- File Size: 216 KB
- Print Length: 33 pages
- Publication Date: September 21, 2011
- Sold by: Amazon Digital Services LLC
- Language: English
- ASIN: B005ORR6HE
- Text-to-Speech: Enabled
- Word Wise: Enabled
- Lending: Not Enabled
- Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #14,107 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
|Digital List Price:||$1.49|
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The Princess & the Penis Kindle Edition
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More About the Author
Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.
Top Customer Reviews
The Princess and the Penis is about Princess Amalia, King Norwood's virtuous and innocent daughter. He wants to make certain Amalia remains pure as the fresh snow and as innocent as a fawn, until he can find a husband worthy of her. Norwood sets his sights on a prince from one of the big kingdoms to help his impoverished kingdom thrive. When Amalia turns eighteen, the King picks Prince Rupert for her.
Now, since Amalia has special guards always around her to protect her virtue, there's no reason for her parents to be worried that she will be breached, so to speak. Until one day, Amalia comes to them looking very exhausted. The reason is because of the lump under her rump all night long.
Her mattress is replaced, but night after night the lump comes back and pokes and prods her. Soon the lump becomes large and thick with a top like a mushroom with two apples on each side. The King thinks it's an evil demon trying to steal her virtue and impregnate her. Amalia becomes attached to the creature that is quickly figured out to be a peen.Read more ›
After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the p*nis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.
If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one p*nis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.
Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a p*nis. A big ole p*nis who romances a princess.
Well, h*ll...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.
Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face!Read more ›
The King, Amalia's father decrees that she is to be raised completely chaste. If you so much as mention anything about reproductive activities to her, you could be punished. He succeeds, and at 18 the King and Queen are looking for a suitable Prince to marry her. Unfortunately, the Princess isn't getting enough sleep because there is a lump in her mattress that keeps poking her at night, that soon manifests as a rather large and all too familiar portion of male anatomy. She has no idea what it is, but the King is beside himself trying to get rid of this phantom phallus before her suitor arrives or before she is compromised, without telling her what it is. Meanwhile she is learning that cuddling or stroking this bedmate can elicit interesting results...
The double and triple entendres are really funny. But it also goes to show that no matter how much you insulate someone from the real world, they will eventually find out about the birds and bees on their own - so you are better off educating them. What is amazing is how tastefully written this story is, given the subject matter. Not lewd or crude at all, but really amusing. Worth the 5-10 minutes it takes to read.
Most Recent Customer Reviews
This was a very enjoyable short story. I had a fantastic time reading this from beginning to end.Published 2 days ago by Amazon Customer
My only complaint is that I can't fully explain with great diction how great this book is. It's long and thick, with just the right amount of girth. Read morePublished 4 days ago by Amazon Customer
So, we have a princess and a penis, of course. The princess has an overprotecting father and the penis is first described as a lump in the mattress by the... Read more
This had me cracking up. I couldn't wait to see what happened to the penis. I'm telling everyone I know about thisPublished 1 month ago by VenVen
This was a funny version of the Princess and the Pea. It was quite hilarious. Does end in a Happily ever after at least. :)Published 1 month ago by Samantha Hanson
The aunts did it for me in this strange but cute fairytale. They were absolutely hilarious. I will definitely check to see other books this author has written. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Kandis Barrow
Some books remain in the mind forever. This adult fairy tale spoof is one such book. I got to the book because it was available free of cost and its name was quite interesting. Read morePublished 2 months ago by Parichita Singh
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