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The Myths of Happiness: What Should Make You Happy, but Doesn't, What Shouldn't Make You Happy, but Does [Kindle Edition]

Sonja Lyubomirsky
4.2 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (51 customer reviews)

Print List Price: $16.00
Kindle Price: $11.83
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Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC

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Book Description

The bestselling author of The How of Happiness reveals how to find opportunity in life’s thorniest moments



Focusing on life’s biggest, messiest moments, Sonja Lyubomirsky provides readers with the clear-eyed vision they need to build the healthiest, most satisfying life. Lyubomirsky argues that we have been given false promises—myths that assure us that lifelong happiness will be attained once we hit the culturally confirmed markers of adult success. This black-and-white vision of happiness works to discourage us from recognizing the upside of any negative and limits our potential for personal growth. A corrective course on happiness and a call to regard life’s twists and turns with a more open mind, The Myths of Happiness shares practical lessons that prove we are more adaptable than we think we are. It empowers readers to look beyond their first response, sharing scientific evidence that often it is our mindset—not our circumstances—that matters most.


Editorial Reviews

Amazon.com Review

Amazon Exclusive Essay: “Happiness at Work,” by Sonja Lyubomirsky

Recent surveys show that more Americans than ever are dissatisfied with their jobs. Some are burned out or bored, while others feel that professional success has eluded them. Stress over financial well-being--which for many is synonymous with professional success--is a primary source of discontent. Indeed, when people are asked if they could have anything in the world right now, most report wanting "more money. " Professional unhappiness can cause us to question our judgment, industriousness, or motivation. The lure then of finding a new job can prove irresistible--but will a new job really make us happier?

A seminal study suggests that the answer is no. Researchers followed high-level managers for five years to track their job satisfaction before and after a voluntary job change, such as a promotion or a relocation to a more attractive city. The managers were mostly male and white, with an average age of 45 and a $135,000 annual salary. They were doing well. What the researchers found, however, was that although these managers experienced a burst of satisfaction immediately after the job change, their satisfaction plummeted within a year, returning to their original pre-move level. In other words, they experienced a sort of hangover effect. By contrast, managers who chose not to change jobs during the same five-year time period experienced negligible changes in their satisfaction.

We get used to the cities where we live, to new houses and new cars, to relationships, and even to sex. This capacity to adapt to positive changes in our lives is both formidable and biologically hard-wired. Even the events we are certain will bring long-term fulfillment--landing a coveted professional position, or winning an award--tend to disappoint. We feel an immediate thrill, but that thrill is often followed by satiety, elevated expectations, and even letdown.

This is true even of monetary rewards. In the beginning, greater wealth brings us a higher standard of living, and the extravagances bring extra pleasure. But economists have found that two-thirds of the benefits of a raise in income are erased after just one year, in part because our spending and new "needs" rise alongside it and because we begin to associate with (and compare ourselves to) people in a higher income bracket.

With so much seemingly working against long-term professional satisfaction, it’s important to focus on where our chance for happiness truly resides. When we feel we’ve "had it" with our jobs, should we look for job satisfaction elsewhere or is there a different path?

Research suggests that instead of fantasizing about some dream job that doesn’t exist, we focus on pursuing meaningful goals in the here and now. Typically, our professional lives are focused on material goals--more money, wider recognition--but numerous studies have shown that those of us who are striving (and not necessarily achieving) are happier.

When it comes to our careers, if we enjoy the struggle along the way, we will derive pleasure and satisfaction by simply working on our goals. By doing so, we will ideally stretch our skills, discover novel opportunities and challenges, grow, strive, learn, and become more capable and expert. In this way, simple goal pursuit will provide us with opportunities for appreciation, for delight, and for satisfying our innate need to use our potentials to the fullest. Whether our valued goal is inventing something special or finishing school, it will give us something to work for and to look forward to.

Why is goal pursuit so intrinsically rewarding? Because it imparts structure and meaning to our daily lives, creating obligations, deadlines, and timetables, as well as opportunities for mastering new skills and for interacting with others. Because it helps us attain a sense of purpose, feelings of efficacy over our progress, and mastery over our time. All of these things make people happy. And once we accomplish a step along the way (e.g., completing an internship or an article), we would do well to savor that accomplished subgoal before moving on to a new goal. Instead of focusing too much on the finish line in the first place, we should focus on--and enjoy as much as possible--carrying out the multiple baby steps necessary to make progress. The perfect job may not be the position offering the highest rewards, but rather the place where the daily work--the moments between the big promotion or industry triumph--offers the greatest personal returns.

