2005 Gold Medallion Award finalist! Dr. James Dobson has completely rewritten, updated, and expanded his classic best seller The Strong-Willed Child for a new generation of parents and teachers. The New Strong-Willed Child follows on the heels of Dr. Dobson's phenomenal best seller Bringing Up Boys. It offers practical how-to advice on raising difficult-to-handle children and incorporates the latest research with Dr. Dobson's legendary wit and wisdom. The New Strong-Willed Child is being rushed to press for parents needing help dealing with sibling rivalry, adhd, low self-esteem, and other important issues. This book is a must-read for parents and teachers struggling to raise and teach children who are convinced they should be able to live by their own rules!
The New Strong-Willed Child
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About the Author
James C. Dobson, Ph.D., is founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization that produces his internationally syndicated radio programs, heard by more than 200 million people every day. He is seen on 80 television stations daily in the U.S. A licensed psychologist and licensed marriage, family, and child counselor, he is a clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy and is listed in Who's Who in Medicine and Healthcare. Dr. Dobson is married to Shirley and is the father of two grown children, Danae and Ryan. He resides in Colorado.
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360 of 386 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars
Wonderful Advice for Any Parent--from Either Side of the Spanking Debate
November 1, 2005
By Khyraen
Format:Hardcover|Amazon Verified Purchase
I have the older edition of this book; I absolutely love it. I re-read it every few years because there are so many ideas in it that I will forget the ones I do not immediately need--thus the need for review as my children grow and change.
Spanking is advocated, but there are so much more to this book that a parent who does not believe in spanking--and is a reasonable person who understands that other good parents do use spanking--could read this book and take much out of it.
For one, the book is short. There isn't enough time once the children are here to read a huge tome. This book is brief enough, you can high-light what you like and come back and read all of the high-lighted parts in three hours, for a refresher.
Secondly, Dobson advocates spanking only for specific behavior under specific circumstances. Namely, he advocates spanking for outright defiance--if you are certain it is defiance and not over-hungry child or something your child cannot do, etc.
If you were to spank as a last resort, you would be frustrated and possibly out of control. Instead, he suggests you spank the instant the willful defiance rears it ugly head. Take the child aside, explain why he is being punished, spank him on his bottom, and then offer comfort.
(He also believes this only works for young children and that doing it to older children not only doesn't work, it backfires and is unhealthy. However, reasoning with a very young child is a waste of breath; their minds are not developed enough to reason with--this is scientific fact. And when your 3 year old will not sit in time out or he kicks the walls in his room and throws things when sent there--then what? You loose the battle or you need another parenting tool or you loose your cool. Loosing the battle or your cool is not an option.)
Dobson has ideas for punishing usual childhood behavior, such as a bike left in the driveway or spilled milk at the table, that people on both sides of the spanking debate can appreciate. He also has an Attitude Chart to help your child begin to obey--when old enough--with a good attitude.
Read the book for yourself; get it used if you must. Don't let those who read the word "spanking" or "God" and start to go cross-eyed and foam at the mouth scare you away from this book. All of us are adults. We can read a book, take what is useful out of it, and leave the rest for others of different viewpoints.
I personally think that this book has really, really good advice and I am planning on purchasing this newer edition to see what I am missing (with my old one.)
If you are wondering about results, here they are:
I have five children.
My older three are going into their teens now. I raised them by much of the advice in this book. I get compliments on their behavior; my teens still share their hearts, dreams, and disappointments with me.
My little ones' favorite way to spend their time is talking or reading with their Mommy.
All my children get along with each other quite well. (Hormones have introduced some arguments between children--but before those, I didn't even know what sibling rivalry was.) My kids are all very close to each other; my older children are quite protective of their siblings.
I have been asked, by a teen sitter I hired, if they ever talk back or get mad at me. (Yes, but not all the time, day in and day out, like most teens seem to.)
My kids are very giving and thoughtful; my children like to be unique and to take a stand against what they feel is wrong. My teen daughter has taken a stand for radical purity--Barlow Girl style. My just-starting-adolescence-son has a heart for the under-dog.
