The Mother Dance and over one million other books are available for Amazon Kindle. Learn more
Qty:1
  • List Price: $14.99
  • Save: $4.06 (27%)
FREE Shipping on orders over $35.
Only 10 left in stock (more on the way).
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
Gift-wrap available.
The Mother Dance: How Chi... has been added to your Cart
Add to Cart
FREE Shipping on orders over $35.
Condition: Used: Very Good
Comment: Eligible for Amazon's FREE Super Saver/Prime Shipping, 24/7 Customer Service, and package tracking. 100% Satisfaction Guarantee.
Add to Cart
Have one to sell? Sell on Amazon
Flip to back Flip to front
Listen Playing... Paused   You're listening to a sample of the Audible audio edition.
Learn more
See all 2 images

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life Paperback – April 7, 1999


See all 7 formats and editions Hide other formats and editions
Amazon Price New from Used from
Kindle
"Please retry"
Paperback
"Please retry"
$10.93
$4.14 $0.01

Frequently Bought Together

The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life + Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships + The Dance of Connection: How to Talk to Someone When You're Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed, or Desperate
Price for all three: $31.69

Buy the selected items together

If you buy a new print edition of this book (or purchased one in the past), you can buy the Kindle edition for only $2.99 (Save 69%). Print edition purchase must be sold by Amazon. Learn more.

NO_CONTENT_IN_FEATURE

Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: William Morrow Paperbacks; 1st HarperPerennial Ed Published 1999 edition (April 7, 1999)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 006093025X
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060930257
  • Product Dimensions: 8 x 5.3 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.0 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (25 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #598,163 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

How does motherhood change you? Who or what do you become when you become a mother? "We can't begin to know what our children will evoke in us until we have them," says psychologist and psychotherapist Dr. Harriet Lerner, author of the bestselling The Dance of Anger. Lerner set out to write a book on parenting, and ended up with a thoughtful and honest book focusing on the experience of being a mother--a woman's experiences, needs, and changes as she travels through the trials and pleasures of pregnancy, birth, power struggles, guilt, anxiety, relationship challenges, sibling struggles, and separation. Filled with personal stories and case studies, The Mother Dance offers mothers-to-be a guide for the road ahead, and women who are already mothers will recognize their own dilemmas and situations, and gain clarity about their experiences. Throughout, Lerner is wise, personal, and truthful about her own failings. This book is a welcome addition to the recent discourse on the mothering experience. --Ericka Lutz --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From Kirkus Reviews

A popular psychotherapist writes with grace and striking candor about what it is like to be a mother. Lerner (The Dance of Deception, 1993, etc.) has two sons, both now grown and out of the housebut still friends with their mother and father, and with each other. That is no small accomplishment, and while Lerner gives herself and her husband (also a psychologist) appropriate credit for what they did right, she also looks back regretfully on what she did wrong. ``Readers . . . [of] my other books may be surprised to learn that I can behave so badly with my own children,'' she writes, a confession that is designed to give comfort to every mother who suffers from hindsight guilt. Using anecdotes from her own experience and that of colleagues and friends, Lerner looks at issues of control (``we are not in control of what happens to our children''), at the decision to have children (``a leap of faith''), at how the reality of the baby in the bassinet at home affects the relationship with a spouse (it changes, not always for the worse, but it changes). She also describes the wild extremes of emotion that many new mothers entertain, from ``intense elation'' to murderous rage, and roller coasters of guilt and fear. A self-styled ``big worrier,'' Lerner also offers advice on how to finesse worrying, power struggles, and such common mothering traps as food, sex, dress codes, and raising sons to be ``mama's boys.'' How siblings develop relationships with each other and the intricate networks of extended families are other subjects she tackles. Entertaining and revealing. Lerner's committed readers will enjoy and perhaps be reconciled to their own parenting styles from this view of her as a mother who is sometimes irrational, sometimes wise, but who loves her children ``beyond words.'' -- Copyright ©1998, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

More About the Author

Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., is one of our nation's most loved and respected relationship experts. Renowned for her work on the psychology of women and family relationships, she served as a staff psychologist at the Menninger Clinic for more than two decades. A distinguished lecturer, workshop leader, and psychotherapist, she is the author of The Dance of Anger and other bestselling books. She is also, with her sister, an award-winning children's book writer. She and her husband are therapists in Lawrence, Kansas, and have two sons.

