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118 of 122 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent starting point in achieveing self-awareness.
Written with much compassion. It is not a mom-bashing book. If a reader is looking for someone to blame for his/her life, this is not the book to read. Writers are insightful in how our moms' interactions with us have influenced us and shaped how we view ourselves and relate with others. The writers explain that our moms continue to influence us, well into our...
Published on August 31, 1999 by Amazon Customer

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41 of 45 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Its alright
I think this book will be great for some people, but it really didn't help me all that much. The different mothers hardly applied to my situation with my own mother. The controlling chapter fit a little bit, but all it talked about was "learning to say no" and finding your identity. I was the one who rebelled, and I held onto my identity very well. The mothers in this...
Published on May 30, 2007 by yelhsa


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118 of 122 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent starting point in achieveing self-awareness., August 31, 1999
By 
Amazon Customer (San Francisco, California) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
Written with much compassion. It is not a mom-bashing book. If a reader is looking for someone to blame for his/her life, this is not the book to read. Writers are insightful in how our moms' interactions with us have influenced us and shaped how we view ourselves and relate with others. The writers explain that our moms continue to influence us, well into our adulthood, whether or not we continue to have contact with them. The writers are careful to explain that our fears and hopes have their origins in our relationships with our moms. Most importantly, the writers give guidelines, based on practical and Biblical concepts, to healthier living despite extended dysfunctional relationships with our moms. The writers are realistic about the difficulties their readers may face with such challenge. They exhibit empathy in their certainty that self-awareness and healthy living could be ultimately achieved.
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99 of 103 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical & Biblically Based Help for Adult Children, October 16, 2004
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
Drs. Cloud and Townsend are Christian psychologists who are very well known in the Christian community. They are popular speakers and co-hosts of the nationally broadcast New Life radio program. They are best-selling authors of a number of books, including the very popular "Boundaries" series.
The authors explain how the mother you had (and have!) influences the adult you are today. They help you to transform the effects of the past and re-build your adulthood, which may or may not include your mother. Feelings of resentment, sadness, anger and grief are not resolved by denying them, they must be processed and worked through. We must watch out for our tendencies to resist adulthood, freedom, and equality and to return to the child position with our mother figures.
Different types of mothers and their emotional problems and effects on us are discussed in detail, as well as how to deal with them. These include the China Doll Mom, the Controlling Mom, the Trophy Mom , the American Express Mom, and the Still-The-Boss Mom.
Inappropriate reactions of other relatives are included. For instance, in the China Doll Mom chapter, we are taught that any attempt to communicate directly with Mom about your relationship is fraught with danger because she will often be in tears, upset, or out of the room before you have completed your first sentence. "The adult child feels guilty for `hurting mom,' especially if other siblings fuse with mom's self-victimization. The rest of the clan is often unable to understand the control and manipulation behind mom's demeanor. The siblings will then unite against the "black sheep" who is so mean to mother. In this way, they are able to displace their own frustration with mom onto a safe target: the child who tries to reconcile honestly."
There are a number of Scriptural references to teach us how to respond, for instance, by challenging or rebelling against improper authority, taking stewardship over our own lives, and understanding that we do have choices which, although they may disappoint or anger others, are the best options for our own welfare. Although we often inwardly disagree with our mothers' behavior, "It is important to outwardly disagree, confront, refuse evil, and stand against wrongdoing. You can learn to change your silent no to an audible one."
There are many suggestions for improving our adult relationship with our mothers, setting boundaries, learning to say "No", and protecting ourselves. This book helps us to understand that these actions are Biblically based and NOT un-Christian-like. The author's teach us that the child needs to discover God's path for herself, not her parent's preordained plan for her life. Some mothers overestimate their role of authority- God created an authority structure from HIMSELF on down. A grown child no longer submits to her mother's authority. GOD WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE CHILD'S ONLY PARENT.
If Mom is not interested in seeing you as an equal, you will be taught to set limits, including limits on how much exposure to Mom you will endure, what subjects you will or will not discuss, etc. The Mom Factor gives us permission to accept and be at peace with our mother's anger at our growing independence. She will be frustrated because she can no longer control you, and you will learn to "Let her be who she is: someone who wants something she cannot have."
In my ministry work with adult daughters of controlling or abusive birth-families (see Luke 17:3 Minstries website), I have found this book to be an invaluable resource. Adult children so much need to understand that to be treated with respect and kindness by those they love is their right, and that it is Biblically "okay" to protect themselves from abuse. I highly recommend this book, as well as "Boundaries", to those who are struggling with family power and control issues.
