The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict [Paperback]

Ken Sande (Author)

Book Description

Publication Date: January 1, 2004

Jesus said, "Blessed are the peacemakers." But it often seems like conflict and disagreement are unavoidable. Serious, divisive conflict is everywhere-within families, in the church, and out in the world. And it can seem impossible to overcome its negative force in our lives.
In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents a comprehensive and practical theology for conflict resolution designed to bring about not only a cease-fire but also unity and harmony. Sande takes readers beyond resolving conflicts to true, life-changing reconciliation with family members, coworkers, and fellow believers.
Biblically based, The Peacemaker is full of godly wisdom and useful suggestions that are easily applied to any relationship needing reconciliation. Sande's years of experience as an attorney and as president of Peacemaker Ministries will strengthen readers' confidence as they stand in the gap as peacemakers.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Of the enormous body of literature dealing with conflict resolution and its allied problems, this treatment is the most concrete and helpful I have yet to find." --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

In The Peacemaker, Ken Sande presents practical biblical guidance for conflict resolution that takes you beyond resolving conflicts to true, life-changing reconciliation with family, coworkers, and fellow believers.

"'Blessed are the peacemakers,' said Jesus. With crystal clarity this manual lays before us the wisdom that leads humble souls into that blessing."-J. I. Packer, author of Knowing God

"Of people alive and writing today, I know of no more reliable guide for peacemaking in church and family than Ken Sande."-John Piper, pastor, Bethlehem Baptist Church

"The Peacemaker is a practical and faithful primer for how obedience to God's Word can change deadlock into restoration in families, churches, workplaces, neighborhoods, and even prisons."-Charles W. Colson, founder, Prison Fellowship

"Ken Sande challenges us to act redemptively in a culture of enmity and shows us how to do this in our relationships with one another. A modern classic!"-Timothy George, executive editor, Christianity Today

"The Peacemaker is a rich source of practical, biblical guidance for resolving every type of conflict."-Tony Evans, pastor, Oakcliff Bible Church.

"It is the sort of book that will remind every Christian reader that God, before all, is in the business of reconciliation, and that the servant is not greater than the master."-D. James Kennedy, pastor, Coral Ridge Presbyterian Church

"The best guidebook I've ever seen on how Christians should resolve conflicts. Every pastor ought to read this book and share it with the leaders of the church. It ought to be a textbook in every Bible school and seminary."-Warren Wiersbe, author of Real Peace

Attorney Ken Sande is president of Peacemaker® Ministries (www.HisPeace.org). He regularly conciliates business, family, employment, and church disputes and serves as a consultant to pastors and attorneys as they work to resolve conflicts outside the courtroom. Ken conducts seminars throughout the United States on biblical conflict resolution.

See all Editorial Reviews

Product Details

• Paperback: 318 pages
• Publisher: Baker Books; 3 edition (January 1, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0801064856
• ISBN-13: 978-0801064852
• Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.8 x 9 inches
• Shipping Weight: 15.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
• Average Customer Review: 4.7 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (106 customer reviews)
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #4,045 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
  • #4 in Books > Christian Books & Bibles > Ministry & Church Leadership > Pastoral Counseling

More About the Author

Attorney Ken Sande is president of Peacemaker Ministries. He regularly conciliates business, family, and church disputes and serves as a consultant to pastors and attorneys as they work to resolve conflicts outside the courtroom. Ken conducts seminars throughout the United States on biblical conflict resolution.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

85 of 87 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Great tool for reconciliation November 4, 2004

By Kathy F. Cannata

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

The Peacemaker is the most helpful guide I have found to assist Christians in resolving conflict. It takes an uncommonly Biblical approach, leading one through a process designed to foster reconciliation, to God's glory. One is instructed in ways to "get the log out of your eye"; to "go and show your brother his faults," and to "go and be reconciled." These principles are applied to a variety of situations: third-party conciliation, forgiveness, confession, church discipline, self-examination, conflict assessment, and more.

Sande continually reminds his readers that conflict is a great opportunity to see the Gospel lived out in radical ways. By this God is glorified in ways the world cannot explain. This must be the focus of all peacemaking: "whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" (I Cor. 10:31).

While Sande provides an abundance of practical techniques for implementing his understanding of Biblical principle of peacemaking, these by themselves cannot accomplish what is needed. The methods only provide opportunities for reconciliation, but true reconciliation is always a heart issue. In the end, all of Sande's steps and procedures must happen through faith alone in Christ alone. Apart from him we can do nothing (John 15:5). And simply going through the motions, however precisely, cannot serve as a substitute for the work of the Holy Spirit, who alone can apply Christ's work of reconciliation to us. Conflict may cease on the surface, and hostilities can be contained or sublimated, but true reconciliation cannot happen apart from the Holy Spirit giving the parties a growing experience of what Christ has done to reconcile us to the Father (2 Cor. 5:18-20).

Since teaching the Peacemaker c.e.... series in 2000, I have seen these concepts at work in the life of our church family. I stock extra copies of the "Peacemaker Pledge" pamphlet on our fellowship table on Sundays and in my office. I have been amazed at how this tool can often humble people and redirect the focus of their concerns from their own agenda to God's glory.

