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The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands [Hardcover]

Laura Schlessinger (Author)
4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (222 customer reviews)

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Book Description

December 30, 2003

In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage.

Women want to be in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Yet disrespect for men and disregard for the value, feelings, and needs of husbands has fast become the standard for male-female relations in America. Those two attitudes clash in unfortunate ways to create struggle and strife in what could be a beautiful relationship.

Countless women call Dr. Laura, unhappy in their marriages and seemingly at a loss to understand the incredible power they have over their men to create the kind of home life they yearn for. Now, in The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura shows you—with real-life examples and real-life solutions—how to wield that power to attain all the sexual pleasure, intimacy, love, joy, and peace you want in your life.

Dr. Laura's simple principles have changed the lives of millions. Now they can change yours.


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The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands + The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage + Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

In her newest book, Schlessinger (10 Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives) relies upon her experience in private practice, radio and letters she received from men and women in tackling the issue of women who mistreat their men and suffer the consequences of unhappiness. The women who criticize their husbands in the stories that Schlessinger relates are depressed in their marriages and feel little love from their husbands. Unabashedly asserting that man is a "very simple creature," who needs only "direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good loving'" to respond with devotion, compassion and love, this controversial marriage and family therapist claims that every woman can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage if she adheres to certain fundamentals men require. Preparing dinner, caring for the children without complaint, greeting her husband with a kiss and engaging in sexual intimacy instead of "tearing down a husband's necessary sense of strength and importance" can result in the harmonious marriage women crave. While many of her listeners and readers claim her unequivocal advice has salvaged teetering marriages and improved marital harmony, others perceive Schlessinger as a throwback to what many see as years of female oppression in the home.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist

Dr. Laura gets back into the battle of the sexes in this new offering, which will bring Marabel Morgan's Total Woman (1975) to the minds of readers of a certain age. Schlessinger doesn't advise women to greet their husband in saran wrap, as Morgan did, but she does tell women to shape up, literally and figuratively. Women need to understand that men are sensitive creatures who want to protect and cherish their wives. Is it any wonder that marriages go bad when churlish female spouses withdraw their affection, make unreasonable demands, and don't understand the male nature? In point of fact, there is nothing wrong with (or revolutionary about) Schlessinger's core point: be nicer and more nurturing to your spouse, and he will be nicer to you. But she beats her message to death, resorting to wild generalizations; repeating ideas, thoughts, and phrases ad infinitum; and bolstering her arguments with endless examples from callers and fax writers who are all making mistakes until shown the light. Not surprisingly, Dr. Laura promises no similar title for the care and feeding of wives. Apparently there would be no fun in that. Ilene Cooper
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Product Details

  • Hardcover: 208 pages
  • Publisher: Harper; 1 edition (December 30, 2003)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0060520612
  • ISBN-13: 978-0060520618
  • Product Dimensions: 8.6 x 5.8 x 0.8 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 14.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (222 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #81,046 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

More About the Author

Dr. Laura Schlessinger received her Ph.D. in physiology from Columbia University and holds a post-doctoral certification from the University of Southern California and licensing in Marriage and Family Therapy. She is the author of nine New York Times bestsellers, including THE PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF MARRIAGE. Her award-winning radio program is internationally syndicated by her Take On The Day company. It's broadcast every day on more than 250 stations, XM Satellite Radio, and the Armed Forces Network, and is stream-linked and podcast on www.drlaura.com.

Customer Reviews

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
367 of 389 people found the following review helpful
By J. Shea
Format:Paperback
First, let me say that I am a very independent, very headstrong, liberal wife who has a higher education than her husband (masters' degree), owns a business and takes no B.S. from anyone. When this book came out, I truly thought it was a joke. WHO WOULD WRITE A BOOK LIKE THIS OUTSIDE OF THE 1950s?! And WHERE IS THE "PROPER CARE... OF WIVES"?! To add 'insult', a coworker of my husband (whose wife stays at home with their 4 kids because they feel that this is THE role wives are SUPPOSED TO take on), is the one who offered to lend it to me. I thought, "this will be interesting" but can't criticize until giving it a shot, right???

