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The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity Paperback – January 2, 2013

4.4 out of 5 stars 22 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Infidelity doesn’t have to be the end of the road, even though it often feels that way. Couples can, and do, often find their way to an ultimately deeper, more intimate bond, and I can think of no better guide to lead the journey than Tammy Nelson.”
—Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First



The New Monogamy takes an honest look at infidelity and illustrates a clear path toward healing after an affair.”
—John Gray, PhD, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus



“The New Monogamy sets Tammy Nelson apart from many other therapists. She doesn’t believe affairs simply involve a pathetic victim and an arrogant perpetrator—and that’s why she can actually help couples navigate this difficult challenge.”
—Marty Klein, PhD, author of Sexual Intelligence



“Provocative and juicy, far-reaching and intelligent.”
—Janis Abrahms Spring, author of After the Affair and How Can I Forgive You?



“This book is a game changer for couples dealing with the aftermath of an affair. It is unique in offering hope that this experience can be used to build a new and better relationship. But it offers far more than just hope; it provides detailed guidelines for how to make it happen. Tammy Nelson is a visionary in going beyond the immediate need to develop a new monogamy agreement to include the all-important process of revisiting and revising this agreement over time.”
—Peggy Vaughan, author of The Monogamy Myth and host of www.dearpeggy.com



“Tammy Nelson is a master therapist who can help you find hope and opportunity in the multiple crises caused by an affair. The New Monogamy offers safe, effective steps through the confusion, betrayal, and hurt—with guidelines for how you can create more honest, erotic, and soul-satisfying relationships.”
—Gina Ogden, PhD, LMFT, author of The Return of Desire and The Heart & Soul of Sex



“At a time when life can feel so murky and chaotic, along comes Tammy Nelson with this guidebook…. The New Monogamy is as crisp and clear as it is hopeful and realistic. A book to open again and again.”
—Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity

About the Author

Tammy Nelson, PhD, is a world-renowned expert in relationships, a psychotherapist in private practice, and a popular lecturer around the world on sexuality and human relationships and global relational change. She is a board-certified sexologist, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, a licensed professional counselor, and a certified Imago relationship therapist. She resides in the New York City area, where she works in her private practice treating couples who are looking to restore passion to their relationships, recover from infidelity, and create their new monogamy, one agreement at a time.

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Product Details

  • Paperback: 232 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (January 2, 2013)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1608823156
  • ISBN-13: 978-1608823154
  • Product Dimensions: 8.8 x 6 x 0.6 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 11.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (22 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #76,051 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Tammy Nelson PhD is a sex and relationship expert, an international speaker, an author and a licensed psychotherapist committed to global relational change. With almost 30 years experience, she is a Board Certified Sexologist, a Certified Sex Therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Certified Imago Relationship therapist.

Dr. Nelson is author of "Getting the Sex You Want; Shed Your Inhibitions and Reach New Heights of Passion Together" (2008), "What's Eating You? A Workbook for Anorexia and Bulimia." (2004) and "The New Monogamy; Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity" (January 2013), and the forward to "Partners in Passion" by Michaels and Johnson (2013) and a chapter in "Loving and Lasting; How to Stay Tuned" edited by Lyons (2013) and author of "Six Weeks to Desire" eBook (2013). Her newest book "Sex and Lies; The Naked Therapist" TM is currently under negotiation.

She has been a featured expert in New York Times, Washington Post, Self, Glamour Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, MSNBC, Healthy Life Magazine, Shape, Men's Health, Woman's Day, Women's Health, The Sun, and a source in TimeMagazine. She writes for the Psychotherapy Networker and Huffington Post, YourTango, ThirdAge, GoodCleanLove, and can be followed on her blog at www.drtammynelson.com/blog.

Tammy speaks internationally and trains professionals and couples around the committed, renewable monogamy and sustainable and sexy relationships. She is a premier marketer and creates publicity campaigns that reach audiences in the hundreds of thousands, both for clinical and consumer audiences. She is committed to radical global relational change and available at www.drtammynelson.com


Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
I am a couples therapist, author and Co-Director of the FACTS (Family and Couples Treatment Service) program, a division of the Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy in NYC, where we train family and couples therapists.

