Here’s a challenge: Read this entire book and, if you’re married, try NOT to read selections of this book to your spouse! Honest—you will read this out loud to him/her. Often!
“We have yet to meet a couple,” write Scott and Bethany Palmer, “who has no financial infidelity in their lives—we have it, you have it, we all have it.” They describe financial infidelity as “a host of money-related behavior: lying about money, hiding money, secretly hoarding money, controlling money, or something that involves one spouse being less than honest with the other.”
Example: “We’ve found that 65 percent of women have a secret credit card or a secret stash of cash.”
The big idea in this book: “To help couples stop fighting about money and repair their Money Relationship, regardless of their financial situation.”
Their book is practical, often funny, and has specific next steps. The five money personalities are:
--Savers (“Avoids credit card debt like head lice!”)
--Spenders (“Willing to spend money to make life a blast.”)
--Risk Takers (“When a Risk Taker gets hold of an idea, reason has left the building.”)
--Security Seekers (They “get stuck in a research rut—paralysis by analysis.”)
--Flyers (“Happy to let someone else take care of your finances.”)
After you learn more about yourself (your primary and secondary money personalities—and how they interact with your spouse’s preferences), you’ll see the value of several unique assignments: “The Walk a Mile” Exercise (could be hilarious and insightful), “The Money Dump” (with wisdom on what not to share with your spouse), and a monthly “Money Huddle.”
This is a no-brainer book purchase (or Kindle or audio version) for all your married friends. They'll thank you!
on December 24, 2012
"It all starts with the vows: for richer or for poorer. . . . Every marriage starts with big hopes and dreams. . . . And then life happens." (p.3) The authors Scott and Bethany Palmer, experienced financial planners known as the money Couple, begin their new book with these words that ring true. For those of us who have been married for some time, we can understand this. The authors go on, "And over time through no fault of your own those dreams you had for your life together get put on the back burner and, one by one, they start to dry up and disappear." (p.4) Then they follow up this opening section with this intriguing claim: "If you've lost track of the dreams you used to have, we believe you can get them back. We believe you can reclaim the life you envisioned, one dream at a time." (p.6) When I read this excerpt I decided I wanted to check out their claims.
This is no Dave Ramsey tome, though. The Palmers are patently clear about this in their introduction:
"Before you jump in, we want to be clear about something: this book is not a guide to managing your money. You won't find tricks for creating a balanced budget or tips on saving money. . . . This book is about you and your marriage, It's about the way your money and your relationship combine to create a Money Relationship. That's right -- you and your spouse have a Money Relationship, just like you have an emotional relationship, a spiritual relationship, and a physical relationship." (p. xiv)
So, if you are looking to make or manage money, stay clear. This book won't help you. But if you want to understand this Money Relationship and reclaim your dreams, this book might hit the target.
The heart of the book focuses on the 5 Money Personalities: the Saver, the Spender, the Security-Seeker, the Risk-Taker and the Flyer. According to the Palmers, we all possess a primary money personality and a secondary one. These contribute to our unique money DNA and determine how we see the world.
Further, they posit that every decision in our marriage relationship is impacted by money, whether it relates to spending or saving, affording or dreaming. Whether we like it or not, money is there, an ever-present undercurrent impacting how we get along. Buy money, like religion and politics, is something we rarely discuss with others, even spouses. By discovering our own two money personalities and then those of our spouse, we can then see how they interact and lead us into financial arguments. With this knowledge and self-understanding we can begin to build a plan, not a budget, for how we approach money and spending. In so doing, the Palmers argue, we can recapture our dreams.
The book is short, at 180 pages, and is written in an approachable and easy-to-read manner. There is little of academic depth here, and that is one criticism. It could stand some references, or support for theses, like why are there 5 money personalities and not four or six (or even more). Yet perhaps this is nit-picking, since most readers will come to this for help, like visiting a counselor. Such people don't really want chapter and verse. They trust the expert and simply want tools to function better in their own lives and situations.
That said, the authors introduce us to several tools. The first is "the reveal," where we find our two money personalities and share with our spouse. They even offer a free yet simple quiz on-line to help with this. Even though I had correctly pegged my two money personalities, when I took the on-line quiz I was surprised to find they were reversed in terms of primary and secondary, and this helped me understand some of my financial worries. This tool is foundational to the rest.
So, too, is their concept of financial infidelity, where we keep some financial secrets, big or small, from our spouse. This forms the root of the financial arguing that often leads to divorce ("money has become the number one cause of divorce in the United States"), but can be nipped in the bud with the use of transparency and their other tools.
