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The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships Paperback – June 25, 2002

4.6 out of 5 stars 113 customer reviews

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Editorial Reviews

Review

"John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again. This book shows how the simplest, nearly invisible gestures of care and attention hold the key to successful relationships with those we love and work with."
-- William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart

"This is the best book on relationships I have ever read -- a truly impressive tour-de-force. John Gottman has discovered the Rosetta Stone of relationships. He has decoded the subtle secrets contained in our moment-to-moment communications. By introducing the simple yet amazingly powerful concept of the "bid," he provides a remarkable set of tools for relationship repair. By the middle of the second chapter you're likely to say to yourself, "Oh, so that's what's happening in my relationship with my partner (or colleague, boss, or sister), and now I know what to do about it."
-- Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D.,author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship

"The Relationship Cure is another in John Gottman's superb series of books on improving intimate relationships. What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies. When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work."
-- E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia

"The Relationship Cure is both profound and practical, based on decades of research and clinical experience. The rich array of self-exploration exercises and guidelines offers a life-changing program for creating more rewarding emotional connections with friends, colleagues, and life partners."
-- Shirley P. Glass, ABPP, author of Treating the Trauma of Infidelity

"The Relationship Cure is engaging and imaginative. The deceptively simple but powerful concept of the 'emotional bid' reveals ways in which we can connect with significant others in our lives."
-- Andrew Christensen, Ph.D., coauthor of Reconcilable Differences


"I always expect to learn something from John Gottman, and I have never been disappointed. The Relationship Cure is original, insightful, and immensely helpful. I love the concept of emotional bids. Gottman not only helps the reader recognize how he or she may be short circuiting connection and communication, he gives them very good practical advice, as well as examples of wrong and right ways to deal with even the most aggressive or passive partner interaction."
-- Pepper Schwartz, Profesor of Sociology, the University of Washington, Seattle and author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong


From the Hardcover edition.

From the Inside Flap

A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones
"This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others." Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship
"John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again."William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
"When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work." E. Mavis Heatherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia
From the country's foremost relationship expert and "New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life--with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman:
* Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls "emotional connection"
* Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional "bid," the fundamental unit of emotional connection
* Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others' bids
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Product Details

  • Paperback: 336 pages
  • Publisher: Harmony; Reprint edition (June 25, 2002)
  • Language: English
  • ISBN-10: 0609809539
  • ISBN-13: 978-0609809532
  • Product Dimensions: 5.2 x 0.7 x 7.9 inches
  • Shipping Weight: 8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
  • Average Customer Review: 4.6 out of 5 stars  See all reviews (113 customer reviews)
  • Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #3,792 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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Customer Reviews

Top Customer Reviews

Format: Paperback Verified Purchase
Evaluate all of your relationships, self and others from these three simple perspectives:

(1) Turning Against--those who criticize;
(2) Turning Away--those who do not engage directly;
(3) Turning Toward--those who truly respond to you with empathy.

Then start pruning away the dead wood!
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I work in Family Practice and Urgent Care as a physician assistant and do most of the 'psych' in our clinic. My background is in counseling psychology as well. I consider this book the most thorough, useful and appropriate 'communications skills' self-help book I have ever read. I recommend it to my patients and friends constantly. Janee Gillette, PA-C
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Format: Paperback
Read this book and share it with your partner if you can. It is so spot-on about communication, I really wish everyone would read it! The basic premise is explaining how we relate to each other and what happens when we don't respond in a way that potentiates that relationship. It's easy to understand, a great read. I especially recommend it if you are in a relationship that is not going well and BOTH of you are looking for help in fixing it. Read it together. It will help you understand each other. (I only wish it wasn't called The Relationship Cure because it's really about Communication!)
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This book has altered the course of my life. I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who would like to improve their relationships with their spouse, parents, siblings, children, bosses, coworkers, friends, or ANYONE. It teaches fundamentals about the human nature of communication, offering real-life examples to aid in understanding. Based on years of research, I think these guys are onto something amazing, and it has truly changed my life.

When one of my best friends confided to me that her husband had moved out and they were on the verge of divorce, I said, "Read this book together with him. It changed my life. Maybe it can help you, too." A few months later, she told me through tears that going through the process of reading this book together had changed their life too, and that now they were closer than ever. I ended up buying another copy to keep for myself.

For the preview- it breaks communication down to simple "bids" for connection, the way you could respond to them, and the outcomes of various types of responses. Apparently, we are a lot more predictable than we realize, and I have found the information to be tried and true in my life since I first read the hardcover edition when it first came out, happening upon it by accident in the bookstore.
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This is an outstanding book, especially the section on emotional styles within families (dismissive, coaching, etc.). If we learned this in school like we learn the alphabet, we'd be much farther along emotionally and relationally as a society. Read this book and absorb it; very useful.
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Format: Paperback
John Gottman, one of the leading authorities on relationships has produced another fantastic book on this subject. In this book he explains the basic elements of "people skills". It gives us concrete ideas about what it takes and how we can develop them. He uses information from many of his own research projects to explain the concepts and processes involved to understand the ways we interact with each other. I must admit that although my relationships were not the best until recently, this book has helped me improve these relationships quite dramatically. If you'd like to read an even more comprehensive explanation on how relationships work, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is also an outstanding book on relationships as well as adult (and childhood) development. Two thumbs up for both books!!!
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Format: Paperback
I HIGHLY recommend the Relationship Cure! This book has proven instrumental in all types of relationships - from co-workers and siblings to parents and kids. The "responding to bids" section has been extremely helpful for me, as there was a time when I would just totally ignore what someone else said - and worry about my own agenda. This book has made me cognizant of when I still do it, and the impact on that person... and has helped tremendously to communicate to others that I am truly, actively listening to them.
Whether you think you are the best sales rep in the west, have the most dynamic marriage on the planet, or feel a little more socially awkward - this book alone will help you strengthen core skills to build better relationships.
1 Comment 18 of 20 people found this helpful. Was this review helpful to you? Yes No Sending feedback...
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I first learned of John Gottmah, PhD when I heard him speak in Seattle with H.H. the Dalai Lama earlier this year. The topic of the seminar was parenting, and I fell in love with his insights and simplistic approaches.

This is the first book of his I've read, and I loved it. I found it very profound, yet surprisingly simple.

Pros:
*I liked the explanation of 'the bid.' It's a basic theory, but it seems to be forgotten after a while in a relationship.
*I liked the chapter on 'emotional heritage.' The self evaluations are extremely helpful in taking a look at your past and how your family dynamics can come into play in your adult years.
*I liked how the information in this book can be applied to any type of relationship: romantic, friendship, family / sibling, and co-workers.

Cons:
*Some of the information seems like it should be common sense, but it also seems necessary for the author to state it clearly in this book because it seems to get lost in so many relationships,

This book seems like an undertaking when you first flip through it, but I found that it read very fluently and fairly quickly.

I would recommend it to everyone, especially those wanting to strengthen the love in their life.
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