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The Mom Factor [Paperback]

John Townsend , Henry Cloud , John Sims Townsend
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)

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Book Description

September 22, 1998
No one has influenced the person you are today like your mother. The way she handled your needs as a child has shaped your worldview, your relationships, your marriage, your career, your self-image -- your life. The Mom Factor can help you identify areas that need reshaping, to make positive choices for personal change, and to establish a nature relationship with Mom today. Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend steer you down a path of discovery and growth beyond the effects of six common mom types: - The Phantom Mom . . . - The China Doll Mom - The Controlling Mom . . . - The Trophy Mom - The Still-the-Boss Mom . . . The American Express Mom -- You'll learn how your mom affected you as a child and may still be affecting you today. And you'll find a realistic and empowering approach to filling your unmet mothering needs in healthy, life-changing ways through other people. The Mom Factor is a biblical route to wholeness and growth, to deeper and more satisfying bonds with your family, friends, and spouse -- and to a new, healthier way of relating to your mother today.

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The Mom Factor + Changes That Heal + Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't
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Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Readers learn to make more positive, satisfying life choices as they understand and develop healthier ways to relate to their mothers today.

From the Author

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are popular speakers, licensed psychologists, co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program, and cofounders of Cloud/Townsend Communications. Best-selling coauthors of several books, including Boundaries, they maintain private practices in Newport Beach, California

Product Details

  • Paperback: 256 pages
  • Publisher: Zondervan (September 22, 1998)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0310225590
  • ISBN-13: 978-0310225591
  • Product Dimensions: 5.4 x 0.7 x 8.4 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (26 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #49,908 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Cloud is a leadership consultant, best-selling author, and speaker whose books have sold well over 5 million copies. He consults and speaks for companies and organizations in the area of leadership and performance, and is highly regarded for his ability to connect personal and interpersonal development with the needs of business.
He is a clinical psychologist and leadership consultant with a unique ability to connect with audiences. Drawing upon his broad range of experiences in private practice, leadership consulting, and media, he simplifies life's issues and gives easy to understand, practical advice. It's Dr. Cloud's humor, compassion and "in the moment" confrontation that make his approach to psychology, business and spirituality such a success.
Dr. Cloud has written, or co-written, more than twenty books, including the two-million-seller Boundaries and his most recent books, Necessary Endings, Integrity, The One Life Solution, The Law of Happiness and 9 Things You Simply Must Do. His books have sold over five million copies. His works have been reviewed and featured by such publications as The New York Times, The Wall St. Journal, The Boston Globe, The Los Angeles Times and many others. Dr. Cloud co-hosts the nationally syndicated radio program New Life Live, which is heard in over 180 markets.
As a speaker, he is a favorite at corporate events, conventions, and public arena events on a variety of topics, speaking regularly through the U.S. and internationally.
In his consulting practice, he works with leaders in a wide range of organizations and corporations, from family help firms to Fortune 25 and Fortune 500 companies. He has an extensive executive coaching background and experience as an organizational and leadership consultant, spending the majority of his hands-on time with CEOs and executive teams.
Dr. Cloud founded and built a health care company which operated treatment centers in forty markets in the Western U.S. for which he served as Clinical Director for ten years. In that context of hands-on clinical experience, he developed and researched many of the treatment principles and methods that he communicates to audiences now. After selling the company, he devoted his time to consulting and coaching, spreading principles of hope and life-change through speaking, writing and media.
He is a graduate of Southern Methodist University, earning a B.S. in psychology with honors. He completed his Ph.D. in clinical psychology at Biola University, and his clinical internship at Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health. His philanthropic interests lie in the area of homelessness and the inner city, as well as missions in the developing world. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Tori, and their two daughters, Olivia and Lucy.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
114 of 118 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent starting point in achieveing self-awareness. August 31, 1999
Format:Paperback
Written with much compassion. It is not a mom-bashing book. If a reader is looking for someone to blame for his/her life, this is not the book to read. Writers are insightful in how our moms' interactions with us have influenced us and shaped how we view ourselves and relate with others. The writers explain that our moms continue to influence us, well into our adulthood, whether or not we continue to have contact with them. The writers are careful to explain that our fears and hopes have their origins in our relationships with our moms. Most importantly, the writers give guidelines, based on practical and Biblical concepts, to healthier living despite extended dysfunctional relationships with our moms. The writers are realistic about the difficulties their readers may face with such challenge. They exhibit empathy in their certainty that self-awareness and healthy living could be ultimately achieved.
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86 of 90 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical & Biblically Based Help for Adult Children October 16, 2004
Format:Paperback
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well known in the Christian community. They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program. They are best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular "Boundaries" series.
The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the adult you are today. They help you to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or may not include your mother. Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by denying them, they must be processed and worked through. We must watch out for our tendencies to resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with our mother figures.
Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them. These include the China Doll Mom, the Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the Still-The-Boss Mom.
Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included. For instance, in the China Doll Mom chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears, upset, or out of the room before you have completed your first sentence. "The adult child feels guilty for `hurting mom,' especially if other siblings fuse with mom's self-victimization. The rest of the clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom's demeanor. The siblings will then unite against the "black sheep" who is so mean to mother. In this way, they are able to displace their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to reconcile honestly.
... Read more ›
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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Paperback
This book gave me the motivation and the ability to move past childhood problems and focus on the here and now. My mother and I have been able to slowly create a new friendship versus complaining about our previous relationship. I am truly appreciative to the authors.
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30 of 32 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Its alright May 30, 2007
By yelhsa
Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase
I think this book will be great for some people, but it really didn't help me all that much. The different mothers hardly applied to my situation with my own mother. The controlling chapter fit a little bit, but all it talked about was "learning to say no" and finding your identity. I was the one who rebelled, and I held onto my identity very well. The mothers in this book were much more loving than mine was. It would have been nice if they talked about mothers who were verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Where's the "Bi-Polar Mom" in this book?? From a real young age (around 7) I teamed up with God determined to turn out just fine. I even grew up setting my own boundries & parented myself (ex: I wouldn't allow myself to see PG13 movies until I was 13... my mom however could have cared less). I read this in attempt to understand why my mother does the things she does. I've tried to reconcile with my mother, but she refuses to have a relationship with me at all. My mother has resented me since childhood, and even now shes in an imaginary war with me. I'll probably give the book to one of my friends or sell it to half-price books.
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29 of 31 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If You Have Mom Issues, Gotta Read This Book January 12, 2004
By DW
Format:Paperback
This book explained so many things regarding my dysfunctional relationship with my mom. I tend to be a rather technical, factual type reader and I found myself nearly crying because it seems that Cloud/Townsend wrote this book especially for me. I think my mom was a combination of all but one of the dysfunctional moms. No wonder why I'm so messed up.

