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on January 11, 2007
I work in Family Practice and Urgent Care as a physician assistant and do most of the 'psych' in our clinic. My background is in counseling psychology as well. I consider this book the most thorough, useful and appropriate 'communications skills' self-help book I have ever read. I recommend it to my patients and friends constantly. Janee Gillette, PA-C
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on April 18, 2009
Evaluate all of your relationships, self and others from these three simple perspectives:

(1) Turning Against--those who criticize;
(2) Turning Away--those who do not engage directly;
(3) Turning Toward--those who truly respond to you with empathy.

Then start pruning away the dead wood!
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on January 15, 2007
Read this book and share it with your partner if you can. It is so spot-on about communication, I really wish everyone would read it! The basic premise is explaining how we relate to each other and what happens when we don't respond in a way that potentiates that relationship. It's easy to understand, a great read. I especially recommend it if you are in a relationship that is not going well and BOTH of you are looking for help in fixing it. Read it together. It will help you understand each other. (I only wish it wasn't called The Relationship Cure because it's really about Communication!)
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on August 21, 2008
This book has altered the course of my life. I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who would like to improve their relationships with their spouse, parents, siblings, children, bosses, coworkers, friends, or ANYONE. It teaches fundamentals about the human nature of communication, offering real-life examples to aid in understanding. Based on years of research, I think these guys are onto something amazing, and it has truly changed my life.

When one of my best friends confided to me that her husband had moved out and they were on the verge of divorce, I said, "Read this book together with him. It changed my life. Maybe it can help you, too." A few months later, she told me through tears that going through the process of reading this book together had changed their life too, and that now they were closer than ever. I ended up buying another copy to keep for myself.

For the preview- it breaks communication down to simple "bids" for connection, the way you could respond to them, and the outcomes of various types of responses. Apparently, we are a lot more predictable than we realize, and I have found the information to be tried and true in my life since I first read the hardcover edition when it first came out, happening upon it by accident in the bookstore.
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on June 11, 2007
This is an outstanding book, especially the section on emotional styles within families (dismissive, coaching, etc.). If we learned this in school like we learn the alphabet, we'd be much farther along emotionally and relationally as a society. Read this book and absorb it; very useful.
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on September 26, 2012
I HIGHLY recommend the Relationship Cure! This book has proven instrumental in all types of relationships - from co-workers and siblings to parents and kids. The "responding to bids" section has been extremely helpful for me, as there was a time when I would just totally ignore what someone else said - and worry about my own agenda. This book has made me cognizant of when I still do it, and the impact on that person... and has helped tremendously to communicate to others that I am truly, actively listening to them.
Whether you think you are the best sales rep in the west, have the most dynamic marriage on the planet, or feel a little more socially awkward - this book alone will help you strengthen core skills to build better relationships.
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on October 10, 2003
John Gottman, one of the leading authorities on relationships has produced another fantastic book on this subject. In this book he explains the basic elements of "people skills". It gives us concrete ideas about what it takes and how we can develop them. He uses information from many of his own research projects to explain the concepts and processes involved to understand the ways we interact with each other. I must admit that although my relationships were not the best until recently, this book has helped me improve these relationships quite dramatically. If you'd like to read an even more comprehensive explanation on how relationships work, read "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. It is also an outstanding book on relationships as well as adult (and childhood) development. Two thumbs up for both books!!!
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on January 1, 2009
I first learned of John Gottmah, PhD when I heard him speak in Seattle with H.H. the Dalai Lama earlier this year. The topic of the seminar was parenting, and I fell in love with his insights and simplistic approaches.

This is the first book of his I've read, and I loved it. I found it very profound, yet surprisingly simple.

Pros:
*I liked the explanation of 'the bid.' It's a basic theory, but it seems to be forgotten after a while in a relationship.
*I liked the chapter on 'emotional heritage.' The self evaluations are extremely helpful in taking a look at your past and how your family dynamics can come into play in your adult years.
*I liked how the information in this book can be applied to any type of relationship: romantic, friendship, family / sibling, and co-workers.

Cons:
*Some of the information seems like it should be common sense, but it also seems necessary for the author to state it clearly in this book because it seems to get lost in so many relationships,

This book seems like an undertaking when you first flip through it, but I found that it read very fluently and fairly quickly.

I would recommend it to everyone, especially those wanting to strengthen the love in their life.
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on May 4, 2015
My husband and I saw a huge improvement in our relationship after reading Gottman's previous bookTen Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship, so this one -- about improving relationships with friends, family, and co-workers -- caught my eye. The principles are the same, but Gottman walks through how to apply them to other types of relationships. There is also content about understanding your own emotional "heritage," what you value, and how to apply this knowledge to conversations (and conflicts) with othes.

What I like about this approach is how "one sided" it is. That is, you can read this book and apply the information even if nobody else around you knows anything about it. In the few months I've been focusing on this, I've seen my relationships improve.

This is an practical, easy-to-understand, and very user-friendly approach to better relationships.
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on March 27, 2014
We have been married 39 years and we were arguing more than getting along. And, of course, sex was out of the question.
We went to a counselor who recommended reading pages 27 thru 64. Within a few weeks after reading, discussing, and acting on these pages our marriage was better than ever. And, no, we did not fill in many of the questionnaires.

I, the husband, discovered that, while my wife's positive expression makes the larger positive difference to our marriage, but it is my mindfulness to her that enables her to make these expressions. I firmly believe that I was not aware of the many times when she wanted my attention, but I was simply unaware.

It is now 4 months after reading the book. The flame has been glowing brightly and we intend to give each other the attention that we deserve.

Did this book save our marriage? Perhaps. It certainly did make us happy again!!!
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