The Princess & the Penis [Kindle Edition]

RJ Silver (Author)

Book Description

A beautiful, chaste, and completely naive princess encounters a strange lump in her mattress. The lump soon morphs into a shape familiar to everyone but her, triggering her curiosity and her father's greatest fears. He frantically tries to intervene, but having a large phantom phallus in a curious maiden's bed is never a good combination.

Product Details

• File Size: 155 KB
• Print Length: 33 pages
• Sold by: Amazon Digital Services, Inc.
• Language: English
• ASIN: B005ORR6HE
• Text-to-Speech: Enabled
• X-Ray: Enabled
• Lending: Not Enabled
• Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #117,316 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

73 of 79 people found the following review helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars An Adorable and Enaging Fairy Tale Where Princess Finds the Wee-Wee of her Dreams (B+ Grade) September 26, 2011

By Katie Babs VINE™ VOICE

Format:Kindle Edition

I'll admit, anything in a title with the word, peen (can't use the technical word because Amazon has flagged it as obscene, which I find odd since this word is in the title of the book) makes me resort back to a mentality of a teenage. But then I read some of the reviews posted, and all of them were very positive. And then when I found out this 36 page fairy tale spoof was free to read, I decided to go ahead and give it a go. And why not? It's free. But I do believe if RJ Silver, the author, had charged at least .99 cents for The Princess and Penis, he would have sold quite a number of copies because the buzz about this book has been non-stop this week. *quite happy to see he has it up here now!*

The Princess and the Penis is about Princess Amalia, King Norwood's virtuous and innocent daughter. He wants to make certain Amalia remains pure as the fresh snow and as innocent as a fawn, until he can find a husband worthy of her. Norwood sets his sights on a prince from one of the big kingdoms to help his impoverished kingdom thrive. When Amalia turns eighteen, the King picks Prince Rupert for her.

Now, since Amalia has special guards always around her to protect her virtue, there's no reason for her parents to be worried that she will be breached, so to speak. Until one day, Amalia comes to them looking very exhausted. The reason is because of the lump under her rump all night long.

Her mattress is replaced, but night after night the lump comes back and pokes and prods her. Soon the lump becomes large and thick with a top like a mushroom with two apples on each side. The King thinks it's an evil demon trying to steal her virtue and impregnate her. Amalia becomes attached to the creature that is quickly figured out to be a peen. Amalia likes snuggling with her new bed mate that reminds her of her former pet ferret when she pets it and allows it to rest in between her legs and breasts. Amalia's parents are appalled. The King must figure out a way to get rid of the demon penis before Prince Rupert arrives to take Amalia as his bride. But the question remains. What is this penis doing in Amalia's bed and why has it picked her to snuggle with?

The Princess and the Peen is an adorable and hilarious take on the Princess and the Pea. This is not a graphic or pornographic tale in anyway. Some may think so because of a peen being used as a character. The writing is really great and the outcome regarding Amalia and her new friend, the happy, cuddly peen will leave you laughing.

The discussions Amalia has about sex with her mother an aunt are some of the best sections in this story, behind Amalia explaining what she does with the peen each night.

The happily ever after is what you'd expect from reading a fairy tale, and shows how a princess's sweet kiss can make everything perfect. As where she places her kiss and on what is for you to find out when you read.

For a short, engaging fairy tale that I can't help but think would be a great picture book, give The Princess and the Peen a read. Amalia, her peen from the land of Shlongdia and RJ Silver will thank you if you do.

Katiebabs

28 of 33 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars Wickedly Delicious Satire--A Review By Penelope's Romance Reviews September 28, 2011

By N. R. Borromeo

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

WARNING: Spoilers Ahead....read at your own risk....:^)

After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the p*nis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.

If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one p*nis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.

Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a p*nis. A big ole p*nis who romances a princess.

Well, h*ll...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.

Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face! hee hee), snappy dialogue, a kind-hearted princess who loves to cuddle her new best bud just like her pet ferret, a flabbergasted king and queen who are stymied by their daughter's new "friend," an evil underendowed villain, great sidekicks (the aunties) for even more comedic relief, and finally, a true hero....a giant p*nis who has been bewitched, and only a kiss can set him free. (And yes, the princess gives the giant p*nis a kiss! Naughty, naughty girl!).

I'm not sure what RJ Silver has in mind for an encore, but I, for one, will be reading it.

Grade: A

Delighted with this wickedly delicious satire,
Penelope
Penelope's Romance Reviews

5 of 5 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars A great lunchtime quickie! October 5, 2011

By Mia

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

This is a quirky little story (size doesn't matter here!) that made me smile a lot and actually giggle while reading it. Very creative premise and the maiden aunts provide LOTS of comic relief. I'd highly recommend, even if it wasn't free for Kindle.

More About the Author

My name is RJ. I'm a man who writes quirky romantic humor books.
Most people ask me why I write. The answer is simple. Like most men, I get in a lot of trouble with the woman in my life. When she's really angry at me, and I'm hiding from her, writing is the one thing I can do that doesn't make any noise.