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The Princess & the Penis [Kindle Edition]

RJ Silver
4.4 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (75 customer reviews)

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Book Description

A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.


Product Details

  • File Size: 155 KB
  • Print Length: 33 pages
  • Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
  • Language: English
  • ASIN: B005ORR6HE
  • Text-to-Speech: Enabled
  • X-Ray:
  • Word Wise: Not Enabled
  • Lending: Not Enabled
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #6,658 Free in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Free in Kindle Store)
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Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
75 of 81 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition
I'll admit, anything in a title with the word, peen (can't use the technical word because Amazon has flagged it as obscene, which I find odd since this word is in the title of the book) makes me resort back to a mentality of a teenage. But then I read some of the reviews posted, and all of them were very positive. And then when I found out this 36 page fairy tale spoof was free to read, I decided to go ahead and give it a go. And why not? It's free. But I do believe if RJ Silver, the author, had charged at least .99 cents for The Princess and Penis, he would have sold quite a number of copies because the buzz about this book has been non-stop this week. *quite happy to see he has it up here now!*

The Princess and the Penis is about Princess Amalia, King Norwood's virtuous and innocent daughter. He wants to make certain Amalia remains pure as the fresh snow and as innocent as a fawn, until he can find a husband worthy of her. Norwood sets his sights on a prince from one of the big kingdoms to help his impoverished kingdom thrive. When Amalia turns eighteen, the King picks Prince Rupert for her.

Now, since Amalia has special guards always around her to protect her virtue, there's no reason for her parents to be worried that she will be breached, so to speak. Until one day, Amalia comes to them looking very exhausted. The reason is because of the lump under her rump all night long.

Her mattress is replaced, but night after night the lump comes back and pokes and prods her. Soon the lump becomes large and thick with a top like a mushroom with two apples on each side. The King thinks it's an evil demon trying to steal her virtue and impregnate her. Amalia becomes attached to the creature that is quickly figured out to be a peen.
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28 of 33 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
WARNING: Spoilers Ahead....read at your own risk....:^)

After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the p*nis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.

If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one p*nis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.

Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a p*nis. A big ole p*nis who romances a princess.

Well, h*ll...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.

Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face!
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8 of 9 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Adult fairytale satire October 2, 2011
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This story is downright hysterical on one level, but can make you think on many more levels if you ponder afterwards.

The King, Amalia's father decrees that she is to be raised completely chaste. If you so much as mention anything about reproductive activities to her, you could be punished. He succeeds, and at 18 the King and Queen are looking for a suitable Prince to marry her. Unfortunately, the Princess isn't getting enough sleep because there is a lump in her mattress that keeps poking her at night, that soon manifests as a rather large and all too familiar portion of male anatomy. She has no idea what it is, but the King is beside himself trying to get rid of this phantom phallus before her suitor arrives or before she is compromised, without telling her what it is. Meanwhile she is learning that cuddling or stroking this bedmate can elicit interesting results...

The double and triple entendres are really funny. But it also goes to show that no matter how much you insulate someone from the real world, they will eventually find out about the birds and bees on their own - so you are better off educating them. What is amazing is how tastefully written this story is, given the subject matter. Not lewd or crude at all, but really amusing. Worth the 5-10 minutes it takes to read.
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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great lunchtime quickie! October 5, 2011
By Mia
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
This is a quirky little story (size doesn't matter here!) that made me smile a lot and actually giggle while reading it. Very creative premise and the maiden aunts provide LOTS of comic relief. I'd highly recommend, even if it wasn't free for Kindle.
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More About the Author

My name is RJ. I'm a man who writes quirky romantic humor books.
Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.

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