We are brought up to believe a certain set of rules: The early bird gets the worm. Slow and steady wins the race. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Good things happen to good people. Keep your faith, work hard, and all your dreams will come true.
But then we grow up. We learn that life isn’t really fair. There are no fairy godmothers, and not everything works out in the end, no matter how good we have been or how hard we’ve tried.
Why, then, are these myths perpetuated? Because clichés and over-simple recipes for living provide a soothing way to manage our daily lives without confronting the harsh reality that some parts of our lives are out of our control.
For several decades, Ken Druck has been willing to stand up and write about what we have hidden from ourselves for so long: we need to confront life as it is, not as we want it to be. We cannot magically wish things into reality. We cannot expect happiness or success to manifest from daily affirmations. By embracing the real rules of life, we discover life’s terms and learn to balance them with our own, preventing costly psychological debts and developing the life skills, underlying wisdom, and emotional freedom essential for fuller, richer lives.
This book will resonate with what readers know to be true about how life really is. Readers will discover themselves in vibrant teaching stories from the front lines of Dr. Druck’s pioneering work with individuals, families, communities, leaders, and cutting-edge organizations. They will push the refresh button on long-held myths and limitations, turning them into empower truths, redirecting their lives in much more effective and purposeful ways, and reinvigorating the pursuit of their dream.
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“In this elegant, groundbreaking book, Ken shows us how to rise out of the ashes, turn adversity into opportunity, and transform our pain into love.”
— Jack Canfield, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series
“When life kicks you below the belt—and sooner or later it’s bound to—read this book. This must-have guide belongs in every library.”
— Ken Blanchard, co-author of The One Minute Manager® and Great Leaders Grow
“For anyone who has ever had their heart broken, The Real Rules of Life provides powerful tools for healing and support. I highly recommend it.”
— John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
“I highly recommend this fine new book by Ken Druck. Read it and put his hard-won wisdom to work for you.”
— Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., author of Five Wishes and co-author of The First Rule of Ten
“An amazing book whose time has come! It’s real, it’s accurate, and it offers insights each one of us can use. Read it, live it, and share it with everyone you know.”
— John Assaraf, New York Times best-selling author of The Answer and Having It All and CEO of PraxisNow.com
“If you are wondering—or have ever wondered—why your life isn’t unfolding the way you expected or wanted it to, this beautiful book is full of incredibly useful insights and guidance. Let it serve as a clear road map on the sacred journey home to love, peace, healing, and joy.”
— John E. Welshons, author of One Soul, One Love, One Heart and Awakening from Grief
“The Real Rules of Life is a must-read for those seeking to turn serious personal, professional, and organizational challenges into opportunities for a better, brighter future.”
— Daniel Burrus, author of the New York Times bestseller Flash Foresight
About the Author
Ken Druck, Ph.D., is one of the nation’s pioneers in personal transformation, having broken fresh ground in male psychology, executive coaching, organizational consulting, parent effectiveness, healing after loss, and, most recently, the art of turning adversity into opportunity. Druck Enterprises, Inc. (DEI) is a leading coaching, consulting, and team-building firm with a broad base of clients including Microsoft, Pfizer, IBM, the San Diego Union Tribune, and the YMCA.
Since founding The Jenna Druck Center in 1996, “Dr. Ken” has become a lifeline for thousands of families who have suffered a loss. He is often called upon to assist in tragedies such as 9/11, Columbine, and Hurricane Katrina.
Ken has appeared on national television networks including CNN and MSNBC. He’s been featured on numerous radio shows and in publications including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and The Los Angeles Times. Ken recently cofounded and serves on the nation’s first community editorial board at the San Diego Union Tribune where he is a frequent (and outspoken) editorial contributor.
In recent years, Ken has been the recipient of the Visionary Leadership, Distinguished Contribution in Psychology, andFamily Advocate awards. He is a standing member of the Transformational Leadership Council (www.transformationalleadershipcouncil.com) and a regular contributor to several global leadership initiatives.
"We define (and distinguish) ourselves by how selflessly and courageously we love, summon up strength of heart (i.e. compassion and humility) in times of adversity, reinvent ourselves over a lifetime and give something back to the world."
Dr. Ken Druck has earned countless accolades as an author, speaker, organizational consultant and coach, master facilitator, parent educator and community leader over the past 35 years. He is the recipient of many honors and awards, including "Distinguished Contribution to Psychology", "Family Advocate of the Year" and "Visionary Leadership" for his innovative body of work with individuals, the community and our nation.
Although Ken's distinguished career began in Clinical Psychology where he earned his doctorate, he has been on the cutting edge of community and consulting psychology since the mid- 1970's. Ken founded a variety of community-based organizations to address the needs of its members. Most recently, he co-founded the Community Editorial Board of the San Diego Union-Tribune. Ken has published voluminously, including popular books like "The Secrets Men Keep" and "How to Talk to Your Kids..." and spoken-word CD's such as "Healing Your Life After the Loss of a Loved One" (done originally for the 9-11 families).
