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SEX IS A DIPSTICK
Let me tell you why I'm writing this book: lots of people are having lots of sex...but that doesn't mean they're having lots of fun doing it.
And I am determined to do something about it.
As one of the most renowned urologists and reproductive specialists in New York City, in practice since 1989, I've seen thousands of patients with sexual dysfunction and sexual satisfaction problems and aching pleas for help. But almost everyone who walked into my office, men and women alike, was more interested in talking about-and being treated for-the one issue that wasn't being talked about anywhere else. They didn't just want to know how to have better sex, but how to be happy in their relationships at the same time.
This book will show you that sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction are not mutually exclusive in a relationship. That may not sound like rocket science, but you'd be amazed at the number of people who don't think the two are possible to achieve. In fact, you can take simple steps on your own and with your partner to improve all aspects of your life together. This book will show you exactly what to do.
Before we get into that, here's an important note I want to make as a men's health expert. Women often don't realize that as men get older their sexuality can be affected by many different issues. They're dealing with declining testosterone levels as well as performance issues, weight issues, stress issues, and that old issue of getting older and not getting it up so easily.
These problems have to be acknowledged because they are often the reasons why the sex in these men's relationships goes away or awry. When a woman understands any physiological issues affecting the man in her life, she can be far more effective at helping him make the changes he needs for his health, for his happiness and, most importantly, for the overall health and happiness of their relationship.
How This Book Came to Be
I've already written two books that address the medical aspects of male sexuality and the physical nature of the problems that can occur between partners in a relationship, The Male Biological Clock: The Startling News about Aging, Sexuality, and Fertility in Men (published in 2005) and Size Matters: The Hard Facts about Male Sexuality That Every Woman Should Know (published in 2008).
What still needs to be talked about candidly, however, is basic sex education for grown-ups. I'm not talking about the mechanics of the sex act itself, but how lack of sexual fulfillment and an inability to even know how to bring up the issue affect a couple's intimacy and togetherness. I've seen this in countless couples that have come into my office. They're talking at each other but not to each other. They're frustrated and upset. They know there's an enormous, sexually charged elephant in the room, but they can't bring it up. They don't have the language to express their needs, and I quickly learned to provide it for them.
What I told these couples is that every relationship has a sex factor and a happiness factor, which are inextricably intertwined. Some people can have a lot of happiness in their relationship without a huge amount of sex. But I have yet to meet a couple that has a happy relationship when the sex is bad, unsatisfying, infrequent, or mechanical.
Sounds ridiculously simple, right? Well, it's not-if you can't talk about it. Back in the Stone Age, when I was in medical school, nobody discussed patients' emotional issues-which is crazy when you think about it today-and nobody ever discussed how to be happy. There was little talk about lifestyle and behavior, drugs and drinking, and sexual issues and addiction, all of which have a potent effect on physical health and thus on sexual performance in both men and women.
Yet once I started my practice, suddenly dozens of patients were confiding in me about all of these things. It didn't matter what their medical issues were; the common denominator was their unhappiness about the sexual aspects of their relationship. They sat there, eager and willing, waiting for me to give them a magic bullet to improve their sex life, thinking that Viagra or testosterone or losing weight would do it for them.
But nothing I could prescribe would work if they remained unable to talk about what they really wanted and needed. I quickly realized that prescribing Viagra for mechanical fixes was a mistake if I did not address how to have a great relationship beyond the physical aspects.
In fact, I said this just the other day to a pharmaceutical rep who stopped in my office to discuss an order for Viagra. "You know," I told her, "I can't give Viagra to patients anymore without cringing."
I thought for a second that she was going to faint.
"What I mean," I hastened to add, "is that it doesn't seem right to just prescribe Viagra to men having trouble in bed when they don't know what a relationship is about. Viagra might help with the physical part, but if they don't deal with any underlying emotional issues, nothing is going to work."
She regained her composure in a hurry.
In other words, what these men needed was not someone with a quick physical fix for their issues, but someone to help them find and maintain happiness in their sexual relationships. Each man needed the woman in his life-that's you, by the way!-to help him see the whole picture.
But here's the catch: these guys, as you doubtless already know, couldn't talk about any of this because they didn't know what to talk about or, more importantly, how to. They were like cavemen-they probably knew what they wanted, but they didn't have the language or the ability to make their needs known. Many of them didn't even have simple, basic information about sex and sexual health, and what was normal or not. Plus, there was no one they could ask.
In other words, they were grown men in dire need of real sex education.
Not the kind of sex education they may have sniggered through in junior high, with health teachers droning on about zygotes, hormones, and puberty, and all that convoluted medical mumbo jumbo. No, they needed more than just a refresher course in the basics of anatomy. They needed to know that they didn't have to live with sexual unhappiness. They needed someone to tell them how to have good sex and good relationships for a lifetime.
That's what The New Naked is all about. This is a comprehensive book-written about men but for women-showing how easily you can achieve the sexually satisfying adult relationships you've always wanted.
Nearly all of the books that deal with sexual issues and marriage are psychologically based, written by couples' counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, or sex therapists. That's great, because there is a real need for those books. None of them, however, gets back to the basics of sex education for adults from a medical perspective like mine as an experienced urologist and fertility and men's health specialist who has also counseled couples for years on their sexual needs and their misperceptions.
Because I've treated infertile couples and male patients for several decades, I've become an expert at candidly dealing with all sorts of sexual and emotional dysfunction. I explore these issues on Howard Stern's Howard 101 channel on SiriusXM, which hosts my radio show every Wednesday night. I also am often consulted as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show, where I serve on the medical advisory board. And I've created the websites www.drharryfisch.com and www.harryfisch.com, which discuss male health and sexuality, so the millions of people who need that candid advice can find it easily.
I've written this book for women like you so you can share this information with the man in your life. Once you know what's really wrong, of course, you can start to make it better. But more than just showing you how to spot potential problems, this book talks about what can go right (even if it has already gone wrong) with your emotional relationship and your sex life. It's an essential road map to the best sex and the happiest relationship of your life.
Definitely aimed at a female audience, the book reads like a Cosmo article. When you add in all the shameless product plugs, I wish I hadn't wasted money on this book. Read morePublished 6 months ago by Michael J
The New Naked was an interesting read. It is targeted towards women and the author mentions that frequently. It is not a medical book, more a relationship exercise. Read morePublished 7 months ago by Janet
This book is really written for the woman's perspective (the author states this in the intro).Published 7 months ago by Benjamin
education is always important. A lot of information to digest on a variety of topics. Some more interesting than others.Published 8 months ago by rusty
Good common sense approach for anyone over sixty looking to improve in the area of sexual performance. Easy to read and understand.Published 9 months ago by randall Jackson
This is a very good book for both men and women of all ages. Good gift for newlyweds or to-be-weds.Published 10 months ago by Happy Grammee from Dallas, TX
I thought this book was a sexual health education. It only had a very little about sexual health education. It may be just what someone else is looking for.Published 10 months ago by Terry Don Fitzhugh