And, least you think I had it easy, I was given one easy going kid and four strong willed ones. Also, I have one with autism and one with ADHD as well as PDD-NOS (which is also autism, only less so.) Lastly, they were born in groups close together; three inside of three and a half years and then, later, two inside of fourteen months. In other words, no, I didn't just get an easy lot.
(I should also say that I am a SAHM who home schools all three older children, including the two with ASD. I am not saying it is always easy, but this book has made my life easier by helping me raise well-behaved, well-mannered, respectful children.)
I did spank my older kids when they were younger; I do spank my younger ones now. I also follow his advice about intent--what does a child intend by their actions. Our criminal justice system is based on intent, yet most parents do not punish on intent--but inconvenience.
Intent, and also not taking a child's behavior personally (learning that the child is just being a child and how to remove myself emotionally from any bad behavior--this allows one to keep their head almost all the time and discipline out of a desire to correct behavior instead of punish the child) are two of the most important things I got from this book.
These--intent and a healthy view of why children do what they do and say what they say--are lessons any parent could benefit from--on either side of the spanking debate. This way of raising your children, basing your response on their intent and meeting defiance head on, really does work.
Spanking is advocated, but there are so much more to this book that a parent who does not believe in spanking--and is a reasonable person who understands that other good parents do use spanking--could read this book and take much out of it.
For one, the book is short. There isn't enough time once the children are here to read a huge tome. This book is brief enough, you can high-light what you like and come back and read all of the high-lighted parts in three hours, for a refresher.
Secondly, Dobson advocates spanking only for specific behavior under specific circumstances. Namely, he advocates spanking for outright defiance--if you are certain it is defiance and not over-hungry child or something your child cannot do, etc.
If you were to spank as a last resort, you would be frustrated and possibly out of control. Instead, he suggests you spank the instant the willful defiance rears it ugly head. Take the child aside, explain why he is being punished, spank him on his bottom, and then offer comfort.
(He also believes this only works for young children and that doing it to older children not only doesn't work, it backfires and is unhealthy. However, reasoning with a very young child is a waste of breath; their minds are not developed enough to reason with--this is scientific fact. And when your 3 year old will not sit in time out or he kicks the walls in his room and throws things when sent there--then what? You loose the battle or you need another parenting tool or you loose your cool. Loosing the battle or your cool is not an option.)
Dobson has ideas for punishing usual childhood behavior, such as a bike left in the driveway or spilled milk at the table, that people on both sides of the spanking debate can appreciate. He also has an Attitude Chart to help your child begin to obey--when old enough--with a good attitude.
Read the book for yourself; get it used if you must. Don't let those who read the word "spanking" or "God" and start to go cross-eyed and foam at the mouth scare you away from this book. All of us are adults. We can read a book, take what is useful out of it, and leave the rest for others of different viewpoints.
I personally think that this book has really, really good advice and I am planning on purchasing this newer edition to see what I am missing (with my old one.)
If you are wondering about results, here they are:
I have five children.
My older three are going into their teens now. I raised them by much of the advice in this book. I get compliments on their behavior; my teens still share their hearts, dreams, and disappointments with me.
My little ones' favorite way to spend their time is talking or reading with their Mommy.
All my children get along with each other quite well. (Hormones have introduced some arguments between children--but before those, I didn't even know what sibling rivalry was.) My kids are all very close to each other; my older children are quite protective of their siblings.
I have been asked, by a teen sitter I hired, if they ever talk back or get mad at me. (Yes, but not all the time, day in and day out, like most teens seem to.)
My kids are very giving and thoughtful; my children like to be unique and to take a stand against what they feel is wrong. My teen daughter has taken a stand for radical purity--Barlow Girl style. My just-starting-adolescence-son has a heart for the under-dog.
And, least you think I had it easy, I was given one easy going kid and four strong willed ones. Also, I have one with autism and one with ADHD as well as PDD-NOS (which is also autism, only less so.) Lastly, they were born in groups close together; three inside of three and a half years and then, later, two inside of fourteen months. In other words, no, I didn't just get an easy lot.