Ken Druck has consulted with the executive management teams and Boards of some of the world's most successful and innovative organizations, including Pfizer and Microsoft. Having worked with top leaders in business and government as a coach, Ken helped pioneer the field of executive coaching. He has taught innovative workshops and inspired audiences around the world, with upbeat presentations for distinguished organizations including The Young Presidents Organization and Million-Dollar Roundtable. He has appeared in local and national media (television, radio and print) many hundreds of times, including Oprah, Larry King Live, Donahue and Anderson Cooper, helping the general public deal with everything from the day-to-day challenges of living to terrible tragedies.
Above all his career accomplishments, and the considerable success of his company, Druck Enterprises, Inc., Ken has always prided himself on being a good and loving father, son, brother, uncle, friend, community member and citizen.
In 1996, Ken's life changed dramatically. The tragic death of his oldest daughter, Jenna, on a study abroad trip in India, inspired Ken to put his career aside and found the Jenna Druck Center. To honor Jenna, Ken, his loyal staff, Board and volunteers build the Center's programs, Families Helping Families (helping families who had lost a child) and Spirit of Leadership (a Jenna creation for teen girls), into highly-acclaimed, award-winning programs. Today, the Center has directly helped over 7,500 bereaved families and trained over 15,000 young women.
After many years of 60-70 hour work weeks as Executive Director, Chairman of the Board and primary resource for bereaved families at The Jenna Druck Center, Ken has gradually stepped back from the day-to-day operations. Wanting to touch even more lives with his message of hope, Ken went into retreat and wrote "The Real Rules of Life: Balancing Life's Terms with Our Own." Ken also hired an amazing new team and revived Druck Enterprises Inc. to resume his coaching, consulting and speaking careers on a national and global stage.
The Real Rules of Life is a book about the challenges we all face as we get through our existance on the planet Earth and try to deal with the many different obstacles and opportunities that present themselves, often at untimely moments. It is a book about learning how to deal with things while maintaining a realistic perspective and not getting lost in the empty wisdom of cliches, popular sayings, and the like.
Most everyone has had to deal with the unexpected and this often leads to important but often difficult questions to answer. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does playing by the rules, working hard, and treating people ethically not always result in success? Why does it not seem possible to gain closure to a terrible, life- altering tragedy? These questions do not have simple answers and, more often than not, the replies we hear from people we know and from society at large are not based on reality. The solutions are often intended to make us feel better and while feeling good is nice, it doesn't really resolve the issue at hand.
The Real Rules of Life is all about reality and this is the main aspect of the book that sets it apart from others in its genre. Some self- help books want to place a positive spin on everything, as if thinking positively will somehow erase all of life's disappointments and make everything better. There are even some books that prescribe thinking positively as the solution to every problem you will ever face. I agree that positive thinking is better than negative thinking, but to suggest that going through life with a smile on your face no matter what happens is somehow going to guarantee the achievement of great things is not only naďve, it can also be counter- productive. Like this book states, we have to get real about things.... If something trgaic happens to us, we should not pretend all is well and look for a bright side. If we feel emotion and extreme anger, we should express it. Sure, we should make sure not to threaten anyone in the process, but that doesn't mean we should be strong, stay composed, and pretend everything is okay when we know well that it isn't.
Reading this book, it is clear that the author drew much of his inspiration for its contents from the death of his daughter. He refers to it throughout the book as he tries to explain and illustrate what it feels like when a terrible tragedy strikes and what the best way is to handle the situation. I cannot claim to relate to anything like this because it has never happened to me, but it is obvious that this event shook the author to his core and I don't doubt that I would feel equally grieved if such an event happened to me.
This book is very good at offering realistic advice on dealing with stress, letting go, finding happiness, and the like. Readers need to be prepared, however, for a less conventional writing presentation. The book tends to use incomplete sentences and a writing style that often defies the rules of grammar and will drive English majors batty. It was written more like a conversation or lecture; like taking the words of a speaker who is talking to a group of students on the topic of life, and transcribing them on paper. It can be a little distracting, but the book's main points are still easy enough to grasp and apply to your own day-to-day life.
Life isn't fair and the hand we are dealt each day may likely contain more dueces than aces. But that doesn't mean we should accept defeat or, on the opposite extreme, act happy, positive, and pretend we aren't bothered. There is a healthy way to deal with life's setbacks and a dose of reality is the way to go. This book explains this philosophy well, offering anecdotes and suggestions for useful, practical ways to deal with the issues of life and, most importantly, get on with living.Read more ›
The Real Rules of Life is both a reality check and a wake-up call. It is nothing less than a course in the realities of life.