Ok - there's the background - here's the review:

I couldn't put the book down and read it in a just over a day. While I don't agree 100% with all that Dr. Laura says, and as another reviewer commented that there are parts that men may find insulting, this book has changed my life, and as a result it has changed my husband's life - both for the better. After 7 years of marriage, we are clicking like we never have before. I can't explain it to you, or to my married best friends whose jaws dropped as I confessed to them over margaritas that I NOT ONLY READ the book but I LOVED the book.

All I can say is that the foundation makes sense. It doesn't bash working women - Dr. Laura is one, after all. But it does point out, not so discreetly, that your family - the family you have chosen to create - should come above all else. And that the EXTREMISM of some aspects of the feminist movement is self-destructive to women, men and society as a whole.

And as I turned each page and as I tried to rebel against some parts (I shouldn't BURDEN him with the tales of MY day??!), peel away the layers, let down your defenses and let it make sense. (It isn't that my day is less significant, but men and women communicate differently - vent to him about your day and he'll feel like a second class citizen and a failure for not being able to fix your stress. Vent to your girlfriends and they'll dish with you! Focus your time on your husband, family, relationship, etc., once you get home instead.) AND LET ME TELL YA once you leave the work day at the door, your home becomes YOUR HOME again, too. So it's win-win! REALLY!!!

Dr. Laura's book includes parts and pieces of past calls and letters, which is a helpful, practical demonstration of her points and breaks things up so you don't feel like you're getting a lecture (especially if you are ready to admit you've been doing a few thngs wrong!). And as you can see the lightbulb go on with average Janes all over the country and across time in the dialogue- from them pushing back on her advice to (aha!) getting her message during their conversations, you see the pettiness we can cling to and frankly, the underlying simplicity in each of her messages.

OK - still skeptical? Then rent it at the library for free and give it a shot. Just TRY to put her ideas into practice - commit to changing for a week (if you aren't sold on changing your life)... What's the worst that can happen? If it's all wrong for you, you have just lost a quick week and you can pat yourself on the back for being right and you can write your own book. ;-)

But just think - what if it WORKS?! Then you will find a new meaning in your life that you didn't know you were missing. You will have a much happier and rewarding marriage. Your husband will adore you. (Sounds rough, huh?)

TRUST ME - I'm not about to become a submissive, mindless person rather than an equal partner in a relationship. But as I made a few MINOR tweaks in how I treat the man I chose to marry and spend the rest of my life with, I have received rewards from him 10-fold. And to think I thought I was doing it 'right' all along. ;0)
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127 of 140 people found the following review helpful
By Star
Format:Hardcover
Even though I do not always agree with Dr. Laura, I enjoy listening to her. Mostly, it's because she has very strong beliefs and she stands firmly by them. Too often in our society people are wishy-washy out of desire to be "popular" and inoffensive. I admire her for her strength to stand for what she believes in or take an unpopular point of view. She's an inspiration for all of us to stand by our principles and, above all, to always be honest with ourselves and others.

"The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is the first and only book by Dr. Laura that I have read. Overall, it is very much like her radio program, except that it is focused solely on what we as women can do to improve and maintain our marriage. Her style is conversational, no-nonsense, and down-to-earth. The advice that she dispenses is common-sense, practical, and time-tested. A large number of actual phone calls and letters make up the bulk of the book, as illustrations for the points that she makes.

The message of the book is that women have real power in marriage, since men, at their core, yearn for acceptance, approval, and appreciation (`the three A's'). Women, therefore, have the power to either make their husbands absolutely happy by giving them these three A's (which in turn makes men more willing to go the extra mile for their wives) or miserable by withholding them (which results in resentment and can ultimately lead to divorce). In this book, Dr. Laura exposes the problem in our society where women have a real need for control in their relationships, which manifests in them withholding affection, needlessly criticizing and otherwise alienating their husbands.