(I should also say that I am a SAHM who home schools all three older children, including the two with ASD. I am not saying it is always easy, but this book has made my life easier by helping me raise well-behaved, well-mannered, respectful children.)
I did spank my older kids when they were younger; I do spank my younger ones now. I also follow his advice about intent--what does a child intend by their actions. Our criminal justice system is based on intent, yet most parents do not punish on intent--but inconvenience.
Intent, and also not taking a child's behavior personally (learning that the child is just being a child and how to remove myself emotionally from any bad behavior--this allows one to keep their head almost all the time and discipline out of a desire to correct behavior instead of punish the child) are two of the most important things I got from this book.
These--intent and a healthy view of why children do what they do and say what they say--are lessons any parent could benefit from--on either side of the spanking debate. This way of raising your children, basing your response on their intent and meeting defiance head on, really does work.
131 of 150 people found the following review helpful
By Shannon
Format:Hardcover
I almost didn't buy this book because of many negative reviews it got. However, I am so incredibly glad that I went with some personal recommendations about the author and tried it out. Many of the people who wrote reviews obviously either didn't read the whole book or pick and chose sections to listen to. Taken out of context, things can often sound very different than what they mean. In all situations in life, I think you need to be very careful when taking things out of context. Yes, Dr. Dobson does advocate spanking (as do many, many other professionals out there.) If you are absolutely against spanking, and feel so strongly about it that you are unwilling to be open minded to any opinions otherwise than this is probably not the book for you. However, this book does NOT revolve around spanking. It is not the main point of the book, just simply one item that is discussed.
This book does give many examples of strong willed children, which for me were extremely encouraging to read about and know that I was not alone. It helped me to realize that there was hope for reigning in my son but NOT breaking his spirit--which Dr. Dobson gives strong advice about being careful not to do. If you have a difficult child this book can definitely give you hope and some perspective. Like any self-help type book, you should read with an open but analytical mind. There are many different ideas out there advocated by different professionals, and at least for me, I have done best by looking at lots of different information but then finally having to figure out for myself what works for me and my family. May God help you to do the same!
This book does give many examples of strong willed children, which for me were extremely encouraging to read about and know that I was not alone. It helped me to realize that there was hope for reigning in my son but NOT breaking his spirit--which Dr. Dobson gives strong advice about being careful not to do. If you have a difficult child this book can definitely give you hope and some perspective. Like any self-help type book, you should read with an open but analytical mind. There are many different ideas out there advocated by different professionals, and at least for me, I have done best by looking at lots of different information but then finally having to figure out for myself what works for me and my family. May God help you to do the same!
409 of 487 people found the following review helpful
Format:Hardcover
I distinctly remember reading the first edition of Dr. James Dobson's THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD. I was desperate. My first son was not sleeping through the night, was eating nothing but mashed bananas, and was not obeying. The kicker: He would look at me, grin wildly and defiantly dump his entire toy box after I told him, "No."
Cajoling, negotiating, threatening --- nothing worked to get this kid to do something he didn't want to do. I was taller and stronger and, at least in my mind, smarter, but I became stupid and turned to mush when it came to him. It was a battle of wills, and he was winning.
I admit it. I was one of those mothers who would start out sweet and soft-spoken, telling my son kindly, "No, Sean. No, Sean. No, Sean" --- only to switch gears and yell, "SEAN NOOOOO!!!" seconds later. The result: He still blissfully ignored me.
Friends and family began pushing parenting books at me. Thankfully, THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD was one of them. I read and tried to absorb everything. Dobson advocated spanking. Yikes. What would my Baby-Boomer friends think of me? We were spanked and seemed none worse for the experience, but...
Dobson's arguments favoring discipline, structure and routines made so much sense --- especially in light of the chaos I was wreaking, placing such a high premium on reasoning with a 2-foot high toddler, as I was. His style is encouraging. I remember thinking, "I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong, but there's hope." But then again, reading "The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents" made me remember my mother's words (under duress) to me: I hope you have a child just like you.
I took Dobson's advice, feeling empowered, balancing love with discipline, and to my relief, things around here started to improve. And proving there is no one as obnoxious as the newly converted, I gave a copy of the book to all the moms in my son's playgroup.