I recommend it as a self-help aid for couples who experience infidelity. In addition, I put this book on a very short list of essential books for use in training couples therapists to help their clients deal with the aftermath of infidelity.

Up until now, the main book I have recommended to couples after an affair—and which I still recommend—has been Janis Abrams Spring’s After the Affair. Both Dr. Spring's and Dr; Nelsons books are excellent. They complement one another. However, Dr. Nelson’s exudes a compassion, and emphasizes a mutuality in the healing process that I find lacking in Dr. Spring’s approach. Janis Abrams Spring’s concept of “earned forgiveness” is a great contribution to the couples therapy field and she deserves to be recognized and praised for it. However, Dr. Spring, emphasizes the resulting polarity-- victim and victimizer—that often becomes entrenched after an affair as a central condition of the healing process. Dr. Nelson does not ignore this polarity but her approach emphasizes compassion, empathy and validation in the healing process. Dr. Nelson’s book also provides much needed step-by-step guidance in helping partners move towards creating a new vision for the relationship that survives the affair. While Dr. Nelson’s approach is down-to-earth and pragmatic, she succeeds in articulating a tone that encourages kindness, and acceptance in the face of the excruciating pain that couples who experience infidelity feel. The book has genuine healing power.
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
As an infidelity specialist, I am always anxious to read new books on the subject, as I love to gather resources to recommend to my clients. The author knows her stuff regarding Imago therapy and has a useful format to help couples re-assess their implicit and explicit agreements. However, her frequent references to "polyamorous" and "polysexual" relationships along with "open marriage," seems to validate these as viable alternate lifestyles. She offers one example of a new agreement by a couple: "that once a month, they'd both have a free weekend in what they could do whatever they wanted, including having sexual experiences with others without needing to let the other know. The rest of the month, they would only be with each other." pp. 147, 148. Really? This does not seem like a healthy option for people who are trying to repair their marriages from the disruption of infidelity. If she only used one such example, that would be forgivable. However, I found her frequent offering up of valid ways for couples to agree to some form of unfaithfulness (like only once a month) too far afield for my taste. I felt like her periodic mention of traditional monogamy was in passing as merely one of many agreements a couple could settle upon. While I can appreciate the author's effort to appeal to a very broad readership, her frequent validation of such alternative arrangements would re-injure most if not all of my betrayed clients and justify more creative ways to be unfaithful for straying partners. Unless you are looking for a book to make you feel OK about you or your spouse having more than one lover, I would not recommend this book to people hoping to repair their marriages damaged by infidelity.
~Linda J. MacDonald, author, How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair
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Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
This is a bold departure from other books on infidelity and takes the stigma out of affair recovery, putting the responsibility fairly back on both partners. Dr. Nelson advocates clear discussions in creating a monogamy definition for each couple and continuous "out-loud" discussions about expectations. Helpful for both the practitioner and the struggling couple, this book combines mindfulness, dialogue, goal-setting and case examples making it a good read and a necessary reference. Thank you!
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Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
This book provides good information about how to deal with modern marriages. However, I would have prefered more emphasis on safe sex practices in the non-monogamous marriage forms.
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The book is written simply and is easy to understand. The author is foward thinking and offers a range of options to consider and exercises to help one get there.
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Format: Kindle Edition
I'm only on Page 85 of this book, but wanted to write about it because of its value to both the general public and clinicians. I'm a psychotherapist who works with couples; my practice involves perhaps 25% couples. Author Tammy Nelson is a board-certified sexologist, AASECT-certified sex therapist, certified Imago relationship therapist and holds other professional credentials.
The New Monogamy offers readers a comprehensive, well-thought-out and insightful plan for recovery from an affair. It features exercises and checklists that are spot on. The chapter on erotic recovery features what looks like an intriguing exercise, Six Weeks of Great Erotic Dates. Chapters are on listening to the affair, building trust, creating a new vision of your relationship, creating a new monogamy agreement, erotic recovery and further explorations in eroticism and a send-off on moving forward.
I live in the Conservative Midwest. My only reservation about this book is how some clients would perceive its openness and therefore reject it. The New Monogamy, Nelson writes, doesn't have to be just with your partner. It simply means keeping your partner in first place.
So...great read that offers a ton of insight to couples. Great read that also would raise eyebrows where I live. I think.
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