But I have also seen the Peacemaker materials misused. People can go through the steps of Sande's book explicitly and methodically, but the focus can be misdirected from God's glory to the person's own hurt. If one starts from a self-righteous place it can poison all the steps of Sande's book.

This is a reminder that we cannot engineer what we desire, but are completely dependant on the Lord's grace for true reconciliation. The only One capable of real peacemaking is "the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep" (Heb. 13:20). Read more ›

42 of 45 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Best I Have Read on Interpersonal Conflict Management April 14, 2003

By David R. Bess VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback|Amazon Verified Purchase

This book is absolutely the best book I have read on interpersonal conflict management. Sande presents Scripture after Scripture to support his directives to diffuse disharmony among brothers and sisters in Christ. Having served as a pastor for twenty years and having seen my share of church spats, this book would have been extremely helpful years ago.

I highly recommend this volume to all pastors, congregational leaders, and other believers who are seeking a biblical response to conflict in the church. The author also has a website that offers various key concepts of this book in brochure form. The church today could use more works like this one.

110 of 132 people found the following review helpful

3.0 out of 5 stars Good practical advice, caution with the religious discussions. May 24, 2006

By Dokimoi Ergatai

Format:Paperback

Ken Sande is an engineer, attorney and conciliator. This book provides practical advice for reconciliation between parties who are in conflict. Most of the advice consists of basic communication skills such as listen to the other person, agree in areas that you can, try to understand from the other person's perspective, etc.

He also follows the Biblical steps for resolution of conflict such as overlook minor conflict, go to the other person directly, get one or two others to go along and finally tell it to the church. His points on overlooking conflict are very good and this is not something that is taught frequently, if at all, in many churches today. The methodology for mediation and arbitration can be helpful and Sande especially touches on ethical responsibilities to avoid exposure to liability.

Born-again Christians will probably have some difficulty with the theology in the book. Sande is a lawyer, not a theologian. His definition of Christianity seems very broad. He quotes Justice Anthony Scalia, a member of the Roman Catholic church, as an authoritative figure on the role of Christianity and conflict/litigation. At times, it seems Sande views anyone associated with a church as a Christian. Perhaps he is intentionally broad in order to make the book accessible to as many people as possible. He does not seem to believe that conversion brings about a change in a person in that "If any man be in Christ he is a new creature. Old things are passed away, behold all things are become new." There is no discussion of the influence and power of the Holy Spirit to make Christian fruit including peaceableness which is not something we try to do in our own strength.

In addition, Sande does not seem to see a change from the Old Testament to the New Testament.... Thus, when dealing with many issues such as litigation, he relies heavily on O.T. scriptures. He ends up with the view that Christians can and should sue one another in certain circumstances and thus sees some scriptural commands as more of a suggestion than a command. He does state that the church should be involved in a conflict between Christians before litigation occurs and that appropriate discipline may be necessary but does not specifically address excommunication from the church. He also does not address the scriptural requirement that if someone acts in an evil way, we are not to resist him or her but are required to go further and bless him or her.

All in all, the practical advice is very good. I think you just have to sort through the religious discussions carefully and, of course, test everything against scripture. Read more ›

12 of 13 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Biblical, Practical, and Excellent ! October 11, 2003

By Michael Taylor TOP 500 REVIEWERVINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

Sande's book is valuable for the church pastor, layperson, business person, parent, or anyone in a position of authority.

Among the important points Sande covers include:

1. Trusting in the Lord to help you resolve a conflict.
2. When to forfeit your rights and when to stand up for them.
3. Examine your own attitude before confronting others.
4. Principles for dealing with yourself and allowing God to transform you.
5. Principles on confronting others in love.
6. How to apply Matthew 18:15-20.
7. Forgive others as God has forgiven you.
8. Overcoming evil with good.

A highly recommended read, you do not need to be a pastor or high-powered business executive to benefit from this gem!

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Interesting and Helpful November 3, 2004

By Matthew Gunia VINE™ VOICE

Format:Paperback

Ken Sande--a lawyer, active church member, and professional reconciler--has written a book intended to be read by Christians who are currently in conflict, or imagine that they will be involved in a conflict at some point in the future (all of us).

Sande attempts to shift the mental paradigm of his reader from a "I must look out for my rights and win this argument" attitude to a "I, who am sinful, must seek to do God's will and look out for that guy's interests as well as my own." To this end, Sande basically walks one through a recognition that we are all sinful, so there's no room to artificially build ourselves up, he advises sincere kindness as a way to disarm your "opponent," and strongly and frequently recommends churches get involved in disputes between Christians.

This reader can appreciate Sande's constant advice to not to file law suits. Sande, being a lawyer, writes that legal action ends up costing more time, effort, money, and friendships than one normally expects at the outset. For both practical reasons and as a form of obedience to God, Sande advises and helps Christians through the reconciliation process.

To be honest, the paradigm has not totally shifted for me yet. The practical illustrations did help me to picture what Sande's advice looks like in "real life," but at times the dialogue and such still seemed awkward, sugar-coated, and overly evangelica. Similar to an episode of "Seventh Heaven." However, the illustrations were not intended to captivate, but rather to illustrate. In all, recommended for Christians.