Review

"In this thought-provoking volume, Lyubomirsky... examines happiness and conventional notions about how it's nurtured in relationships, at work, and in one's own psyche...Lyubomirsky demonstrates that positively reframing life events can mine the best out of even the darkest situations. Provocative and fresh."
Publishers Weekly

"Informative and engaging….The author examines how the 'shoulds' of happiness not only undermine well-being, but also make it hard for individuals to cope with the sometimes difficult realities of adulthood."
Kirkus Reviews

"No matter what your personal world is like, The Myths of Happiness will change the way you approach your daily life. Lyubomirsky's thorough research and practical solutions will not only add joy and contentment to your life, but will also allow you to take on issues that you may have been sweeping under the rug for too long."
Woodbury Magazine

"In her new book, The Myths of Happiness, Dr. Lyubomirsky describes a slew of research-tested actions and words that can do wonders to keep love alive."
—Jane Brody, New York Times

Product Details

  • File Size: 714 KB
  • Print Length: 321 pages
  • Page Numbers Source ISBN: 1594204373
  • Publisher: Penguin Books (January 3, 2013)
  • Sold by: Penguin Group (USA) LLC
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B00A6WOR1A
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #135,500 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
73 of 78 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Happiness: so simple, yet so complicated ... February 3, 2013
Format:Hardcover
"While experiencing happiness, we have difficulty in being conscious of it. Only when the happiness is past and we look back on it do we suddenly realize - sometimes with astonishment - how happy we had been."
¯ Nikos Kazantzakis, Zorba the Greek

Happiness, that eternal yet elusive goal of man, is indeed full of paradoxes as many writers have eloquently noted. In an increasingly crowded field of books on happiness and positive psychology where it is getting more and more difficult to say something original and meaningful, I feel the author has made a very worthwhile contribution. She considers some of the universal assumptions about happiness and explores, analyzes, and reframes them to show us how very naive, thoughtless, and just plain wrong is our thinking about what "makes us" happy.

These assumptions - the "Myths of Happiness" as her title defines them - include cliches almost all of us never pause to doubt, ideas such as the idea that we can't be happy without a wonderful marriage, we can't be happy unless we have children, we can't be happy because we don't have enough money, we can't be happy because we're not as young as we used to be, we can't be happy if we have health problems, and a few other common beliefs. It turns out that people find a way to be happy in spite of unwanted life circumstances, and many people who are blessed by wealth and good fortune aren't any happier that those who lack these fortunes.
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63 of 74 people found the following review helpful
2.0 out of 5 stars Good attempt, but book fell short March 8, 2013
Format:Hardcover
I was excited to start reading this book, but that quickly changed.

I was expecting newest research with potentially life-changing implications, but while the book contained references to many studies, the conclusions and research findings were not really new to me(I keep updated with Psychology Today and other sources)

Her writing style was good, but became very repetitive. The chapters' introductions are lengthy and add no real value. In addition, the chapters' summaries (called "The prepared mind") have turned out to be a huge third repeat of the same ideas, worth nothing, only more 'fluff' (to make the book longer?)

Some of her practical solutions were completely absurd, in my opinion. Example: How to appreciate your current job more: If you previosuly worked night shift, you should stay up some nights to try to remember how that feels. Lol. She offers more "practical" solutions of this kind in the book. Frustrated with parenting? When you're old you'll have fond memories, so just think of 50 years from now, how great life will be then. Hahaha! Diagnosed with terminal cancer? Just think of yourself as a three legged table, which is actually stronger than a four legged one. I know, I am simplyfying, but the ideas, examples and anecdotes she uses are NOT life-altering, they are interesting, at best, and more often than not, just silly.