The final three tools are the Money Dump, the Money Huddle, and the E.N.D. The first is an exercise of looking at the pros and cons of your finances and then sharing one con with your spouse. The second is an intentional monthly connection point for 45 minutes, focused on your Money Relationship not your specific bills and budgets. And the third tool describes how to Huddle. The first 15 minutes is spent on Evaluation two simple numbers: "how much debt you have and how much you have in savings" (p.135). The second 15 minute focuses on Needs, those that relate uniquely to our own money personalities and impact our mutual Money Relationship. The tool allows us to be vulnerable and build trust. The final 15 minutes winds up with Dreams. Here is where we share our dreams and plan to make one or more happen.
These tools seem so obvious, almost common sense. They center on communication. But in our busy society, with differences between husband and wife, we may find it difficult to open up with our spouse, either through time or temperament. The beauty of these tools is that they encourage us to make the time and take the opportunity for such sharing. And for good measure, they give us the Stop (reacting out of anger), Drop (your financial assumptions), and Roll (up your sleeves and work it out) technique for fighting fair in financial arguments.
The book is intended to be read with your spouse over a period of 90 days. This is to force reflection and discussion, and to instill new habits in both. I must confess that I have not done this, since I was under a deadline to write this review. So I cannot comment on the efficacy of the tools, even though they appear practical. However, I am planning to go back and reread the book and work the exercises at the start of 2013 -- a New Year's resolution I intend to honor. And I am hoping to dream again!
Note: I received a free copy from Thomas Nelson Publishing but was not influenced to provide a positive review
on December 13, 2012
Money is involved in every aspect of our lives so it is not surprising that it is a common reason for disagreements among couples. You may have heard that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Another statistic is that 70% of divorced couples say that money was a major reason for their divorce.
In the book <a href=[...]>The 5 Money Personalities</a> Speaking The Same Love and Money Language the authors, Scott and Bethany Palmer discuss the 5 Money Personalities they have come with after years of working with couples.
Once you realize what your money personality is and what your partner's is it may be easier to work through your difficulties or to avoid having problems. The book includes summaries of each personality or you can take a quiz on their website, <a href=[...]</a>. Even though you may be able to define what your partner's personality is, it is important for them to take the quiz on their own. When reading the descriptions choose a Primary Money Personality and Secondary Money Personality.
The book includes stories of couples that they have worked with and how they were able to communicate about money issues better once they understood how the other was thinking and dealing with money.
It was a quick and easy read and was also informative. Even if you are in a relationship, it has valuable information to consider with how you deal with financial issues.
on February 4, 2013
In their book, The 5 Money Personalities: Speaking the Same Love and Money Language, The Money Couple (Scott and Bethany Palmer) talk about 5 money personalities....saver, spender, risk taker, security seeker, and flyer. However, I was never able to get a clear understanding of what mine would be or how it would work with what might be my husband's money personality. They told many examples of what different couples' situations were but they basically said this was their money personalities, they worked at it and now they are better. It did not get into the nitty gritty of how the personalities worked together or against each other and how we could really work on money issues.
The whole book felt like an advertisement for their website... TheMoneyCouple.com. I was disappointed in that when I read a section they would refer you to their website to learn more info or for more clarification. It was frustrating because I don't want to have to go to different resources. That does not serve the purpose of the book.
I cannot recommend this book as a financial help book; however it may serve a purpose as a marriage book. Just wasn't for me.
on January 27, 2013
The concept of "money personalities" is a wonderful, fresh perspective! I've studied many personality-type books. None address the component of finances in a relationship to the complete & helpful degree as this book. Because money is a part of nearly every life situation, I have learned how to accept & understand others better. And because of this book, I am more empathetic, less irritable & more proactive. "The 5 Money Personalities" book is easy to read, a new perspective & an easy-to-understand plan for how to approach relationships, especially the one with my spouse, when it comes to spending, saving & using money.
on May 3, 2013
I remember the great AH-HA moment in my life when I took my first Myers Briggs test. The concept, that we had different personality styles that inter-play with how we deal with other people and their personality styles, blew me away. It was not that I disliked that one particular person in my office; it was their E/I, S/N, T/F, and J/P Dichotomies were polar opposites to mine.
Now this book might be a sub-group of these personality traits. How we view and treat money falls into its own style, as noted by the 5 variations the authors have identified. And one style is not more or less valued (or correct) than the other four. But understanding your money personality will help you understand your strengths and vulnerabilities. Understanding your life partner's money style will also give you insight to how he/she approaches money issues as well.
Likewise, there are a lot of books out there that tell us that MONEY, and related arguments about MONEY, are the primary killer of a two person relationship. And going to the local Dave Ramsey FINANCIAL PEACE UNIVERSITY will not resolve money problems if the one person of the couple is a free spender and the other is a saver. This book should be a pre-curser to Dave Ramsey's work.
That's what I like about this book. It allows couples to understand their own, and their partner's, money style. Once a couple understand how both partners approach money issues, the better chance that a Financial Peace University (and other budgeting programs) will work to resolve their financial stresses.
