking at your relationship and gives biological, evolutionary, and otherwise completely rational explanations for how relationships work.
If your wife has shut down on you and you're feeling trapped, the problem may not be that you just aren't doing enough housework, like I've seen other books recommend, but that you aren't giving your wife a man that is worth being attracted to.
In sum, if you're willing to put forth some effort, this book works. If you aren't getting what you want out of the marriage, try this first. It will save you a ton of money that you'll be spending on hookers or lawyers.
on June 30, 2013
If you have read His needs, her Needs and haven't figured out why it isn't working or read 5 love languages and marriage is still a pain, read this book. Your wife needs you to lead and you need her to follow. Supplicating to her is never going to work.
on December 27, 2013
I'm blaming any typo on the fact that I am writing this on a smart phone keyboard. Athols advice is on point. I just got married; it's the second time, and simply wanted to see his point of view. As I read the book, I realized that these are all things me and my friends always did when we were in our 20s. It's a good thing to be reminded especially after 18 years in the aftermath of a failed marriage that has succeeded in suppressing a whole lot of nessecary relationshipAlpha behavior. The funny thing is that at work I am the Alpha...at home I had become compromised in the attempt to keep a marriage together without recognizing all of those "tests" for what they are. The key message that I received, even though it may not have been intended, was that even though society and our women may act as if we are supposed to become "betaized" (Athols and others terminology from the so-called "manosphere"), it is clear to me that it is not makes the majority of relationships stay healthy. It seems that for the most part , he has it right but I can't help but to think he has simplified things greatly. He also seems to be quite clear that some marriages need to end. I agree; but, again, it sometimes is not quite that simple. It is noted however that this is not supposed to be a book on how to end a marriage . For those who have found themselves made "wimpy" by the expectations of society as well as the perception that their wives need us to be that way, his book is key. Beware not to become a misogynist though. One thought: Implementing what Athol is espousing will require a great amount of self discipline as well as hard work on oneself. My experience has been that he is majorly correct ; especially since I recently, in the last 3 years, went through the transformation that he discusses. For me, it started out of raw need; I was out of shape, he'd forgotten how to attract by merely relying on my presence and was too eager to do what any reasonably sucessful man with a good salary tends to do: emphasize his immediate and visible trappings thinking that it will attract women. Well it does, but for reasons that, as Athol explains, many will regret. It makes you only as useful or 'dersireable' as far as your money will go. It is much more awe-inspiring, confidence building, easier, hotter, fascinating and intriguing to do it the primitive way. That is, be more of a man, unapologetically masculine. This may mean herd work for those who 'need' this book. But it is worth it. You will be awkward at first. You will make mistakes. You might get discouraged. But the first time some hot woman turns her head to look at you walk by, the first time some chick at work touches your arm while talking about nothing that warrants it, the first time in a long time your wife acts overtly 'submissive' to you, you will know that you are on he right path.
At 55 years old, I would never imagined that women firm 25 to 65 often, very often, make small,talk with me. Once when I went to the DMV to pay for a ticket that I forgot to pay, a very attractive 35-ish, fit, MARRIED WOMAN, sitting two empty chairs away asked some dumb question. As I answered an as our conversation advanced, she literally moved to sit next to me. Before we parted ways, she had given me her business card with her personal cell phone scribbled on it. Now, I am happily married but it is unquestionably satisfyin to realize, over and over, that you are desired by all kinds of women, randomly, just because you are what you are. Some may or may not achieve this quite so blatantly and directly. It depends on your natural self. But rest assured, I believe that every name can do better; if you try hard enough you will increase your desirability from your wife, at a minimum.
Realize this: if your wife is even medium hot, she's getting all kinds of attention from men other than you and that she has way more opportunity to stray than you do.
Part of what this book is about is flipping that script. Ensuring that she sees you as attractive to other women and as a consequence keeps her own game tight win you, making hose other guys fundamentally irrelevant.
You will have to take my word for this since I can't prove it to you and there is no video, but since having reasonably effective mastery of the tenets in the book, while in the dating pool, sex, every mans motivation for many things, has been handed to me. I never chased, only attracted, and intrigued...and enjoyed, mutually.
It would have been wonderful to have had this concise recipe at the time - it would have given me even more motivation with less trial and error out there during my initial middle -aged dips into in the dating pool. It is an amazing thing to see how women , single as well as married, respond to me even when I am not remotely trying to attract them. Another example: today I was on a tour bus with another family. The wife could not stop touching me in conversation that I did not initiate. I actually began talk more and more with the husband . As I did she insisted on finding every opportunity to get my attention back. Two things: 1) that marriage is in trouble and 2) women are clearly driven by something g even they don't understand. It's fundamentally primal. Get this book and start your journey to freedom in areas that don't even have to do with sex in your marriage.
on May 23, 2011
Hi! I interviewed Athol for a woman's relationship blog and while he is indeed, very in your face and all about sex - and has standards that are improbable to meet for any living 40+ year old woman...but he's offering inside advice from a high level of having it all for a man - and having it all to give to a woman! His game is in fact a very high quality product. His book and his blog are written in a style that is controversial and provocative - but his advice isn't. He's sharp, articulate, knowledgeable and easy to read.