To be honest, I felt like in order for any of us to be happy, we have to constantly keep "brainwashing" ourselves back into the past. Look at old pictures of your vacations, you'll feel happier. Remember that horrible boss you once had, but now you're free of him, so be happy. Her suggestions felt 'plastic', inorganic, fake, inauthentic, forced or some type of "let's pretend" game.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Very good but missing more examples April 1, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
I loved this book. The organization and writing was well executed. The only part missing for me would have been more case examples. Whether it is to peer into the lives of others for comparative or voyueristic reasons, we learn from others mistakes. I wish there had been more stories of people realizing their lack of happiness and how they changed their perception of happiness.
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars acute insights + lots of common sense February 11, 2013
Format:Hardcover
Large portions of common sense combined with several acute insights based on wide-ranging research helps the reader gain inner satisfaction and increased optimism in this second book by the author. Ms. Lyubomirsky first work, "The How of Happiness" was a useful addition to the literature of happiness and optimism created by such innovators as Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. "Myths" is a major advance in its gravitas and specificity.

Few writers have tackled such subjects as loving children but not motherhood, the reasons that single people will be happier if they focus on becoming "your best possible single self" and how to spend money on need-satisfying goals. There are also some fine tips such as creating an autobiographical coherence, writing experiences as a means of relief and realizing that the results of life events are not knowable; what we think of as a calamity might well not be and vice-versa. All in all this is a practical guide which will achieve its goal in a large percentage of its readers.

The author, a Professor of Psychology at UCRiverside fully achieves her purpose. This is a step up in self-help books.

Stanley Goldstein
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
4.0 out of 5 stars Offers Research-Based Skills to Promote Happiness & Reduce Stress
How do our choices influence our happiness? This book investigates the choices we make that contributes to and deters from "happiness. Read more
Published 1 month ago by Jonnie Erika
5.0 out of 5 stars awesome book
I'm 2/3 way thru the book and it has already exceeded my expectations. Good, logical and relevant evidence and explanations. I recommend it.
Published 2 months ago by r. swaziek
5.0 out of 5 stars Happiness within.
Reading Sonja's first book The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want made me very happy. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Deb
5.0 out of 5 stars excellent practical tips
Having researched happiness and success for over 3 decades, this author's first book "The How of Happiness" was one of my top practical picks on this subject, the others being... Read more
Published 3 months ago by D&D
1.0 out of 5 stars Nothing new here.
This book reminds me of the famous proverb: "There is nothing new under the sun." I was hoping to read some new revelations about happiness, but Sonja Lyubomirsky left me... Read more
Published 3 months ago by the hand quilter
2.0 out of 5 stars Not in this book
I am a sucker for books on happiness but the more I read about it, the surer I am that the answers are no where to be found in a book.
Published 4 months ago by g goldman
5.0 out of 5 stars recomendable
interesting, easy to read, fun, based on science not pop psychology or opinions...
muy interesante, entretenido, facil de leer y basado en ciencia e investigacion.
Published 4 months ago by Rodrigo Jarpa Schacker
5.0 out of 5 stars Perfect Book to Pass Around the Friend Circle
I had heard about this on NPR and decided to order it. I enjoyed it so much I gave my sister a fresh copy for her birthday and my lightly used copy has been being passed around... Read more
Published 4 months ago by Scott C Nickle
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book!
Wonderful book good research and history. I would recommend this book to anyone interested in this subject. Buy this book!
Published 7 months ago by Heather Lana
4.0 out of 5 stars I'm happy I read this book!!
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(1) I'll be happy when...I'm rich.
(2) I can't be happy when...the best years of my life are over. Read more
Published 9 months ago by Stephen Pletko
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More About the Author

Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., is professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside. She received her B.A., summa cum laude, from Harvard University and her Ph.D. in social psychology from Stanford University. Her research - on the possibility of permanently increasing happiness -- has been honored with a Science of Generosity grant, a John Templeton Foundation grant, a Templeton Positive Psychology Prize, and a million-dollar grant from NIMH. Lyubomirsky's 2008 book, The How of Happiness (Penguin Press) has been translated into 19 languages, and her forthcoming book, The Myths of Happiness, will be released on January 3, 2013. Her work has been written up in hundreds of magazine and newspaper articles, and she has appeared in multiple TV shows, radio shows, and feature documentaries in North America, South America, Asia, the Middle East, and Europe. Lyubomirsky lives in Santa Monica, California, with her family.


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