The Orphaned Adult: Understanding And Coping With Grief And Change After The Death Of Our Parents [Paperback]

Alexander Levy (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: October 1, 2000

Losing our parents when we ourselves are adults is in the natural order of things, a rite of passage into true adulthood. But whether we lose them suddenly or after a prolonged illness, and whether we were close to or estranged from them, this passage proves inevitably more difficult than we thought it would be. A much-needed and knowledgeable discussion of this adult phenomenon, The Orphaned Adult validates the wide array of disorienting emotions that can accompany the death of our parents by sharing both the author's heart-felt experience of loss and the moving stories of countless adults who have shared their losses with him. From the recognition of our own mortality and sudden child-like sorrow to a sometimes-subtle change in identity or shift of roles in the surviving family, The Orphaned Adult guides readers through the storm of change this passage brings and anchors them with its compassionate and reassuring wisdom.

Editorial Reviews

From Library Journal

The death of one's parents is "the ultimate equal-opportunity" experience; becoming an orphan as an adult happens to nearly everybody. Yet despite the flood of self-help books on death and the grieving process, very little (with the exception of Hope Edleman's Motherless Daughters) has been written on parental loss. Incorporating his own personal experience with the accounts of others who have lost their parents, psychologist Levy examines this profound life-changing event with compassion and understanding. Since our parents "project an illusion of permanence," writes Levy, their death forces us to confront our own mortality (we are next in line to die) and to adjust to our new identities as orphaned adults. Indeed, he argues that this stripping of our childish beliefs is the first step toward true adulthood: "Perhaps only after parents have died can people find out what they are going to be when they grow up." This wise and caring book is recommended for all collections.AWilda Williams, "Library Journal"
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

Review

"I have never been more moved than by reading this extraordinarily personal, inspirational, and helpful book....Levy makes the old new and roots the new in the timeless. A gem to be treasured, a truly life-affirming accomplishment." -- Rabbi Earl Grollmanm, D.H.L., D.D., author of Living When a Loved One Has Died

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 208 pages
• Publisher: Da Capo Press; 1 edition (October 1, 2000)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0738203610
• ISBN-13: 978-0738203614
• Product Dimensions: 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.3 inches
• Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (61 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #23,211 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #61 in Books > Self-Help > Death & Grief > Grief & Bereavement

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

126 of 128 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Thank You, Dr. Levy August 19, 2000

By "cherrycocacola"

Format:Hardcover

This book is a gift. I was orphaned as an adult 4 years ago when I lost my parents within 3 months of each other. I picked myself up, dusted myself off and went on with my life. Why? Because that is what society expected me to do. Because mourning for a parent shouldn't last over 2 weeks...after all everyone's parents die, so what's your problem. Well my problem was that I lost the two people in the world who loved me more than life. The two people who were always there. The two people who called me their daughter and now....I'm no one's daughter. Part of my own existence died when they did.

Dr Levy's book puts in perspective my pain. Even though life does go on there isn't a day that passes without mourning for what is lost. This book made me realize that grief doesn't just go away nor should it. I now understand that my longing for my parents is healthy and okay. And for this understanding I am very grateful. Thank you again, Dr. Levy

47 of 47 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A wonderful, thoughtful book October 16, 2002

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

This is a truly amazing book on the subject of parental loss. In the aftermath of my parents' deaths, I have read nearly all of the "parental loss" books out there, and this is by far the best. Although I am unusually young (28) to have lost both parents, although mine passed in an unusual manner (together, in a car accident), and although my relationship with them was closer than many people's (I am an only child who spoke to both of my parents every day) -- all things which tend to distance my experience from those of others', including the authors of most books on this subject -- Levy's book spoke to me tenderly, honestly, and universally.

Levy insightfully and compassionately explores not only the intensity of grief wrought by the loss of one's parents, but also what such loss means in terms of an adult child's identity, how it impacts one's interactions with other loved ones and friends, and how it can impact one's religious beliefs. He also discusses techniques for getting through grief, and even includes a section on ongoing relationships with parents following their death (whether it be through visitations or conscious rituals).

This is a heartfelt book that I will return to again and again. I can't recommend it enough, really.

39 of 40 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars I Am Not Alone. March 1, 2000

By "its_dlh"

Format:Hardcover

My father passed away over ten years ago. My mother passed away two years ago. In fact, I just celebrated the two year anniversary on February 9, 2000 dedicating an organization to her.

I have felt this immense emptiness since my mom's passing and felt that I must be losing my mind because no one else seemed to be having as hard a time as I am dealing with her death, nor do friends (those who have lost a parent and those who have not) seem to understand my grief.

I have always said to myself that I was an orphan, but never thought to mention that to others for fear that they would think I was crazy since I'm 41 years old. Since I began reading The Orphaned Adult, I now realize I'm not alone in how I'm dealing with my grief and that there is no time table as to how long I should grieve nor is there any proper or improper behavior for grieving.

I am or have experienced nearly everything talked about in the book, especially the change in relationships. It just makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not losing my mind.

Thank you, Mr. Levy, for writing this book. I too had thought of writing something, but your book covers everything.

17 of 18 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A "MUST READ" for every parentless adult... March 4, 2003

By A Customer

Format:Paperback

I read, in practically one sitting, "The Orphaned Adult." Not only does the author share his own insight, he has gleaned stories from many other people -- some patients (he's a psychologist) -- some friends. The anxiety and fears I have lived with since my Mom died 21 years ago (when I was a young adult) are discussed in the book. The book addresses each individual loss and the fact that losing the surviving parent causes you to experience the loss of the first parent all over again. That happened to me when my father passed away four years ago. So much is talked about in the book that I have never talked about with anyone. It was comforting to know that many of my thoughts and feelings are common among other people with similar experiences. It's the only book I have ever read that is so specific to my feelings and experiences. Yet, it was not the type of book that you cry all the way through. It was like sitting down with a close friend who has also lost their parents and just pouring your heart out. Every "orphaned adult" should read this today and send it to other "orphans" they know and love.

13 of 13 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Levy gave words to my feelings; sense to my 'orphaned' life June 7, 2006

By CookinMinneapolis

Format:Paperback

I thought "orphaned adult" was my phrase and my unique emotional state following the deaths of both of my parents within a year--and at 56, I was uncomfortable with the depth of my grief and feeling of child-like despair at their absences. It was consumming without visible end. Levy gives words to those feelings and context to that grief and child-like despair, whatever your age. And he shines a light that is true in his eiplogue--there WILL be a day when you awake and (she) is not the first thing you think of . . . when you go about your business and it is an hour, three hours . . before something brings her to mind. You don't forget, but you start living your life again in memory and love. I cannot recommend this book enough ...........