I would recommend this book for all Pastors and Counselors for pre-marriage counseling, as well as any couple who wants to understand their working relationship better. The Myers Briggs test did not solve my problems with my polar opposite office worker, but it did give me an understanding of what made that person tick. This book won't solve your budgeting issues, but it will open your eyes to how you and your partner approach the concept of money. Once you have the foundation of your money style, the easier it is find a way to work together. Worth the price.
on May 26, 2015
We do tend to fight over ridiculous stuff and this helps us to understand attitudes about money that can drive a couple apart. By grasping what our fears and motivations are, we can get along, communicate and cooperate more successfully.
The hidden key to a healthy relationship is not just managing money but understanding how the other approaches money.
Every couple argues about money. It doesn't matter if you've been married for 40 years or dating for 4 months, money touches every decision you make as a couple--from the $5 cup of coffee to the $50,000 car. And when the two of you don't see eye-to-eye on how much to spend or how much to save, that's when arguments turn into ugly toxic fights that leave both persons feeling hurt and angry. It's why money has become the #1 cause of divorce in the U.S. Obviously, something needs to change. The reason this crisis has not been addressed is because it has never been identified, defined, or given a name. Scott and Bethany Palmer, aka "The Money Couple," have identified and defined this problem and offer concrete solutions to fix it.
Once you know your Money Personality, you can get to the root of money arguments and start really working together. You'll discover what has an impact on your loved one's money decisions, and you'll learn how to talk about money in a way that's actually fun! You'll figure out how to put an end to money secrets and lies once and for all.
It's not just about money management, and it's definitely not just about overcoming debt. It is a whole new way of living that will change everything in your relationship. Tens of thousands have already been transformed. Are you ready?
For once, someone has it right! Every couple can have an airtight budget, but if you don't understand the "whys" and "hows" of how your spouse looks at money, spending, and saving, you will not be able to reach your financial goals. For example, when I took the quiz, I found that my money personality is a security seeker/spender. Once my hubby knew that, he understood why I would go to the store, take things off the shelf and put them in the cart, only to put them back at the end. A walk around the store, I'd call it. It also explains why I like to spend money on animals such as chickens or goats. The spender side of me gets a thrill of spending, and the animals appease the security side of me.
I think that every person, single or couple, should read this book. You will gain significant understanding in how you view money once and for all, and be better able to take control over it. Two thumbs up, five stars!
on October 22, 2013
This fairly short book is a helpful read for couples who are struggling in the area of finances. The idea behind this book is somewhat similar (as the title implies) to Gary Chapman’s famous The 5 Love Languages, but the two books are not overlapping in their content.
Scott and Bethany Palmer share information through this book that speaks to how people view money. For example, some are naturally savers, while others are naturally spenders. While most of us know that, the book goes much deeper, showing that some personality traits we might not think of (being spontaneous, for example) are exemplified in how money is handled, and often lead to conflict. As you might expect, most of the time, we marry someone who is the opposite of our own money personality.
One of the helpful things about this book is that the format moves beyond just the information about the different personalities, and moves into some ways to best communicate and utilize the strengths of each personality to help your marriage. While one might think that saving is the best way to live, if he or she is willing to communicate, that person will find a much better balance in life when they learn to spend or to give more.
Overall, this book is very easy to read. Considering the subject matter, I find that helpful, because dealing with money is hard enough as it is. This book might be helpful to a couple considering marriage, and could be used as a premarital counseling resource. If a couple is struggling financially, it may not be a “must-read,” but it would certainly be a helpful book to consider.
on September 5, 2013
We have read Dave Ramsey's books and taken the class at church.
I was interested to read this book, though, because it was a different take on debt.
Dave's way only has 2 personalities....Spenders and Savers. We are both spenders. Not a great combination if you want to have a nest egg.
This books goes beyond these two and includes
You have a primary trait and a secondary trait.
I am actually a Saver in that I don't really like spending money. I re-use Ziploc bags. I shop at thrift stores. My secondary trait would be Security Seeker. I plan vacations to.the.dollar for gas and food. Also any fun that we may want to have.
Example from this last vacation, which there is a similar story in the book.
The Principal LOVES gift shops. I do too, I just don't buy stuff. It's all overpriced and forgotten about a week later. The Principal collects shot glasses so we always get one on a trip. Well they can range anywhere form $3 up to $8! This last trip, at Mt. Rainier, The Principal also wants to look at shirts and hats. I was stressing out looking at the price tags and thinking but it's not in my budget! In the book the scenario continues they decide ahead of time what amount to set aside just for gift shop spending.
The book goes on to discuss when opposite personalities attract and how to handle financial infidelity.
This wasn't a get out of debt book, but rather, it explains why you think the way you do, how your spouse may think, and how to make the two personalities live harmoniously.
I am glad I chose this book!
I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com® <[...]> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 <[...]> : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."