Read this book with an open mind and you'll find ideas you can tweak and use in your life as a woman. And - as a woman - it's always good to know what the guys are talking about! The "game" is a real phenomenon and if you are too prejudiced to learn the jargon and the theory, there's a good chance you'll be played. Athol's radical blunt honesty may be easily dismissed but do so to your own detriment. I agree with the reviewer who said she'd recognized a pattern she'd never wanted in her life - and now wanted her man to step up.
And - by the way - before you decide you can judge Athol's character by his writing or his horndogedness....please refer to page 240 where he brackets in "How to Say I Love You," the sidenote - "hopefully you mean this and are not just a lying....jerk (paraphrased!)" He's realistic: give yourself a year to move yourself up a point on the desirability meter; confident: don't ask do you want to have coffee, say "I'm going for coffee, want to come?"; and actually champions monogamy with a realistic view of how much effort it takes to make a relationship an ongoing courtship.
For the man or woman in a sexless marriage, which can also be fraught with hurt feelings and lowered self esteem, the promise of the book can be a lifesaver. While sex is not everything in a relationship, NOT having it can be a death blow to it. Athol's book will help with that situation. Parts of the book may make you laugh out loud, parts may make you ask some really hard questions of yourself and your relationship and all of it will help you get what you want in it.
on November 24, 2015
Easy read with interesting take on Hisband - Wife dynamic. Openly discussing with progressive wife she disagrees with the theories BUT when I put the suggestions in action she responds very well. Been married 26 years and find myself being overly sensitive to every wife need and comment. She did feel in my quest to please I had become a little bit of a wimp. As I put suggestions from the book into practice regarding smaller things, overall relationship improved quickly. Would recommend as a counter to all the books the wives read that all clamor for neutered males. This promotes a traditional Male role that appeals at a more primal level. The writing style is engaging, witty and borderline comedy which makes it easier to keep with it. Found myself reading excerpts to wife to get her to talk and laugh.
on April 5, 2014
After almost going through a divorce (wife almost left me for another guy) I was forced to do a lot of soul searching. I picked up this book in my soul-searching efforts and there is just one word to describe this book.....AWESOME. This book should be REQUIRED reading for all males before entering into any type of long-term relationship. This book is filled with so much great advice that I literally could not put this book down. I've recommended this book to all of my male friends, and the ones who have read it all agree about how great this book is. No this isn't your typical self-help crappy book designed to make you feel good about yourself. This book grabs you by both shoulders and slaps you across the face.
There are so many great things in this book I don't even know where to start. One excerpt that really stuck with me is how he says if your woman ever tells you "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" then that is the biggest red flag in the world that your relationship is about to be over. He says a woman who says this usually already has your replacement (another guy) lined up, and she's just stalling for time while she tries to transition her life over to this new guy. I know it sounds like a general statement, but this is SO true. My wife actually said the exact same thing when our marriage counselor asked if she loved. Of course later I did found out there was another guy she was interested in.
There's another part of the book where it talks about how to stop putting up with a sexless marriage. There is so much good material in this book, you will want to read it repeatedly so it all sinks in. I followed his "plan of action" and the happiness in our marriage has increased TENFOLD. This book is a MUST buy for any male.
on December 6, 2011
We may not like human nature but it is what it is.
This book shows men how to be better husbands so they can get more of what they want out of the marriage. But it also leads I believe to much better relationships.
It is a "must" for men who want to improve their married life. Some of it is a bit repetitive but it is very well written, has a lot of humor (who can forget the "rationalization hamster" for example?) and spells things out like it is.
If you have noticed these pick-up artist books, and have read one or two of them, you know that men and women relate in a certain way due to how we are genetically put together, our programming.
This book simply takes that type of information and shows you how to apply it. You, the man, make yourself better, and you become more attractive to your wife. You are both happier.
Manipulative? Well, if you can do something that leads to a better you and a better marriage, what's wrong with that? Don't we do everything (including have children) because it makes us feel better about ourselves?
If this is manipulation, bring it on!
on November 18, 2014
If your wife hates you, doesn't respect you, wants to leave you - read the book.
If your wife feels neutral towards you, isn't excited with you, but is merely putting up with you - read this book.
If you wife loves you, and can't wait til you and her can be together every evening, then read this book and figure out what brother or friend you can give this book to.
If you just want to improve a little, or want to fill in the gaps here or there - then read this book.
If you've been married 1 year, 2 years, or 10 years, maybe even 15 years - get the book. You'll find things that apply to you.
And for heaven's sake, you don't have to read the whole thing. It's kind of long. Just read the chapters that apply to you.
I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book!! The author has no psychology credentials that I know of, but has amazingly written the most refreshing, "you hit the nail on the head" book for understanding women, and communicating that to all you men folk that I have read in 15 years. He was so right on, that I had to quit reading it because I didn't want know ALL of your women-seducing secrets. It was so right on. Plus, I don't want to hold him accountable for something the book says he "should" try, etc. But the part about Old Boyfriends, Sexual Rank, Isolate/Instigate/Escalate, and how to move your wife from tired-mom-doing-dinner-dishes or working-late-night-on-her-lap-top INTO the a sexual mood directed towards you are true, true, and true.
Get it. Just get it.