They gave good suggestions how to turn around the relationship realistically. They didn't say all would be all better, but they said it would take work, and even in some cases, the relationship may be so torn that it would be hard to repair. They also gave practical suggestions how we can avoid being these dysfunctional type moms.

After reading that book, I identified how I was a combination of 2 different mom types and how to stop these behaviors before I negatively impact my 2 young children. I will reread as the kids get older just to ensure I don't repeat my mom's mistakes.

Totally excellent book!!!

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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars AMAZING BOOK February 16, 2004
By Melissa
Format:Paperback
This was a wonderfully enlightening book for anyone who struggles with a mother/daughter relationship! I FOREVER struggled with my mother.... I heard about this book on a Christian talk radio.... IF you have issues with your mother THIS IS THE BOOK!!!! It teaches you so much about the dynamics involved in our mothers! It has not only taught me to be a better mother to my children, but that you can get the nurturing you need from OTHERS not JUST YOUR MOTHER! I have grown so much from this book and I have purchased it for many of my friends as well DEFINATELY WORTH THE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredibly helpful
I knew I had Mother issues, and my counselor has been urging me to read this book for some time, but I was amazed at how much I learned and how clearly the authors presented both... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Victoria J. Heil
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book answered questions better than a shrink
Confused about your relationship with your mother? Have stress or deep rooted feelings that come up now and then - especially during holidays? Read more
Published 2 months ago by Camo Chique
3.0 out of 5 stars Not what I expected
This book was in okay shape and took a while to get here. While it is probably a good book it is not what I expected.
Published 4 months ago by L. Seigle
5.0 out of 5 stars Should be Required Reading
We all have or have had moms and this book helps those of us who have or have had problems in relationships with them. Read more
Published 5 months ago by Bruce W. Bucholtz
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book!
Thia book had a huge impact on me. I was able to see my mother in it and could even see how my grandmother treated her that caused her to be the way she is! Read more
Published 9 months ago by Marlene
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I have ever read...
I love this book, read it twice. It helped me to see what is healthy in a relationship and what is not. Read more
Published 22 months ago by Shep
5.0 out of 5 stars The Mom factor
I still haven't read the book. I EXPECT IT TODAY
The reason is when it arrived it was in Spanish. Read more
Published 23 months ago by Janet Franks
5.0 out of 5 stars The Mom Factor Delivers
One of the greatest desires in any woman is to be known as a 'good' mother. The Mom Factor is a refreshing look into your own parenting style based highlighted by how you were... Read more
Published on June 18, 2011 by Yvonne Godfrey
1.0 out of 5 stars No help at all
I usually will read every page of a book even if it is hard to do so. This book was so hard to get into and like that I couldn't even concentrate.

1. Read more
Published on June 3, 2011 by FirefightersWife
5.0 out of 5 stars MOM is powerful.
This book truly provides excellent insights into our present day way of doing relationships with Mom and those close to us with tons of practical wisdom and advice. Read more
Published on May 14, 2011 by K. Lopez
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