The Jean Claude Van Damme Review Matrix (JCVD-RM)
1. Who is he? Christopher Dubois, whose story is too complicated for a one sentence breakdown
2. Which family member/friend must be avenged? No avenging needed, but he's got kids to feed.
3. Does he take his shirt off? The closest he gets is the tank top version of a thong.
4. Does he have sex with a C-List actress? No sex, all business
5. Is there a tournament? Oh...YES there is!
6. Is training needed for this tournament? Absolutely, and all training takes place amidst the sweltering squalor of Bangkok Muay Thai fighting
7. Does he do the splits in training or in the tournament? It probably doesn't count, but after a vicious spin kick in the final battle, JCVD stretches that extra little bit to show a slow-mo, suspended splits shot.
8. Does he punch someone in the balls? Patented by Ric Flair of wrestling fame, JCVD delivers the reverse heel to the twins
9. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks? In slow-mo even!
10. Is his enemy unbeatable? After beating every previous opponent with little more than a stiff jab, the final enemy for JCVD is a Mongolian beast, part Chong Li from Bloodsport and part Attila from Lionheart (actually the same actor who played Attila).
11. Does he overcome an injury or other hindrance? A rarity for JCVD, the entire tournament is on the level.
12. Does he win? Not only does he win, but he delivers what is probably the best overall fight scene in his career.
Christopher Dubois has a crazy story. First he's a juggling clown on stilts caring for a bunch of criminal orphans in New York. Then he's enslaved on a gun-running ship after being discovered as a stowaway. Next, he's in a pirate battle complete with cannon fire. He then becomes captive on a martial arts training island replete with Muay Thai fighters. Eventually, he becomes a champion whose will has been forged by countless shin-shattering leg kicks. Meanwhile, monks are dispersed all over the country to invite a myriad of combatants to the Kumite...er...Ghang-gheng.
So, essentially, the entire thing is an amalgamation of the invitation from
Enter the Dragon (or
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory if you prefer), the orphan being taken in by criminals from
Oliver Twist, and the tournament from
Bloodsport.
The Ghang-geng tournament is diverse. The director, who looks like Lo Pan from
Big Trouble in Little China, has invited everyone. Sumo, Muay Thai, Sambo, Judo, Kung Fu, American boxing, Savate, Tae Kwan Do, all forms are represented, even that incredibly lame Capoeira garbage. What's great is that the entire tournament borrows, just like Bloodsport did before it, straight from the racial and country stereotypes from
Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!. Unbelievably, the final battle even featured JCVD's enemy doing the "Bull Charge" and Super Macho Man's Spin Punch. What's more, JCVD manages to pull off the "drum technique" from
The Karate Kid II, as well as a finishing blow Sho-Ryu-Ken from the
Street Fighter II game. Soak in the special moves people, soak'em in.
This is great JCVD tournament action, paying homage to what made him famous: Bloodsport. The original was better, but this is solid on its own merits. Oh, and by the way, Roger Moore co-stars, so you know the acting and production is superb. ALL action and martial arts fans should love this movie.