Customer Reviews

Parenting has it's good days and it's bad days.
hmartinac@aol.com
Harriet Lerner has once again written a thoughtful, insightful, warm, and inspiring book.
L. Kelley
I enjoyed every chapter and I highly recommend this book.
Mommy Of Three

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

33 of 34 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on January 29, 1999
Format: Hardcover
I loved Harriet Lerner's other "dance" books. At first I thought this one was going to be more of a guide for the mom-to-be. However, as I kept reading I realized Lerner was taking us through the stages from birth to the young adult's departure from home. Giving us examples from her own life as a mother of two sons, her friends' and clients' lives Lerner marvelously illustrates the various difficulties many women/families can experience. Lerner admits she was not a perfect mother. That admission makes it possible for us, the readers to evaluate our own weaknesses without the customary guilt that usually accompanies such assessments. Topics discussed include power struggles, talking with difficult kids, and sibling relationships. She even mentions the unmentionable-mothers hating their children. I have already recommended this book to a friend for the the last section which deals with the departure of the youngest child from home.
1 Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
23 of 23 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on July 8, 1999
Format: Paperback
As a new mother I have read everything I can get my hands on! This book though is for ME, not advice on how to quiet a crying baby or what to feed a picky 12 month old. It is about the feelings, thoughts and worries that a mother obsesses over each day. I cried, laughed and learned through the entire book and then receommended it to two friends. If you are looking for a book to read that talks about how becoming a mom has truly made you a completely different person this is it!
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
37 of 41 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 16, 1999
Format: Paperback
As a working, mother in the mental health field I was so please to read that Harriet has gone through the same termoils I have. It seems so trivial when I hear her recounts. What a guilt trip we put on ourselves. While reading you feel like she could be sitting in your kitchen talking over a cup of diet soda. I have recommended this book to so many new mothers and older mothers that seem so concerned about doing the "right" thing. Dr. Lerner reminds us there isn't a "right" or "wrong" way to parent.
Lena Sheffield, M.S.Ed., CAP
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
32 of 37 people found the following review helpful By M. Boesch on March 10, 2004
Format: Paperback
I found this book to be well-written, humorous and honest. The author does a good job discussing some of the various "larger societal forces" that help to shape our choices as women and as mothers. Of particular interest to me was the connection between how we relate to our children and how we related to others in our "first family" or "family of origin." This book covered topics I have not seen discussed in other parenting books - for example, the author discusses "empty-nest-syndrome" and how we are affected by gender roles.
That all being said, I was turned off by the bleak picture she presented of stay-at-home mothers. I felt she presented this option as something women are "forced" to do, or end up doing because they are on "automatic pilot." The author makes references to how women lose themselves, their power, and their money if they stay at home. And throughout reading this, I couldn't help but ponder the title - "...How Children Change Your Life". It seems rather ironic because I got the feeling the author was hell-bent on NOT changing her life after her children came along.
If you can get past the negative homemaker/full-time mother references, this book has information that is interesting and helpful and it is also humorous. I do feel, however, that a book that does ALL mothers more justice is Kathleen A. Kendall-Tackett's "The Hidden Feelings of Motherhood."
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
13 of 14 people found the following review helpful By L. Kelley on October 13, 2004
Format: Paperback
Get this book NOW and give it to every Mom you know regardless of how old their children are! I read this book before I had kids to try and understand what my own Mom might have gone through. Now that I have 15 mo. old twins, I have re-read it during the long hours of breastfeeding! It is falling apart and my highlighter ran out of ink! Harriet Lerner has once again written a thoughtful, insightful, warm, and inspiring book. Through her experience raising 2 boys, she tells it like it is! I was so tired of parenting books giving me "steps to success" and rules for engagement - none of which work consistently. Harriet seems to be the first to recognize that we are all human and it is bringing this human-ness fully into our parenting that connects us with our children. Her real life stories demonstrate how being honest, curious, revealing, and loving can help us raise kids. I loved how courageous she was to reveal her own times of doubt and fear, and then to know what the outcome was for her. She also talks a lot of her husband's involvement and how they are in their different ways of being with the kids. It's just one of those books where you go, "Yeah, that's what happens for me, too." After reading this book, I felt as if I had been inside Harriet's home and seen first hand what it's really like to try and raise kids using your values, knowledge, and self awareness while simultaneously trying not to fall apart when they do something crazy. Thank you, Harriet, for helping me be a better Mom.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Alice A. Lieberman on October 12, 2004
Format: Hardcover
I am a committeed Lerner-phile, having read her previous books as well. Like her, I am also the mother of two boys. I think that "The Mother Dance" is her best one! Although my children were nearly grown by the time it came out, I identified with her portrayal of young motherhood, and thought she did a great job of normalizing many of the feelings that women have but don't talk about. I gave it to a young (childless) friend of mine to read (OK, she was in her early '30's). A few weeks later, I asked her what she thought, and she said that until she read the book, she didn't know if she could be a good mom herself. But now she knew--she wanted to go ahead and have a baby. Thus, in addition to being humorous and supportive to mothers, it's changed at least one life profoundly!! I would strongly recommend it, for moms and would-be moms.
Comment Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
Thank you for your feedback. If this review is inappropriate, please let us know.
Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try again

Customer Images

Most Recent Customer Reviews

Search