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Product Details

  • Paperback: 304 pages
  • Publisher: Sourcebooks (April 15, 2014)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1402293372
  • ISBN-13: 978-1402293375
  • Product Dimensions: 1 x 5.8 x 8.5 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 12 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 3.8 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (21 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #163,526 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Harry Fisch knows more about sex than any other person on earth, with the possible exception of Colin Farrell. This book will improve your love life. You should trust Harry Fisch. I do, and there are few I'd let anywhere near that subject." - A. J. Jacobs, New York Times bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically and Drop Dead Healthy

"Being intimate is critical to relationships, and Dr. Fisch makes the entire effort a blast." - Dr. Mehmet Oz

"Helps couples master bedroom basics they were never taught in any health class ... Shows couples how to decode their partner's sex speak, navigate the risky business of porn, medical issues, and bad bedroom habits, and fulfill each other's fantasies." - Creative Loafing

Unlike some books that are full of techno speak, this one is a bit more fun to read I have to say the best piece of advice I think in this book is to keep those computers, phones, TVs, and tablets out of the bedroom.

All in all, The New Naked will serve as a text cum workbook to help you have a more satisfying sexual relationship.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

INTRODUCTION

SEX IS A DIPSTICK

Let me tell you why I'm writing this book: lots of people are having lots of sex...but that doesn't mean they're having lots of fun doing it.

And I am determined to do something about it.

As one of the most renowned urologists and reproductive specialists in New York City, in practice since 1989, I've seen thousands of patients with sexual dysfunction and sexual satisfaction problems and aching pleas for help. But almost everyone who walked into my office, men and women alike, was more interested in talking about-and being treated for-the one issue that wasn't being talked about anywhere else. They didn't just want to know how to have better sex, but how to be happy in their relationships at the same time.

This book will show you that sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction are not mutually exclusive in a relationship. That may not sound like rocket science, but you'd be amazed at the number of people who don't think the two are possible to achieve. In fact, you can take simple steps on your own and with your partner to improve all aspects of your life together. This book will show you exactly what to do.

Before we get into that, here's an important note I want to make as a men's health expert. Women often don't realize that as men get older their sexuality can be affected by many different issues. They're dealing with declining testosterone levels as well as performance issues, weight issues, stress issues, and that old issue of getting older and not getting it up so easily.

These problems have to be acknowledged because they are often the reasons why the sex in these men's relationships goes away or awry. When a woman understands any physiological issues affecting the man in her life, she can be far more effective at helping him make the changes he needs for his health, for his happiness and, most importantly, for the overall health and happiness of their relationship.

How This Book Came to Be

I've already written two books that address the medical aspects of male sexuality and the physical nature of the problems that can occur between partners in a relationship, The Male Biological Clock: The Startling News about Aging, Sexuality, and Fertility in Men (published in 2005) and Size Matters: The Hard Facts about Male Sexuality That Every Woman Should Know (published in 2008).

What still needs to be talked about candidly, however, is basic sex education for grown-ups. I'm not talking about the mechanics of the sex act itself, but how lack of sexual fulfillment and an inability to even know how to bring up the issue affect a couple's intimacy and togetherness. I've seen this in countless couples that have come into my office. They're talking at each other but not to each other. They're frustrated and upset. They know there's an enormous, sexually charged elephant in the room, but they can't bring it up. They don't have the language to express their needs, and I quickly learned to provide it for them.

What I told these couples is that every relationship has a sex factor and a happiness factor, which are inextricably intertwined. Some people can have a lot of happiness in their relationship without a huge amount of sex. But I have yet to meet a couple that has a happy relationship when the sex is bad, unsatisfying, infrequent, or mechanical.

Sounds ridiculously simple, right? Well, it's not-if you can't talk about it. Back in the Stone Age, when I was in medical school, nobody discussed patients' emotional issues-which is crazy when you think about it today-and nobody ever discussed how to be happy. There was little talk about lifestyle and behavior, drugs and drinking, and sexual issues and addiction, all of which have a potent effect on physical health and thus on sexual performance in both men and women.