God intended us to be free! It is up to each one of us to reach out and claim the freedom he offers us. "They have greatly oppressed me from my youth, but they have not gained the victory over me. Plowmen have plowed my back and made their furrows long. But the Lord is righteous; he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked"...Psalm 129: 2-4.
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34 of 35 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Start a healthy relationship with your mom by reading this!, August 29, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
This book gave me the motivation and the ability to move past childhood problems and focus on the here and now. My mother and I have been able to slowly create a new friendship versus complaining about our previous relationship. I am truly appreciative to the authors.
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34 of 36 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars If You Have Mom Issues, Gotta Read This Book, January 12, 2004
By 
DV (United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
This book explained so many things regarding my dysfunctional relationship with my mom. I tend to be a rather technical, factual type reader and I found myself nearly crying because it seems that Cloud/Townsend wrote this book especially for me. I think my mom was a combination of all but one of the dysfunctional moms. No wonder why I'm so messed up.
They gave good suggestions how to turn around the relationship realistically. They didn't say all would be all better, but they said it would take work, and even in some cases, the relationship may be so torn that it would be hard to repair. They also gave practical suggestions how we can avoid being these dysfunctional type moms.
After reading that book, I identified how I was a combination of 2 different mom types and how to stop these behaviors before I negatively impact my 2 young children. I will reread as the kids get older just to ensure I don't repeat my mom's mistakes.
Totally excellent book!!!
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41 of 45 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Its alright, May 30, 2007
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This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
I think this book will be great for some people, but it really didn't help me all that much. The different mothers hardly applied to my situation with my own mother. The controlling chapter fit a little bit, but all it talked about was "learning to say no" and finding your identity. I was the one who rebelled, and I held onto my identity very well. The mothers in this book were much more loving than mine was. It would have been nice if they talked about mothers who were verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. Where's the "Bi-Polar Mom" in this book?? From a real young age (around 7) I teamed up with God determined to turn out just fine. I even grew up setting my own boundries & parented myself (ex: I wouldn't allow myself to see PG13 movies until I was 13... my mom however could have cared less). I read this in attempt to understand why my mother does the things she does. I've tried to reconcile with my mother, but she refuses to have a relationship with me at all. My mother has resented me since childhood, and even now shes in an imaginary war with me. I'll probably give the book to one of my friends or sell it to half-price books.
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30 of 33 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars AMAZING BOOK, February 16, 2004
By 
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
This was a wonderfully enlightening book for anyone who struggles with a mother/daughter relationship! I FOREVER struggled with my mother.... I heard about this book on a Christian talk radio.... IF you have issues with your mother THIS IS THE BOOK!!!! It teaches you so much about the dynamics involved in our mothers! It has not only taught me to be a better mother to my children, but that you can get the nurturing you need from OTHERS not JUST YOUR MOTHER! I have grown so much from this book and I have purchased it for many of my friends as well DEFINATELY WORTH THE READ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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22 of 24 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Help for the Mom impaired, June 30, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
I hit a point in my relationship with my mother where I realized something was terribly wrong. This book was recommended to me by a friend and was incredibly helpful in a time when I needed help. It pinpointed the type of mom I have and the feelings I feel now and felt in my childhood. It also gave practicle tips on how to make things better in your life and tools to deal with your relationship with your mother. It totally validated the feelings I've had and gives me hope that I can have healthy relationships with others.
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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This Book Will Change Your Life!, February 24, 2006
By 
B. Scott (Stillwater, Oklahoma United States) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)   
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
For so long I've mostly heard about how important a father is in a child's development. I've never heard anyone else speak about how profound the mother's role is in the child's devlopment like this book does. I feel like I've gone to the eye doctor and have been given new glasses to see more clearly with. I think this book is core reading for anybody who wants to understand why they are the way they are. Like the back cover of the book says, "She shaped you in ways that would surprise you both."
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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Understand your mom, and yourself as a mom!, March 7, 2007
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
I picked up this book to help me deal with my elderly mother. I had an abusive upbringing and need to come to terms with it. This book was awesome! It doesn't blame the mother at all, but gives help to the adult child on how to compensate for what mom didn't have to give. It was also invaluable to me to see mistakes I am making with my own children, and how to correct them. I will say, the book does get pretty deep into psychology...some parts are a difficult read.
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars What a great book., March 7, 2003
By 
Carl Mauney (Rockville, MD United States) - See all my reviews
This review is from: The Mom Factor (Paperback)
If you had a less than perfect Mom, this book is a keeper. I found it very helpful in sorting through my childhood and moving forward with my future.
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The Mom Factor
The Mom Factor by Henry Cloud (Paperback - October 1, 1998)
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