I can personally testify to the validity of advice that she gives. Being a child of a divorce, I struggled with all of these issues early on in my relationship and my marriage. Although I didn't have the benefit of this book at the time, I was lucky enough to be with a man who loved me and cared enough for me to stick around while I worked out all of these issues. He really taught me, through his actions, what "The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands" is all about - the importance of being unselfish, willing to compromise, and putting the relationship and the other person first. Doing so creates a virtuous cycle which invites the same behavior in the other person, thus bringing both people happiness and fulfillment.

Now being happily married, I believe that I'm already doing most of the things in the book. Still, it was a nice reinforcement of what I've learned through life experience and gave a few valuable pointers in the areas where I still have room for improvement. There were a couple of times while reading this book that I felt it was a bit redundant and lacked structure - mostly due to the author's need to reinforce certain points, as well as her overall conversational style. Despite these rather minor flaws, I still give this book five stars because there is nothing else quite like it out there. I believe that it should be a part of each married woman's library as the only marriage manual that she'll ever need.
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189 of 215 people found the following review helpful
By A Customer
Format:Hardcover
I am a divorce attorney. Daily I listen at how people throw away their lives and their children's lives over silly things. Clearly, no one should remain in an abusive marriage, but Dr. Laura's book merely asks wives to be tolerant and polite to their husbands. In return, she believes that the couple's stress levels will reduce and the family will be more harmonious. It is basic advice which most spouses overlook. Be nice. Be kind. Remember to love one another. I like this book.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
Wish my mother read this book
I wish my mother read this book. I read this book after I had kids and had to undo what I learned from my bitter mother and society. Our grandmothers were right.
Published 11 hours ago by Martha
There is good information, but it's hard to swallow
I was asked to read this book by a marriage counselor that both my husband and I are seeing. She warned me that there will be a lot I don't like in the book but there was also some... Read more
Published 11 days ago by Lisa
Give it a Chance
Dr. Laura is a real promoter of being a "husband fan" as I am sure many of you already know. The bottom line though is, it works! Read more
Published 23 days ago by Page Girl
Good reminder at the cost of being a woman basher.
When I started this book I thought it was somewhat interesting, however obvious. It might be helpful to someone in a relationship where they feel abandoned and distant or even... Read more
Published 24 days ago by KimK
Bought for my wife, but read some of it. It is the real deal...
Wow, a friend of ours gave my wife a Spanish version of this book. I bought her the English version of it. I read some of the book and was floored. How Dr. Read more
Published 2 months ago by Israel Cruz
Not what you think!!
I originally received this book from a friend of mine and was insulted when I read the title! I thought I was feeding my husband properly. Read more
Published 2 months ago by kschafer
The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands
I truly enjoyed this text! It is something I think I will give as a bridal shower gift from now on because of the wealth of information Dr. Laura offers.
Published 2 months ago by Kathy
Welcome to the Republic of Gilead
Excellent primer on how women can nourish and nurture relationships by impoverishing themselves intellectually, emotionally and financially. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Tubby
Proper Care of Husbands
This is the first self-help book I've read and it is written by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. We sometimes listen to her radio show during long drives and I finally decided to read one... Read more
Published 3 months ago by KCK Blogger
What about the Care & Feeding of Wives?
I was recommended this book by a friend and I can barely reach the end of the first chapter... As I read Dr. Read more
Published 3 months ago by Mama to two sweet girls...
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Inside This Book (learn more)
First Sentence:
There isn't a day that goes by when I don't ask at least one woman caller on my radio program if she expects to stay married considering her hostile, dismissive, or undermining attitude and actions toward her husband. Read the first page
Key Phrases - Statistically Improbable Phrases (SIPs): (learn more)
female caller, one listener, guy time
Key Phrases - Capitalized Phrases (CAPs): (learn more)
Laura Schlessinger
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