I'm a big fan of Arlie Hochschild, since I read The Managed Heart in grad school. She's done ground-breaking research in emotion management, then went on to talk about families and managing time.
This time I was eager to get her book. The writing and organization are superb. My biggest disappointment is that the book turned out to be a very fine piece of journalistic writing. The jacket of the preview copy referred to original research, but I saw only references to occasional articles. Most references were to the popular journals.
I'd have liked to see a more rigorous discussion of the origins of this phenomenon as well as a more precise delineation of the concept. Does outsourcing these "intimate" services resemble paying for organ donation, a controversial area? Or is it just an extension of outsourcing services like restaurant dining and house cleaning? I'd also like to see some research on outsourcing's impact on society and on the "self." The title is catchy but what's outsourced isn't the self but a series of activities, often leaving more time for self-expression and self-discovery.
Hochschild begins by contrasting her own childhood on a farm with her other life as a pampered daughter of a State Department employee overseas; at home on the farm, the family pitched in to do everything. At the embassy everything was outsourced to drivers and house staff.
Throughout the book, Hochschild presents this theme: the old way - when people did things for themselves or turned to their families - versus the contemporary way of paying to get things done. Hochschild investigates several diverse areas of outsourcing, including dating, funerals, surrogate parenting, surrogate parenting, friendship, wedding planning and children's party organizing. She digs deeply into one provider and one customer in each area. For instance, she interviewed Marc Katz as a dating coach and talked to one of his satisfied clients at length. We get an interesting story but can't draw broader conclusions about the phenomenon of online dating or the proliferation of dating coaches.
Hochschild seems bothered by the fact that people are turning to paid resources for help. She emphasizes feelings of conflict that some interviewees admit: "How much should I do and how much should I outsource?" There's an unspoken implication that we outsource only when we must; given adequate time, we could do all these things ourselves.
Yet I can't help wondering: What's the problem? Much of this isn't new. And if you want to make the case that individuals, groups or societies are being harmed, you need to come up with some evidence.
It's certainly true that some of our most memorable experiences come from doing things ourselves; Hochschild remembers her own farm and she describes a dad who tried to host his own children's party. Yet was there really a more idyllic era when people took care of themselves and relied on family? Often the work that's now done by paid outsiders was done by the wife of the nuclear family. Some of those women felt just as invisible as the paid professional assistant. Weddings? Caregiving? Parenting? Yes - that was mom's job.
Hochschild notes that people confide in coaches, psychotherapists and massage therapists. (She notes that coaches are encouraged to "keep their distance," but that doesn't mean cutting off a client who's determined to over-share.) What's new? Hair stylists and bartenders have been hearing personal stories - a phenomenon documented in the academic literature. The coaching profession began to grow in the early part of this century but top executives and professionals often hired "consultants" to help them informally, under a different name.
I wish Hochschild had dug deeper into the broader scale of personal services, which has had an impact on many of us. When I was an undergraduate, I don't recall classmates who paid for manicures, pedicures, waxing and highlights; when I taught undergraduates in the late 1990s, many viewed these services as necessities. Few people agree with one of my crotchety friends who can't understand why women get manicures; "can't they do their own nails?" he asks, genuinely bewildered. Massages used to be reserved for athletes and actors; now just about everyone has had a massage at least once.
I also wonder if we've created a culture of dependence and if it's bad. For years I exercised on my own in the gym, sometimes with group classes. Then a personal trainer offered a trial pack of discounted sessions and now when time permits I love working with a trainer. Up through the 60s or 70s, most people dealt with their own career challenges and until very recently, college students completed their own applications. Now career coaches and admissions services are common. Of course, a problem does arise when the college students try to outsource their homework assignments.
One question I've pondered is, "Why do some problems lead to services and others don't?" For instance, coaches are available to help with divorce and wedding planning. Moving is just as complex and can be even more costly in both money and agony, yet the notion of a relocation coach hasn't caught on. There's also an irony that, surprisingly, wasn't mentioned: while families outsource all sorts of support, we're seeing an increase in home schooling.
Finally, I find myself agreeing with the respondent who asked, "What's the problem? Services are better when you pay for them." Part of the reason is that we often pay for services to navigate complex, high-risk journeys that we take infrequently. Getting into college, getting divorced or caring for an aging parent is a once-in-a-lifetime experience for many of us; we just don't have the knowledge to make wise decisions. Why should we?
Anyway, sometimes it's easier to pay than to negotiated informal "favors" that often carry a bigger price tag. Hospitals frequently require patients to find a ride home after certain procedures, and these days you can pay someone. (One hospital outpatient service used to require the "family member" to remain onsite the entire time of outpatient surgery; they had to give up the requirement because few people could do it.) Laws are changing to allow compensation for bone marrow donation, and ultimately (I suspect) organ donation, ultimately saving thousands of lives. Writing in the New York Times Magazine, psychiatrist Sally Satel claimed that she'd rather have paid for a kidney outright than dealt with the awkward negotiations and time-consuming search for a kidney that didn't come with intangible baggage.
Of course, as Hochschild says, nothing is perfect. She reports people who have had trouble with dating services, including a "friend of a friend" who knew someone who was attacked on a computer date. Well, that's not new either, and the same thing could happen with dating partners who are introduced by a friend or meet at an office party.
Perhaps I'm imposing my own requirements on this book. I really wanted some sociological theory, not another journalistic series of chapters. At the same time, I couldn't help becoming engaged in Hochschild's arguments and in her own story. The book is definitely worth reading; if I were still in a book club I'd love to discuss this one.