In THE NEW STRONG-WILLED CHILD, even though it's been rewritten, updated and expanded, not much has changed in Dobson's straight-talking, "Because I am The Adult and You Are The Child" approach to parenting. He's still warm and encouraging, and brimming with common sense. This time, though, his common sense advice is backed up with current research. What began as a hunch to Dobson --- that some kids are compliant and some are "strong-willed" --- turned out to be scientifically true. Dobson's bottom line is still the same: Parenting is a balance of love and discipline.
In many chapters, he uses a Q & A format to reinforce points. Here's an example:
"Q: I like your idea of balancing love with discipline, but I'm not sure I can do it. My parents were extremely rigid with us, and I'm determined not to make that mistake with my kids. But I don't want to be a push-over, either. Can you give me some help in finding the middle ground between extremes?
A: Maybe it would clarify the overall goal of your discipline to state it in the negative. It is not to produce perfect kids. Even if you implement a flawless system of discipline at home, which no one in history has done, your children will still be children. At times they will be silly, lazy, selfish, and yes, disrespectful. Such is the nature of the human species. We as adults have the same weaknesses. Furthermore, when it comes to kids, that's the way they are wired. Boys and girls are like clocks; you have to let them run. My point is that the purpose of parental discipline is not to produce obedient little robots who can sit with their hands folded in the parlor thinking patriotic and noble thoughts! Even if we could pull that off, it wouldn't be wise to try.
The objective, as I see it, is to take the raw material our babies arrive with on this earth and gradually mold it, shaping them into mature, responsible, God-fearing adults. It is a twenty-year process that involves progress, setbacks, successes and failures. When the child turns thirteen, you'll swear for a time that he's missed everything you thought you had taught --- manners, kindness, grace, and style. But then maturity begins to take over, and the little green shoots from former planning start to emerge. It is one of the richest experiences in life to watch that blossoming at the latter end of childhood."
Back in 1978, Dobson was just beginning his remarkable legacy, writing the first of 33 books, launching a radio show heard by 220 million people each day on 7,300 radio stations located in 122 countries around the world. Back then, I too was just beginning to leave my mark, raising my sons (I now have four) and reading Dobson, who was doling out parenting advice, not knowing who was listening and, perhaps, benefiting from it.
Until now.
Thanks, Dr. Dobson. And keep up the good work.
--- Reviewed by Diana Keough
Cajoling, negotiating, threatening --- nothing worked to get this kid to do something he didn't want to do. I was taller and stronger and, at least in my mind, smarter, but I became stupid and turned to mush when it came to him. It was a battle of wills, and he was winning.
I admit it. I was one of those mothers who would start out sweet and soft-spoken, telling my son kindly, "No, Sean. No, Sean. No, Sean" --- only to switch gears and yell, "SEAN NOOOOO!!!" seconds later. The result: He still blissfully ignored me.
Friends and family began pushing parenting books at me. Thankfully, THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD was one of them. I read and tried to absorb everything. Dobson advocated spanking. Yikes. What would my Baby-Boomer friends think of me? We were spanked and seemed none worse for the experience, but...
Dobson's arguments favoring discipline, structure and routines made so much sense --- especially in light of the chaos I was wreaking, placing such a high premium on reasoning with a 2-foot high toddler, as I was. His style is encouraging. I remember thinking, "I'm doing EVERYTHING wrong, but there's hope." But then again, reading "The temperaments of children tend to reflect those of their parents" made me remember my mother's words (under duress) to me: I hope you have a child just like you.
I took Dobson's advice, feeling empowered, balancing love with discipline, and to my relief, things around here started to improve. And proving there is no one as obnoxious as the newly converted, I gave a copy of the book to all the moms in my son's playgroup.
In THE NEW STRONG-WILLED CHILD, even though it's been rewritten, updated and expanded, not much has changed in Dobson's straight-talking, "Because I am The Adult and You Are The Child" approach to parenting. He's still warm and encouraging, and brimming with common sense. This time, though, his common sense advice is backed up with current research. What began as a hunch to Dobson --- that some kids are compliant and some are "strong-willed" --- turned out to be scientifically true. Dobson's bottom line is still the same: Parenting is a balance of love and discipline.
