A few years ago when I was in the throes of raising five little boys, a well-meaning neighbor dropped a book about depression and various medications in my mailbox.
I was surprised.
Exhausted? Yes.
Overwhelmed? Absolutely.
Depressed? Maybe. But I'd rather talk about it with my husband and doctor than receive a diagnosis in the midst of catalogs and bills.
From my friends and neighbors I simply wanted understanding; I wanted to feel less alone. Today, I found the book that I wish had been placed in my mailbox on that rainy autumn day.
The Mother in Me: Real World Reflections of Growing into Motherhood is an anthology of prose, poems and photographs by 29 Mormon mothers who capture the beauty, heartache, backbreaking workload and profound joys of motherhood. As I turned each page I marveled at each woman's honesty and found myself nodding my head, "Yes, yes, I've felt exactly that way."
My stomach churned in an essay about morning sickness, I empathized with the mother who couldn't give enough attention to each child and I cried for a stillborn baby boy.
The poetry in my own life became evident as I read verses describing childbirth, sleepless nights, sibling love and true play.
I love that women in the trenches wrote this book while they were smack in the middle of babies and car seats, diapers and play dates. Too many mothering books are penned in retrospect and lose the fresh, real honesty of life right NOW.
Already, I've given away the crib and our strollers are gathering dust as I move onto the next (and I believe easier!) stage of motherhood. Already, I'm forgetting the grueling sleepless nights and endless screaming jags. Already, sadly, I strain to recall the smell of a newborn's hair and the magic of a toddler's first steps.
Bless you, Mother in Me for helping me remember.
I'd like a stack of books to give away: one for Heidi who just had her first baby, a copy for Sharon who is mothering three tiny ones, another for my dear friend Kit who spent seven years in infertility clinics begging God for a baby and then felt guilty when she discovered mothering is ridiculously HARD.
Julie is so sick with her 4th pregnancy that she may have to lay on my bed while I read to her. And Amy? Amy came over tonight borrowing a dress. Our conversation quickly dissolved into tears as she cried, "I am ruining my children! What am I doing wrong as a mother? Everyone else is so pulled together. What's wrong with me?"
We talked and wept and I sent her home with my new book. Tonight she's too busy bathing, brushing and nursing to read it...but she'll pick it up one rainy day and know I love her. She'll know she is not alone.