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The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage Paperback – May 1, 1997


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The Power of Two: Secrets of a Strong and Loving Marriage + The Power of Two Workbook: Communication Skills for a Strong & Loving Marriage + Communication Miracles for Couples: Easy and Effective Tools to Create More Love and Less Conflict
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 312 pages
  • Publisher: New Harbinger Publications; 1 edition (May 1, 1997)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 1572240598
  • ISBN-13: 978-1572240599
  • Product Dimensions: 0.7 x 5.9 x 9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (17 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #67,932 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Editorial Reviews

Review

“Dr. Heitler teaches the skills that make marriages successful. With easy-to-remembre guidelines and entertaining examples, she shows us how to deepen intimacy, resolve conflicts, and create satisfying dialogue to insure a joyful and lasting marriage.”
—John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus



“Put an end to the clashes that typify unhappy marriages. In a lucid, user-friendly format, Susan Heitler provides many practical and effective strategies for doing so.”
—Arnold A. Lasarrus, Ph.D., Rutgers University



“Dr. Heitler has synthesized the meat of martial therapy into one succinct volume. Reading—and sharing— The Power of Two should be the first line of defense for any couple seeking to strengthen their marriage.”
—Diane Medved, Ph.D., author of The Case Against Divorce and coauthor of The American Family: Discovering Values That Make Us Strong



The Power of Two is outstanding for couples seeking to understand themselves and each other better. If enough couples follow these guidelines, we would rapidly move to a new world order where marriage is transformed into a true partnership.”
—Monica McGoldrick, Director, Family Institute of New Jersey, and author of Ethnicity and Family Therapy and Genograms in Family Assessment

About the Author

Susan Heitler, PhD, has practiced for eighteen years as a clinical psychologist in Denver. Her widely respected publications David Decides About Thumbsucking, From Conflict To Resolution, Working With Couples in Conflict (audio), and The Angry Couple have all become classics in their fields. Heitler is a graduate of Harvard University. She earned her doctorate from New York University, and is currently an adjunct professor at the University of Denver School of Professional Psychology.

More About the Author

Susan Heitler, a Harvard and NYU graduate and clinical psychologist in private practice in Denver, wrote her first book, David Decides About Thumbsucking, to help parents and children to end thumbsucking habits.

In her second book, From Conflict to Resolution (1990), Dr. Heitler writes for therapists her integrative conflict-resolution theory of emotional health, distress, and therapy. The book explains that conflicts can be handled in five main ways. Getting angry yields fights. Giving up yields depression. Doing nothing about a problem sustains anxiety and tension. Avoidance via distraction invites addictions and obsessive-compulsive disorders. The fifth and by far the best option is collaborative problem-solving to create win-win solutions.

Dr. Heitler's third book and its sequels are for the general public. The Power of Two teaches win-win communication and problem-solving skills. So do The Power of Two Workbook, The Win-Win Waltz DVD, and online interactive learning to master the skills for relationship success at PowerOfTwoMarriage.com

Dr. Heitler's audio CD's on anxiety, depression and couples' skills offer new perspectives for individuals who want to live more emotionally comfortable lives.

Dr. Heitler's own family attests to the effectiveness of the techniques she writes about. She and her husband, married over 40 years, have successfully raised four children, three of whom now run a company that teaches Power of Two skills over the internet (PowerOfTwoMarriage.com). The large extended family of which Dr. Heitler and her husband are now matriarch and patriarch includes 10 grandchildren who love to gather and play together.

Customer Reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
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Most Helpful Customer Reviews

61 of 62 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on October 24, 1997
Format: Paperback
My husband and I have been married for several years, and while we've never doubted our love for one another, we have doubted the potential for a happy, peaceful, serene marriage because we ARGUE! And when I say argue, I do mean we have arguments--the hair-pulling, teeth-gnashing, kind that makes you want to just stick your fingers in your ear and hum loudly! We both read this book, and it taught us how to argue effectively, in such a way that hostility and resentment doesn't build up, and perhaps most importantly, we hear and listen to each other. The book is absolutely wonderful because it not only explains effective ways to communicate, it gives plenty of examples which show you how to apply the principles of effective arguing (this is not an oxymoron!) to your own unique situation.
We had gone to two different therapists before I purchased this book--neither therapist helped. That may have been in part because my husband, an English professor (you know how English professors have reputations as being arrogant and at times condescending), would actually roll his eyes when met with the pop-psychology jargon-laden advice we were given. So you can see he wasn't exactly receptive to the idea of marriage counseling. My husband, who has willfully apotheosized Freud, could not brook what he regarded as heinous misapplication of Herr Sigmund's genius.

_The Power of Two_, however, while in no way abstruse, certainly cannot be dismissed by those mates who feel they are "smarter" than the "foolish" "therapists" writing so many of the relationship books, and therefore, they dismiss them.
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27 of 28 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on September 23, 1999
Format: Paperback
I don't really think I got married BECAUSE of the book. But after I read the book, I finally could see that it was possible to be married, remain an individual, and still have a deep and meaningful relationship. If you think marriage takes away your independence, read this book--it empowers you.
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16 of 16 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on June 5, 1999
Format: Paperback
Reading this book I finally can understand why my husband and I fight, and how to keep our marriage more peaceful. People shouldn't be allowed to get a marriage license until they read this book.
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9 of 9 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on February 12, 1999
Format: Paperback
Great present for newlyweds and engaged couples. I wish I had this book when I was first married.
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13 of 15 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on November 27, 2003
Format: Paperback
this is great it should be translated in many different languages..its for any man or woman married or not..for anyone who just want to live and comunicate happily :) wonderful..
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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful By A Customer on April 27, 1998
Format: Paperback
So far, I have just read this book myself, but I can't wait to put into practice all of the suggestions for better communication. Now all I have to do is get a copy for my spouse and get him addicted to this "new" way of talking and listening.
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13 of 16 people found the following review helpful By Dr. Aletta on July 4, 2008
Format: Paperback
A few years back I was looking for a book I could use to help guide the couples I worked with in marriage counseling. A friend and fellow counselor recommended The Power of Two. After reading it for myself I was grateful. There are always complicated issues to deal with any real relationship. How we navigate those troubled waters has everything to do with how we communicate. Susan Heitler, a seasoned couples therapist, has put together a how-to-communicate guide in a user friendly format. It starts out with the basics, Talking and Listening, emphasizing the priceless value of good everyday communication. She outlines the communication pitfalls people often trip over, how to improve and then provides scripts, what not to do and then the better way. Some people find these scripts corny and contrived. I can see that, but they are also useful for couples who really don't have a clue how to receive criticism without getting defensive, give criticism without being negative or how to ask for what they need from a reluctant spouse without whining. She also gets into the more difficult challenges of communication when emotions run hot.

The content is useful, it teaches and validates; the format accessible, easy language artfully spaced on the pages. I recommend this book for all couples, not just spouses; bothers, sisters, mothers, daughters, sons and fathers have also told me this book has enhanced their relationships.
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2 of 2 people found the following review helpful By Deborah Ann Gibson on June 10, 2013
Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Tremendous tool for anyone working with married couples -- also, would be very good in a pre-marital course. Can easily be implemented in a group format.
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