The Mountain T-Shirt Unicorn Castle Tee

I should probably preface this review by stating the obvious: This shirt is clearly meant for people who aren't serious about our one-horned magic friends. I mean, the shirt's fabric construction and lavender color base are terrific, and as a casual-Friday garment, hey, it's better than a stupid Polo shirt. But the devil, as they say, is in the details, so caveat emptor!

First, the grass pictured is quite clearly Italian Ryegrass, and as everyone knows, unicorns prefer to frolic in Dog's Tooth Grass. Second, notice the gray spots on the unicorn's rear flank; are they patterned to look like a fairy? I think not. Third, why is the tip of the unicorn's horn glowing like some defective reindeer's nose??? We all know the horn is pure gold, but if the illustrator was trying to convey this specific coloration, then the whole horn should shine, not just the tip! Fourth, while unicorns transcend space and time, they do NOT exist in a world where it's day AND night simultaneously! A beautiful rainbow AND pretty stars? I mean, who approved this? It's like the shirt's maker is just mocking me...I'll bet he thinks taking Raggedy Ann to one's prom is lame too!!! Fine, shirt guy -- just go ahead and pick me last in dodgeball and tell my parents how I cried in woodshop when the teacher told me to "keep my wood to myself" and I didn't know he was talking about my erection which I couldn't help anyway because I thought about that one episode of The Partridge Family!!!

Anyway, on balance, the shirt's fine for kids and people of lesser unicorn expertise; don't expect too much and you'll be happy with your purchase, just like I was when I bought that ghost costume in Alabama last summer. People really freaked out when I wore that, and it wasn't even Halloween!

As I was approaching thirty I realized I haven't done a whole lot with my life and found myself in the middle of an early mid-life crisis. I did a few things to change the way the world perceived me. First thing I did is purchase a 1981 Chevy El Camino with an Edelbrock intake and a number 8 across the hood in honor of Dale (R.I.P.), I pierced my ear, shaved in my rat tail, and most importantly i purchased the Unicorn Castle T-shirt. This shirt has changed the way I view myself and the way the world views me. Girls can't seem to stay away from me to the point that is almost annoying. Something about mystical unicorns make chick think that I am a mystical kind of dude. Many girls have mistaken this shirt for a "My Little Pony" and I quickly have to set them straight. With the rise of Emo music it has made it cool for men to grow their hair long, tease their hair, wear make up and womens clothing so you can imagine how emo i look with a few scars and my purple unicorn shirt. I recommend buying a size smaller than you normally wear and ordering this with a bottle of spray on tan so that you looked extra jacked and tan. NOTE: Girls love mystical guys that are jacked and tan. If you really wanna real them in get a book on palm reading or some tarot cards as well to add to the mysticism of your new persona. Do yourself a favor and purchase this shirt. 3 Wolf Moon is outdated and it is time for a unicorn revolution. It is the unicorns time to shine and shine it does with a beautiful rainbow glistening in the background.

Seems like everybody has a story to go with these shirts. Here's mine.

When I came out at 35, I didn't witness shock among my friends and family, but more disbelief. I mean, people literally didn't believe me. I guess it was my large build, thick beard and Marine Corp tats up my arm. I just don't "look the part".

Well, I spotted this shirt on Amazon and just knew I had to have it. Here's the life-changing part: As soon as I started wearing it, people started believing I was gay. No more insisting on my part - the shirt says it all.

It's just gorgeous, and there aren't too many of them out there yet, so you'll definitely feel special.