Yet once I started my practice, suddenly dozens of patients were confiding in me about all of these things. It didn't matter what their medical issues were; the common denominator was their unhappiness about the sexual aspects of their relationship. They sat there, eager and willing, waiting for me to give them a magic bullet to improve their sex life, thinking that Viagra or testosterone or losing weight would do it for them.

But nothing I could prescribe would work if they remained unable to talk about what they really wanted and needed. I quickly realized that prescribing Viagra for mechanical fixes was a mistake if I did not address how to have a great relationship beyond the physical aspects.

In fact, I said this just the other day to a pharmaceutical rep who stopped in my office to discuss an order for Viagra. "You know," I told her, "I can't give Viagra to patients anymore without cringing."

I thought for a second that she was going to faint.

"What I mean," I hastened to add, "is that it doesn't seem right to just prescribe Viagra to men having trouble in bed when they don't know what a relationship is about. Viagra might help with the physical part, but if they don't deal with any underlying emotional issues, nothing is going to work."

She regained her composure in a hurry.

In other words, what these men needed was not someone with a quick physical fix for their issues, but someone to help them find and maintain happiness in their sexual relationships. Each man needed the woman in his life-that's you, by the way!-to help him see the whole picture.

But here's the catch: these guys, as you doubtless already know, couldn't talk about any of this because they didn't know what to talk about or, more importantly, how to. They were like cavemen-they probably knew what they wanted, but they didn't have the language or the ability to make their needs known. Many of them didn't even have simple, basic information about sex and sexual health, and what was normal or not. Plus, there was no one they could ask.

In other words, they were grown men in dire need of real sex education.

Not the kind of sex education they may have sniggered through in junior high, with health teachers droning on about zygotes, hormones, and puberty, and all that convoluted medical mumbo jumbo. No, they needed more than just a refresher course in the basics of anatomy. They needed to know that they didn't have to live with sexual unhappiness. They needed someone to tell them how to have good sex and good relationships for a lifetime.

That's what The New Naked is all about. This is a comprehensive book-written about men but for women-showing how easily you can achieve the sexually satisfying adult relationships you've always wanted.

Nearly all of the books that deal with sexual issues and marriage are psychologically based, written by couples' counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, or sex therapists. That's great, because there is a real need for those books. None of them, however, gets back to the basics of sex education for adults from a medical perspective like mine as an experienced urologist and fertility and men's health specialist who has also counseled couples for years on their sexual needs and their misperceptions.

Because I've treated infertile couples and male patients for several decades, I've become an expert at candidly dealing with all sorts of sexual and emotional dysfunction. I explore these issues on Howard Stern's Howard 101 channel on SiriusXM, which hosts my radio show every Wednesday night. I also am often consulted as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show, where I serve on the medical advisory board. And I've created the websites www.drharryfisch.com and www.harryfisch.com, which discuss male health and sexuality, so the millions of people who need that candid advice can find it easily.

I've written this book for women like you so you can share this information with the man in your life. Once you know what's really wrong, of course, you can start to make it better. But more than just showing you how to spot potential problems, this book talks about what can go right (even if it has already gone wrong) with your emotional relationship and your sex life. It's an essential road map to the best sex and the happiest relationship of your life.

Customer Reviews

Dr. Fisch breaks it down.
M. G. Gagliano
Instead, I don't really know how to describe this book - maybe it would be helpful for people who have a limited understanding of sex/orgasm.
LJ
Easy to read and understand.
randall Jackson

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful By LJ on May 31, 2014
Format: Kindle Edition Verified Purchase
As a female reader in a healthy relationship, I thought I would learn new ways to spice things up or help me understand my husband's needs better. Instead, I don't really know how to describe this book - maybe it would be helpful for people who have a limited understanding of sex/orgasm. The book urges couples to communicate more, and offers some suggestions on how to do that (which I thought were pretty basic...I kept thinking "duh") and discourages porn/masturbation, which was the only part I found interesting as it was a theory I had not heard before regarding ED issues.