In many chapters, he uses a Q & A format to reinforce points. Here's an example:
"Q: I like your idea of balancing love with discipline, but I'm not sure I can do it. My parents were extremely rigid with us, and I'm determined not to make that mistake with my kids. But I don't want to be a push-over, either. Can you give me some help in finding the middle ground between extremes?
A: Maybe it would clarify the overall goal of your discipline to state it in the negative. It is not to produce perfect kids. Even if you implement a flawless system of discipline at home, which no one in history has done, your children will still be children. At times they will be silly, lazy, selfish, and yes, disrespectful. Such is the nature of the human species. We as adults have the same weaknesses. Furthermore, when it comes to kids, that's the way they are wired. Boys and girls are like clocks; you have to let them run. My point is that the purpose of parental discipline is not to produce obedient little robots who can sit with their hands folded in the parlor thinking patriotic and noble thoughts! Even if we could pull that off, it wouldn't be wise to try.
The objective, as I see it, is to take the raw material our babies arrive with on this earth and gradually mold it, shaping them into mature, responsible, God-fearing adults. It is a twenty-year process that involves progress, setbacks, successes and failures. When the child turns thirteen, you'll swear for a time that he's missed everything you thought you had taught --- manners, kindness, grace, and style. But then maturity begins to take over, and the little green shoots from former planning start to emerge. It is one of the richest experiences in life to watch that blossoming at the latter end of childhood."
Back in 1978, Dobson was just beginning his remarkable legacy, writing the first of 33 books, launching a radio show heard by 220 million people each day on 7,300 radio stations located in 122 countries around the world. Back then, I too was just beginning to leave my mark, raising my sons (I now have four) and reading Dobson, who was doling out parenting advice, not knowing who was listening and, perhaps, benefiting from it.
Until now.
Thanks, Dr. Dobson. And keep up the good work.
--- Reviewed by Diana Keough
Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent aide!
We thought our first child was strong willed until the second came along. He was throwing fits from the beginning. We call him(not in his presence) the dictator! Read more
Published 9 days ago by John
5.0 out of 5 stars
A must read
I think this book will help me bring out the best in my daughter. It is a guide to help harness her strong will without crushing her spirit.
Published 14 days ago by Jenny Doely
2.0 out of 5 stars
Better books out there for strong-willed children
I am raising a very strong-willed boy at the moment, and I found this book at a library sale. For $1, I thought I'd look through it.
Pros:
1. Dr. Read more
Pros:
1. Dr. Read more
Published 21 days ago by Jen in NC
4.0 out of 5 stars
Balance & Advice
Emphasis on balance between love and control/discipline, which I appreciate most of this book. Lots of questions and answers and practical advice, not just theory & philosophy.
Published 1 month ago by reader A
5.0 out of 5 stars
Definitely a perspective to consider
Considering the numerous approaches to child rearing, Dobson's approach distinguishes itself. His portrait of both the parent and the strong willed child reflected my own family's... Read more
Published 1 month ago by Camille Crystine Flores
5.0 out of 5 stars
Christmas gift
Some children are strong-willed and downright stubborn. it helps to have a guide to assist in raising them without anguish.
Published 1 month ago by Sandra B Smith
2.0 out of 5 stars
Made me feel like I was a horrible parent
I only got about 3 chapters into it and couldn't read anymore. I felt like my parenting style was all wrong.
Published 1 month ago by Rachel Freeman
5.0 out of 5 stars
The New Strong Will Child
A fantastic book and appreciate the updated information that they've compiled. We live in a very scary world and if we don't help our children get a grasp on morals and the... Read more
Published 2 months ago by Mary Ellen Fitzgerald
5.0 out of 5 stars
Excellent!
Informative, encouraging, & extremely helpful for any parent....not just for those who have strong-willed children. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Cyndi Higgins
5.0 out of 5 stars
A MUST READ FOR ALL PARENTS!
This book is so funny! A delightful read. So much information in there plus wisdom in raising children. This book should be on every parents shelf! Read more
Published 2 months ago by Tina
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