Ken Druck puts a slightly new twist on old truisms. He tells us to buck up and face life on its own terms. In his "Real Action" takeaway section, he offers many tools for doing just that.
The chapter titles are intriguing, and they enticingly introduce us to the experiences we will have exploring them. For example,
* Running From Reality Takes Energy: Truth as Courage * Closure is a Myth: Healing is a Lifelong Process * There Are No Deals: Life's Real Terms
In Real Rule #21, Druck reminds us of the universal truth that straining and struggling with the events of our lives causes pain. Not everyone sees that this mega-battle is pointless. For example, the mentally ill tend to go against the flow, shadow boxing with what is.
When we struggle through the moments of our lives, we end up with a lot of psychic bruises and wasted effort. Unfortunately, this behavior is learned in our families of origin and becomes our modus operandi and ultimately our addiction. The illusion of control is very, very seductive. We start to think that getting our way is the goal, when it's actually inner peace.
Learning to separate these two concepts is one of the great challenges of our journey.
In Real Rule #11, Druck tells us that happiness cannot be mandated. A lot of people insist that life events unfold in a particular way. When life doesn't comply with their demands, they become infuriated or deeply depressed.
But happiness comes in its own time, and we cannot hang onto it. This is a good thing in a way, because it means that unexpected joy can take us by surprise at any time.... The trick is to recognize those moments and savor them on their own terms. But we have to be willing to surrender, to let go of attachment. Like many life lessons, such as 'Live one day at a time,' surrender is a simple, albeit challenging concept.
Living each moment fully as it comes takes practice. Nourishing our own sense of aliveness comes from practicing a lot.
When a person breaks down mentally (to whatever extent) perhaps even landing in the hospital, he or she is bound to react by shutting down emotionally and spiritually. Many people show this reveal their resignation clearly on their faces, in their walk and in their speech.
But this behavior, like most behavior, is a choice. Yes, it's very hard to see that we are making a choice to hide and hold our feelings deep inside. But this is one situation in which we should act counter intuitively.
Likewise, we should step outside of our comfort zones and try new things with just a whiff of scariness to them. In other words, we need to keep stretching ourselves. If we don't, we're staying in a self-imposed prison of fear and despair.
Our best chance for recovery is to remain hopeful and "manage our disappointment," Druck tells us in the chapter subtitled "Keeping an Open Heart."
Don't give up, Druck is telling us. Take a deep breath, and jump.
Many people don't realize that joy is a choice. As Marianne Williamson says, "It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." True joy begins with living in each singular moment, says Real Rule #11. Yet the vast majority of people alter their consciousness, divert their attention or hide in addiction rather than facing this simple truth. We eat up tons of energy running away from what is staring us in the face.
Druck urges us to slow down and savor each moment. To enjoy the journey, not lose ourselves in expectations of the destination. That's what worry is. Dreading a moment that has not yet, and probably will never come.
Life can never be boring if we are constantly aware that we're on a journey and that we will never arrive until the day we die. Instead of sticking our heads out the window to gobble up the sensations as dogs do, we get in the habit of whimpering in the corner, regretting the past or poisoning the future with worry.
So the next time you feel drenched in sadness, choose to wallow in joy instead.
If you are open to looking at life's homilies from a unique perspective, you may enjoy Ken Druck's book.
Note: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for review purposes. I was not financially compensated for this post. I received the book from Hay House for review purposes. The opinions are completely my own based on my experience. FTC Disclosure: I received this book for free from Hay House Publishing for this review. The opinion in this review is unbiased and reflects my honest judgment of the product.Read more ›
I'm not the kind to review books...just wanted to share that this book is an excellent resource for people that have had to come to term with the loss of a loved one. For anyone that has had to hold this emotion face to face, they might understand how hard it is to find someone (or something...anything) that can be of assistance on the road one has to walk alone. This book is an excellent resource for anyone wanting to better themselves and come into a deeper rapport with life.
In other words, it is a must buy for people desiring to look inward and grow upward, like a new bamboo shoot through the snow.
It's hard to imagine how a parent can avoid being angry and bitter after losing a daughter at such a young age. Yet Ken Druck has somehow gotten through it by starting a foundation in her honor which helps others in similar situations and now by offering us 'The Real Rules of Life.' There is much wisdom here, such as how to deal when unexpected things happen, making us realize that we don't have as much control over our lives despite our best efforts. Each chapter offers a list of takeaways which summarizes its main ideas and specific acts we can implement. Much of this will be familiar, but some of Ken's tips will be especially poignant. I especially liked the 'listening is love' analogy which demonstrates how we can best be there for those who are close to us.
I've read many self-help type books over the years, but this is definitely one of the most inspiring I've come across recently. If Ken can survive such a deep personal crisis, then my day to day concerns seem a lot more trivial.