I struggled to get through the book as there was very little of interest to me; it seemed to be targeted at people with limited knowledge of relationships/sex.
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10 of 13 people found the following review helpful By Marnia Robinson on April 19, 2014
Format: Paperback
Eminent urologist Harry Fisch, MD has performed a much needed service by saying some things that need to be said about missing pieces in today's naive understanding of human sexuality. For example, he addresses the adverse effects of excessive internet porn use on men's sexual function and expectations, as well as the adverse effects of too much sex toy use in women. He also advises people who need help to get it from therapists who actually understand sexual addiction. (Many sexologists still deny its existence!)

Here are some of the points Fisch makes "The New Naked":

"[Porn], something that is supposed to stimulate and arouse men (or women) sexually can actually destroy their overall libido and performance. So why isn't anyone talking about the effect on sexual performance ...? Probably because they flunked sex ed for grownups. They're discussing why a guy watches it--and not what happens to his penis when he watches."

"When I say that porn is killing America's sexual behavior, I am not kidding, nor am I exaggerating."

Fisch warns that porn addiction is far more common than most people think. He advises that people who need help choose their therapists with care. I think I counted 4 times that advised finding a sex therapist experienced with porn addiction and sexual dysfunction.

Interesting, Fisch claims that he can tell how much porn a man watches as soon as he starts talking candidly about his sexual dysfunction. He points out that a man who masturbates frequently can soon develop erection problems when he's with his partner, and says that when porn is added to the mix, and he can become unable to have sex.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Myself on February 27, 2015
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
I, as someone born in the early 80s, was expecting a much more progressive, cutting edge book based on the title - maybe something teaching great techniques to people who think they've seen and done it all. This is not that book. That said...this book is a really good starting place if you and your partner aren't very comfortable communicating about intimate things, if you aren't around people who are sex-positive and openly communicate about these things, or if you haven't ever done any sex ed after that one class in high school. The intended audience is people in relationships who are 40+. There's a lot of very good information about sexual health, communication between partners, and understanding how things and bodies change over the years. I read a lot of sex ed books, and this is one of the only ones I've come across that helps people navigate a lifetime of being sexual beings. It's going to stay in my collection because I bet that it covers questions we'll be facing in ten or fifteen years.

Dr. Fisch is reassuring, frequently helping readers understand that they're normal, that problems they have can probably be easily resolved, and that it's a good idea to talk with your doctor about your concerns. He's written short quizzes to help readers think through potential issues that might be affecting their sex lives, whether that's changing hormones or the fact that sexual response and preferences shift over time which might be why your partner isn't driven wild by that one thing you do any more. There are books out there that can teach you new techniques and tricks, but not a lot that offer a kind and humane education on the things you need to learn about sex after you've been having it for thirty years. I would give this book another star for being a good resource, but the writing style annoyed me.
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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful By Sujanie on June 12, 2014
Format: Paperback
After reading several of the other reviews, I think it is important that potential readers know that this book does focus more on relationship advice and Dr. Fisch tries to outline ways in which you or your partner can be more effective, thoughtful, and supportive partners and he stresses that this is the key to becoming a more effective, satisfying lover. Dr. Fisch clearly believes that the emotional and the sexual are inseparable and that the best way to get what you want out of sex is to give your partner what they need emotionally. I thought the doctor made some very good points and had a lot of good suggestions on how to improve or change behaviors that could then improve your overall relationship.

But I did buy this book hoping to find more concrete medical facts about sex, sexual organs, etc. The first couple of chapter provide a little of that - almost completely focused on male sex organs - but doesn't dive in much further than what you probably know already or could easily find browsing the internet.

This book also targets a female audience. Dr. Fisch was constantly blaming the men in relationships for dissatisfaction and underwhelming sexual performances, and I thought that was unfair and probably inaccurate. He added a few examples of women who also had to take responsibility as well, but the doctor definitely threw all the men "under the bus". I think the book could benefit from a more equal and realistic treatment of the topic...as well as a less misleading title. I think all readers can take useful information away from this book, but it's better to know what you're really getting into before you buy. That being said, I will be looking into his other publications and seeing what else I can gleam from his lessons.
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